Christian Skeptics & Ex-Christians - Page 9

[DaryLLL]

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[eightyferrettoes]

Church of Christ/Assemblies of God escapee here.

I remember the day I admitted to myself that I could never believe. I even remember what I was wearing that day! I was fourteen years old, and in the library reading some "feminist" apologetics for Christianity.

Wish I could remember the title of that book, but I remember thinking to the author, "Lady, you're not even convincing yourself!"

Since I was really just a kid when I rejected Christianity, I didn't know where to go from there. I became a closet atheist, internally raising an eyebrow at religion of all stripes. It was (and still often is) obvious to me that organized religion is nothing but another form of social control.

So I skipped right over liberal spirituality. As I get "older" (yeah right, I'm all of 24) and have lost one child and begun raising another, I feel a little less... suspicious... of all things spiritual. But there's a lot of conflict there.

I still ID as an atheist, openly now. But now that my atheism is in the open and I'm not afraid of the Old Nick or my parents' opinions, it's also a less militant atheism than it was at 17. Not that I'm a freakin' softie now or anything, mind you.

[DaryLLL]

Hi Ferret!

[eightyferrettoes]

Originally Posted by DaryLLL

Hi Ferret!

Helllooooo, Dar! You gotta be the last person on earth I haven't pissed off in the last 24 hours.

Unless there's something you're not telling me. *insert shifty-eyed paranoid smilie here*

[MyLittleWonders]

Thanks Darylll for resurrecting this thread (hmm ... pun intended?! ). It is reassuring to know that I am not the only one that has walked this road, that doesn't know which direction to turn, and yet that knows she can't go back.

Dh and I left Christianity (non-denominational and "messianic") this summer when I started researching (such a dangerous thing to do!) the whole jesus thing and whether or not he could even been the "messiah". Now we are floundering around in no-man's land and unsure of where to turn. I feel drawn back to my metaphysical beliefs given to me by my mom and also somewhat to paganism (wow, that was weird to type). Dh is jaded by it all and will probably take a while to figure out what he wants or believes.

[DaryLLL]

"Resurrected." LOL

Someone reminded me of this thread and I thought it was a good one and wondered if anyone else had stories to share.

[Peepsqueak]

I am a Christian however, I am frustrated with the fundie yada yada yada...totally exclusive and you can't win for losing. I cannot base my faith on these "believers" and am often "excommunicated" from their circles....oh well

[AsYouWish]

For those feeling adrift.....

I know I have never posted in this forum before, so sorry for the potential hijack. Also, I have not been able to read all the pages of this thread just yet. But I just wanted to offer some to all those individuals grappling with their loss of faith. I grew up in a VERY Christian household and took ownership for my faith at a very early age. God/Jesus/Faith were issues that I thought about very deeply even as a child. BUT, based on my personality alone, I always felt a certain conflict because I QUESTIONED everything and required EVIDENCE for everything. (It should make sense then that I excelled in science and am pursuing a career in that field.) And all the people around me were the exact opposite, and I felt alienated for needing so much proof. And one day in my early 20s, I woke up an atheist. I'm sure this transformation was much more gradual. But it felt JARRING. (Anyone who knew me in that old life would never, ever believe it, btw. I'm the last person anyone would have suspected of claiming atheism.) I just wanted those people who are feeling adrift or shaken to know that it does get better. You read. You research. You discuss. You do your best to defend yourself from the inevitable onslaught of your family and friends. But there does come a point when you feel at peace, when it makes more sense, when you realize that -- finally-- all of your values, beliefs, and natural inclinations are aligned. I think it's the alignment that is most important, no matter what you choose to believe (or not believe). And it will happen eventually and you'll feel so much stronger for it. Peace to you all.

[minkajane]

I grew up in mostly Baptist churches. I don’t remember getting ‘saved,’ it was just something that always was. I got baptized at 8 because all my friends were. I was never really passionate about it, except during and immediately after church camp/retreats/revivals. I was involved in a LOT of church activities, mainly for something to do and to hang out with people. I did youth group, Campus Life, Sunday service, and a school Bible Club (I was even the president for a year!). I attended a Pentecostal church for two years and did every youth activity they had to offer. I loved that church when I attended, because it was a very small congregation (we’re talking 20 people) and it felt like a family.

When my family moved, I stopped going to church regularly because we had been within walking distance of church and now we were 20 minutes away. No one else in my family was as ‘churchy’ as me, so I didn’t have a ride. When I went to basic training, I became very religious again (as most people do in that situation) and attended the base church every week, which extended into my technical training. I attended church, read my Bible every night, etc. I had been at technical training for a couple of months when I missed church for the first time because I had decided to sleep in. I mentioned to my friend Kittie (a Wiccan) that I was feeling guilty for missing church. She gave me a funny look and said, “You were tired. You slept in. Why would you want to do something that makes you feel bad?” That comment hit me HARD.

Several months later, I borrowed a book on the basic beliefs of Wicca from another friend and began learning all I could. I officially dedicated myself around Samhain 2002. For the first few weeks of my studies, I called myself a Christian Witch (mainly because I was afraid to give up the title Christian), but after my dedication, I became a Wiccan, period.

I still fight with guilt and worry regularly. It was so ingrained in me from before I can remember. You’re not worthy, you can never do enough, you can think you’re saved and still go to hell, if your friends go to hell and you didn’t witness to them it’s your fault, gay is evil, women are weaker than men, you deserve to burn for any one sin and God is just granting you mercy, etc, etc. Silly as it sounds, it makes me feel better to read about the contradictions and fallacies in the Bible, because it reminds me that I made the right decision.

I am ‘out of the broom closet’ completely. I am ashamed in NO WAY of my beliefs. I’m seen as the black sheep in the family for it. My mom didn’t speak to me for six months after she found out. She thinks I’m trying to convert both my cousin and my sister into my ‘covenant’ (she doesn’t know the difference between a covenant and a coven). She doesn’t believe that I’m not trying to convert anyone, because the idea that we don’t claim to be the one true path is so foreign to her that she thinks I’m lying. Her idea of what Wicca is boils down to “I asked my pastor about it and he said it looks good on the outside, but it’s really evil.” She thinks Satan is deceiving me. The funny part is, I haven’t known her to attend a church since I was 13 (ten years). She swears she does, but we visit a lot on the weekends and she always works on Sundays.

Enough of my saga. I’m really loving this thread!

BLESSED OSTARA EVERYONE!

[Nelybel]

Wow - I know most of this thread was written a while ago but it really got me thinking. My spiritual path has sure ended up in places I never expected. I was raised in a pretty conservative protestant church...very strong sub-culture...and it was a good time - a good experience. I have no major negative stories. I went to christian schools all the way through college and thought that this was my life. Well - its not and it is. Internally I am so far from the way I was raised. (Questioning the existence of God pretty much does that to a person) but culturally I'm still sort of there, on the fringes. The cool this is that I'm OK with that. I'm gradually growing into the idea that my spiritual walk is mine alone and I don't have to be ashamed either of how I grew up or of who I am now. But I married someone from the same Christian denomination (much to my surprise) and he is not quite as far out there as I am. So the tough part is how to talk to my kids about things. I'm just feeling my way. I'm a musician and currently work for a protestant church and I feel so comfortable on some level with the ritual and the routine and the thought-provoking sermons and the nice people. At the same time I not sure I'm really a Christian either. Its part of me...but I just have too many questions that don't seem to have answers. The one thing that bothered me was feeling so alone about it all. It didn't seem like anyone else thought like I did. However, I just found a few blogs from members of a progressive element in my childhood church and it is pretty cool to see that I'm not the only one. If I were single...I'd be in major exploration mode. Out of respect to both our families I am chosing to be more moderate and private about my search...at least for now. Am drawn to buddhism and nature although not totally at home with what little I know of Wiccan practices. (A good friend of mine is a Wiccan prietess). I think its more about the form of it than the content. I like 'high church'. I find the divine in great music, poetic prayers etc. But I just like to be left alone to enjoy it my way...not the way someone else tells me I should.

OK - I'm seriously rambling. I'm just so glad to read this thread and to hear other stories. What a journey. I remember feeling so excited when I first realized I wasn't really a Christian. It was like doors and windows were flying open all over the place in my brain and cool refreshing air was rushing in. At the same time I felt kind of lost and a little scared. "...I was experiencing a queer since of loss..." was a line in a book I read that pretty much nailed how I felt.

OK - time to go be with the kiddos. I hope this thread revives again. (No pun intended....or not. :-> )

J

[minkajane]

bump!