Need reading material for a sceptic

[ebethmom]

Hi all! We have just about decided that homebirth is the way we'll go with this baby. It's what I want to do, and dh is close to being on board.

Now I need help with my Mom. She is a nurse who ONLY trusts the medical world. She won't see a chiropractor for her fused spine/short left leg. She won't consider seeing an herbalist for her seasonal allergies. And now she is REALLY upset with me about this homebirth issue.

She says "Well, I know you're a grown woman who is capable of making her own decisions." But. . . .

I told her that I would send her reading material and statistics. Now I need some help!! The material that convinced me isn't likely to have much effect with her. In her words, "From your layperson's perspective, you may miss the personal bias of the author and miss the pertinent facts."

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Peggy Vincent's Babycatcher are my two favorites. But I'm looking for clinical studies that would appeal to her scientific side.

Any help would be appreciated!

[applejuice]

A Woman In Residence , by Michelle Harrison, a story of a woman's residency in ob/gyn and the story of her own birth. She works with midwives now.

Any old book by Constance Bean, as Labor and Delivery, in which she is a childbirth educator/doula and the book is a simple compilation of her observations made day to day; a journal that she kept; one observation is one of seeing a lin up of newborn baby boys less than a day old strapped down on a surface in a small surgical room ready to be circumcised by an intern.

Not to be left out of this discussion, any book by Dr. Robert S. Mendelsohn, M.D., a dues paying member of the AMA for forty years, member of the Illinois Medical licensing board and medical professor at the University of Illinois, author, editor and lecturer. Confessions of Medical Heretic is the most comprehensive;Male-practice: How Doctors MAN-ipulate Women, and for when your little one comes, How To Raise A Healthy Child Inspite Of Your Doctor, for any discussions you may have about breastfeeding and vaxing with your med-minded mom. Doctor Mendelsohn decided to write these books when the patients he injured with radium boxes, DES, and vaccinations came back to him as adults with damage from the treatments he gave to them believing that he was helping them, and instead saw that they received unnecessary injuries from the very treatment he gave to them - and they still trusted him!

Let your mom know that people in the medical field that she so fervently worships and believes in have seen it alittle differently although they were on the inside like her.

People in the medical field often have an arrogant, religious belief in medicine. You mother may never come around, so do not hold your breath.

[cottonwood]

Boy, sounds like she's going to be a tough one to crack if she doesn't consider the possibility that a layperson's perspective can be valid. Henci Goer is great, but is often criticized by people just like your mom, for daring to do research on the subject as a layperson.

I would check out anything you can find by Marsden Wagner, a physician who was the director of Women's and Children's Health for the World Health Organization, and Michel Odent, another physician who has been widely published in medical journals. They are both very supportive of homebirth and critical of traditional obstetrics.

Also, here a bunch of clinical studies having to do with homebirth:
http://www.midwifery2000.com/bib.html
http://www.homebirth.org.uk/homebirthindex.htm

You may not be able to convince her -- after all, she has her own personal bias -- but you may be able to at least ease her fears a bit, if you can show her that you are aware of the "pertinent facts" and are not making this decision blindly. Good luck!

[ebethmom]

Thanks for your responses! I'm sure my Mom has been busy looking for her own research, and I'm interested (I think!) to see what she has come up with.

I scheduled my first appointment with our homebirth midwife yesterday, and I am feeling very confident in our decision to homebirth. But there is still that part of me that hates going against my mother.

I've been trying to find the information that would address her concerns. But I keep getting stuck. Trying to see things through her judgement filter is not a pleasant task. I think I may do better letting her find her own way.

She doesn't really want to discuss this, she just wants to quiz me on what I don't know. If wish she would express an interest in MY concerns.

[cottonwood]

Shoot, that's not fair at all. You might turn the tables and quiz her on what *she* doesn't know. I'm sure there's plenty!

I think you're probably right that she has to find her own way in this, especially if she is averse to resource suggestions from you. Meanwhile, you might find it helpful (for your emotional well-being) to set some boundaries on discussions of the subject. She has to show by her actions that she really does believe you have a brain, or else it's just going to be added stress for you, something you don't need in pregnancy, you know?

I know how it feels to not have the support of someone you love and respect yourself. I went through this a little with my brother, who made a comment about how I was making the choices I did "just to be different". : That really stung, because I thought he regarded me more highly than that. But in the end I just had to see that this was his block, his problem, and all I could do was hold firm to what I knew was best for me.

[cottonwood]

One more thing -- I'm curious what she thinks about nurses and doctors who are supportive of homebirth or even think it's ideal? Here are a couple of comments from nurses (I got these off the Oprah website, they were in response to an essay by Thandie Newton that appeared in the magazine):

"After 35 years in women's health care---as a labor and delivery nurse, a Neonatal Intensive Care Specialist, a midwife, a nurse-midwife, and a mother, I've had a chance to experience many ways of providing maternity care. My experience--that the best possible stategy is a mother who has learned that our bodies do work, that birth is a normal function of female physiology and homebirth with a trained midwife---is borne out by national and international evidence. There is no evidence to support the medical model of care for the vast majority of women--though it is of course a true blessing to that small percentage of women and/or babies who experience pathology in this normal process." --Kip Kozlowski

"I gave birth in the hospital to my first - the usual medicated, interventioned way (how naive I was - I just knew that I would be giving birth without any intervention and go back to work without blinking an eye - real She-ra). It didn't turn out the way I planned (or not planned as I should say - as I didn't put a whole lot of thought into it at all). Nothing out of the ordinary happened just your typical hospital birth - continuous monitoring, artifical rupture of membranes, on my back, rarely changing position, nurse asking me every hour when I wanted my medications (that I said I didn't want), IV, pain meds, spinal medication, etc, etc.

With my second, I knew way in advance that it was going to be different.... My homebirth itself was nothing short of astonishing. I am POWERFUL. My son was born in the bed he still sleeps in. I labored from start to finish stark naked, I never once felt self conscious or distracted. I made lots of noise and no one cared. I didn't push when I was complete, I didn't hold my breath while pushing, I DIDN'T TEAR. There were no IV's, monitor belts, beeping machines and NO STRANGERS. No one came in during the night to wake me and baby up to record vital signs on totally healthy people. No one poked holes in his leg, gooped his eyes or even bathed him (until he was 3 days old!).

You want to know the kicker? I am a labor and delivery nurse (nationally certified at that) with 6 years experience. I would not give birth in the hospital again (except in an emergency, of course). Hospitals are for sick people. I believe birth is a normal event that goes off safely for the vast majority of women. It is our very own hospital procedures that endanger moms and babies. It is our very own lack of personal responsibility that endangers ourselves and our babies." --Debbie Codding

[pamamidwife]

Maybe she could come to a prenatal appt with your mom. That sometimes helps. I encourage relatives who have concerns to do this and approach me with questions.

Then again, maybe nothing will change her mind. That's ok, too. It's your birth and you've done the research. You don't have to change anyone's mind.

[hahamommy]

If all else fails, use Your concern is appreciated, your approval is unnecessary.

~diana

[applejuice]

Thank you, ~diana/hahamommy.

That is it in a nutshell.

ebethmom: most maternity nurses who may also love the medical profession as your MIL does, will not deliver in the same hospital they work in. They "know too much;" I also have known of maternity nurses who have had home births.