UC suppport #4, May

[ChildoftheMoon]

Thought I would get us started again. Here I am up at 2 am not able to sleep and having a snack. I don't remember having such insomnia my last two pregnancies. You would think with how much energy I have during the day and all the things I do, I would be sleeping like a log! Hope everyone is well and happy.
Brandi

uc#1

thread#2

thread#3

[madrone]

Well, I haven't found the subscribe to this thread button on the new format yet, so I'm posting to subscribe. But I guess that's okay because I have been pondering over something for a little bit and I know that a lot of you here could explain it for me. I birthed DS in a squatting postion and have really thought I would do that for this one. But it's possible I'll go on all-fours after the head for the body. If I'm doing it all alone, how would I catch the baby when I'm on my hands and knees? Or maybe I would just need to go back to a squat after the shoulders are out. But is that possible?

[DancerMom]

Madrone...maybe you could use one hand to support yourself and the other to guide the baby out? I've been thinking about position too. I squatted last time as well with my husband behind me, and this time I know it won't be like that (I just know he'll be taking pictures or holding our daughter or something) plus I want to catch the baby myself.

I have a question for everyone...who is telling their families that they are UCing? We are, and my husband's family is not going to be supportive, and so we're trying to figure out how to tell them but be clear that while we're willing to answer questions, open criticism and negativity are not welcome. They live nine hours away so we're not worried about them really interfering with the birth or anything (we don't tell anyone when we're in labor anyway) but we're trying to minimize the inevitable drama surrounding actually telling them.

We have already considered lying or trying to be evasive, and have decided to tell them for a number of reasons. But there will need to be some damage control. Last December it came out unexpectedly that we don't vax and it was pretty awful, but I feel like if we approach this in the right way we can minimize the drama.

Anyway, I'm just curious how others are handling things.

(Oh, one of the reasons we can't get away with being evasive is because we're not doing prenatals, so everytime they ask about a midwife we'd have to lie. So far, we're saying "we're still investigating out options." We're in a different state than the last birth, and I'm just now reaching the end of my first trimester, so it's been accepted so far, but it won't work much longer)

[StacyL]

I posted yesterday asking UCer's how much prenatal care, if any, they were getting from docs. I just wasn't sure where the lines are, I guess. I'm starting to see that it's really up to me. My doc is horrible, and it results in a conflict each time I see him. I am scheduled soon for my ultrasound at 24 weeks. I want to keep this appt. mostly for my husband. He is 99% on board with the UC, but I think it will give him a mental reassurance to see the baby. Ultimately, the results are of no consequence - the baby is going to be born regardless of what the US shows.

I guess next time I get pregnant, I will only go to the initial appt. to confirm pregnancy, which authorizes payment from the insurance to cover us if we ended up transporting in an emergency, and just skip the prenatal "care." I'm starting to see why people call it prenatal "scare!"

Anyone here had a UC? Any advice/tips?

[cottonwood]

Here's the roll call again: (again, let me know who I'm missing, please, or if any info is wrong or should be added, and I'll edit)

andrea88 -- UC 8/03 story
Whit -- UC 11/03 story
2much2luv -- UC 1/04
thechrysalis -- UC 1/04 story
Mothernature -- UC 1/04 story
indigolilybear -- UC 3/04 pics
citizenfong -- UC 3/04 pics
Carrieanders -- UC 4/04
Chaka Falls -- UC 4/04
amyamanda -- UC 5/04 story
Karenpl -- late May, early June
bookwormmama -- May/June
wildthing -- June
Hathor -- EDD June 11th
Mamajaza -- mid summer
Chandar -- July
Klothos -- EDD July 10th
ChildoftheMoon -- mid July
madrone -- August
JesseMomme -- August/September (first UC 11/02, story here)
violet -- August/September
StacyL -- mid September
4xmamamia -- September
blueviolet -- late September (first UC 7/01, story here)
DancerMom -- late November
laurata -- December (first UC 3/02, story here)

[laurata]

Please add me to the list!

-UC 3/2002 Story is link from here: http://smartaustin.com/~laura/unabirth.html FWIW, includes a post-birth transport
-expecting another 12/2004

I believe amyamanda has had her babe! A beautiful UC. I'm sure she'll be posting soon. :-)

[cottonwood]

Madrone, I was in a modified hands-and-knees -- basically leaning over our recliner, and then when the baby started coming I just straightened up into a kneeling position.

Dancermom, we told most of our immediate family (my brother, mom, MIL, SIL, MIL&FIL, BIL&SIL) and everyone was somewhat to very supportive except for my MIL&FIL who were concerned, but felt it was ultimately our decision. I did offer to answer questions, but nobody was really interested. I asked everyone to not spread the info around, as we were afraid of interference from people who didn't think we should have a choice in this. Well, my MIL&FIL (the concerned ones) told other family (argh!) including doctors, so of course it got back to me that they didn't think it was a good idea : and that "you know, 5% need medical help." (pretty liberal estimate for a doctor, really, but still!) So there was a little drama there for a bit because I was so upset that they hadn't honored my request not to be talking about it with people, and at first they were offended that I would think that anyone in the family would interfere, but eventually we came to an understanding and they respectfully stepped back. I guess it could have been worse!

This time is SO much easier because we don't have to either announce it or evade questions, because everybody already knows what we're doing and seems to be (at least tacitly) accepting of it.

Stacy, I posted on your other thread about this, so I won't repeat myself here. But I just wanted to say welcome to the UC thread. Oh, and yes, there have been plenty of UCs here. Some are listed on the UC roll call above, but doesn't include all those that happened before we started our UC group here at MDC.

[wildthing]

Madrone, I wonder the exact same thing. I got the video "A Clear Road to Birth", and it shows at least 3, maybe 4 women cathing their own babies on their hands and knees. It is just like blueviolet describe.

Dancermom, we have had 4 homebirths already. No one has asked us about anything really. I do have a midwife available, but I just don't feel like offering any information to anyone. I gues though, that the times when people do ask outright who is going to attned our birth (meaning a HC person), I just say we intend to have the baby alone. And then I add that I may be completely solo. Since we are very confident in our decisions, it leaves little room for argument. For example, if the subject is brought up directly, we mke complete eye-contact, head up but not in a defiant and way, and state "We are having the baby alone." It really makes a difference in the amount of arguments we get.
If we instead said it this way.....Head down, a little ashamed, avoiding eye-contact, and said "Well, we're sort of thinking about doing it alone, but we're not sure yet."...then people see we are not confident and there is an opening for them to give their arguments. In our situation, we tend to get more curious questions than anything.
Also, as far as the pre-natal care aspect....everything you do to take care of yourself *IS* your pre-natal care. I hardly consider a once a month going over by someone else to be the factor that will ensure my baby's health and well being. It is the diet I keep, the energy around me, the excercise I do regularly that provides my baby the pre-natal care he or she needs. I can understand how some do not feel comfortable being evasive, but honestly, to say that I am getting the best pre-natal care from someone who really understands what I am going through, is not evasive or a lie. I just feel that pregnancy and birth are private matters, so I don't feel obligated to tell my family exactly who I am seeing or not seeing. Yes, I know exactly the question they are asking, and I am purposely not answering it. But then again, I am an adult and fully capable of making my own health care decisions.

[majazama]

Well, about telling family about the UC... they don't know, and somehow, the subject has never come up. Maybe it's because my family is not nosy, and it's my second birth (old news). I think they all either think I'm having a homebirth, or a hospital birth. Last time, after I had my DD, I had to tell them that I had the baby on the couch in my living room... that was fun. They just assumed that I had the baby in the hospital..


I agree with wildthing on the pre-natal aspect... whatever you are doing for your day-to-day nutrition and exercise *is* your pre-natal. It was an easy decision for me to not see my doctor, because she is in a team of 4 other doctors, and I'd see them each at least once through the pregnancy. The last appointment that I missed, the doctor was going to be my ex-boyfriends, dad. I didn't want him palpatating my uterus! I don't trust male docs, even if they are awesome people.

That said I do sort of miss the attention that I would get at the appointments (I only went to two). Because I don't get very much me-time these days.

[cottonwood]

Speaking of prenatal care -- the past few days I had an awful headache. I went into high alert, paying careful attention to my food and water intake, and getting plenty of rest. I also went to the grocery store to take my blood pressure (normal.) Today I feel *much* better, but if I had been getting worse instead of better, I would have definitely sought outside help, starting with a midwife friend to check urine. (I would do it myself, but those little sticks are expensive!)

Anyway, just an example of taking the initiative of self-care in pregnancy.

[mollyeilis]

"I haven't found the subscribe to this thread button on the new format yet"...

Click on the Thread Tools button above the very first post, and you will see the option to subscribe to the thread!

[cottonwood]

Juliette wrote: "How many birth supplies do you *really* need? (I know this depends on the individual and the situation. I am ordering a basic birth kit plus have lots of helpful herbs on hand. I decided I don't want to mess with a birth tub and will use the clawfoot bathtub if desired)"

I am going to get a fetascope, with long tubing. Probably won't use it in labor, but I like to listen during pregnancy and reassure myself of baby's position. For the birth itself: lots of clean towels... cloth menstrual pads... sterilized scissors and string (not sure if we'll use them though)... bowl for placenta... camera and extra film... waterproof covering for bed... stuff for baby (clothes, blankets, diapers)... I think that's about it!

"How do you get a birth certificate for a uc baby?"

In Oregon, just call up Vital Records in Portland and ask for the paperwork necessary to file for a birth that was not attended by a professional. They'll send you the basic stuff, plus some forms for "witnesses" to fill out, they don't have to be people who were at the birth, just people who will attest to the fact that you were actually pregnant.

"What about a postpartum checkup for baby? I was just thinking of asking a midwife come on the 1st or 2nd day after birth. I really don't like the idea of bringing baby to see a ped, but perhaps an ND?"

We only bring our children to doctors if they're ill or injured or something looks suspicious. I had midwives do all of our newborn exams, and with my last the diagnosis for congenital hip dislocation was border-line so we saw a doctor for a second opinion.

[StacyL]

Please add me to your rollcall...

I'm due in mid-Sept.

[StacyL]

By the way....

During my engagement to my husband, I watched that show "Birth Day" on Discovery Health channel. I watched a ton of episodes, and it had a lot to do with me coming to the decision of having a UC. I was absolutely horrified at the way hospital births go, and how everyone just acts like this is normal. I also was outraged at how roughly the newborns were handled by the staff and immediately taken away from their mothers. I thought at first I should just not have a baby in a hospital, maybe go to a birthing center or have a midwife. Then, it was Laura Shanley's book that initially helped me to see that this is something that was meant to be done at home, privately, as it had been before the advent of "modern medicine." So, thanks Discovery Channel for showing that hospital birth is not desirable!

[majazama]

Yeah, those birth stories are pretty awful. I just saw one yesterday where a woman was FLAT on her back, and near the end of the "ordeal", because she had an epidural. All of a sudden the baby was in "distress" (I wonder why, , MAYBE because she wasn't getting enough blood to the fetus because the woman was FLAT on her back)... I am amazed that things are *still* like this in hospitals. I seem to know more about what is going on than any of the people "delivering" the baby. It makes me sick. The doctor takes all the credit for giving birth, and the poor woman who just gave birth is left without her baby that she just brought into the world while they "clean her up". Yuck.

Ok, I'll get off the soap box now

On another subject, does anyone here know about the birth certificate stuff for UC's in Canada?

[amyamanda]

Our baby was born on Tuesday

Her name is Avery - we're still working on her middle name. I am in blissful shock as I spent the whole pregnancy convinced this was a boy. So that makes two boys and two girls for us. She is about 7-1/2 lbs. (my DH insisted on using the less-accurate postal scale, so we never got an exact weight). She has a full head of dark hair, which amazes me because I have never had anything but baldies. She is extremely sweet and is a talented and vigorous nurser. My 1-1/2 year old is having a hard time sharing me but everyone else seems to be adjusting well.

She arrived 11 days early, at about 4:10 Tuesday afternoon (5/4). We had an uncomplicated, unassisted waterbirth, and it was absolutely perfect (at least according to our expectations and according to DH, who is not taking into account how excruciating labor was for me this time, but who counts minor details like that anyway?! LOL.) My two sisters were able be there to take care of the kids and be around for the day. We had the birth tub set up in the kitchen; it was a gorgeous day and I could see the mountains out the kitchen window while I labored. For awhile I even labored outside in the sun, barefoot in the dandelions. I also labored for a short bit on the toilet before I returned to the tub to birth her in the water.

My labor was different than I expected - quite painful in the early stages, which has not been my experience before, and I think it took about 11 hours of painful contractions to get me to about 4 cm. (My last two labors were very quick, only a couple of hours, so this was not what I had imagined would happen). I checked myself at that point and was devastated to find that my cervix wasn't completely effaced and I had only dilated a small amount. My DH was great - he reminded me that once my body gets that far, it's usually a very quick and forceful expulsion process, and he was right. About 15 minutes after I checked myself, Avery was born.

It felt so perfect and right that it was just DH with me during my labor. He knows how my body labors almost better than I do, and was spot-on with his suggestions for changing position, etc. when I needed a nudge. I was even thinking during labor how nice it was not to have anyone else there inserting an outside perspective - it was so simple and intimate, just the two of us. I definitely needed his support, but it felt just right not to have anyone else's.

We had no complications, although the cord seemed flimsier than my others (before we cut it, we thought maybe it had only two vessels, but it had three) and the placenta was much smaller than my others as well, but still looked quite healthy. I acquired one small skid mark, a tiny hemorrhoid, and a large bruise on one arm from hanging over the tub, but that's it. I saw the chiropractor today and it made a HUGE difference in how I feel - also discovered that the baby's spine was twisted and she benefited greatly from an adjustment as well.

Let's see, logistically speaking...the only "equipment" we used was...the birth tub, one cord clamp, surgical scissors, and two chux pads. We set the birth tub up at 38w1d and she was born at 38w3d. It took a day to heat up the water once it was filled. I am SO glad we set it up so early, because we would not have had it ready otherwise. I wish we had taken a belly picture sooner; we never got one at the end because we weren't expecting her to arrive so early. She was quite fully mature though, so I have to wonder if I somehow got my dates wrong even though I was charting.

We only told a few people beforehand that we were UP/UCing, but after the fact we are talking about it freely...and so far the responses have been surprisingly supportive. I wonder, though, if we would have gotten such a positive reaction before the fact - with a healthy baby in hand, it's easier for people to accept I think. My parents are telling everyone we did it ourselves so I can tell they are quite proud of our accomplishment.

I would love to share the longer version of her birth story but I think I will try to stick it on a webpage when I get a chance so that it doesn't take up the whole thread, LOL. When I get around to it, I will let you know.

[cottonwood]

Oh, it sounds like it was absolutely wonderful! Congratulations!!!

My last UC the same thing happened with me being convinced that I was not as far along as I thought I was, I felt for the baby's head as far up as my hand would go and could feel *nothing*, but my husband was assuring me that I was very close because I was acting just like I had before when birth was imminent. He was right -- she was born a few minutes later.

Congratulations again, and thank you for the story! It makes me so eager to give birth myself!

[LavenderMae]

Congratulations Amanda!!!!!

I met a mama irl, that had her last baby UC!!!!! I am so excited that someone I know has done this and thinks it's great! She is member of my homeschool group. She did have some issues with DSS after her daughter was born but everything turned out okay. I'm going to ask her more about that at our homeschool park day next week. I was just posting on here a couple of weeks ago how I wish I knew someone irl who UCs and know I do, it's just so great!!!!!

[cottonwood]

Wow, I think I'd fall over in a faint if I ever just happened to run into a real-life mama who'd had a UC! How fun that would be!

[LavenderMae]

I know, I think I held it together pretty well but inside I was doing cart wheels!! She also unschools and bf's (extended even), she wouldn't have circed if she had had boys, what a dream come true! I can't wait to talk with her more about her UC. I hope we become good friends , we have a lot in common. I keep thinking that I will have someone to talk to when I get pregnant again and I won't have to hold back, wooohooo!!!!