Hi, all.
I am a long-time Mothering user (had another username before this) and mom to two little girls. My DD1 is 5.5 (6 in August) and my DD2 is 10 months.
I have always tried for gentle discipline/peaceful parenting. Did AP with my older and now with DD2. Andd 85% of the time, I've been a wonderful mother. But I've had my lows. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, and rage, and dealt with relationship issues with their father at times, which didn't help. I've been far from a perfect mother. My children are my first priority, and I have truly given it everything I have. But sometimes it hasn't been enough. I know my guilt isn't serving me, but it can be hard to release amid the "should-haves" and "wish-I-didn't"s.
My older DD is strong willed, energetic, sometimes explosive. She knows her mind and isn't afraid to fight for what she believes in- literally. She's smart, artistic, and extroverted. She has a lot of good qualities.
She can also be mean-spirited, rude, disrespectful, unkind, spoiled-seeming, and VERY LOUD. Like, split your eardrums loud. People can find her difficult- family members, and especially her father. She is forever bouncing off walls, loves to play and roughhouse, and if she can't find a proper outlet, it can easily become negative for her.
Right now, I am having a lot of trouble with her noise level. She will randomly begin SCREAMING song lyrics as they pop into her mind. She shrieks and hollers. She is just so full of energy, it pops out of her, and she's told me as much. Unfortunately, we live in a townhouse, with no privacy, tons of neighbors who are older or don't really like kids very much, and not much room to run at all. We are working on a move but it's slow going. We do TONS of stuff but NOTHING seems to "wear her out". She actually seems to gain momentum (though lose self control) as evening approaches.
Evening is our real issue right now, though she can be difficult at other times- throwing massive, loud tantrums over sweets or privileges or getting things in stores, or just getting her way. But in the evening, if she had her way, she'd NEVER go to bed. She wants to play play play. By 7pm, I'm exhausted. So is DD2, and her father. We do a few books, a tub if she needs it, PJ's, bathroom and teeth brushes, then kisses goodnight. Dad lays down and tells her a story and falls asleep with her, and I go to bed with the baby. But there is always some part of the routine she ends up tantruming about. And she and her father do not have a good foundation- she will scream at him, say awful things, he gets mad, and I have to intervene. It's exhausting and stressful.
Tonight, after a very long day of playing, we went for an evening walk all together after dinner. When we got home and went upstairs, baby was so very tired, she was crying. She needed to go to bed, and DD1 was trying to 'help', getting in her face and kissing. She meant well but I needed her out of the room. I asked her several times. Finally Dad moved her physically out- not my druthers, but he'd heard me ask and ask. She took offense and started complaining, threw a 'shut up' in there, and then he got mad... I directed her into the bathroom, where the toothbrushing became a power struggle- she wanted to do it, he wanted to put t.paste on- I went over to talk to her and she suddenly screamed in my face and without thinking I grabbed her jaw. She was PISSED, began screaming absolute bloody murder, raging so hard there were veins sticking out on her forehead, and all right next to the open window. We have had noise complaints before due to her screaming and door slamming and I am terrified of CPS involvement- she is LOUD. Meanwhile the baby, who is a love and hardly ever cries, bursts out in horrified tears, and DD1 is still screaming, "GET OUT, GO AWAY!!!" Utter chaos, and me heartbroken. Just horrible.
We got it squared away. She laid down with DD2 and I and then I got her into bed and got her water. We talked about better choices and hurting people and I told her tomorrow was a new day, and that I loved her no matter what.
Then I went downstairs and ordered $50 worth of gentle discipline/peaceful parenting/spirited children books, and read about underdeveloped frontal lobes.
I am sad. It breaks my heart every time these whole-family mega-meltdowns happen. And I am so sad for baby- she was truly upset. She ADORES her sister, and to see her so upset clearly terrified her. She was fussy and hard to get to sleep (easier once DD1 laid down with us) and today when DD1 stubbed her toe and cried loudly DD2 burst into tears too (she is not normally a crier). I want to help my family. Where best to begin?
Last night I brainstormed. I came up with- less TV (it seems to hyperstimulate her mentally), earlier/more structured bedtime. I also need to come up with ways o not get sucked in to the drama myself and become emotionally volatile. I was able to do it with a tantrum as we were leaving- lots of "you're the worsts", "I wish I wasn't even born"s, and I stayed above it and din't get stuck in the mire and so she was able to move on quickly too, and it felt so good. But sometimes, that girl pushes my buttons, and I am so weak! How to be stronger there?
I am a long-time Mothering user (had another username before this) and mom to two little girls. My DD1 is 5.5 (6 in August) and my DD2 is 10 months.
I have always tried for gentle discipline/peaceful parenting. Did AP with my older and now with DD2. Andd 85% of the time, I've been a wonderful mother. But I've had my lows. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, and rage, and dealt with relationship issues with their father at times, which didn't help. I've been far from a perfect mother. My children are my first priority, and I have truly given it everything I have. But sometimes it hasn't been enough. I know my guilt isn't serving me, but it can be hard to release amid the "should-haves" and "wish-I-didn't"s.
My older DD is strong willed, energetic, sometimes explosive. She knows her mind and isn't afraid to fight for what she believes in- literally. She's smart, artistic, and extroverted. She has a lot of good qualities.
She can also be mean-spirited, rude, disrespectful, unkind, spoiled-seeming, and VERY LOUD. Like, split your eardrums loud. People can find her difficult- family members, and especially her father. She is forever bouncing off walls, loves to play and roughhouse, and if she can't find a proper outlet, it can easily become negative for her.
Right now, I am having a lot of trouble with her noise level. She will randomly begin SCREAMING song lyrics as they pop into her mind. She shrieks and hollers. She is just so full of energy, it pops out of her, and she's told me as much. Unfortunately, we live in a townhouse, with no privacy, tons of neighbors who are older or don't really like kids very much, and not much room to run at all. We are working on a move but it's slow going. We do TONS of stuff but NOTHING seems to "wear her out". She actually seems to gain momentum (though lose self control) as evening approaches.
Evening is our real issue right now, though she can be difficult at other times- throwing massive, loud tantrums over sweets or privileges or getting things in stores, or just getting her way. But in the evening, if she had her way, she'd NEVER go to bed. She wants to play play play. By 7pm, I'm exhausted. So is DD2, and her father. We do a few books, a tub if she needs it, PJ's, bathroom and teeth brushes, then kisses goodnight. Dad lays down and tells her a story and falls asleep with her, and I go to bed with the baby. But there is always some part of the routine she ends up tantruming about. And she and her father do not have a good foundation- she will scream at him, say awful things, he gets mad, and I have to intervene. It's exhausting and stressful.
Tonight, after a very long day of playing, we went for an evening walk all together after dinner. When we got home and went upstairs, baby was so very tired, she was crying. She needed to go to bed, and DD1 was trying to 'help', getting in her face and kissing. She meant well but I needed her out of the room. I asked her several times. Finally Dad moved her physically out- not my druthers, but he'd heard me ask and ask. She took offense and started complaining, threw a 'shut up' in there, and then he got mad... I directed her into the bathroom, where the toothbrushing became a power struggle- she wanted to do it, he wanted to put t.paste on- I went over to talk to her and she suddenly screamed in my face and without thinking I grabbed her jaw. She was PISSED, began screaming absolute bloody murder, raging so hard there were veins sticking out on her forehead, and all right next to the open window. We have had noise complaints before due to her screaming and door slamming and I am terrified of CPS involvement- she is LOUD. Meanwhile the baby, who is a love and hardly ever cries, bursts out in horrified tears, and DD1 is still screaming, "GET OUT, GO AWAY!!!" Utter chaos, and me heartbroken. Just horrible.
We got it squared away. She laid down with DD2 and I and then I got her into bed and got her water. We talked about better choices and hurting people and I told her tomorrow was a new day, and that I loved her no matter what.
Then I went downstairs and ordered $50 worth of gentle discipline/peaceful parenting/spirited children books, and read about underdeveloped frontal lobes.
I am sad. It breaks my heart every time these whole-family mega-meltdowns happen. And I am so sad for baby- she was truly upset. She ADORES her sister, and to see her so upset clearly terrified her. She was fussy and hard to get to sleep (easier once DD1 laid down with us) and today when DD1 stubbed her toe and cried loudly DD2 burst into tears too (she is not normally a crier). I want to help my family. Where best to begin?
Last night I brainstormed. I came up with- less TV (it seems to hyperstimulate her mentally), earlier/more structured bedtime. I also need to come up with ways o not get sucked in to the drama myself and become emotionally volatile. I was able to do it with a tantrum as we were leaving- lots of "you're the worsts", "I wish I wasn't even born"s, and I stayed above it and din't get stuck in the mire and so she was able to move on quickly too, and it felt so good. But sometimes, that girl pushes my buttons, and I am so weak! How to be stronger there?