I really appreciate everyone's help so far. smooches to all of you.
They are LMs, yes. The apprentice midwife is the one that called today; we had scheduled the NST for NEXT Monday (and I thought I was being clever because that was 41w5days, when they told me their malpractice ins. co. wants them at 41 and a half) but the midwife noticed that and had her call to move it closer AND schedule the AFI.
The apprentice seems to be a master at double-talk...she agrees with me then continues to try to schedule it. And the way they have told me that tests are optional...some they really appear lax on (GTT and most other tests) but then they really push (while appearing open to your decision) GBS test and giving the baby Vit.K. Strange. And it's different, depending on which of the two midwives I see.
Anyway, I don't want to clutter up the UC thread with all this stuff, unless anyone finds it helpful in feeling strong about their UC!!!
Worst thing about it all is that I switched TO them at ~29 weeks because I was so uncomfortable with my CNM-with-birth-center. But now I'm wishing I'd just stuck with the CNM or hired the CNM practice that works out of a really progressive hospital. At least they were open and up front with me; I knew where I stood with them from day one (and from the consult), whereas I feel as though I was lied to at the consult with these women. And that is NOT a good feeling at all, especially since we're pre-paid.
Oh, and I was crying the last 10 minutes of the conversation, so they KNOW how I feel and how I don't enjoy this pressure. Doesn't stop 'em.
Can I answer the death question?
It came up today talking to the apprentice, because she (and the midwife at yesterday's appointment) kept talking about that one baby from tons of births that might die. I held my tongue yesterday but couldn't today. The apprentice was ending a sentence in something vague that was meant to evoke "oh no the baby might die" in my head, and I just said "and that would be Nature."
I think she was a bit shocked. I told her that I'm willing to "risk" that kind of thing...if something happened it would be horribly, awfully sad, and I would mourn forever. But as long as it wasn't caused by some medical intervention, I would ultimately come to peace with it. And if there were some kind of law problem to be faced, I would face it.
Speaking of that, the apprentice kept saying "you'll have the test results, we'll put them in your file, then if anyone wants to look at it they will see it was all OK" over and over. I finally had to tell her "you have to realize, letting other people look at my records is not MY concern, it's your concern."
On the other side, I'm basically at peace with the thought of my own death. I would feel very sad because Robert would either be alone or with an infant to care for, and I don't WANT that to happen, but I've come to terms with it. Again, better that happen naturally at home, rather than due to some medical error or intervention in a hospital.
You know what? I think I *would* have been better off just planning for an UC this time. Unfortunately, it's taken all this junk to make me realize it. Jury's still out on whether I'll actually call the midwives WHEN I go into labor, um, tonight.
(crosses fingers and toes for self)