Get of my back FF feeding friend!

[soccerchic21]

We have very good friends. Our DD's godparents actually and they FF feed. Her son who is a little younger than DD actually NEVER went to the breast. Now that DD is getting older every time we see them she askes either how long I will breastfeed (I told her as long as DD wants to and she said "I think when they can ask for it they should be done") Also she askes every time if DD takes a bottle yet. DD is 10 months old I am not going to introduce a bottle now! Especially when I have 2 built in bottles at all times ( of course I can never say this)

I wish she would just stop asking. We breastfeed and cosleep ok! Leave it be! (she was also getting on us for letting Riley co-sleep and telling us how she let DS CIO for just 20 min a few nights and it worked. I tried to tell her that that won't work for us.

[Mama J Rock]

I'm sure she continually brings it up because it's something she's defensive about or insecure in her choice. Because your choices are direct opposites to hers she feels like she has to justify it. The best thing you can do is to respond like "Oh I can't imagine doing it any other way" and keep it simple, no debates or explanations. She may continue to ask every time you see her but if you're not giving her "ammunition" to discuss or argue the issues then the topic will stop there.

I think it's important to sound confident in your statements so she doesn't misinterpret your attempt to be polite as uncertainty in your decisions.

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by Mama J Rock

The best thing you can do is to respond like "Oh I can't imagine doing it any other way" and keep it simple, no debates or explanations.

I did respond in that way for the co sleeping issue. And I told her outright that I would not CIO and it doesn't work for me and our baby. It is just so hard because they are good friends and DH doesn't want to get in a "fight" with them over parenting.

Next time I am going to say that I am not forcing the issue with the bottle becasue we breastfeed. I will say it nicely and to the point. There is no reason to give DD a bottle.

[Cranberry]

I think you should agree to disagree. Tell her that the two of you are NEVER going to agree on these subjects and you'd prefer not to discuss it. How would she like it if you were always saying to her: "Ewww, Formula is gross!! How could you NOT breastfeed???? CIO??? Why, I think that's abuse!"

P.S. when her child can ask for the bottle, is he done????

[MamaAllNatural]

It definately sounds like she can't wait for you to stop bfing. I agree with the pp who said she's probably feeling defensive. Every time it's around her it brings the issue to her attention most likely. Just stay strong in what you're doing and try to be open and positive about it. You never know, she just may end bfing her next one because of you!

[UrbanPlanter]

Originally Posted by Cranberry

I think you should agree to disagree. Tell her that the two of you are NEVER going to agree on these subjects and you'd prefer not to discuss it. How would she like it if you were always saying to her: "Ewww, Formula is gross!! How could you NOT breastfeed???? CIO??? Why, I think that's abuse!"

P.S. when her child can ask for the bottle, is he done????

yeah, what Cranberry said.

[Mama J Rock]

I think that if the whole point is to keep peace with this couple then you're just going to have to resign yourself to keeping it light and come up with a list of one-liners to keep the conversation short and also to keep it from getting into a tense situation.

"This works for us"

"I'm happy with the way things are"

"DD seems to be thriving as it is"

"I don't want to have to wean her from a bottle in a couple of months"

"She sleeps fine (or all night - even if it is a lie - it avoids the topic)"

Breastfeeding and CIO are probably only the beginning of parenting differences you may encounter with this couple.

[MamaAllNatural]

Great advice mama J!

Originally Posted by Mama J Rock

Breastfeeding and CIO are probably only the beginning of parenting differences you may encounter with this couple.

This is a very good point. Something to consider, especially if these are your dd's godparents. They would be the ones to raise her if anything should happen to you right?

[GeorgiaGalHeidi]

IMO, people that FF and ask continuously are looking for you to say that you quit cause it will make them feel better about their choice-right now, you are doing something better than she is in this area, and it may bug her deep down. Kinda like a "join my club so that neither of us feel better than the other-we will be equals" kinda thing. Turn the tables. When she asks this, ask her when she is gonna relactate since BF is sooo good. When she looks shocked and angry, explain to her that you are kidding and that her comments regarding the bottle are just as offensive to you. Get the point? LOL.

[MamaAllNatural]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGalHeidi

Turn the tables. When she asks this, ask her when she is gonna relactate since BF is sooo good.

:LOL

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by Cranberry

P.S. when her child can ask for the bottle, is he done????

Oh I know! Dh and I were talking about this. I wanted to remind her that babies ask to be fed from day one.

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural

Great advice mama J!



This is a very good point. Something to consider, especially if these are your dd's godparents. They would be the ones to raise her if anything should happen to you right?

No they would just be her spiritual guides should anything happen to us. My parents would take our children if something should happen.

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by GeorgiaGalHeidi

IMO, people that FF and ask continuously are looking for you to say that you quit cause it will make them feel better about their choice-right now, you are doing something better than she is in this area, and it may bug her deep down. Kinda like a "join my club so that neither of us feel better than the other-we will be equals" kinda thing. Turn the tables. When she asks this, ask her when she is gonna relactate since BF is sooo good. When she looks shocked and angry, explain to her that you are kidding and that her comments regarding the bottle are just as offensive to you. Get the point? LOL.

I never thought of it that way. Dh would be floored it I approached it that way too! :LOL I think that next time she brings it up I will just tell her that there is no need for a bottle because I am not weaning her any time soon.

[DreamsInDigital]

Grr I hate people like that. poor you. Everyone has good advice just I'm just sitting here going "Yeah, that."

[Meiri]

No they would just be her spiritual guides should anything happen to us. My parents would take our children if something should happen.

That's good.

Is the relationship such that you can jokingly turn the questions around on her? Would she get the point?

"I think when they can ask for it they should be done"

So yours was done the moment she first rooted? Hers was done the first time he made a hungry cry? I've never understood this concept.

Next time you're having dinner with them and she asks you to pass the salt respond with "you can ask for it, so you're done and cannot have it." Maybe she'll get the concept then?

Otherwise you're probably better off to stick with the "we're happy with what we're doing." statements.

Though you could take those a step farther..."we're happy with what we're doing, are you looking for advice?"

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by Meiri

Next time you're having dinner with them and she asks you to pass the salt respond with "you can ask for it, so you're done and cannot have it." Maybe she'll get the concept then?

Otherwise you're probably better off to stick with the "we're happy with what we're doing." statements.

Though you could take those a step farther..."we're happy with what we're doing, are you looking for advice?"

:LOL That would certainly keep her from asking wouldn't it? :LOL I never understood that "asking for it" thing either. It seems like she is very Dr. Spock in her parenting style where at we are more Dr. Sears two very opposites.

But I do want to say that other than this annoyance they are terribly great friends. Her DH was our best man and they have always been there for us when we need them.

I think if I am a little more stern if that is the right word the next time she brings it up I can nip it in the bud. I should just ask her why she always asks right? Then I would really know.

[MamaAllNatural]

Something was said in another forum that I just loved.

"If they're young enough to ask for it, then they're young enough to still need it."

Perhaps you can share that with her?

[soccerchic21]

Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural

Something was said in another forum that I just loved.

"If they're young enough to ask for it, then they're young enough to still need it."

Perhaps you can share that with her?

That is a great thing to say thank you!

[mum2 4]

Can you take the initiative next time and do the asking first? plan ahead with some non threatening questions for her. Maybe some about future issues that may also be open to different approaches.
. wean from bottle
. potty training
.discipline
. preschool
.Sunday school
. sports teams ( even tots go to gymnastics, dancing school, soccer)
.dating
By asking them to be God parents you planned for a long term relationship so all of the above are going to come up in time. Why not have a parenting choices marathon and conclude with the idea that you are flexible and wanting to meet your baby's needs as they develop and when she challenges your choices you feel___________. Saying it bugs me when you ask about... as I feel________. Do it evey time she gets under your skin and eventually she'll get the hint. You do not have to justify your choices or even answer her questions just keep repeating how she impacts on your feelings.
She may wonder how you got so smart or where you get your ideas as hers seem to be coming from someplace where the child's needs are not part of the plan and she has no clue.
My sister followed the same ideas as your friend and all I ever said was "oh we will get around to it sooner or later". Now her son is bald and my boys have hair- so there!

[Overproducktion]

Sorry if this was already posted, but...

Next time she asks "when will you be done breastfeeding?" when you are nursing your daughter, just say "in about 5 minutes."