I am posting this here because I wasn't quite sure where this fit- It sort of has to do with family nutrition, meals, and 'parents as partners' and 'mental health'....
Nourishing my family has always been a big deal to me, and often times I feel like I fall short- on multiple levels. Part of it has to do with finances- I am a SAHM for the most part, so we rely heavily on DH's income for food. I also feel like I fall into a rut of making crummy food vs making more whole foods from scratch, because I am busy and overwhelmed a lot! I often find myself thinking back to the time I met DH when i had a huge garden, was vegetarian most of the time, Made whole and healthy foods from scratch for me and my two oldest boys who were preschoolers at the time. DH has always said one of the reasons he fell really hard for me was my cooking! As time went on and after blending our families, It seemed like our diets morphed to be more like DH's & DSS's prior to our relationship. Especially as I began to stay home, money got tighter, etc. Obviously one big change was DH likes meat, and any time I have tried to make mos tor all of our meals veg it is apparent that he is not happy.
SO I have been struggling to find a happy medium, to find somewhere where my heart and mind can settle about our food consumption and the healthfulness and ethics surrounding our choices. Essentially, I am trying to become comfortable with making meat a regular part of my cooking routine, at least some of the time, so I can make more wholesome whole-foods meals, because right now I tend to go for partially prepared meats because I don't like handling it, because I havn't come to an ethically sound place in my head about it. But I know it's not the healthiest thing for my family, and if we are indeed to remain omnivores I need to look into locally sourced, humane, and grass fed options.
So instead of butting heads with DH forever on out (because so far I have not been able to win him- or two of our four children- over to vegetarianism), I'm trying to meet him halfway, and do so in a way I feel at peace with more or less. I know it will take a lot more work and time in the kitchen, but honestly I look forward to it if we're all on board/ on the same page.
So I tried to talk to DH about it, and his response?
"I hate food. I hate having to spend money on food, I hate that we don't have enough money for food".
I got pretty mad. Why? because this is the second time he has stated that he hates food. Last time it was during another come-to-jesus discussion and he kind of broke down and said that to me, and at the time it was shocking and I kind of backed down as he vaguely explained himself- he had told me he has "always had issues with food- hates eating, hates making food, hates looking at food in the fridge, hates worrying about food, etc." I was NOT expecting him to say those things, so I got concerned, and asked a few questions- like hey, I thought you fell for me because of my cooking? What? To which he replied he LOVED my cooking and that was huge for him because he has an "unhealthy relationship with food". So I felt especially weird after that, and have been struggling with how I feed my family ever since.
But here's the thing. DH does have some poor eating habits- when he is working he doesn't eat all day, he just drinks coffee and energy drinks. We have argued about this because it effects his mood and isn't healthy. He isn't the first guy who works a desk job that I've known who does this. However, when he IS home, and on weekends, he eats heartily. I wouldn't say he overeats, and he does eat fast food sometimes, will eat junk food watching tv at night but not an ungodly amount and not all the time. He loves going to restraunts, trying new things, and eating at other people's houses- and I SWEAR it isn't forced, he genuinely seems to enjoy eating good food and will go back for seconds, get excited for bbqs, and so on.
I'm just trying to wrap my head around these "hating food" and "having an unhealthy relationship with food" statements- because they are serious if they are true, but by all appearances he seems to have a totally normal relationship with food, albeit not always the best choices and the whole skipping lunches at work thing. He is also a little overweight, but doesn't try to exercise or comment negatively on his appearance or eat better on his own. Both of his parents have been cooks by profession in the past and I know he grew up with awesome home cooked meals. The only time he seemed to struggle was that there was a time in his life when he was somewhat depressed (years before we met) and he was living with roommates and ate really poorly, gaining quite a bit of weight (that he has lost and kept off for a long time) I feel like a lot of people go through that, especially when they first leave home!
I don't want to minimize his statement or issues if they are real, bu tit's hard for me to wrap my brain around right now, with all the evidence seeming to suggest he doesn't have a huge issue with food. And it's really hard for me to not feel like it's his way to deflect me attempting to have a discussion with him about better eating and better/ more ethical food choices. I feel like he just never has really considered it for himself and has some adversity towards discussing it. really, it's just weird, and I feel like I keep getting shut down when I bring up this really important topic that regards our whole family.