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help! Darn meddling grandparents - Page 2

post #21 of 25
Thread Starter 
On the fence,

Yes I am naive, it is a part of me. I have never been good at boundries either but I am trying. I did not say that I am away a lot, I said that my mother thinks that I am.

I just want to let you know that they have not had to carry any burdens as far as my dd goes. They ask for her maybe one weekend a month sometimes not even that often, and we never ask them to babysit. A weekend for them is picking her up at lunch time on Saturday and dropping her back on Sunday. My father who lives 5 hours away has seen dd more than my mom and step dad who live 30 minutes away just to give you an idea, and he has only had her overnight 3 times.

As far as her health concerns go we have been to the doc many times already, and I already have another appointment to order some tests for her. Yes I know that the breathing problems are a big deal. I was not trying to downplay that, just trying to get the major issue at hand out there.

I am partially to blame for this unhealthy relationship, I know this. I am horrible at speaking up and also boundry setting. I have been treated like a child by them and allowed it because I wasn't quite sure how to stop it. And I feel like a child much of the time because of this. I know it needs to stop and this is another big part of why I have been trying set some boundries and put some space between us.

I am trying to move on and grow. I came looking for help from those with more experience. I feel horrible that I let this go on for so long but things are changing now. It feels so right and at the same time so bad and maybe a little wrong and it is really hard to tell my mom where to stick it. I AM trying to grow those ovaries!!
post #22 of 25
Thread Starter 
*I do not know why you are attending mediation.. my gut tells me there is a custody issue going on..maybe they want more visitation? Have they taken you to court for this before? Is that why you are all planning mediation?*

We are going to mediation because I requested it and set it up. There has been a breakdown in communication between us all. My mother is very hard to deal with anyway and now it is impossible. She is mad and won't hear anything we have to say she just wants to yell. Dh says she is a communication blocker and that would be pretty accurate!
post #23 of 25
Mediation can be a very positive experience.. it is what got my ex and I through the separation. Some things said by others are easier to take than trying to get your point across on your own. It is great that you have decided to do this, smarmie.

In mediation, you can draw up an agreement outlining boundaries such as healthcare, etc. This issue can be a main one if you choose it to be, and will let your mother know officially that there ARE absolutely boundaries to her involvement in your parenting and that she needs to respect them.

Good luck!
post #24 of 25
Smarmie,

I will give you some of my ovaries if you like.

I saw the other day they are doing ovary transplants....
post #25 of 25
WOW Kim..

Your post was SOOOO offensive.. I am offended and I am NOT the OP! I have a mother who has made veiled threats about CPS.. She was told in no uncertain terms that she and her "friend" who made the statment were no longer welcome in my house.. I have a MIL who I love as a mother, but she has boundaryissues too THE ONLY WAY to deal with it, is to never budge on the issue.. My IL's have HA-UGE entitlement issues when it comes to our kids.. We have to constantly remind them that these are OUR children, and WE get to make the RULES! They don't have to like them, they just have to follow them..

As for the breathing problems.. I too have a son with breathing issues.. We have a very good ped.. We have been to an ENT.. They will not do anything until they get older.. DS1 had tubes put in for ear infections, but that was it.. HE has an irritable air passageway.. Which is basically asthma anytime he gets anything.. Most kids get a sniffle.. Maybe a cough.. They won't even call it "situational" asthma until he gets older and he is 5 now for crying out loud.. He gets put on breathing treatments, and steroids.. I am not a neglectful parent.. We haven't done any invasive tests or procedures.. I may be projecting, but I imagine the OP is in the same area.. Ds1 is now 5.. We don't even take him in anymore for his coughing/wheezing unless the treatments aren't helping, or it's been more than 7 days.. And you know what.. Our dr is totally cool with that..

As for the working too much. : She states she doesn't feel she is.. There is also her dh as well.. I don't see you berating him for being away to often.. One parent has to work unless you are a trust fund baby.. In a lot of familys BOTH parents HAVE to work... Not a choice you would make.. Cool beans for you... HER job requires her to travel.. She is comfortable with it.. Her DH is comfortable with it.. GRANDMA is not.. Grandma doesn't get to have a vote..

Your tone is sooo condescending it's not even funny..

It is hard to stand up to your parents.. Especially if you have had boundary issues with them.. Some parents have a hard time of relinquishing control over their children regardless of their age.. The can and DO push boundaries.. And it is NOT uncommon for grandparents to feel like the do have "rights" to their children's children.. The fact is they do NOT.. Grandparents visitation are a privilege based soley on the PARENTS decision as to whether or not it is appropriate..

YOu are not in the wrong Laura.. You do what is right for your family.. It is HARD to stand up to your parents.. Especially when it isn't something you've been taught to do.. If it was me I also wouldn't agree to let your parents keep your child without you.. They are feeling HUGE amounts of entitlement.. That is a scary thing.. If you feel entitled to something you are more likely to take and not even feel you are in the wrong.. It's yours to take.. That's the thinking..

I wish you luck in this journey.. Stay strong.. Place you boundaries in concrete 6 ft deep if you need to.. Just keep them firm..

Warm Squishy Feelings

Dyan
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