"opps! too fast!" births

[laurata]

I notice several of you say you want to have unassisted births- either you hope the midwife doesn't make it, or you don't leave in time. Is this REALLY something you want, or just a fantasy to have this easy, birth where babe effortlessly slips out? I am TRULY curious. All the women that I know who have had planned UCs did a lot of emotional work and planning. The ones who didn't, did NOT have the optimal birth they had hoped for. Either serious fears/ issues arose on the part of dh or themselves, usually during transition, when one is most vulnerable. Some got bullied into going to the hospital by family members, maybe they ended up panicked and birthed in the car, or ER (eww!). I cannot fathom just HOPING for something, yet not actively planning and working through your issues for different scenarios. I mean, if one wanted a peaceful homebirth with a midwife, you would start looking and researching right away. You wouldn't assume that you could get one at 36 weeks or whatever and still have the birth you want. It COULD happen, but most likely not, ykwim?

[lilyka]

Ok I am not pregnant but I wanted to comment on this. I had an oops baby. I had joked about it but wouldn't do anything to risk that kind of birth again. (seriously if I should happen to get pregnant again I will be carring a birth kit with me everywhere I go) I was fortunate enough to have my midwife and a totally awsome L&D nurse with me at the time and it was still not the ideal birth situation. i was having mild cramps, maybe labor but it was too early so I blew them off as BH. I was GBS+ (found out when I called to say i was having mil contractions - so mild I took a LLl phone call on my way out the door and the mom had no idea anything was up, had worse cramps, much worse cramps, mild) so I swung into my prenatal early just so I would have every minute possible to consider my options. I was whiney and wanted to hear some soothing, these contraction are not in vein, words :LOL I had been having pretty strong BH since 8 weeks and my patience was wearing thin. well not in vein indeed. Those irritating cramps were rtansition. I was fully dialated and my water broke when she touched it. Ava was out 5, yeah 5, minutes later. when my midwife checked me Ava was too high up still to even feel her head. we thought we had at least an hour for her to finish decending. They were getting ready to take me up to the hospital when all of a sudden I was pushing. everything happened so fast and furious that they completely lost her heart beat, she broke her collar bone as she came crashing down, she was blue, floppy and completely unresponsive. There was no suctioning equipment, nothing to cut/clamp the cord with but the room was too cramped to work on her there, not even a stethascope for crying out loud. Then all the paranatologist started coming to check out the comotion (the only spare office in the hospital was in the paranatoligist practice. ironic huh?) so she was trying to get Ava to breeath (unsucessfully, encouraging the poor nursaing student to look harder for the emergancy birth kit and shooing the high tech Dr.s from the room, directing people to go get an O2 tank. Her Apgar was 2 and 5 and those were generous. It was absolute chaos. I was about to pass out (that is serious hormone rush ) and was being told to massage my baby and encourage her to breath while we both shook so hard we cold barely cope, dh couldn't get to me, did I mention how cold and bright it was. Finally they got her detatched from me and took her up tothe table (I was on the floor) and decided she was breething but still blue, the paranatoligist in the mean time was standing at the door frantically trying to get his hands on her to get her to the NICU. Lisa finally had to very firmly tell him to shut up and leave. turned out she was blue from extensive bruising from her crash and bang decent and the reason she wasn't breathing much is because she was cold and mad :LOL she still does that. In the end everything was ok. My midwife who was awsome (seriously from my dh acount of the birth you wouldn't have even know I was there. It was all about how great she was ) made some quick saves once we got to the hospital room (they were about to do vit K and eye goo and she had commited my borth plan to memory and cared long after i had stopped caring) and after that it was smooth sailing.

But all that to say, OOPS birth are not pleasent, not safe in an emergancy and emergancies do happen even with good crunchy moms and completely hands off births (it is hard to be hands on in 5 minutes) , situations happen when you are giving bith in a less than ideal location, we were dangerously cold when we got to the hospital (that is what happens when you are wisked outside wet , half naked , with nothing but a sheet and towel over you in the middle of December) and both had to have or body temps brought back up. It caused seperation that otherwise wouldn't have been nessecary. I would have much rather given birth the way I planbned even though I was terrified of having a hospital birth. Be proactive. Being unprepared to birth is horrible and not something to wished for. If you want a UA fine but plan for it. If you think you may be inclined to wait to long fine but plan for it. whatevre you do know what you plan to do and have what ever you will need with you. If you are waiting until the very last minute have a borth kit inyour home and or car. If I had even waited for my prenatal appointment I wouldn't have made it. If that had happened at home Iwould have had to call an ambulance or at least gon e to the ER (but not at the hospital across town that mymW has privledges to), and she would have ended up in the NICU, and it would have been an absolute mess or worse because I don't really know what to do with a newborn that won't breath. I can't even imagine. It seemed sorta funa nd spontaneous before it happened to me. but it was terrifying and had I been with anyone else but Lisa it would have been this downward spiral into chaos. but like I said she was awsome. youwould think she dilivers babies on the fly in her office everyday .

I must say though, after that happened they moved to a new building. there is now a designated spot for a woman to give birth, in such a situation big, clean, and lots of room,and an emergancy birth kit prominately displayed. :LOL next time they will be ready.

[laurata]

lilyka wrote But all that to say, OOPS birth are not pleasent, not safe in an emergancy and emergancies do happen even with good crunchy moms and completely hands off births.... <snip> If you want a UA fine but plan for it. If you think you may be inclined to wait to long fine but plan for it. whatevre you do know what you plan to do and have what ever you will need with you.

This is exactly my point! It seems like the vast majority of unassisted births that aren't well planned for feel traumatic, even if they go beautifully.

[Jessviola]

ok i guess i should weigh in here because i mentioned wanting an 'oops' homebirth. i guess in my case, it's mostly fantasy. wanting to be in a peaceful home environment and of course i fantasize about a quick and easy and uncomplicated delivery, but i also know better. i am already starting to do lots of reasearch on homebirth and UC to be more prepared in the case of an 'oops'. there are a lot of things that could potentially happen between our house and the hospital in the winter and possibly snow and i want to try to be as prepared as possible for any situation (not making it on time, giving birth in the car, knowing what to do in case of complications when no one else is there, and most importantly the stuff i can't think of now) and i want to educate dh also so he's equally prepared and can help center me when needed instead of getting nervous or panicking. for me, ideally, i would like midwives and/or doulas attending the birth in my home because i think it would give me peace of mind to have knowledgable and experienced people to help out. realistically i think this birth will take place in a hospital birth center and while it's not my fantasy birth, it will be ok.

[crazy_eights]

I had a planned homebirth with #5 that turned into an unassisted birth - 50 minutes of labor, 10 of which was totally painless and the midwife didn't make it. It was not pleasant even though it went very smoothly and was very cool in retrospect. But I did *NOT* like being alone and delivered a few minutes after the doula got there. And I had to talk her through the delivery (she panicked) - not a headspace I want to be in. I spent the actual birth telling the doula that everything was OK. Not the romanticized "oh, baby slid out it was wonderful" scenario, but it was pretty cool anyway .

[lilyka]

It just throws you off so much to have something you didn't plan for. Another thing. It also sucked to have no pictures because we weren't reeady for a birth. small thing I know but it sucked.

I also wanted to add, as someone who had an oops birth in Dec. simply becasus eit went to fast. If you do get an emergancy kit, throw in two or three emergancy blankets. They are only a coupole of bucks, store super small, and I could not believe how cold I was :LOL

[nikirj]

In my case, we have had an almost-oops birth already. DS was born 7 minutes after we walked into the hospital (and would have been born earlier if I hadn't managed to hold back until we were actually on a bed) even though we left the house as soon as it seemed obvious I was in labor (it was only a 15 minute drive). We are planning a homebirth this time and we are going to have to prepare for the possibility that a midwife wouldn't make it in time. I keep thinking that I wouldn't mind an unassisted birth. I am not delusional, I have studied and I have been at 10 births not including my own 2, which hardly makes me a professional and hardly gives me experience, but which does help put things in perspective. DH and I will be planning a homebirth but will be preparing for an unassisted one just in case. Chances are it will be a standard midwife-attended homebirth (especially now that we know to call early this time), but we want to be prepared for that possibility. In our case, an 'oops' unassisted birth would be an 'oops' but not a huge one. This is different from being unprepared, scared, and irritated.

My own mother's fourth homebirth (my youngest brother) progressed too quickly for the doctor to arrive. My mom caught my brother herself, the birth was beautiful and there are plenty of gorgeous pictures that my dad took. I was present for that one and remember everyone sitting on the bed staring at the baby when the doctor arrived. Sometimes oops births aren't all that bad, it seems to be an individual thing and determined mostly by where you are, who is with you, and how scared you and those around you are.

[laurata]

Originally Posted by nikirj

I keep thinking that I wouldn't mind an unassisted birth. I am not delusional,

In no way do I think you are! I wasn't saying there is anything wrong with wanting an unassisted birth (I've had one). My point was, if you WANT one, don't leave it up to fate, PLAN. If you think you might have a precipitous birth, PLAN for that.

I have studied and I have been at 10 births not including my own 2, which hardly makes me a professional and hardly gives me experience, but which does help put things in perspective.

IMHO, a mother does not become more qualified to give birth by earning degrees or attending other women's births. We are made to give birth, and while there can and ARE problems, we are thinking, instinctual beings. It's often fear and poor self-knowledge, as well as misinformation that causes problems.

DH and I will be planning a homebirth but will be preparing for an unassisted one just in case. Chances are it will be a standard midwife-attended homebirth (especially now that we know to call early this time), but we want to be prepared for that possibility. In our case, an 'oops' unassisted birth would be an 'oops' but not a huge one. This is different from being unprepared, scared, and irritated.

That's great! I think every woman should be prepared like that.

My own mother's fourth homebirth (my youngest brother) progressed too quickly for the doctor to arrive. My mom caught my brother herself, the birth was beautiful and there are plenty of gorgeous pictures that my dad took. I was present for that one and remember everyone sitting on the bed staring at the baby when the doctor arrived. Sometimes oops births aren't all that bad, it seems to be an individual thing and determined mostly by where you are, who is with you, and how scared you and those around you are.

That's great! Thanks for sharing the story. I love hearing about births like that, it just illustrates how NORMAL birth really is! ;-)

[Lula's Mom]

You know, I think ALL pregnant women should study what to do (if not exactly plan) in the event of a precipitous labor. You never know what might happen, and you should be prepared! Especially infant resuscitation. A mother NEEDS to know how to do that. To my way of thinking, it's our responsibility to learn as much as possible about pregnancy and the birth process. Women shouldn't just leave it up to the "Professionals"... we *are* the ultimate professionals when it comes to this. I think birth, especially unplanned UCs, are scary to a lot of women because they don't know much about birth. They've assumed that there will be someone to tell them what to do, be it a doctor or a midwife.

I had a midwife with my last birth. I assumed I'd have one for this pregnancy, and I surprised myself by thinking about UC almost from the moment I knew I was pregnant. I just feel a real desire to be alone, with only my DP and perhaps my daughter there. I just couldn't shake the idea, but I knew that I would have to really arm myself (and my DP!) with knowledge in order to feel truly comfortable with giving birth alone. So I've been reading everything I can about birth, especially complications, just in case. But what I have found is that complications are rare, especially in women who are very relaxed and prepared for the birth, and most can be dealt with by the parents. Everything I've learned has made me much more comfortable with UC, and I am convinced I can do it. Maybe if more pregnant women, even those who plan hospital births, were to seriously educate themselves, they wouldn't fear unplanned UC so much. I truly believe many complications are caused by fear, especially fear of the unknown.

Am I rambling? I feel like I'm rambling. Maybe I need to go to bed. :ignore

[crazy_eights]

Originally Posted by laurata

IMHO, a mother does not become more qualified to give birth by earning degrees or attending other women's births. We are made to give birth, and while there can and ARE problems, we are thinking, instinctual beings. It's often fear and poor self-knowledge, as well as misinformation that causes problems.

OK - try this on for size. I'm an L&D nurse, have delivered other peoples' babies and have assisted at homebirths (including having had several of my own). My doula had been at over 200 births. I knew I might "precip" and felt well prepared. I had the precip kit, definately know what is flying. However, several things come to mind: I did not like being alone until the final few minutes when someone got there to be with me. My doula panicked. I did not like being in the head space of having to talk her and my dh through the delivery (and theoretically the doula is trained in emergency childbirth! having theoretical knowledge and having to use it are two different things). My dd had mild shoulder dystocia that thankfully resolved on it's own with change of position. I don't like to think about what would have happend had it not. So you definately can't say that ANYONE in this situation was unprepared.