Originally Posted by mmgarda
Tani - Ok, I got the stuff about the limbic system and whatnot, but then I started getting a little confused about your other notes. My main problem, however, is that I can't figure out how to get my little guy to calm down. Like me, when he is frustrated and angry, he wants to be LEFT ALONE. If you try to talk to him, touch him, cuddle him, boy LOOK OUT! It really makes things worse. The problem is that he hasn't really figured out how to manage his own feelings yet, so he just winds up crying and crying and crying until I sort of force an intervention, which usually makes us both unhappy. What's a mama to do?? I like the STAR acronym and want to put it on my fridge. Can you try to figure out the missing part for us and repost - it's very helpful! Thanks!!
Introverts get their energy from being ALONE. Extroverts get their energy from being around other people, needs cuddles to cope, etc...
Have you ever read Raising Your Spirited Child ??? She does a great job of explaining the differences and NEEDS of kids with these two temperaments. It's really eye-opening!
For example, last night she mentioned that a toddler who is an introvert whose space is invaded (vs. Extroverts who LOVE to have their space invaded with friends) may HIT YOU! to keep you away... because they NEED alone time/quiet time.
If a child is an introvert she probably
- Needs reflection time in order to figure out how she feels
- Prefers to watch or listen before joining an activity
- Becomes groucy if around people too long
- Has a strong sense of personal space. Doesn't like people sitting too close or touching.
- May talk with family mor than with outsiders.
- Finds visitors invading
- Seems to enjoy time out and will stay there till you tell her to come out.
If a child is an extrovert she probably...
- Need to talk in order to figure out how he feels - asks lots of questions.
- Wants to share thoughts and feelings immediately.
- Needs lots of feedback and immediate responses.
- Becomes energized by being in a group.
- Wants to figure out how things work by doing (They don't want to wait for instruction. They just want to start using their hands and thus, get in trouble. A tip I got last night is if you extroverted kid is driving you nuts "mommy, mommy, look at me..." give him something to do with his hands. My son loves playing with THomas!)
- Talks a lot and easily initiates conversation.
- Hates to be sent to time out.
I'm an extrovert. I have an extrovert son. You may be an introvert and it sounds like your DS is an introvert. Ask yourself what makes you feel good when you are upset.
I really don't know how to help you because I don't much experience with handling/living with introverts. Maybe just you being solid and strong (to begin with) would help. And non-intrusive. Let him have his space/crying... as long as you are nearby and reachable if he wants you. Or just verbally respecting his space may help dissipate tension "I know you are upset right now and are not comfortable with me being here. When you are ready I am here for you." You are honoring / acknowledging his need for space.
Kurcinka has a SPIRITED WORKBOOK with lots of examples (she said that last night). Haven't read it, but that may help you too - giving you real life examples and how to handle them.
Exercise: How does your type like to re-charge?
How does your type like to solve a problem?
a. Introverts need:
- A chance to watch or think first
- A break
b. Extroverts need:
- Opportunities to talk out loud in order to figure out what they are thinking and feeling.
- To try things before listening to long directions.
- Interaction and activity (if they don't get enough activity, extroverts will create it :LOL )
c. Essential Skills for extroverts
- Respecting the space of others - including verbal space
- Listening and taking turns (interruptions during dinner are a HUGE issue for us)
- Knowing that they work best when they can work with others or talk through things.
- Learning to say "I'm just thinking."
- Giving others time to think and chance to take a break.
d. Essential skills for introverts
- Letting others know they have "heard" them
- Asking politely for space, quiet or time to think.
- Involving others in key decisions
- Learning the importance of greetings and good byes.
If your DS "is shutting down" he needs:
- To be near, but without more stimuli
- Stop talking
- Dim lights
APMOM - Washing hands... well making it fun, turning it into a game would be a great way to get little ones to cooperate. You, singing a funny little sink song or something. I LOVE YOU RITUALS is all about that.