Friends Chat Thread April 29 - May 15 - Page 8

[lena_girl]

Christeeny - my advice - fwiw - is that if you can afford to have the kiddos in that quality daycare, then do it. I've worked at several daycares and been a nanny and I can tell you that the good ones are few and far between. Unless you find someone who you are just excited about them working with your kids, then go with the daycare that you know is good. It probably wouldn't hurt to see who's out there though. You might find a gem of a person. The good ones won't let you kids interfer with your work. The momma I worked for sometimes worked from home and I had all kinds of tactics for keeping the kiddos at bay (and happy)

[christeenybeany]

I just acccidentally erased a post that I retyped because I lost it once already. I'm a bit annoyed. I don't feel like going into detail with it...again so I'll cut to the chase....

Thanks for the advice lena girl....I'll think about that too.

It is getting hotter and hotter and my bed feels like an oven at night and this big belly is making it hard to get cumfy. Has anyone bought any type of pregnancy pillow? I wonder if I should get one. Sleep is so precious to me.


I hope Bonnie's dentist visit goes well. If he/she is a good one she'll be patient and gentle and make it go as smooth as possible. Chatting about the dentist candidly with her and keeping upbeat about it are great approaches. Maybe the dentist would let you put a sticker or something interesting to look at on the light thing that would help distract her?


Goodnight.

Christine

[madrone]

Caroline - I think that I'm going to have to take DS to the dentist sometime soon also. I have taken him twice before because he has fallen and chipped a tooth (both front top teeth are chipped now). Then, the dentist said that his teeth aren't that strong causing them to chip from the falls and that she didn't see any decay. He grinds his teeth when he sleeps and she thought that might be why they are a bit weak. But now I think he has a cavity. He doesn't want us brushing one molar that has some discoloration in the center because it hurts him. None of his other teeth have discoloration. I'm dredging the thought of the dentist but it's only going to get worse if I wait. I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday and will ask him for a recommendation on a dentist. The other one was in the town we lived in before and I don't quite think she's worth an hour drive. Let me know how your appointment goes just for my worries about my DS's appointment.

On the toddler issue - I think Bears has said before that she GD's, like I do. I suggested then to read the GD board a bit. It really does help a great deal with those tough times. I don't use time-outs for my son. I do think they are useful for me, however. Same principle in a way but different because it is me going to have a few minutes of a break. I think that a lot of the times it really is the parent who needs the moment and punishing the child doesn't really make sense. Also, I don't think that punishing the child is really a productive thing. What exactly do they learn from it? I think that they learn that they don't like being sent to time out instead of what we really want them to learn. When it is DS who is angry or upset, I let him cry and throw a fit about it while I stay next to him and try to get him to express his feelings verbally. I suggest things that I think he might be feeling and he tells me when I get it right. And then we talk about why he is feeling that way and how to change things so that he feels better. It always seems to work for us and I hope that he is learning to one day express his emotions verbally. Also, I don't really interfere with many of the things that he does unless I think it is very dangerous. I try to let him learn the reason why he shouldn't do something for himself most of the times. Some people may think this as being a bit negligent, but I figure that he has to internalize it somehow to really learn why he shouldn't do it again. So he pulls the dog's hair and I only talk to him about how she must feel when getting her hair pulled. I figure that one day either he will finally put himself in her place and start feeling some empathy for her or she will get ticked off and do something about it. Right now she just leaves the area. Please don't bash me saying that she may bite him one day. I know that it may happen. But I also know where she has been, we have bandages, and that would make him stop pulling her hair for good.

Saying that I GD isn't saying that I haven't lost it before. I yelled at him once because he kept copying his dad and telling me something that really pisses me off when his dad does it. I couldn't quite seperate my feelings when DH says it from when DS said it. I'm trying to work on dealing with anger towards my DH a lot more now.

Anyway, GD really works well for us and our house is really pretty calm because of it. Just a suggestion for anyone interested.

I felt the baby's hand yesterday morning! I was so excited! Every morning when I wake up, I feel my tummy to see where the baby is. His or her back is almost always on the exterior of my tummy. Yesterday morning, though, he was facing towards the outside. I had my hands placed flat on my stomach, puzzled, trying to figure out where s/he was for a bit. And s/he happened to push out with the hand flattened while my hands were there. I could really identify the feel of fingers and everything! The palm was probably about 3/4 of an inch wide! I was so excited and wanted to tell someone immediately, but DH was sleeping like a log and I couldn't get him to wake up.

DH wants to read something, so got to go. Take care - Tiff

[mommycaroline]

Well, we have good news! Didn't actually have to go to the dentist after all. I'm so relieved. I just don't know how Bonnie would have sat still for everything I was imagining. I was sure they were going to pull her tooth and put a crown in or something horrible like that. As it turns out, it's pretty common for a tooth to discolor after an injury. When she banged her lip, she probably injured her gum as well, and the residual blood from that has seeped into her tooth. Unless she's in pain, there's really nothing they can do. It will probably get darker, and then over time, it should go improve. Whew! I feel like we really missed the bullet on that one.

Madrone, hope you get as lucky with your son. Cavities at this age must be really horrible. Can't remember if you're still breastfeeding or not, but here's a really useful site about dental development. http://www.brianpalmerdds.com Good pictures, lots of useful information supporting extended breastfeeding. I didn't consult it about Bonnie's tooth, but after I finish this, I think I will!

We also GD (or PD as I've heard it called) and the way we're using time outs really seem in line with that to me. It's not so much a punitive action as it is time to calm her soul, and we explain that to her. We started with a defined time period, but found that it was much better to let *her* regulate that, so we tend to say "are you ready to come out of time out yet?" and sometimes she says yes, and sometimes she says no. And, she puts *herself* in time out more than I do. When I saw her doing that, I realized how much more effective it is to just let her be in charge of time outs. We tell her why we feel time out is necessary "You hit your friend, and they're sad. Why don't you think about how you feel when you get hit" and then we talk again when she's done. It's increased her empathic responses infinitely.

If we had to force her to stay in time out, I'd really have to think about what good it was doing. She's a pretty sensitive kid, and the battle might overwhelm the discipline we're trying to teach her, if that makes any sense. I tend to think she'd remember how horrible the time out was (if forced) more than she'd associate that with the actions that brought it about. I really like the idea of cause and effect, and we try to use that approach as much as possible, using time outs as a way of interrupting whatever actions aren't working, and getting her to focus on what *does* work.

Does that make any sense at all? I'm writing this in quick reply, and it's hard to reread. I might end up editing it later.

Hope everyone is well today. Thanks so much for the support! It's nice having a place to dump stuff, and get such good feedback.

[foxytocin]

HI folks! Dentists, discipline, day care decisions. This is the week of "D" topics.

Madrone! You felt a little hand! Amazing!!!!!! Oh, I wish, wish, wish. Basically, the babe bops or I feel a lump when I get to poking my belly, but it could be any part of the child's body. With DD's pregnancy, the midwives went way out of their way to explain to me what part of the babe I was feeling from the outside and I just never got the hang of it.

Have any of you felt the baby flip over yet? This was a new one for me. Last night as I was falling asleep, I had a terrible abdominal cramp followed by much comotion in my belly. As I woke up this morning, there was another big cramp and this time I could actually feel the motion of the baby flipping. So odd. I figure the discomfort must have had to do with my physical position.

Christine, last preg. I got great mileage out of a long body pillow. Made for a cramped bed, but by the last trimester I snore so much that DH spends most of his nights on the couch anyway. This snoring is quite the thing and definitely related to the third trimester. Must be getting kind of tight in there for the baby and all those necessary organs. I've got a pretty short torso.

About toddlers, mommas and their idiosynchracies........ LOL, is hard to keep tempers in check somtimes.

Have a good weekend, everyone!
-Leah

[Jlcampbellkidz]

Ketlive: Yum on the grapes. I have tried this before, I love cold things and I love grapes, specially red seedless grapes. Thanks for the tip.

I am loving going for these walks at night. We have only been doing it (regularly) for a week and my hubby and I have both dropped 2 pounds each. Funny, he didn't think it was doing anything for him. So far it's just a mile and a half but once I get used to that I think I will up it to three miles, so I will just walk my route twice. I've read that excercise gives you energy, but it's been so long since I've done any sort of excercise on a regular basis. Any way, ITS TRUE. I have so much energy right now and I even think that my frustration with my DD and DH has been lessened. Maybe I just needed to get out of the house, and Bre loves riding in the stroller.

We were suppose to have a day filled with rain today but instead we just got a cold front. We have been in the 80's all week and today staying in the upper 60's to low 70's. I think it feels great.

[ilovebeingamom]

Christeeny- It probably depends on the program, but I found that grad school was much easier than undergrad. The profs seemed to be more lenient and didn't give out as many assignments, just longer term projects. So, maybe you won't need as much time to study as you think?

We saw our homebirth midwife yesterday and all I can say is that is was such a better experience than any OB visit I have ever had. The amount of attention and care given to mom and baby were 100% better. I am so happy that we switched.

We aren't telling any family about our choice b/c I don't want to hear their crap, and DH today almost spilled the beans. I could have killed him. Then MIL told DH that since we didn't wean ds at 6 months, that is why he is so grabby lately. He has been grabbing everyone's privates, and was doing it at the restaurant (he's three). It didn't help that they were all laughing at him when he did it. Nothing like positive reinforcement and mixed messages. That woman!!! She was constantly on me to wean ds. Not that she knows anything about it since she bottle fed all four of her kids. Sorry, but that comment really ticked me off! Give me a break, six months!!!

We also got one last ultrasound to confirm where my placenta is and it isn't over my previous c/s scar, which is great. Baby is still head up, butt down, so I am going to go to the chiro for the webster technique. It is still early, but since last baby was breech, we are trying to get her to move head down as soon as we can.

Thanks for the book recommendation, Bears!


Thats it for now, have a good weekend everyone!

[ketilave]

I am going to agree with one major thing - kids are very different. My stepdaughter is the easiest person in the world to discipline. A gentle reprimand brings her to tears! It's shocking to me as this was not the kind of kid I was. Send her to her room to think about what she did (used to live in an apt. so her toys and tv were visible everywhere but there) and she would really do it! Still does at 9. Kind of concerns me that she doesn't have thicker skin but hey... DS on the other hand - we have to work on the compromise and sometimes wrath of mom thing. Not the route DH and I wanted to go but even DH has had to admit that GD wasn't working for DS. He started temper tantrums and the such ealier than most and I would just have to put him in his room sometime so I could cope. For the most part I let him have it out wherever it starts - the kid has licked many a grocery store floor but ignoring it works. Plus, I am too uncomfortable to pick him up. He is not the kind of kid you can hold through a fit, that would be DD, but needs as much space as he can take up. I agree the problem now is me - I want him to be disciplined or deal with his problems in a controlled way so that he doesn't disturb DD. If he cries she cries or he wakes her up from a nap and then I think I'm going to cry - where would #3 fit into all this. Someone told me to get the Ferber books but physical discipline is about the adult relieving their anger - all it does is hurt the kid who then learns to hurt others. JMO. One thing I am so pleased about is that DS in not aggressive and when kids push, hit or bite him he tells them they hurt him and leaves the scene. Part of it I think is that most of his friends are girls who are in general less agressive (but not always) and the 2 that are the most troublesome are in daycare so we don't see them as often.

I would love a chilled out kid but I don't think that it is in the cards! DH and I produce some fiesty and stubborn offspring. Makes for some real go getters but man the days can be long. I am hoping this kid doesn't crawl before 6 months, walk before a year etc but will allow us to schlep him/her along - all for selfish reasons. Though I think running in 3 directions could be a great way to lose some weight.

Tiff - I was thinking the other day how cool it was I could tell the parts apart. I love feeling the little arms pushing across my belly as the baby moves.

The house is quiet as DH took the kids over to the school to play! It's an SD weekend so my anxiety is up BUT my parents got back safely and my sister comes back Tuesday so I am excited about that...

[Solange]

:
Can't sleep....so here I type....

s to all have trying times on the teaching front with our little ones.

I understand how hard it is to keep our wits about us and try to think ahead of the situation when we are right in it with all the raging pg hormones we have going now. I have not been the best on the patience front myself and I have had to really make a conscience effort to remember to put myself in ds's shoes and try to see things through his eyes. I also am a firm believer in GD/natural consequenses being a great form of teaching.

Madrone great post on how GD works for you...

Can I also recommend a book that I just love is "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk." by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
Also some of you may be interested in this:
http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positiv...enter/id7.html

Madrone
I felt a foot and toes the other day...sooo cool when we start to get to this point in our pg!

Melissa-my little one is still head up too....going to talk to CNMW on Wednesday about that....

So has anyone read Frederick Leboyers work?
I am very interested in not having the cord cut until it stops pulsing, dimming the lights, low voices ect. His whole book appeals to me and I would love to follow what he has learned. Going to get it on paper and discuss with my doula and CNMW.

Legs still sore form the other nights leg cramp. My calf muscle seems really tight after I get up from sitting in that leg...wow was that a killer cramp.

have a b-day party to go to today and I have a book show tomorrow....thank goodness b/c I am broke!

have a great day !

[madrone]

I've had a couple of bad leg cramps that have caused a sore muscle the next day also Traci. But I really feel bad for you still having the soreness. I keep trying to remind myself not to stretch my leg out during the night because it's when I do that that I get a leg cramp. But it's nearly impossible to remember not to do something while you're sleeping. I do seem to wake up enough though once I start to feel it coming and stop myself then.

That's so cool you felt a foot and that some of you are feeling arms and stuff. I think my little one would have to change positions quite a bit for me to feel a foot. I was so happy that s/he was facing out so that I got to feel a hand. I mainly just get to feel the head, back, butt, the side of a leg, and sometimes an elbow.

Is it okay for a chiropractor to try to move the baby to a better position. Or does he just align you so that it encourages the baby to move? Someone suggested I see this one chiropractor that she sees because of my rib pain. The baby seems to have descended down some, so I don't have as much rib pain right now. But I'm worried about it coming back. I always thought that an actual adjustment in the babies position needed to be done by an experienced OB or midwife, with an ultrasound machine present. Guess I thought that it was possible for something bad to happen in trying to get the baby to move, like a tear in the placenta or something. I have been a little bit hesitant about seeing the chiropractor or this reason. But maybe they can do it or something else to cause the baby to move. I have thought about swimming and have looked up some yoga postures to try to get him/her in a more comfortable position for me.

We waited about half an hour to cut the cord with DS. It wasn't pulsing or anything when we cut it. I don't really want to cut the cord with this one. Or if we do, it will be a lot longer than a half hour when we cut it. I really like the idea of a lotus birth. I figure I will decide after the placenta is born if the cord and placenta will be too much of a pain or not and then cut it based on that.

Thank you for that dental link Caroline! Going to read it now.

Take care all. - Tiff

[mommycaroline]

Great link on the Cuddle Corner, AP, I hadn't seen that before. That sounds a lot like what we do. More than anything else I'd encountered.

I felt an arm or leg or something last night. It was definitely round and fairly small. Couldn't feel what was at either end of it though, no point or foot or hand or anything, just the ridge of the arm or leg. Very cool. DH felt it too, although, I really had to work with him to get him to feel properly. He was going at it with his whole hand, and I had to say "use just your fingers" so he could get in there. I guess he thought he was going to feel an adult arm in there or something!

More cooking success last night. I made homemade tortillas. YUM! Never tried this before, and man were they good! So easy, too. Just flour, oil, salt and water, mixed into a dough, rolled out and toasted in a hot, dry pan. I think we're going to be eating those a lot from now on. I kept thinking about the ways I could season them - add some garlic, or cilantro, or use different flours, maybe some cinnamon and stuff with apples, on and on. We've been avoiding trans fats now for about a year or so, and it's been really hard finding some things to replace the trans fat versions. Now we can cross tortillas off that list. Next thing we're going to try on Sunday is donuts. I'm drooling just thinking about them!

I've had some serious leg cramps lately too, but I started taking potassium again, and they've gone away. One of my legs is still achy from a cramp I had three days ago. They were happening anytime I pointed my toe. I can't eat bananas right now (still make me sick) so just have to stick with potassium supplements. I hate taking supplements, personally, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Lotus birthing is so interesting, but I don't foresee it in our future. I just don't want to lug the placenta around for days. I also don't quite understand the why's behind it. I'm fascinated when I read the stories, but it just doesn't *feel* right to me. Madrone, can you share your feelings about it some more? I'd love to hear more about it.

[Jillybean]

hi all!

Saw my mw yesterday and everything looks great. She said the baby is a good size already! Ds was 8lbs 7oz so I'm really hoping this one is not any bigger. If it is I guess that means I just grow big babies!

Madrone: That is so cool about feeling a hand! I have a hard time telling what part of the baby I'm feeling but I'm pretty sure I've felt a foot a few times. Very neat.

anyone's babe get hiccups regularly? Its kinda funny, tiny fetus hiccups. I feel them almost everyday.

I can totally relate to being frustrated with our children's behavior. Lately ds is just so... two! Says "No" to EVERYTHING, must do things by himself, very stubborn. Its so hard and I, too, have less patience but I try to remember he is acting like a child his age should. Some days I feel like a master negotiator just trying to get him to do a simple task, like get dressed! Maybe I should get a job with the FBI or something. Apmamma, I think I might check that book out, it looks good.

Oh I am so excited that summer fruits are coming into season! I've been craving them since the dead of winter! We got cherries and watermelon last shopping trip. Yum!

well, not much time to post so thats all for me!

[madrone]

Caroline - Will you share the tortilla recipe with me? I really miss Mexican food sometimes. Try to come up with decent replacements, but I need to learn more to come close to satisfying my needs. I've always been this way with Mexican food. I've spent lots of time out of the US and each time, I just drool when thinking of Mexican food. The only other thing that quite makes me drool as much is the bread from Saudi Arabia (my folks lived there for 10 years, so I've spent quite a bit of time there also). Cynthia was going to get a recipe for me once before. I should check with her to see if she ever got one and if she posted it.

One of the reasons I want to do a Lotus birth is because I've heard that the cord falls off faster that way than a stump does. And then because the reason most animals eat the placenta and cord is because of the risk of them and their babies becoming someone else's dinner is increased with the placenta smelling. Chimpanzees lotus birth and they are our closest relative. I know that my baby and I will be safe if we keep the placenta attached. I want to at least wait for the placenta to be born if I do cut the cord. It just doesn't seem right to me to cut it any earlier than that. Just seems too harsh of a transition. If we do cut it, it will be when there isn't any blood in there so that we won't have to worry about clamping it. I really don't think that the early humans were able to clamp the cord somehow in order to cut it earlier, if they cut it. But I also don't know how they would have cut it. Would they have chewed it off? What would they have had that was clean enough to cut it? I don't know if this is making very much sense. Guess it's just mainly because it seems more natural to me and there is that anthropologist in me that says that it is the right thing to do.

Jillybean - DS would get the hiccups all the time. This one doesn't seem to. I think s/he's gotten them once so far. Or maybe I just haven't realized it. I do miss that feeling though.

Take care all. - Tiff

[ketilave]

Tiff - going to Lebanese Food Festival tonight - my parents spent 7 years in Riyadh (I was only there 5)!

This baby doesn't seem to have the hiccups either; DS was the only one that did and they lasted for awhile after he was born. I was just telling my parents today this baby doesn't seem as active.

Later - got on to balance my check book!!!

[Bearsmama]

Hi Ladies!
Just had a quick chance to skim the latest posts. Not much time to write as we are packing up the car for our vacation! Yeah! We are soooo excited. Please send good vibes for a pleasant car trip with our 28 mo!!

Also-quickly-AP-I have the How to Talk... book, too. And I really, really, like it.

Well, I'm off. We are leaving at the crack of dawn (I really wanted to write something crude here, but I just can't!) Gosh, if I can't keep up with all the posts now, what am I going to do when we get back??

Oh, and I've forbidden (yes, forbidden!) DH from bringing the laptop. It just wouldn't be vacation if he was tied to the computer.

I know I'll miss you all! Ciao for now!

[Solange]

Ooohh Bye Bye Bears!!!
Happy Vacation!!!
We will miss you!

[mommycaroline]

Have a great vacation, Bears! I bet you'll survive without the computer. Sounds kind of nice, actually.

And, Tiff, here's the recipe. Bonnie had a ball making these with me, and I didn't use up all the dough so she could play with the extra. Lots of fun!

3 cups flour
1/3 cup oil
1 cup hot water
1 tsp salt

mix flour and oil together until crumbly, try to break up any large clumps as much as possible. Dissolve 1 tsp salt in 1 cup hot water. Mix with flour until dough is formed. Cover with plastic wrap and let rest for at least 30 minutes (we let it rest for an hour or so). Divide into 12 golf ball sized pieces and roll out to desired thickness, keeping tortillas moist while you work. Heat a skillet on high heat with no oil, lay a tortilla in, count to ten, flip, count to ten, flip, count to ten, etc, until they're the right color.

Now, I didn't make all the tortillas at once. I mostly did one at a time while the other one cooked, which meant that they spent more time on the skillet than just counting to ten. I like them a little toastier and bubbly, though, so it worked fine for me. It seems that the longer you leave them on the heat, the more bubbles form, but if you flip frequently, you can avoid that. I also experimented with thickness, and found I like them a little thicker than the ones you buy. Kind of reminded me of Indian Naan. In fact, I'm going to make the next batch really thick to see if they do come out like Naan.

These were astonishingly simple to make. I hate baking, hate measuring, impatient when it comes to all the tedium, but these were right up my alley. I love cooking, as long as I can do it *my* way, LOL. Now that I've made these once, I'm thinking I can probably eyeball the ingredients from now on. It really was *that* simple.

[naturegirl]

Madrone, I wanted to answer your question about the chiropractic care and breech presentation. Chiropractors using the Webster technique do NOT forceably turn the baby like the exterbal inversion technique used by doctors. The technique balances pelvic structures, muscles and ligaments to reduce and eliminate uterine torsion and constraint. If the uterus is "twisted" the baby can't move well and gets stuck in a breech, transverse or otherwise less optimum position. When the uterus is balanced and more "relaxed" the baby can move into its best position. Most of the time that is head down after 34-36 weeks. The techinique is known to be 80-90% effective compared to the 40-60% on external inversion and is much, much safer. No uterine ruptures, cord entanglement, etc. because you are not "forcing" the baby to move. If you have more questions you can pm me. I am trained in this technique and have performed it on many women. Hope that helps!

Update on me. Everything is going well. Feeling lots of movement and growing like crazy all of a sudden! We had a boys name picked out but my brother and sil used it for their new baby boy born on Thursday. What are the odds? They didn't have any idea we had that name picked out so no sore feelings just a little dissapointed because we REALLY liked it and now we are back a the drawing board. I guess we just have to have a girl now because we still have the name we REALLY like for a girl

That's about it!
TTYL
Cheryl

[Solange]

:
New thread time!

http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...07#post1461807