Preparing to be a single parent...

[DreamsInDigital]

I know nothing can prepare you for leaving your partner and taking the children and raising them on your own, but I figured I'd ask anyway. I'm leaving at the beginning of next month and moving back to my mom and dad's, but it will mostly be me taking care of the kids. I'd say 98% all me, because my parents are very busy people. My DP and I just have irreconcilable differences and it's already practically like I'm a single mom anyway, except that I'm taking care of him too.
It pains me a lot to do this. It hurts at the very bottom of my soul, but he has changed so much in really horrible ways and refuses to see how much he is hurting me, and worse, doesn't even care about it. The kids aren't biologically his and he hangs that over my head constantly even though they were conceived before we were together.
I'm not going to bash him. He's a good person, we're just not good together. I hope in the coming months I can make some good friends here. I've been a single mom before, but not to 2 kids, so this should be interesting.

[wemoon]

Well the things that I did to prepare was get myself a social worker and got money and food stamps coming my way. I lived with my mom for about a month, and looked for an apartment and a job. I worked hard to make sure that I was going to be able to support myself.

Sounds like you have a healthy attitude about what is happening. Life changes are always difficult and it is best just to take it as it comes. Best of luck and glad you found us here

[L.J.]

I remember when my ex left, my sil told me that I would probably be surprised how little things would change. I was still the primary caregiver, I was still doing my normal day-to-day etc. Things really didn't change all the much at first.

It is an adjustment not having that extra person around, but if your parents are there, it will make the transition easier.

Wishing you well ~ L.J.

[magnoliablue]

I pretty much did all of the parenting myself, so nothing really changed. I did have more free time to do more of the fun things with them..or get other things done more often, like the house was always cleaner..

But some days are harder than others. I made a mistake of beng very lax in the discipline department the last year because I figured they were going through enough, so I let a lot slide. Now I am paying for it, because I really have a huge lack of respect thing going on right now with the older two.

I learned in a hurry how to budget money better, how to make it last longer. The kids learned that they could not get everything they wanted all of the time..in the beginning that was hard, but now they are better at saving their own money for extravagant extras.

It is an adjustment, but with support, especially that of your family, you can get through it. I am so thankful that my mom and friends were there for me this past year, I do not know how I
could have done it without them some days.

I also came here frequently and had the advice and support of fellow mamas. I cannot tell you how important their advice and friendship was and is to me..

Take it one moment at a time, and know that you are doing the right thing for yourself and your children. Do not put tons of pressure on yourself, and know that there is always someone here willing to listen when you feel worn out. Peace to you..karen

[MamaFern]

all i can say is... be strong sister! i recently moved out with my son from my partner. we still spend a lot of time together, but we arent "together" anymore, per say. i feel like now that he isnt living with us my life has simplified. its lonely sometimes, but mostly its really good.i dont have another kid to clean up after. i can think about me more, rather than always trying to make him happy. stand strong in your decissions. dont let him guilt you and hurt you about leaving. know that you are supported on your path. being a single mother is something to be proud of!

fern

[peacenlove]

I also want to send you support Remember to do special things for yourself too, let your parents help you. Maybe go for a walk or cup of tea after the kids are asleep and your folks can be there. This is your time to discover what you want so take it easy and listen to your heart, and heal.

peace kathleen

[brusselsprout]

If you are used to doing the majority of the parenting I do think that makes it a little easier. The biggest thing for me was dealing with the kiddos emotions about the different transitions we made (they did not like living w/ my dad, but mellowed out some once we were in our own place).

The financial stuff was hard at first, and actually we are still getting some of that smoothed out. I had never been on my own before though. Also I was unable to get any help until I was completely on my own (foodstamps etc)

And Remember to take care of yourself too...you will need some time to explore your emotions. I really didn't take the time I needed in the beginning and I regret that now.

[Gentlegreen]

One really great thing that you have going for you is that he is not the father of your children, so you will not have any battles in regards to custody or child rearing philosophies. On the other hand, they may really miss him sometimes. Is he going to stay involved in their lives or are you going to just cut your losses and run? Either way can be a good decision depending on the circumstances.

So sorry that you are experiencing this transition in your life right now, but remember it's okay to feel happy about it sometimes, too! A whole bunch of stress is leaving your life with your ex, and life will become lighter and full of possibility. Yes, it will be challenging as well, but the challenges will be related to caring for yourself and your kids, instead of dealing with somebody else's crap that is making your life miserable. Big difference. Congratulations on your strength and ability to face the unknown. You can make it, you really can!