One Good/One BadOk Ladies,
I had a repeat of my first post, only this time was better!! DS spent Saturday w/ friends and their DS is a HUGELY physical child - just runs and jumps a plays and basically wears our DS out. We traded time with the parents and the kids spent the evening at our house while the other couple went out. My DS had a total melt down at pj and teeth time and was inconsolable. After finally having to lay him on the floor and hold him down to brush teeth (it had been skipped 3 nights in a row and I just couldn't let it go) I took him into his room and closed the door and told him that it was time to put on pjs and brush teeth so that we could read stories. If he didn't want to do pjs and teeth, we could just put on a diaper and go to sleep. I kept the same calm voice and told him repeatedly that we really wanted him to join us for stories and that I was sure he could calm down and get it under control. Every time he took his tantrum down a notch, I praised him and said he was doing great and that we were getting really close to being able to go read stories and that I knew he was going to be able to get it under control. And he DID!! I was so proud of him and praised the crap out of him for it.
The bad part is that the reason DS was with our friends that day is because DH and I had such a bad fight Friday night (we're both HORRIBLE yellers), that it actually escalated to mild physical violence. The kind of thing that most women swear they will never, ever, ever put up with. Now I'm in a really difficult place trying to figure out what to do and how to move forward. (Please - no advice on this one - the marriage isn't over.) DH is going to anger management and I'm seriously considering following him. I would really, really love to hear what you all do to keep yourself from yelling at others besides your kids!
Dotcom - re: the chair, is there some form of "punishment" you would consider for your DS? I'm thinking that my response would be to explain that if he couldn't mind, and behave like a big boy, then I have to assume he is too little to play with X or to do Y or something like that. I don't know, maybe that's coercion? But I'm thinking that his behavior is illustrating his unwillingness to mind, and I think of that as a little boy thing. Maybe that's too negative. My other thought is, can you let him jump on the bed or something else that's not so dangerous?