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Continuum concept (ish) Tribe - Page 54

post #1061 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Not Sure View Post
I read Holiztic's post this morning, and have been feeling bad for the rest of the day - not that you said ANYTHING wrong, Holiztic!!! I think I'm having a "But what about ME?!
moment, so sorry if I'm a bit needy...

Anyway, I found this thread, and managed to read the whole thing (whew! that took some work! oh wait, should I not call it "work"?!) about a month before dd (my 1st baby) was born at the end of July, and ready TCC during the month of August, and so love the overall concept that I've been trying really hard to implement the ideas presented with dd. Now, we already had a crib and stroller and pack 'n play, but between TCC and some other reading I decided to go with cosleeping (family bed), and the pack 'n play only got used for the attached changing table, so it's in storage now, and we haven't used the stroller at all, we baby-wear instead. I spent the first 2 months of dd's life with her in my arms or, if outside, being worn (she wouldn't let me wear her in the house, she wanted to be held). This meant that I could do NOTHING around the house. I could barely feed myself, sometimes dh had to feed me!, and often went for more than 8 hours without using the bathroom because I thought I shouldn't put her down but she wouldn't go in her wrap unlesss we went for a walk. When I would give her to dh when he got home so I could pee or rest my arms or eat something, he would almost always have put her in her crib or in her floor gym/mat (a gift) or bouncy seat (another gift) by the time I came back, which would piss me right off. But then, I started noticing that she LIKED playing in her floor gym or watching the mobile over her crib (it IS a cool mobile, I like watching it myself) once in a while. In fact, sometimes when she would cry this would be what she wanted, so, I started putting her in there, too. Over the past couple of weeks (dd is now 3 months as of 2 days ago) we've even gotten in a routine of her playing in her gym and then watching her mobile every morning after we get up while I have a cup of decaf and a yogurt. In the afternoon we nurse and cuddle/nap a lot, do yoga together or I massage and bathe her. When it's cool enough (we're in Florida) we go for a walk. It just seems wrong to "containerize" her, but she's not unhappy; in fact, she WANTS to be put down sometimes... and then I worry I'm being too "child-centered," but she's only 3 months old...

I dunno, I'm just a first-time mom who is home alone all day, over-tired (dh does not help w/the over-night stuff), and worries too much and is looking for a little support/validation, I guess...
Oh honey, don't let ME make YOU feel bad!! My DS is 2.5!!!! When he was 3 months old I was just getting over severe postpartum anxiety/panic disorder. I had MANY panic attacks in those first months, but there's one I'd like to share:

I knew I wanted to be "this kind" of parent long ago (AP, NFL, CC). We bought our king latex/organic cotton/wool bed while pregnant in order to have a family bed. We told all our baby shower guests "no baby holders please". BUT at 3 days old, with DS crying all night and me deathly (I mean that literally) afraid to go to sleep (I thought I was going to die in my sleep and leave DS), I was ludicrous (well, close to it). My mom brought over a mechanical swing (a really nice one, I guess) and said "I know you don't want to do this, but just set it up and then see what happens." I said no, no, no. He needs me or DH, all the time. He's 3 days old. It sat (assembled) in our room for a week. By the end of the week I was a wreck. One morning at about 4 am DS was crying and nursing didn't help (nor anything else we tried). So I (delirious) put him in the swing, moving it as close to my side of the bed as it could possibly go. I then fell into a deep sleep (first in a week). When I woke at 6 am and he was peacefully sound asleep in the swing, I lost it. Full blown panic attack. Heart racing, room spinning, etc. I thought I had just given my son up to the Devil or something.

Well, I got over that. Used the swing until the anxiety wore off (so I guess I lied when I said we never used a baby holder!!! Sorry! I truly forgot!) But that's the whole point of my post here, to tell you that 2.5 years from now you're going to have such a world of (great! I am sure) parenting under your belt that these little things (a bouncy seat occasionally, a play mat? really!) are not going to define your parenting at all. AT ALL.

BTW, I did not wear DS all day while I made butter and mucked the horse stalls He often laid on the bed next to me while I read a book. DH and I did a lot of the "now you hold him" thing in the first 6 months so the other could get work done, what little work we actually did at that point! My CCing really started at around 1. We were AP before that, which informed our choices regarding sleep and on demand nursing, but the CC lifestyle kicked in around 1, when he could walk and started to communicate. Honestly, in those first months--just love your baby and go with your gut. Really!
post #1062 of 1092
Holitzic I think you'd like the book - you should read it. It's a quick read. I think everything you're doing sounds pretty consistent, but I will say it's easier to CC (just like it's easier to AP) a baby or a very young child in this society than an older one. I wish there were books by CC and AP authors who would focus on the REST of childhood (and the teenage years), etc.! I mean, like 9 of the 10 AP things focus on things you do with a baby. After that it's just "use positive discipline." Gee thanks guys. I mean, breastfeeding - there's no grey area there... you do it or you don't. Same with babywearing and other CC/AP overlap things. But "positive discipline" is such an utterly undefined term, one that is used to mean any number of things - and since when did the be all and end all of advice on how to successfully parent involve discipline?? It's like looking for a book describing how to be healthy but only finding books about how to cure acne, backaches, and cancer.

ANYWAY... sorry for the rant. But my point is, I think understanding what to do with a baby or toddler isn't that hard - you're right. And you don't have to read a book to figure out how to parent instinctively and naturally. But at some point probably pretty soon if your son is already a toddler, you're going to enter the realm of him entering "the real world" (unfortunately!) and that's when it gets really hard really fast. I think it's helpful to have a solid foundation on what these concepts really are (so, reading Leidloff and others or whomever suits your fancy) upon which to build. HTH.
post #1063 of 1092
I remember my babies (now 6 and 3 yrs old) sometimes getting to a point where they just wanted to lay on the floor or the bed or somewhere just not being touched. Maybe they were overstimulated, or feeling my stress or something. I don't know. It sounds like you are doing a great job of listening to your daughter's needs. Each child has their own temperament. I think we need to listen to our instincts and not always worry about if we are doing it "right". Obviously, most of the mamas on MDC are mindful and think about all these things a ton.

I wonder if a different type of carrier might help you get some work done around the house? I loved my fleece pouch with the baby facing out so she could see everything going on.

Right now I'm not doing so hot either. Homeschooing is feeling really overwhelming and frustrating. I don't have the support system I feel we should. My 6yr old DD and myself are both pretty introverted and fairly happy homebodies, so I don't want a huge ton of activities and connections. My DD found school completely overwhelming and doesn't even want to do outside classes, so it is a lot on my shoulders. How am I supposed to balance doing my own thing with homeschooling, even though we are relaxed and lean towards unschooling? I want to run away to a cabin in the woods and spend all my time churning butter and mucking horse stalls while the kids catch toads or some b.s. pastoral fantasy like that.
post #1064 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by LucyRev View Post
I want to run away to a cabin in the woods and spend all my time churning butter and mucking horse stalls while the kids catch toads or some b.s. pastoral fantasy like that.
I don't thinks its b.s. and only somewhat a fantasy. I consider it quite often, really.

BTW, you sound like me in a few years. We're going to homeschool, heavily unschool in the early years, and we're totally homebodies.

I do, however, make our butter--but I chose a food processor over the churn. No horses (and I'm mostly glad for that, goats, however, would be great!)
post #1065 of 1092
Thanks, everyone, for the reassurance, it helped a LOT! I've been putting SO much pressure on myself to not traumatize my little one by putting her down that I think I wigged out for a bit there... Thanks for sharing your story, Holiztic. I'm so sorry you had to go through that - I've had panic attacks before and they are seriously not fun. And right when you come home with your precious baby - ouch! I couldn't sleep for over a week when dd was born unless I gave her to one of her grandparents to hold while I took an hour-long nap a day because I just could not stop looking at her...

The"in-arms" phase is supPOSed to be straught forward, but every baby is different, and I bet dd is introverted like both myself and dh, so she probably needs a break from the stimulation and my stressed-out energy. I was so worried about what to do later, after the in-arms phase (PPs are so right! WTH is "gentle discipline" anyway?! What does a cc-take on it look like??), that I never considered that my baby would have periods of not wanting to be in-arms, and thought I was being a "bad mother" somehow if she didn't want me to hold her. But as long as she's happy, and she really is most of the time!, she must be getting what she needs, and that is all that matters.

BTW, is it CC to dance around the living room to Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" with dd in my arms when she's overtired and wants to held? 'Cause sometimes it's the only thing that will calm her, and she'll fall asleep on my shoulder, and it's sooo nice to sing those words to her... *sigh* :-) (Gonna do it anyway!)
post #1066 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Not Sure View Post
BTW, is it CC to dance around the living room to Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" with dd in my arms when she's overtired and wants to held? 'Cause sometimes it's the only thing that will calm her, and she'll fall asleep on my shoulder, and it's sooo nice to sing those words to her... *sigh* :-) (Gonna do it anyway!)
Lol! Definitely sounds CC to me!
post #1067 of 1092
To change the subject for a minute, sorry... I have been toying with the idea of blogging our experiences of following TCC with our first baby. I'm imagining a kind of warts and all diary of what we do, how it works for us in our circumstances, adaptations, challenges etc.

Do you think that would be something people would be interested in reading? Feel free to say no
post #1068 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by katelove View Post
To change the subject for a minute, sorry... I have been toying with the idea of blogging our experiences of following TCC with our first baby. I'm imagining a kind of warts and all diary of what we do, how it works for us in our circumstances, adaptations, challenges etc.

Do you think that would be something people would be interested in reading? Feel free to say no
I would!
post #1069 of 1092
Hi everyone

I haven't read TCC book yet but I've read a lot on the website and on MDC - I also lived in another culture (Kenya) for several years and thought many of the ways they care for children are better for the children - wearing them, extended bf on demand, not being so child centered,etc

My dd is 11 months old now and one thing my DH (who is Kenyan) and I have noticed is how child centered American culture is. When we get together with people who have small kids, they are always the center of attention and it's hard to have an adult conversation without interruptions every 30 seconds.

We are trying not to be child centered - I often let her play by herself while i fold laundry, wash dishes, check email, etc, she's sat through meetings with me (not so much anymore but when she was younger), we have friends over and focus on adult conversation and she's usually fine to play by herself. it's hard when we only have one - it seems like it would be easier if there were other kids around for her to play with.

I'm wondering - what does not being child centered look like in your house? what are practical things you do? What are things you observe in homes that are child centered?

Oh, and I would definitely read a blog on this!!
post #1070 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by katelove View Post
To change the subject for a minute, sorry... I have been toying with the idea of blogging our experiences of following TCC with our first baby. I'm imagining a kind of warts and all diary of what we do, how it works for us in our circumstances, adaptations, challenges etc.

Do you think that would be something people would be interested in reading? Feel free to say no
I would love to read it! Do let us know if you start a blog.
post #1071 of 1092

Child Safety with CC

I'm sure this has been addressed in this thread, but I really don't have the time to read every page.

I really like many of the ideas presented in CC. I have yet to read the book, (i'm going to check to see if our library has it.) But I do have some some concerns in regards to child safety.

DS1 is 3 years old and I've never had any problems with him getting hurt. We child proofed our house, (outlet plugs, drawer and cupboard locks; but nothing beyond that). DS2 on the other hand is 13 months old and loves to climb on everything. Our most recent injury involved our Plan Toys house toppling over on him as he was climbing the Ikea Lack side table that it (the house) was placed on. This injury involved a cut lip (on the inside of his mouth), another sore just below his lip and a bruise/scratch on his upper leg.

My first reaction to his injuries is to put him into our barely used playpen when I leave the room. Would I be untrusting of him to do this according to the CC? I can't bare to see him get hurt anymore (he's been to emerg once because of a gash on his eyebrow - 6 stitches). Or should I just expect him no to climb? I'm really struggling with this aspect and I wanted to know what other families do in regards to safety.
post #1072 of 1092
BabyHaysMama-

We have similar dynamics. My first was like a little duckling who followed right behind me, didn't really climb etc. My second is ready to just run out into the street and his favorite place to climb is perched with his feet inside the sunroof of the Modern Plan Playhouse which is on top of a short bureau. We also have steep, loft ladder like stairs to our bedroom and I was really tempted to put a gate up.

He's asked me as a parent to be a lot more aware than I needed to be with my first. I try to stay as aware as possible and find that feeling in my gut of knowing when he needs me to be close of when he's playing contentedly and safely. There is a lot of listening involved. I find when he's playing safely on the ground I can hear him. He usually gets much more quiet when he's focusing on climbing something more dangerous. If he's quiet I go check and if he's climbing I try to stay busy close by. Sometimes if he's climbing the loft ladder I scoop him up and bring him back into the kitchen with me and offer a new activity like washing dishes. There have been many times where we have just sat on the stairs, letting him safely explore them. I felt I wanted him to get as much experience on them so he could safely maneuver them himself.
post #1073 of 1092
I love the mothering.com tribes, however, 55 pages makes it a bit difficult for newcomers to jump in, don't you think? How do you all manage this thread and keep track of where you were?
post #1074 of 1092
I read the whole thing when it was about 40 pages. It was fun. Like reading a book. I just read a few pages a day. It was very helpful and encouraging.
post #1075 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by BabyHaysMama View Post
I'm sure this has been addressed in this thread, but I really don't have the time to read every page.

I really like many of the ideas presented in CC. I have yet to read the book, (i'm going to check to see if our library has it.) But I do have some some concerns in regards to child safety.

DS1 is 3 years old and I've never had any problems with him getting hurt. We child proofed our house, (outlet plugs, drawer and cupboard locks; but nothing beyond that). DS2 on the other hand is 13 months old and loves to climb on everything. Our most recent injury involved our Plan Toys house toppling over on him as he was climbing the Ikea Lack side table that it (the house) was placed on. This injury involved a cut lip (on the inside of his mouth), another sore just below his lip and a bruise/scratch on his upper leg.

My first reaction to his injuries is to put him into our barely used playpen when I leave the room. Would I be untrusting of him to do this according to the CC? I can't bare to see him get hurt anymore (he's been to emerg once because of a gash on his eyebrow - 6 stitches). Or should I just expect him no to climb? I'm really struggling with this aspect and I wanted to know what other families do in regards to safety.
Hi there. You would enjoy the book, I think. There is a playpen story in there! ;-)

My first reaction to your post is to wonder if you could prepare the environment in a way that is safer for him, and that would allow him more freedom. I do not own any Ikea furniture, but maybe if it is not extremely sturdy you could remove the table for awhile.

We have an upstairs loft with a half wall that looks over our entry. When our boys got to the age where they could climb, we removed all furniture in that room that could have been used to pull over to the half wall. Basically, only left the couch and entertainment center. This is an example that comes to mind for preparing the environment. (wait, am I using Montessori jargon now? sorry!)

Also, we have a baby gate at the top of the stairs but not at the bottom. We do allow our children to use the stairs and learn to navigate them, including a couple of falls. Our daughter is 10 months old and can now go up and down the stairs. We are just very aware of her and where she is and will accompany her on the stairs when she is there, but we let her do it herself.

Another example is that when something is new I plan on spending a big chunk of time teaching the kids or supervising their use of it. When the boys got new bunk beds, I knew ahead of time that the first 2-3 days, a lot of our time was going to be spent together in that room. Rather than try to give them a lot of rules or prohibit them from playing on the top bunk, I spent time with them teaching them how to get up and down and play safely. I knew they were going to be attracted to the novelty of it and this way I was there when they were learning, I could see they were safe, and now it is old hat for them.

I hope something of that helps answer your question. Good luck!
post #1076 of 1092
Quote:
I could not fill my day with 'taking care of the house' even if I wanted to... do other people really spend their days doing chores and projects and 'adult things', etc, day after day?
I'll answer this... ummm... yeah, for me, yeah :-) I have three, but even when I had two, I could easily spend my whole day on: 1) basic childcare (feeding, changing, bathing) 2) basic housework, 3) cooking meals and cleaning up after them. I enjoy cooking and have learned to cook only after having children, so there's lots of time involved in trying new recipes and making things from scratch. I love to bake for and with my children. Gardening is a big thing I enjoy during the summer. There's also yard work, shopping, occassional deep cleaning, organization projects.... we have a lot of house and yard to care for though, and only me to do it.

We get together weekly with friends ... my friends... whose children are my children's friends. That is essential.

Winter has us a little bit stir crazy. But come spring, we will be outside again and hiking, spending days at the park, and gardening.

So it's not like I feel I'm always pursuing my own interests... I gave up scrapbooking and crafting and watching TV and going out... but I guess I am involved in things I enjoy that help to create a home and a life for our family. I don't often play with my children. I do support them in their play (help them organize their legos if they ask, for example, or help them fashion a lightsaber from a paper towel roll). I love that they have siblings. We don't have a tribe, but at least they have each other.
post #1077 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by jrose_lee View Post
Hey! I'm looking for everyone's thoughts on babies (ds is 5 months) and small pieces/toys. What is everyone's experience with this? Ds1 is 3.5 so we have some smaller toys around now.

Is anyone really concerned with baby choking on a small object? There must be some reason for concern or else people wouldn't worry about it?

Can I hear thoughts on the safety of letting babies have smaller toys etc?

TIA!
On our third baby now. We used to be much more concerned. This time around, we explained to the boys what sized pieces could be "chokeable," and they help keep those things off of the floor. The main thing we have been careful with is legos.

With food, bits of paper, etc. I have not been too concerned. I have seen my babies spit things up (even vomit) and have taught our youngest to spit things out of her mouth when I say "spit" :-)

I also believe that we attract what we fear, so more often now I try to reorient myself to feel confident in their abilities to stay safe, and focus on that.

Quote:
What I really wanted to ask is this: DH is not like me. He STILL says things like "honey, can you watch him/play with him, I need to use the bathroom". I keep saying "he's 2, he's fine" I keep explaining that the reason DS clings to DH and fusses and constantly demands DH do this and do that and DS almost exclusively throws tantrums when DH is around is because DH JUST watches/plays with DS. He never tries to DO anything else. Like he's the babysitter.
My husband is exactly like this, and we still to this day have disagreements over it. Our older kids behave very differently with him, are more demanding, (I see it as insecure because he is not taking a strong adult-oriented leadership role), he plays with them exclusively when he is with them, and always expects me to "watch" them more when we're together. I cannot get him to understand, I guess because there is no way for him to observe how I am with them when I'm alone, that I go about my business and yet am still aware of them and available to them, but I'm not catering to them and giving them undivided attention all day long. It gets very old, this back and forth between us.
post #1078 of 1092

1yo beginning to demand things

I also posted this question in the toddler forum, but I'd also like to hear what you Continuum Concept mamas think about this:

My ds, almost one year old, has become more temperamental in the past few weeks. Normally he is cheerful and sweet, but lately with loud, raspy, repetitive grunts he makes demands or protests. Usually in each instance there is a particular object he might want or a diaper change that he doesn't want, but also, I think he seems to be in a bad mood to begin with.... If I don't give him a desired object (like a pair of scissors or a pen), he has a huge crying fit. I then try to distract him with another object, but that works about half of the time.

I wonder if this is a preview or a beginning of toddler struggles. Have any of you mamas experienced this and have advice? Is there a good book that might help? I'm eager for a peaceful home and will appreciate any suggestions!!!!
post #1079 of 1092

My little rant for the day.

I was searching for Continuum Concept blogs, and I came across this blog that made me mad. I really have a problem when other people talk about this book like it's just about the Yequana. It's not really about them. It's about a concept of childrearing that is seen all over the globe. She saw it there first, but that's not the only place people raise their kids in a "continuum concept" manner. I especially don't like it when attachment parenting followers dismiss her book for those reasons. I mean, she started the modern day AP movement. And personally, I think your (and other peoples') attitude(s)--which is what the CC is all about-- towards your baby/child is going to make more of a difference than carrying them all the time and sleeping in the same bed, though I do think those things are important.

We need more action on this thread. I miss reading it.
post #1080 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by voxana View Post
I also posted this question in the toddler forum, but I'd also like to hear what you Continuum Concept mamas think about this:

My ds, almost one year old, has become more temperamental in the past few weeks. Normally he is cheerful and sweet, but lately with loud, raspy, repetitive grunts he makes demands or protests. Usually in each instance there is a particular object he might want or a diaper change that he doesn't want, but also, I think he seems to be in a bad mood to begin with.... If I don't give him a desired object (like a pair of scissors or a pen), he has a huge crying fit. I then try to distract him with another object, but that works about half of the time.

I wonder if this is a preview or a beginning of toddler struggles. Have any of you mamas experienced this and have advice? Is there a good book that might help? I'm eager for a peaceful home and will appreciate any suggestions!!!!
It sounds to me like he's learning to communicate!
Think of how these little folks' day goes: people come and do stuff to them, whether they like it or not, they see thingsthat they want, but aren't really able to tell anyone, or get them for themselves...
Also, they need a lot of sleep, imo, and nursing...
I subscribe to the "nurse them every time they fuss" school. At 1, he's still just a baby, so he needs some mama comfort, and those calming hormones sure don't hurt. We had no trouble with ds as a toddler, because by the time he would be done nursing, he had forgotten what he was upset about. Even if ds's troubles sometimes seemed silly to me, they are important to him, so a little snuggle and a little "awwww, baby's not happy " always helps to set things right.
By the way, in some tribes, the nearest available mother would probably just pick up the fussy baby and nurse him...

And maybe set up his own stuff that he can reach for himself, so that he can amuse himself without depending on you to get things for him.
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