Are there really people here who aren't sure if they will bf or not?

[Greaseball]

I've heard that we should watch some of the things we say about how nasty formula is, since there are members who aren't yet sure if they want to bf or not and we don't want to give them the wrong idea about militant bfers.

Is that really true? It seems odd that someone interested in a board like this would ever consider ffing by choice. Is there anyone here who came to this board not knowing how they would feed their baby, and then made the decision to bf (or not) after reading the posts in this forum?

During my first pg, I was surprised that people were asking me if I planned to ff or bf. I thought surely no one bottlefed anymore. I don't know how I missed all the formula ads and ffing mothers everywhere, but somehow I did. I thought magazines like Mothering were wasting their time with all the articles about bfing, because surely everyone breastfeeds!

Now I know it's not the case...it just seems strange to me that people interested in attachment/natural parenting would not be sure about wanting to bf.

[arthead]

Alright... I'll go.

I've heard horror stories told regarding breastfeeding for majority of my life.
Sagging boobs, painful/dry/bleeding nipples, leakage. These things REALLY turn me OFF! & I was also molested as an early teen & have never really enjoyed nipple stimulation or any other oral stim (hope thats not too personal for some, just trying to explain)

I know I may get bashed for that & since I'm not yet a mama, I'm sincerely hoping my maetrnal instincts will come on when my BF time comes & I'll look forward to doing it for my babe.

I have thought about pumping for a year or however long babe wants breastmilk - if that's even possible?

I'm not saying anything against formula b'c I do have one close friend who dreamed about bf'ing, then couldn't (according to her midwife & her) she just didn't ever produce any milk, herbs & all, nothing worked. She was really broken by that & has taken her a very long time to even feel good about feeding her babe. It's such a touchy topic... but I'd love to WANT to BF... I just don't right now. I DO wnat breastmilk IN my babe though. My partner jokes with me that "there's only one way to get breastmilk IN the baby & that's BF" but the whole thing makes my stomach ache.

Had to admit it, putting up my shield now...

[EFmom]

I can't imagine what would be the motivation to say yes to the OP here, unless you had a strong masochistic streak .

[arthead]

Originally Posted by EFmom

I can't imagine what would be the motivation to say yes to the OP here, unless you had a strong masochistic streak .

See, this is what I'm talking about... I COULD get offended by EFMom's statement... I poured my heart out & someone says they can't IMAGINE WHY I would tell my true feelings on here.

Well, I guess it's b'c I'm pretty sure I'm NOT the only one who has had a similar past, or feelings about BF similar to mine. I posted that b'c I wanted to, that's all... no masochism here, just pure, honest feelings in search of others who may be able to help me sort them out. So I wouldn't feel so bad about feeling them in the first place.

btwm EFMom, I didn't take offense, just making a point b'c I'm all caught up in the "I'm offended" streak that seems to be running wild lately.

Back on topic: Anyone else feel like being open on this topic... although I'd totally understand why someone wouldn't want to post here

[EFmom]

arthead, I think your post was very honest, and I think it was very brave of you to tell your story. I didn't mean to be critical of you at all. I am very sorry to have irked you--that was not my intent at all. I'm just glad you aren't offended.

I ff my kids myself (mine were adopted). I've read so much bashing of ff here over the years, that I think it would take a very strong individual to voluntarily open yourself to it. I've been on the receiving end of some of it myself, although most of MDC will cut adoptive mothers some slack in that department. I didn't mean to express contempt for people who ff--not at all.

[Greaseball]

I assure you I'm just curious.

It's something I had never considered - it surprised me that some members might not be sure if they would bf or not. I figured the majority knew they wanted to bf, and then a few knew they didn't; I didn't know anyone might be unsure.

Re pumping: I saw a post in the EBF forum from someone who had pumped for a year (it was old; probably has been archived now) and my stepmother pumped for a year as well. Her baby had to be in the NICU for 3 months and never latched. There are other members who pumped for just a few months; better than none at all! Heck, even nursing for a day is better than not at all.

[Persephone]

If anyone DOES open themselves up in this thread, I will be the first to support them. Not for being undecided, but for speaking up, and hopefully answering any questions they have. As for arthead, I want to say, that's very brave of you for speaking up. And I've heard that many moms find healing through breastfeeding. Just something to consider.

[chellemarie]

"Heck, even nursing for a day is better than not at all."

Thank you for that! Woohoo! I think this is the attitude we should take. As a woman raised in the USA, I know how little I believed my body was my own and not for someone else's viewing and touching pleasure. While one woman may need help overcoming physical trauma to be comfortable nursing, another may need help overcoming a rigid, all-or-nothing mindset. Maybe conversations like this can help everyone.

Thank you for sharing your story, arthead. There is a mama at MDC who pumps milk for her babies. I hope she will see this thread and contact you. In any case, I wish you and your future babies all the best and lots of happiness.

[Gidget]

I am ashamed to say it, but when I was first pg with my 9 year old, I had plans to bottlefeed. Did not even give bf a thought. Then when we told my mil I was pg, she asked if we planned on bf and cloth diapers. I had not considered the cloth diapers either. But I ended up doing both. I was reluctant to bf for some time after that conversation, though I agreed to give it a try. Why? Here is where the ashamed part comes in. Cause I had ideas of feeding a baby formula from a cute can with happy babies on it with in a cute little bottle with little designs on it. Yep. I was so totally caught up in the consumerism of a baby. Yuck! Well, he ended up on formula after 3 months due to issues I had no idea how to get through and no good support or info. By then I was hooked and was devastated and depressed aobut it. I went on to nurse my second child for 15 months, when she weaned 20 weeks into my pg with my third, who I will nurse for at least two years. My reasons were so stupid I cannot beleive the person I was then and the person I am now.

Ginger

[eclipse]

arthead, although i was always convinced that i wanted to breastfeed, i also had concerns due to sexual abuse in my past. i want to say that, fo me, breastfeeding has been a very healing experience - sort of "taking my body back" and using it for its true purpose. one thing i did that really helped was to give myself permission to stop if it was overwhelming for me. i figured that i would never know how it made me feel if i didn't try - and that i wouldn't want to let the people who hurt me hurt my child in turn. in any case, it was a lot easier for me to commit to breastfeeding in the short term rather than the long term. knowing that i could stop at anytime if i had feelings that i couldn't work through or i thought were damaging my relationship with my son was very freeing. i figured it would be a whole lot harder to relactate if i started out FF and changed my mind. just thought i'd offer some BTDT advice

[Sustainer]

arthead, Hello. I'd like to try to address some of your concerns about breastfeeding, if that's ok. A lot of people aren't aware that it is actually pregnancy that changes the shape of your breasts, not breastfeeding. It is true that sometimes nipples get painful or even bleed, but that actually happens quite rarely, if at all. I think most breastfeeding mothers feel that the joys of breastfeeding end up outweighing these inconveniences. Milk can leak for the first few months, but there are wonderful, comfy pads you can put in your bra that soak it right up. Again, I think most breastfeeding mothers end up feeling that this is no big deal.

I was sexually molested as a child, and I want you to know that breastfeeding hasn't brought up any bad feelings for me. Breastfeeding is nothing like being touched sexually. The nipple doesn't even get stimulated. The nipple goes way in the back of the baby's mouth and the part that they manipulate to get the milk out is the areola, which has very few nerves. Trust me, the difference between a man stimulating your nipple and a baby breastfeeding is like night and day.

I hope this helps a little.

[RachelGS]

Arthead, I think you were brave to post here, and I think it's wonderful that you're checking this forum even though you're apprehensive about the idea of breastfeeding. I'll share my story, and maybe it will be helpful to you.

I was committed to breastfeeding because you simply can't ignore the risks of FF once you know them. I knew I would get breastmilk into my baby, but honestly I expected to hate it. I was really, really worried about it. I never liked having my nipples touched. They were very sensitive. And I was sexually assaulted in college and so found it pretty important in my adult life to be able to say yes or no to any kind of intimate touching. The idea of being that available to someone else's mouth was less than delightful.

Knowledge was power. I read and educated myself (www.promom.org is a great place to start-- read the 101 reasons to breastfeed). I asked for help and lined up an IBCLC before I gave birth. I talked to breastfeeding friends openly about the things I was afraid of.

And then I had my baby. It was simply amazing. The fact that my body had known how to grow and deliver an entire person floored me-- and then I started making her food. Holy cow. The fact that I was producing exactly what she needed was a very powerful experience.

We had a very rough start. She had a high palate and a very long tongue, and latching was difficult for her and painful for me. My LC came right over, and we worked on it. It took us a number of weeks to get to totally comfortable nursing. But even in the first few days, those mama hormones kicked in and were STRONG. I was tearful and grief-stricken at the thought of not nursing, and it helped me bear the hard part.

Now, she's about to turn two and still nursing. I would never have expected to be nursing a toddler, much less advocating for other people to do it. But it does turn out to be an incredibly healing, essential relationship. I committed to nursing because I knew it was critically important for her health (and even for mine). But I kept it up because I fell in love with my daughter.

I hope this is helpful. I'd say to you that it's okay to have this anxiety and to wonder, and powerful and brave of you to take the time to learn about it and to leave yourself open. If I can ever be of support to you (or to anyone else who answers this thread), PM me anytime.

[katja]

Arthead--
I just want to address a couple of the issues you brought up. While it never really occurred to me to ff, as everyone in my family bfs, I was put off by all the nursing horror stories that I heard while I was pregnant (not from my family, but from the literature). They made it seem as if pain and problems are inevitable. I started to wonder if I was naive for being so confident that I would breastfeed. Well, we haven't had any problems so far, and it will be a year at the end of this month. Now, I might get reamed for suggesting this, but I sometimes wonder if the negative tone of a lot of bfing info sets people up to expect, and experience, more problems than they otherwise might.
I know that doctors and their uninformed comments are pretty destructive, too. I think that confidence might be one of the most important assets you can have when starting breastfeeding. That might come from relationships with people who have breastfed successfully.

On the other issue, I have to say that I have never enjoyed any kind of nippple stimulation. I have always found it to be EXTREMELY IRRITATING. So I was worried about that being an issue with breastfeeding. I guess with a baby it is just different, because it hasn't bothered me, except on the rare nursing marathon.

Anyhow, congratulations! Raising a baby is the most wonderful experience.

Well, maybe I'll add, all of the FF babies I know really are sick a lot! Like at least 6 times a year! I think it would definitely be worth it to give BFing a chance. In one year, my Louisa has had one tiny cold, no ear infections or anything.

Yours,

[Amazlilith]

I think that if you chose to FF that is your choice. But you have to remember that breastfeeding is best. It always has been and it always will be. It doesn't mean that a person is a bad parent, not in the least. But if you are going to formula feed, don't be defensive, realize it is fine but inately (sp?) there are down falls to using formula, it's not breastmilk.

I have had to FF my two adopted daughters.

[taz925]

[QUOTE=arthead]
I have thought about pumping for a year or however long babe wants breastmilk - if that's even possible?
QUOTE]

YES it is possible. I am sure people here have and are so there is lots of information and support if you find that is what you need to do.

Doreen

[sleepies]

seems to me if someone is 'unsure', then they should try.

i was very sure i was not interested in breastfeeding, but even then, i did take some classes and do some reading to try to change my mind.

i was also abused sexually, and think that might be part of the reason i was too uncomfortable with it.

however, i think if someone is 'unsure' or 'on the fence' , they should go for it, you can always stop.

anyway, i read here sometimes, mostly because i have a close friend that is breastfeeding and doesn't have the internet, and i wanted to know what she is going through, and maybe get advice for her.

[Persephone]

Originally Posted by katja

I started to wonder if I was naive for being so confident that I would breastfeed.

I wondered that too. My mom breastfed me and my brother with no problems, and my friend is still bfing her two year old with no problems. Then I got online and heard about all the horrible things happening to other mothers and it seems like everyone has SOME kind of problem. But I guess the mothers with no problems don't need to come and get support.

[Breathless Wonder]

I had a lot of trouble with breastfeeding with my first child.

I was so distraught, and worried about it happening again, that I CONSIDERED not trying to breastfeed my second child.

I did end up breastfeeding.

However, despite working with 4 different LC's (2 who had just sat for the IBCLC test, one who was an "LC" for 20+ years for WIC, and one an IBCLC/MD) we ended up supplementing my child with formula.

It was between my first and second shild, and during the infancy of my second child, that I found a number of alternative strategies to help increase/ maintain my milk supply, and keep things going smoothly, that I did NOT know with my first.

However, I struggled with HUGE feelings of despair, regret, and shame, during this whole process, because I gave my children formula supplements. Because there are SO many factors tha CAN undermine breastfeeding, I can never be *100%* sure that my children needed the formula or not. I do know that it seems like certain people can have a few factors crop up at once, and the troubles that arise can be near next to impossible to overcome. I know that we did, at the time, everything that we could to maintain a breastfeeding relationship, even if it was only partial. But it seemed to take me a lot of effort, and being VERY careful about my diet, supplements, medications etc. to keep my children growing steadily.

Hearing the really nasty negatives about formula just added another layer of guilt/ regret/ pain to the whole situation. My body had failed me *AND* I was giving my child what other breastfeeding mother's essentially labeled as "poison". An example would be a few years ago, when the info about the dangers of soy formula came out. We had chosen soy because there were concerns about family health history, and dairy... And it looks like soy wasn't a good choice either!

To this day, I ask myself, "What if..?" What if I had done this one thing differently? Would it have changed things?

I've since had 2 more children, and have changed various things, and have had mixed success. Neither of my two youngest have had formula, but it was always touch and go, and took a lot of effort to maintain.

[tracymom]

Originally Posted by Breathless Wonder

It was between my first and second shild, and during the infancy of my second child, that I found a number of alternative strategies to help increase/ maintain my milk supply, and keep things going smoothly, that I did NOT know with my first.

However, I struggled with HUGE feelings of despair, regret, and shame, during this whole process, because I gave my children formula supplements. Because there are SO many factors tha CAN undermine breastfeeding, I can never be *100%* sure that my children needed the formula or not. I do know that it seems like certain people can have a few factors crop up at once, and the troubles that arise can be near next to impossible to overcome. I know that we did, at the time, everything that we could to maintain a breastfeeding relationship, even if it was only partial. But it seemed to take me a lot of effort, and being VERY careful about my diet, supplements, medications etc. to keep my children growing steadily.

Hearing the really nasty negatives about formula just added another layer of guilt/ regret/ pain to the whole situation. My body had failed me *AND* I was giving my child what other breastfeeding mother's essentially labeled as "poison". An example would be a few years ago, when the info about the dangers of soy formula came out. We had chosen soy because there were concerns about family health history, and dairy... And it looks like soy wasn't a good choice either!

To this day, I ask myself, "What if..?" What if I had done this one thing differently? Would it have changed things?

I so strongly relate to your story. I had the opposite experience as that above, I read and took classes while expecting #1 and heard how wonderful and natural BF was and how easily the problems could be dealt with. In reality, after an unwanted C-section and PPD, it was so awful. DS never nursed right, I visted an IBCLC who was very little help, and I ended up supplementing which of course started the spiral downward and he was fully weaned by 12 weeks. I was completely and totally devastated that my body had let me down. When my boy was about 15 months old I discovered the MOBI mailing list and began grieving fully and recovering and getting as much info as I could. I stayed on there after getting pregnant and delivering #2 and learned lots of strategies to increase milk production. Even so, DS2 lost weight between ages 3 and 4 months and we were forced to supplement until he began eating more food.

I think a lot of moms of my acquaintance know more moms who had difficulty BF than not and that's where they get the perception that "it's harder." Seems like everybody knows somebody who had to pump or had supply issues. Several of my IRL friends either didn't try to BF or gave up pretty quick.

A good point was made about the consumerism aspect. I know even though I knew BF was the right thing to do, I still had some "bottle envy" of those cute bottles against ALL my better judgment. It was dumb and I knew it, but if I could feel that after everything I went through, it's obvious that it would fully affect anybody who wasn't conscious of the process. (hope that makes sense.)

[gethane]

Perhaps I'm misunderstanding here, but I don't think the OP was bashing people who can't bf. I think she was asking if many on this forum could, but chose not to. And personally, I think issues resulting from sexual abuse would qualify as a "can't" not a "don't want to."

I also share the OP's feeling confusion, though, on why someone who chose not to bf, chose, not couldn't, would hang out at the bf support and advocacy forum.

I've seen other threads like this, and always people start posting stuff with, "Oh yeah, well i couldn't bf!!" But see, that's the thing. No one is criticizing people who can't bf. The criticism of formula isn't criticizing any mother. It's criticizing the formula companies and their policies and practices.