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SAHM's - Frustrated over finances - want to help

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Do you ever feel stuck? I mean, when our finances are low I feel so helpless. I do alot of cutting corners but feel responsible when the money is low. I want to help out but feel so helpless. Anyone else feel like this? :
post #2 of 15
I feel that way too. DH is a teacher and we have two kids. Lots of penny pinching, but sometimes it still doesn't seem like it's enough. Somehow (by God's grace) we make it through those times and then also seem to have times when money isn't such a worry.

post #3 of 15

I was just going to start a thread about this very thing! My dh works a lot and we're still so poor. I had a mom at the school my son used to go to say, "Oh, your dh was telling me that he works 7 days a week now (it's actually 6) and my heart just went out to him!" I was like : 'huh?' What am I supposed to say to that? Do you think she was hinting that I should be working? Also, when people hear he's working a lot why don't they feel sorry for me too? I have to do everything alone, everyday. It's really hard. Dinner, bedtime (with three kids going in different directions ), errands. It can be very difficult to be on your own. I fantasize about being the one that 'gets' to leave the house and kids all day. Anyway, now my dh really is going to work 7 days a week. He's about to start an even crazier schedule and it does make me feel weird. : I'm not going to leave my baby (not to mention we're homeschooling). I left my 1st a couple days a week to go back to school when he was barely a year. I really, really regret it for many reasons. I don't want to be forced to do anything I don't feel comfortable with regarding my kids, you know? Sorry for the rambling. My point is, I know how you're feeling and I feel that too. I can totally relate.
post #4 of 15
Thread Starter 
My 12 year old asked me today if we were "financially secure". I blurted out "no" without even thinking. Then we discussed it and I told him that we live quite well but don't have extra money to save for vacations and such. I explained that daddy and I decided that b/c it's very important that one parent be home with the kids and that we truly believe in homeschooling. He agreed and said he understands. We had a nice talk. That made me feel better but still.....
post #5 of 15
I always feel helpless about our finances. I don't spend any money except for groceries, and that's only about $30 per week. So I don't even have any corners that I could cut. At least when I was working I felt like I had some control, and was contributing financially.

DH was me to find some kind of work at home job, but I don't see where I will fit that in. I already feel stretched so thin. I never have time to do anything for myself, let alone for a home business. Maybe I'll lurk at the WAHM forum to see how it works for them. That's the only way I feel that I could contribute financially, aside from not spending money.

It's kind of scary feeling this helpless.
post #6 of 15
I feel like that. When our bank account gets low or if something goes wrong with the car (as it has about 10 times so far this year : ), I get a feeling of panic because I'm scared we won't be able to scrape out. With another baby on the way, it's something I feel a lot lately. DH is just a part time grocery cashier so we're on a shoe string here. We're comfortable which is what matters, but I can't shake the feeling that something horrid will happen to upset our balance. Somedays I wonder how we make it, but I feel Someone is watching over us
post #7 of 15
(Hey Carla! )

I share that frustration. I see the $$ we have at the beginning of the month and I just cannot fathom how we will make it until the next month. I need to work harder at cutting corners and being more careful with spending.
post #8 of 15
Yep and I feel sooo guilty when money is tight. DH constantly reassures me that he's ok with me being a SAHM and that we'll be alright, but I worry all the time. He sometimes works 15 hour work days and here I am...on MDC.
post #9 of 15
same bad situation here. we moved to a cheaper apt when we had ds, in a pretty bad area, so we could afford me staying at home. but it's still not enough. our bills are definately higher than dh's income.
i feel pressured to try to find a job, hahaha, i'm due in 2 weeks with baby #2. so i told dh, i'd see if i can find a job in maybe 3-4 months, but only where i could take baby with me. and it'd be something on the weekends or afternoon, so he can stay home with ds. cause there's no way, he's going to daycare!! it's not like dh suggested me getting a job, he supports me satying at home, but i feel so helpless. on the other hand, i have to admit, he really doesn't work his butt off....i mean sure, he gets up at 4 and comes home at 3:30 after a hell of a commute, but he's been talking about getting a 2nd job since last year fall. but he doesn't even look for one. i sound mean, i know, but sometimes i feel like he acts like he wants to be a better provider, but it's just talk. my husband is not the most ambitious person, no matter what.
other husbands have two jobs if meoney gets tight....am i a bitch for even thinking that?
post #10 of 15
Thread Starter 
No, I don't think you are. My dh is not ambitious either. He hasn't gotten a raise in the 5 years he's worked at this company. In fact, he took a pay cut recently. He's never even offered to get a second job and doesn't look for a new job. He has the type of skill that he could totally do stuff on the side and/or on the weekends. He's just not going to do it. He says we should make do with what we have. Which is true but still.....
post #11 of 15
Same feelings here! My dh is totally supportive of me being a SAHM but sometimes he does get frustrated at being the only one bringing in money. It is understandable that he would feel like that sometimes...it is a lot of pressure on him. I did look into getting a job when I was feeling particularly guilty about it. After paying for daycare (well a friend of mine to watch the kids), I would be bringing home about $80.00 a month...totally not worth it considering how much more stress there would be for me and the affect it would have on the kids. So, for now, I do everything I can to save money so that I feel I am doing my part too. Hopefully things will get a little easier with this new job that dh is starting but it still won't be easy. I guess we just have to do what needs to be done so that we can continue our important job of raising our kids.
post #12 of 15
post #13 of 15
Oh man, this is a thread I can really ralate to. We're homeschooling and living on dh's income alone. Right now it's even harder because we're living apart during the week due to his job. The stress of it all makes me want to shop like crazy! It's a bad thing. We have been so poor for so long, and I am so tired of it. I do feel like it's my fault when we're broke- both because I sepnt it (on "luxuries" like shoes for the kids, and field trips) ans because I don't bring any money in.
post #14 of 15
I often say to my dh "thank you for working so hard all week to earn money for the family!" and, "thank you for doing such a great job at managing our bills" (even if he does do it a little differently that I used to...)
post #15 of 15


Yea, I often feel guilty for not working or having my own money.
We make just enough to cover our bills, but we haven't saved anything! We wanted to get married and have a larger wedding since I have such a large family, but that definately isn't happening.
Last month we overdrew the account by 200$!!! I don't buy anything myself, we always go shopping together, but still, sometimes everything really adds up!
I did tell him that I want to be a wahm but we just don't have the resources to start anything like that right now. Money was *really* tight when I was pregnant, but he got a raise since then and it helps, but not as much as we'd like it to.
Things will get better someday. And it's not everyday that I throw myself a "I'm sad we're so poor" pity party.
But count me in as a sahm that feels stuck and wishes she could help out more....
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