or Connect
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › struggling
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

struggling

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
Hey all I hope this is in the right place.

I really struggle with feeling like I am a good mother. I know I know doesn't everone!

I feel like I should like doing everything. For instance....I hate bedtime. I think its simply because by the end of the day I am burnt out from watching DD by myself all day. I also hate playing make believe...hated it as a kid too!

I find myself bored alot....which kills me to say! I love my DD to bits. We do crafts and colouring which I can handle, but, you can't do that all day.

We get out when we can to play groups etc but because I work shift work (and a crazy pattern at that) its hard to find things that aren't a weekly commitment.

I feel silly even posting this but find that sometimes the internet is the best place...people aren't afraid to give you an honest opinion.

Does anyone else feel like this?
post #2 of 8
All the time. I also spend more time on the internet when I'm feeling down, which I then feel guilty about because I do intend to stay low media around my LO (she's 12 months old.) I have loads of preconceived ideas about how I "should" mother... I find that I'm a happier/better mother when I turn off the phone, shut out the "shoulds" and listen to my daughter. Just really sit with her and share my day with her.

We do a lot of "talking"- me narrating my everyday tasks
Laundry, which she loves helping me with
Cooking with her on my back or lsting Tupperware at my feet
Gazing out the window- for some odd reason she loves when I hold her up to the window and will beg to be lifted up, happily staring out for a good 10 min
Homemade play dough
Sensory play- rice bins
"Music"- either shaking rattles, singing, or dancing
Reading, which is my passion and real strength as a mother. We love books.
When the weather is nicer, long walks

I'm not super mom and I don't get a whole lot done. My life isn't blog or Pinterest ready. But my baby is happy, my husband is happy, and I'm mostly happy.

Hugs!! This isn't an easy gig.
post #3 of 8
Make believe IS boring! I haven't met yet the parent who enjoys make believe.

What I found helpful is meeting parents in the neighbourhood. At parks, playgrounds, library, school pick up, you'll see parents in the same boat as you.
We were not meant to raise our kids by ourselves! Until a generation ago, parents were not their kids' playmates.

I don't know how old is your dd, but for my kids, I started finding playmates when they were around four. I invite kids over to play or send mine to other people's houses about once a week - after discussing it with the parents, of course. The kids are happy to be with their friends, I'm happy to get a break from time to time, the other parents are happy.
post #4 of 8

The good thing about make-believe is that the kid will do it even if you don't play along. The best thing, in my opinion, is to just be around in the room and let the child play nearby. You do your thing and enjoy her doing hers. With little kids this is called parallel play, but parents can do that, too. It doesn't make you a bad mom if you don't play with her. You can even say, "Hey, I have to wash dishes. Will you come in here and play with your toys in the same room, so we can be together?" You're a grownup, you don't like all the same things as a little kid, and you don't have to. 

 

The amazing thing is that children will amuse themselves, even if you don't give them great enriching toys. (I'm sure more if you do, but I still remember the pots and pans of toddlerhood.) Just keep her safe and let her have time and space to play and to be with other kids. You don't have to also be her playmate. You have enough to do to teach her self-care and manners and how to relate to the world as it is. She will reward you by being awesome and cute.  

 

If you do the same bedtime every single night, it might feel a little easier. 

post #5 of 8
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone. My daughter doesn't do parallel play well. I have tried that and she just dosen't have any interest.

I have trouble finding children/groups for my daughter to play with. I have tried and tried to cultivate the types of relationships that you have all mentioned and unless I am the one doing all the calling and planning nothing would happen. I got tired of that and stopped doing it.

My DD is 3.5. All the parents in my neighborhood have much older children. We do play with them but mostly on the weekend when thet do not have school.

I guess all I can do is continue to reach out and get out. thanks again
post #6 of 8

Oh, what a tough age that is! Half the posts on the board are about kids that age. The other parents may not be available for play groups because they're drowning. It will get easier, within the next six months or so.  I'm sorry you're dealing with shift work and a demanding preschool age at the same time. 

post #7 of 8
Thread Starter 
I love your name! Captain Optimism made me smile.
post #8 of 8

i have found in my experience after 2 its hard to find mom's to hang out with. everyone has 'committments' whether work or family. my solution was going out. to the store. window shopping. library. park. i enjoyed it myself. i'd usually find another adult to converse with. i continued with La Leche League even tho' there were fewer kids my age. i'd find events around me. there was a children's theater that was affordable. we'd go watch their shows. 

 

there's a lot going on in the city. dd is an extrovert and loves huge groups and noise and lights. so it wasnt difficult to find things to do with her. they necessarily didnt have to be 'child centric'. we saw lunch time performances of shakespeare. we hung out at a coffee shop. 

 

BUT the evening... that i had to work on myself. i am a single mom and evenings were the hardest because i was parented out. i had to solve my own problem as i would not have help. so i decided for a certain time i'd just sit and watch my dd. just observe. not take part. i loved doing that. 

 

i surrounded her with as many activities that i could think of. she didnt like toys so i had to think out of the box. for breaktime i always knew if i gave her a bucket of sand and water and rocks she'd be busy for hours making soup. or her bean bowl where she could add flour or sugar and water to it and make a mess. 

 

but no i did not take part in her pretend play. 

 

we spent a lot of time walking and being at the park. that was the upside of living in a city that has decent weather most of the time. 

New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Parenting
Mothering › Mothering Forums › Mom › Parenting › struggling