Last August, I took a pregnancy test while at work. I was devastated to find out I was pregnant. We already had four children and were living by the seat of our pants. I had just signed on to go back to school to become a nurse and everything was coming together... Then, this happened.
My husband and I decided to do the RU486 abortion pill. I was just 2 weeks pregnant, how bad could it be? We knew our parents would be sooo less than thrilled, and, since the house we lived in was owned by my parents, the possiblity that we could be homeless loomed. A baby just wasn't in our plans at all.
The day came that we went to Planned Parenthood to get the abortion pill. DH took off from work and a dear friend came to watch our younger children. We went in, and they told me my husband had to stay out in the waiting room. I didn't take very kindly to that. They drew some blood and then, they told me it was time to pay. I looked at them and said,"Pay?" and in my head, I was thinking, pay for killing my child? After I swore I'd never have another abortion? What kind of mother am I? I dissolved into tears. They called my DH over and led us to a room where we could talk. I said, "Honey, I just can't do this. I can't." He said, "Then we won't. Let's go." And we walked out of there still pregnant and feeling on top of the world.
Yes, I was scared. Yes, I thought I couldn't handle it. And, some days, I can't handle five kids, four of them four and under. But, my point is we muddle along as best as we can, and, in the end, each child knows how much I love them. I'm still nursing my 2 and a half year old... We do okay. Yes, my parents were less than thrilled, but they were there for us. Even to the point of offering to suspend rent so we could pay our hospital bills. We declined, but, my point is, it seems worse when it feels like the world is tumbling down, we make it worse than it really is.
I know each choice made is a personal one. I am not against abortion... I am against it for me, personally, but not for others. Some people choose it and feel for the rest of their lives it was the right one for them. I'm not one of those people. Please look hard at what is right for YOU. I truly believe that, if your husband loves YOU, he will understand. You can't go against your beliefs and your heart if you are to live life fully.
I have never forgiven myself for the abortions (yes, plural) I had in the past. I don't know that I ever will. However, again, what you need to do is what is right for you and you alone. Human beings adjust beautifully to whatever life throws at us. That's why we have survived so well. If you choose to have this child, know you can do it. It takes time to adjust, but you will.
But whatever you chose, know we are all here for you. PM me if you like. I'll answer.