advice please

[twoofthemoneofme]

Hi everyone, I just found the mothering boards and I've been lurking here for a couple of weeks, I was so happy to find people dealing with the same issues I am! And I could really use some unbiased advice, my situation seems so hopeless right now. It's kind of a long story but I'll try to explain it briefly;

I have a two year old ds and a one month old dd, with different fathers. DS's father is totally lousy as a father, he's the kind of guy who blows off visits, cancels for football games, spanks frequently and things like that. To add to that his new wife has serious anger management problems and I'm afraid for my son to be around her when she blows up. I tried going the legal route and the judge agreed the wife was dangerous but only ordered that ds can't be alone with her, the judge didn't seem to care about what a crappy parent ds's father was and he was able to keep regular visitation including weekend overnights.
So I finally decided DS would be better off with some distance between them and I made plans to move several states away. It seemed like the only way to keep my son safe and avoid his heart constatly getting broken by his father letting him down. So I broke up with my new boyfriend and made plans to move. Almost as soon as I did that I found out I was pregnant with new boyfriend's child. I moved anyway, but now that I'm here and I've had the baby I'm feeling worse and worse about what I've done. I think it's definetly better for my DS here. But I allready know new (now ex)boyfriend is a good father (he has an eight year old, which is why there was no way he could move with me). And my DD could have had a great father and two parents that lived together and loved each other which is something I never had, but I took it away from her to protect DS. I feel like I can't do the right thing for both of my children at once. DD's father is furious I moved away because he loves being a dad and loves me and really wants to be more involved in dd's life. I really miss him and am struggling handling a two year old and a newborn all by myself in a town where I don't really know anybody. I'm really thinking about moving back, but I'm worried about DS plus I just feel plain stupid after spending all this money to move here.

Well, I guess I failed at making it brief, I'm not even sure it even makes sense. I really appreciate if anyone reads this far. What do you think I should do?

[AnnMarie]

How were you able to move away? Was there nothing in your custody agreement about that? Is there a way you could move closer so you can be with your youngest child's dad but not tell the other ex that you are there?

I can't say I blame #3's dad for being angry that you moved. About feeling stupid for moving and spending the money.....who cares! Everyone makes mistakes! s Do what's best without worrying about the money that was spent, or anything else. Do what you feel is right in your heart.

Good luck!

[mocha09]

I can't and won't tell you what I think you should do.

I do think that you should weigh every option, every pro- and every con-, in writing, possibly, long and hard, and spend a lot of time tuning into your intuition.

Good luck, Mama.

[brusselsprout]

First, welcome to the board. I think you will find alot of support here

I am sorry that you find yourself in such a difficult situation. I think that you need to spend some time (preferably quietly alone....I know that isn't easy) listening to your heart. I think the key thing to ask yourself is not "What is best for ds" or "What is best for dd" but instead "What will be best for our family as a whole"