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Do people judge you for having too many babies? - Page 3

post #41 of 66
6/8/04 at 4:24pm
Having recently announced I am pregnant with #4 I am really starting to hear things now. My mother was very excited but when we told my dad I was pregnant he just said "Again?" Also apparently my brother was making a big deal about it to my mother too.

What's getting more annoying to me though is the way everyone keeps assuming we are dying for a girl and that this is the reason we are having another baby (we have three boys now). They will make dumb comments like "Guess you just had to try again for that girl huh?" or "What are you going to do if it's not a girl this time?" Hmmm I guess I'll ship him back!

Kitty

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post #42 of 66
6/8/04 at 5:25pm
Well I'm pregnant with my SECOND!! And my MIL's horrified comment upon hearing we are pregnant again was "oh my GOD, this IS your last one, RIGHT?"

Ummm, maybe, yep thanks for the support there granny...
post #43 of 66
6/10/04 at 1:13pm
OMG - so I found out from my mother yesterday that my Dad (the same guy that when I announced I was pregnant with #4 said "Again???") wanted to have six kids with my mother!!!!! I made a comment about him saying the again thing and she was like "Are you kidding? He's thrilled - he wanted me to have six kids like his mother did!" They only had two btw - me and my brother.

I told her I like odd numbers better then even though so I'm thinking 5.
post #44 of 66
6/10/04 at 1:33pm
I am currently pregnant with number seven. My oldest is almost 18 and my youngest is 2. The rudest comment I've gotten this pregnancy was "Oh my God! Are you Catholic?" I told her that actually no, I'm not. She at least had the decency to look a little sheepish at that point.

I get so sick of hearing how they could never handle so many kids, bla bla bla. Who cares? No one's asking them to!


Kim
post #45 of 66
6/10/04 at 7:37pm
Thread Starter 
Yeah, I think 5 is a great number!! But to be honest...i've got 3 right now and I am itching for another one (my baby is 13 months old). I will be shocked if DH lets me have 5. He thinks 4 is our limit

I would have 6 or 7 if I could. I can't tell you how envious and proud and amazed and in awe I am of the mamas i see on this board that have 7. all i can say is "WAY TO GO!!". Big, beautiful families...that is what i love!!
post #46 of 66
6/12/04 at 1:23pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by townmouse
But what I've been answering lately is this: "My large family has never taken a dime of government money, or welfare of any kind. They have cost YOU nothing. We live frugally and well, below the poverty line, so I can raise these precious children myself and give them a good start in life. These little ones that annoy you so much by their very existence, will one day be your doctor, your lawyer, your pastor, your judge, your president, or the aide at your nursing home who brings you your pills and changes your diapers. Will you be grateful for them THEN, or will you still think I was foolish for bringing them into this world?"


with baby #3 I was still polite, but now I'm just honest
Oh Amy! I am going to print this, memorize it, and use this!!! This almost made me cry! (Okay, I am 7 days post-partum, and long distance commercials make me cry :LOL )

I just had our 8th baby last Saturday. Born at home with all of his siblings in attendance, this baby was just as wanted, as anticipated and loved as any other. He is just as special and precious to us.

I too, am so sick of hearing the comments. When did it become anyone else's business how we handle our fertility? Dh and I have sort of decided this is our last, and it makes me a bit sad. The day after our baby was born, I had to listen to two people asking "Are you done now?" And when dh said "Yes, we think so.", they went on to say "Oh, yeah, sure...we've heard that before!" Then dh is getting defensive, and starts discussing our bc choices. I told him that it was very hard for me to hear that, right after having a baby. I find the people inquiring to be rude and crass. Hmmmmm....maybe next time I will ask them point blank what their birth control method is, and then discuss the fallibility of it as well. Oh, sorry, I went on a bit of a rant.....

At any rate, I am always glad to see and chat with other big families. One response I heard somewhere recently, and it might have been here at MDC was "How many are you having?" "We'll stop when we get an ugly one!" :LOL
post #47 of 66
6/13/04 at 12:01am
wildthing,

Congratulations on the birth of your little son! How wonderful that you were at home, with all the family.

I, too, am thinking about turning the tables with this rudeness thing. If someone had been questioning my reproductive plans, right after the birth of my baby, I would have thought, "What is the matter with you? Do you really want to discuss the pros and cons of various birth control methods, or are you wanting me to feel intimidated or influenced by your opinion?" I think its a fair question.

My 7 year old is becoming quite the advocate for big families. He's a very bright boy, with good hearing, and he's always right beside me when people, including strangers, make dumb or derisive comments about my pregnancy. He has started saying, loudly, "children are a gift from the Lord." I encourage him to do it. It has to make someone feel like a heel, to hear a small child state where he came from. Especially when they just told his mama that she shouldn't have any more children!
post #48 of 66
6/13/04 at 2:01am
we have two children, and both of us are very young (dh and I) so we will definetely be having at least 4 more.. (or 6 or 10... or maybe just go for the dozen) I love being a mom. I love everything about it, I do not think I am giving up anything in order to do what I do, which is what a lot of people I know feel about having kids, that it's "letting go of my life in order to have kids" since I don't feel this way, I don't care if people think I am weird (which they probably will, considering the average american couple has LESS than 2 kids) but I don't mind...
post #49 of 66
6/15/04 at 1:24pm
This is baby #3 for me and I get lots of flack from my friends and family, especially since this one is coming on the heels of dd #2, they will be 15 months apart....this will be my last one of my own choice but I get tired of the comments, like, gee isn't the world over populated enough...well the world may well be, but my house isn't and there's always room for more babies....!!! sometimes I just want to roll my eyes and say to people, "people like me have babies so people like you won't"...does that make sense, I live around alot of self righteous hippies that think they are doing the world a favor by not reproducing and they really look down on it.....people like that shouldn't reproduce ....
post #50 of 66
6/15/04 at 7:31pm
i have 3 children very close in age and am always getting the wide eyed look. the other day I went to a graduation party for one of the girls i used to nanny and the first thing that came out of another guest's mouth was "don't they teach you about birth control in school? I thought you were smarter than that
unbelieveable!! i was so shocked i really didn't know what to say.
post #51 of 66
6/15/04 at 7:44pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by carrots
"don't they teach you about birth control in school? I thought you were smarter than that

Why yes, yes they do. And there is a failure rate of 1-20% depending on the method in question. What form are you using??

post #52 of 66
6/16/04 at 9:52am
I am pregnant with my 3rd, who will be over 3 yrs younger than my last one. I could not believe I was asked "Haven't you figured out what is causing that?" upon my announcement. I was afraid to tell anyone else!
post #53 of 66
6/16/04 at 10:01am

Oh yeah...

My mother's favorite comment is "you better learn about birth control". GRRR! This started when I was pg with my FIRST, and I only have 2 kids!

After the birth of my son, almost every card and every gift that came in the mail said something about having the 'perfect' family. (girl & boy) I don't get it. Both of my parents came from families of 3, my MIL had 3 (and was one of 5) and they were all mixed gender families. So who cares if I have another baby/more babies? On some level I think my parents are disappointed because I'm an only and they thought that having a big family wasn't what I would want. :
post #54 of 66
6/18/04 at 4:35pm

Birth control

My scrapbooking lady is preggo with #4. I was so excited for her. I knew she regrettedhaving her tubes tied 4 years ago, but they were trying to figure out how to afford the reversal.

They didn't need it!!!! that more than anything has me convinced this child has a purpose we may never know. I will NEVER question anything about ## of kids again.
post #55 of 66
6/18/04 at 6:17pm
I'm new here, but I'm expecting #4 in August, and I get rude comments all the time. The worst is "Your 4th baby? Are you on your second husband?" I usually say," no, I'm not finished with the first one yet", or something. Grrrr! I guess that comes about because of the 7 year age gap between #2 and #3, but that still sure is rude!
post #56 of 66
6/18/04 at 6:49pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by elfgirl
The worst is "Your 4th baby? Are you on your second husband?" I usually say," no, I'm not finished with the first one yet", or something.
Similar gap. Some one commented to an aquaintance when they found out I was preggo with #4 that they didn't realize I remarried. Heck, i didn't realize I was widdowed! lol
post #57 of 66
6/18/04 at 7:26pm
Since we have announced that we are due with number 4, only one person has responded positively (my SIL, who is sweet). Everyone else acts like we have commmited a capital crime.

Yes, this baby is a surprise.

No, we don't have buckets of $.

Yes, we live in a 2 bedroom, 796 sq ft house.

Yes, having many small children is a challenge and I am often frustrated by my inability to do everything I want to do for each child.

However, I believe that large families are very beneficial. I longed for many brothers and sisters as a child, and spent most of my time at a friend's house who had 5 brothers and sisters. There was always something going on, somebody doing a cool project, and their was always enough kids to play fun games together.

Ironically, I was told that I would have a hard time getting pregnant with my first (after 18 months of trying we decided to become foster parents, then I became pregnant with identical twin girls). Now it seems like all my dh has to do is look at me and I get pregnant.

We are concerned with overpopulation and we looking into adopting a hard to place child when I became pregnant. We will probably still adopt at some point because we think big families are so great.

If anyone has any good lines for rude people, I would love to hear them. Just today the cashier at the health food store said, "I thought you were done with all that." I don't even know her personally. She assumed I was done because I have 3 already. I just said, "Me, too" but then felt bad because I thought that might send the message that I'm less than thrilled.
post #58 of 66
6/19/04 at 1:28am
Thread Starter 
Twins...wow that is soo cool! I have a couple of sets of twins in my family and my husband's mom is a twin. So everytime we get pregnant they swear that we are going to have twins. But they (our family and friends) say it like it is a curse. "Oh you better hope you don't get twins". As if it is a disease or an STD or something. Give me a break. Lemme tell you a secret that I haven't even told DH: I secretly wish for twins everytime i am pregnant. My youngest is 15 months now and we are starting to consider having just one more ( I actually want more than that, but DH thinks we don't have enought room)....i hope it will be twins!!
post #59 of 66
6/19/04 at 1:36am
Im expecting my 4th now in the begining of July and a lady from my apt. building who had not seen me in a long time saw me the other day as I was heading out the building and looks at me and says "Oh! your going on your fourth?!" IT seemed as if she did not know if to cry, laugh or smile. She has a sister thats loves to butt in so I better get my comebacks ready lol...


Michelle
edd 7/7
post #60 of 66
6/19/04 at 2:28pm
I've noticed a few weird looks from people when I'm holding DS. He's 15 months but looks younger because he's such a fireplug in shape. Doesn't help that my pregnant belly sticks out so far too and I look farther along than I am.

We've said we wanted at least three for a long time. The only person (family wise) that we ever got a negative response from was my Stepmother. And she has FOUR kids. But then she's a self-righteous woman to start with. : DH's family has never said anything negative about more than two children but then both his mom and dad are one of six children.

I don't think of 3 as being a large family at all.

It always amazes me how incredibly RUDE some people can be. Like their opinoin on someone else's fertility is worth a flip! We got a lot of comments from strangers right after DS was born about "how wonderful, one of each. so you are done."

Excuse me? : :

I usually would reply "oh no, we want an even dozen". (not really ) Most people didn't know how to reply to that and would just stand there with their mouth hanging open.

:LOL
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Mothering › Mothering Discussion Forums › Pregnancy and Birth › Birth and Beyond › Do people judge you for having too many babies?