Morsan, how did you deal with him hitting - that you thought was the wrong reaction? I ask because I am trying to help a couple of people out. I know these two people whose toddlers are hitting/pinching, and none of us seem to be sure of the right "reaction." Maybe it depends on the kid, etc.
It seems to me that hitting, biting, etc. are just more likely in some kids - like some kids are maybe pre-disposed to fall into that, and you get the wrong ingredients, and that's their way of dealing with stress. Some other kids might choose a different way of dealing with it. I guess the good thing about hitting and biting and pinching is that the parents can be *sure* that something is going on. It's really unfortunate when children turn everything *inward* and act "good" under stress. . . then everyone can ignore the problem.
I have been thinking a lot about this, and I remembered that children in daycare are always found to be more aggressive, overall. So I am working on a theory that maybe to "cure" a "violent" child, one could give them a lot more body contact. What do you think? I was thinking that if my ds did that, I would think that it was due to stress, and I know that physical contact lowers stress. So I think I would try to wear him more (he's young enough to do that) and take walks with the backpack, and be conscious of giving him more affection and definitely co-sleep if I wasn't already. I would try this for like 14 days to see if it changed anything. What do you all think? Am I nuts? I also read somewhere that people who sleep in body contact with someone else have much lower rates of heart disease (and maybe cancer?)
MisfitMama
It seems to me that hitting, biting, etc. are just more likely in some kids - like some kids are maybe pre-disposed to fall into that, and you get the wrong ingredients, and that's their way of dealing with stress. Some other kids might choose a different way of dealing with it. I guess the good thing about hitting and biting and pinching is that the parents can be *sure* that something is going on. It's really unfortunate when children turn everything *inward* and act "good" under stress. . . then everyone can ignore the problem.
I have been thinking a lot about this, and I remembered that children in daycare are always found to be more aggressive, overall. So I am working on a theory that maybe to "cure" a "violent" child, one could give them a lot more body contact. What do you think? I was thinking that if my ds did that, I would think that it was due to stress, and I know that physical contact lowers stress. So I think I would try to wear him more (he's young enough to do that) and take walks with the backpack, and be conscious of giving him more affection and definitely co-sleep if I wasn't already. I would try this for like 14 days to see if it changed anything. What do you all think? Am I nuts? I also read somewhere that people who sleep in body contact with someone else have much lower rates of heart disease (and maybe cancer?)
MisfitMama
This is how I view everything and why I am drawn to TCC. As my user name suggests, I tend to parent in whatever way seems as natural as possible. "New" technology is very unnatural to me. The same holds true with parking lots and the street. I am very careful with my kids around roads. Huge metal machines going 80 mph is definately not something natural in my book.
Only once or twice did they try to bite me and never my dh (darn husbands). Never anyone else. But it was a real problem for them obviously and compounded by the fact that they're the same age -- it was hard for me to figure out how to discipline one without neglecting the comfort needs of the other. For example, my instict was to rush over and scoop up the hurt one out of harm's way and comfort him or her, but then quite frankly the other one just kind of went on with their play like nothing was wrong and by the time their brother or sister had stopped crying, it felt weird for me to have a talk with them about the behavior much less scold them in any way, because they were kind of like "Gee ma, what did I do?" by that point, kwim? I have always insticually let natural consequences be a good way of disciplining my kids, and NO I definitely do NOT mean any book or whatever about this, just plain common sense: you throw your food, you get down from the table to pick it up before continuing to eat (not fun); you bang on the window with a hammer, mama takes away the hammer (again, not fun); etc. I actually have no idea if this is CC or what the CC way of disciplining is, but for me, it makes the most sense for their to be a natural and appropriate consequence for any kind of harmful or negative behavior. But my dilemma was, what is the consequence for hitting or biting? An immediate, easily understood consequence? And how could I ensure they understood that without not responding to the one who was bitten? So... and please don't flame me if this sounds just terrible... I figured that being anti-social (biting) means you no longer can enjoy the privledge of being with people until you're ready not to bite. I honestly hate the idea of time out, but for anti-social behavior it actually makes sense to me because it is NOT an arbitrary punishment... in this case, it is a logical extension of doing something mean to someone. So let's say dd bit ds. I would take dd immediately into the other room (next to ours) and say "No biting. You may not be around us when you bite." and then rush back to comfort ds. They actually would usually sit there (in the kitchen, no toys around) for a minute which was enough time for me to comfort the other one. Then I would go back to the biter and say something like, "You may not hit your brother/sister. No hiting. Mama and ___ are going to play and when you're ready to come in and play nicely, you can." They actually got it, and would come in and sit down to play veeery nicely and IMO appropriately slightly chastened. Occasionally the biter would be so ramped up they would not sit in the kitchen for a moment and so I would put them in their booster seat.
is lots of independent small businesses. Many of them have kids hanging out in their parents' workplace: sitting at the back table of the restaurant doing homework, playing on the floor behind the counter, carefully coloring the signs for the displays, setting the tables, etc. My favorite is the newsstand run by a hardworking Pakistani couple whose son, about 4, is always standing by the register to chirp, "Thank you! Have a nice day!" and occasionally you see him happily arranging the display window.
I use paring knives, basically. And I *do* let dd and ds use these to help me cut up, for example, an apple. I guess what I meant is that the Yequana (and others) left big knives lying around because they used them all the time and the children were intimately familiar with how they were used. I think saying a modern family can leave an axe lying on the living room floor when a child has never been around sharp knives is misreading CC. I hope that makes sense.
Sorry, beige carpet and grape juice just don't mix. If only we lived outside where spills were absorbed naturally by the earth! That being said, I have tried very early on to teach dd and ds to use a cup and they are pretty good at it. But only when they're sitting at the kitchen table or outside, otherwise it would go overwhere. 
) and of course, inevitably, she fell down the stairs. She was fine, and so we weren't really freaking out (more just annoyed with everyone else) but my BIL's wife was really upset and worried and got snippy with BIL (because just before the fall she had asked him if he was watching our daughter, and we said we were, but somehow she felt he was still responsible).
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