Please help me not quit!

[G-Dawg]

I don't even know where to start! I have three little ones. A very spirited 4 1/2 yo girl, a 2 1/2 yo little boy, who we are pretty sure is Autistic, and a little baby girl - 9 mo.

I am totally and completely exhausted! I literally feel like Bfing sucks the life out of me. I have seriously been sick more often then not since Thanksgiving. I also suffer from PPD, which usually goes away when I quit bfing.

I eat pretty healthy. I drink a ton of water. I excerise often, and I take Sunrider Herbs by the handfull. Nothing helps. I just feel like if I wean, it will all go away.

I do co-sleep. I have an awesome hubby who helps when he can. He works a lot so I can be home.

I think a lot of it goes back to my baby's birth. I had no "babymoon" or recovery at all. She had problems when she was born, and had to be flow out to a bigger hospital 2 hrs away. We followed and ended up being there for 5 days, while my other little ones stayed with my mom. Then we came home, dh went back to work. (school was starting and he is a teacher and had already missed) The day after that we moved. So I don't think I ever had a chance to recover from a very stressful birth. ( I narrowly missed a STAT section by SECONDS, very scary!)

I need advice from those of you who have BTDT. At this point I am thinking I could be a better mom to all my kids if I weren't so drained from nursing.

I wanted to do the child- led thing this time around, but I don't think that is going to happed.

Thanks for sticking with me, I know this is long! (and whiny!)

I am at the end of my rope, I really need advice from someone who knows. Anyone?

TIA

G

[mom2threenurslings]

It sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now and that nursing is just a part of the big picture. You sound torn between your want for child-led weaning and your hope that weaning will help you to better be able to deal with the other issues in your life.

Two things that I think are very important for you to keep in mind are that *any* breastmilk is better than no breastmilk...your little one has gotten at least 9 months of breastmilk, which is great! Also...if Mama isn't happy or is very stressed, it does have an effect on the rest of the family. It sounds like you need to do what is best for your family, which may start with what is best for you.....and that may be weaning, or finding more time for yourself so that nursing isn't quite so stressful, night weaning or limiting nursing, setting a goal to nurse for 1 more month and then taking it from there....or whatever that need may be.

I wish you well and hope you figure out a solution that works for you and your family.

[G-Dawg]

Thank you for the hugs and support! That is just what I need! You are just the person I need to talk to! How do you possible manage to nurse two at the same time?! That is so amazing! How do you find the energy to do that and everything else you have to do as a mom? Do you have a secret to share?

G

[AnnaReilly]

I think you've done a great job nursing this far and I'm sorry it's not going very well for you!

I agree that breastfeeding is only part of a stressful equasion. Before you decide to wean, could you try some counselling/therapy? Or maybe just find something to get you out of the house alone once every couple of days to get a break? And maybe some LLL meetings (you can bring your older kids too) just so you have some real life support.

Will weaning really solve your troubles? Is having to mix-up formula any easier? I think those are questions that only you can answer for yourself.

I'm not passing any judgement on weaning, it's just that once you wean you won't be able to go back to nursing (at least not easily) so I would make it a last resort. Good luck in whatever you decide!

[mom2threenurslings]

Originally Posted by G-Dawg

How do you possible manage to nurse two at the same time?! That is so amazing! How do you find the energy to do that and everything else you have to do as a mom? Do you have a secret to share?

G

I honestly have no idea how I function on a day to day basis! LOL! I think that changing my perspective on nursing (especially when I was nursing all three of my kids) helps me a lot. When I start feeling any negative feelings about nursing (feeling touched out, feeling aggrivated because I have to stop what I'm doing for the zillionth time, etc.) I consciously try to change my perspective. Instead of worrying about what I'm not doing or could be doing, I realize that I'm actually getting a chance to sit down. I'm getting a chance to connect with my child(ren) and give them much-needed one-on-one time and attention. I remind myself that when a need is met, it goes away. I've definitely found that if I put of nursing my child(ren), they want it more often and nurse for longer. If I meet the need right away, they don't nurse quite as much...or at least there isn't whining and insisting going on to frustrate me even before I sit down to nurse them.

If I really can't deal with nursing at a particular time or am in a situation when I absolutely can't take much time to nurse a little one, I make nursing/unlatching into a game. I sing a song and when I'm done, nursing is done (I can regulate how long the session goes by what song I choose / how many verses I sing / how many or few times I repeat the song)...or I count down from 10 to 1 and then say "Blast off!" and zoom the nursling through the air and quickly find something to distract them.

I spend most of my time at home and away from home wearing a sling, so I can pop a nursling in the sling to nurse them while I'm doing other things. I can nurse my 23 month old in the sling while helping my 3 and 5 year olds with homeschooling projects or getting work done on the computer (or grocery shopping, or folding laundry, etc. etc. etc.).

I also lower my expectations concerning some aspects of mylife. I am not superwoman and often need to remind myself of my priorities (a friend of mine has a list of her priorities on her fridge ... if I ever find a moment, I'm going to write one for mine!). When you sit down (maybe while nursing! LOL!) and really think about what is important to you, you tend to see things from a different perspective. For me, I came to realize that having a perfectly clean house wasn't nearly as important as having a happy family... and that me taking as much time as I had been cleaning was making my family miserable. (It's difficult to override OCD, but not impossible! LOL!)

I also find that including my children in as much as I can really helps. my 23 month old loves to sweep, clean things with a spray bottle of vinegar/water and a rag, load the dishwasher, empty the dishwasher, sort laundry and more. My 3 yr old and 5 yr old love to help wash dishes, vacuum, dust, help bake bread, set the table, clear the table, help Daddy do yardwork, and more. They take pleasure in helping out and it makes my job a lot easier.

You mentioned that you didn't have a babymoon after giving birth....could you take one now, even if it's just taking a couple hours to yourself every day for a couple weeks? You may find that just doing something by yourself for yourself helps relax and rejuvinate you. Could you treat yourself to a massage? My "treat" (which is actually something I need) is going to the chiropractor....I just say the word and he "treats" me to 10 minutes on the massage table it total peace and quiet.

I hope you find something that works for you!

[Amys1st]

Congrats to you on bfeeding and staying home with your children. Three children is a lot of work and breastfeeding an infant is also enough work on its own.

I think the advice before is well said. I agree you need to do what is best for your family and you are a part of this family. Remember, if Mommy is not doing well, the children can sense it and they as well could be unhappy. Make a list of what is important and go from there.

Also, forgive yourself for whatever you feel you might not be doing right and also know that you are doing the best you can. Can you cut down on nursing and go from there? You may change your mind and move forward or go back to more nursing. Good Luck to you

Do visit a LLL meeting in your area- nursings and older children are always welcome!

[captain optimism]

I so know what you mean about no babymoon, it just seemed to go from a long crazy labor to sleepless nights with no let up!

I was not in your shoes when ds was 9 months--first baby, so no other parenting, and I was not at home-- but I did have the whole "work outside the home and pump like crazy" thing going on, which is a different kind of bf stress. I found that I needed to eat more food, and that taking a B-vitamin complex supplement helped. I got the advice about the B vitamins from someone here. Since they are water-soluble, I wasn't worried about vitamin toxicity.

At various times I was thinking I would diet and started to eat lower fat food, but I found that it made me feel really depleted to do that. I have to make sure that I eat food with fat in it, or I feel like crap. So I haven't gotten svelte, but I have managed to live my life, including some exercise, and still bf. So I look like the prow of a ship, so what, my dh likes me this way.

I have one more suggestion, which you might not be able to afford: it would be good if you could have naps with your baby. Is there any way to have a babysitter a couple of times a week to be with your older children so you could do that? Alternatively, I suggest a really early bedtime for you. One thing about the interrupted sleep and the bf hormones: I don't feel as tired for a long time, then suddenly I'm all "hey, why am I so tired?"

[BusyMommy]

Whatever you decide, it will be for the best for your family. It's a tough decision and only your heart knows what's best.
Hang in there.

[GeorgiaGalHeidi]

I have not BTDT with other kids, just one, however, it sounds as if you are really stressed, so I wanted to point something out....Bottlefeeding is so much more time and work! I pump at work and DS gets a bottle when I am gone, and it is a headache to wash those bottles, and he only gets on a day! If he was bottle fed full time, I would spend my life washing those darn things, which takes time, and that is not even counting the mixing and heating, etc. I love being able to just pull it out the second he wants it, and you can do that anywhere! I think you have done so great-it has been a while-that is something to be proud of! It sounds as if you are really hesitant about giving up the relationship just yet, so I would imagine doing so may be more harm than good cause you will labor over the dec. Is there anyone around that can chip in? It sounds as if you are really busy, and I think having someone there to help would really make things better! Hang in there-you don't have to nurse for years-take it one step at a time-1 year is the goal, of course, but each day is an accomplishment and one more day! Hang in there mama!

[G-Dawg]

Thank you so much mamas! There is some really good stuff here! I think I feel ready to keep trying. (With an earlier bedtime, some more b vits, and MORE FOOD!) This all seems so common sense, but I don't seem to have any at this point!

One big thing that I think would help - night weaning. At least down to 2 or two feedings instead of every hour. She can't put herself back to sleep without a boob. How do I get her to do this without CIO? I have never made my babies cry but I was not raised ap, my mom is big into UN-attachment parenting! LOL I don't know how to help her teach herself. How would I go about that?


Thank you all for taking the time to respond!

G

[Victorian]

nak

I have never BTDT, but I did have a thought. Could you be enemic? I know that you are busy, but if you are enemic, it would make it 1000x harder.

[G-Dawg]

Good thinking Victorian! I did have my iron tested and it was good. That was awhile ago tho. Maybe I will test it again.

[MommyDOK]

I just wanted to give you a cyber hug and encourage you in your journey. Dd didn't sleep all night until she was 14 months old. She refused all solids up until that point. Then I decided to sleep in the other room and she sleep w/ dh. If she wakes up, he comforts her, but if she cries I go in and nurse her. It's worked really well w/ night feedings. Hardly any nursing at all at night.
Dd has never gone to sleep w/out boob or the car. Dh gives me a few nights a week when he drives her to sleep. It's just what I need to take the edge off since I'm pregnant and morning sickness around the clock.
Also, I have a 10 yr old girl from my church come over a few mornings a week. She is home schooled so schedule is not a problem. She plays w/ dd while I get on the internet etc. I pay her $3 hour-not much, but she's only 10 and I am at home too. If dd wants me, she asks for me and I pop my head out.
Just when I want to try cio, I read Dr. Sears and it really encourages me that what I'm doing will have life long consequences. Hang in there!

[Tigerchild]

Are you getting enough protein?

I felt like I was run over by a mack truck when my boys hit 9 months, even though I was eating lots of small meals and drinking a lot of water. I started drinking protein shakes 3 times a day, and I felt SO much better. Quick, easy, and something I could sip without dropping crumbs on little heads.

You will get through this, mama, hang in there!