Continuum concept (ish) Tribe - Page 8

[JohnnysGirl]

sub'ing

[Periwinkle]

I'm still here.

I guess a topic to throw out there... getting older siblings ready for the arrival of a new baby!

How have you handled it?

I am currently doing things like:

* Making sure they walk a lot more than having to rely on a double stroller in a store plus a newborn in arms. (UGH!) They hold hands now, never run in street... can walk with me without running away. I want to be able to have them walk whereever pretty much.

* Getting their own snacks. Anyone else do this? It's such a little thing, but I've been letting them get an apple out of the fruit bowl or open the cupboard to get some crackers if they're hungry. I guess this falls under trying to get them a little more thinking about their own hunger and trying to satisfy it in little ways (e.g., if I'm nursing and dinner is delayed by 30 min... so they won't starve AND I can feed baby to his/her heart's content til I figure out the whole nursing in the sling thing.

Any other good ideas? Dd and ds are 2.5... will be 2 3/4 when dc #3 arrives, if that helps.

[Persephone]

I'm still here! We may be ttcing in in the next year, so I'm going to reread the book, and start applying the ideas. Other than that, I'm just lurking now.

[yogabug]

What is ttc'ing?

I've seen references to this before and was just wondering what it means. I like reading this thread too and definitely agree with the continuum concept idea.

[yogabug]

nevermind-I figured it out

Sorry!

[artymuminoz]

Abandoned child

I read TCC as part of my adult recovery from being abandoned as a baby. I spent 6 wks in hospital before my fab mum and dad adopted me. After losing my first hubby in an accident just after we married, I really began searching for answers!! I did rebirthing and loads of other stuff to work on me!! All of this has influenced MY parenting, attatchment etc, but whenI was unable to nurse (had to express as my ds has a severe tongue tie) suffered from terrible depression. I felt like a total failure!!! But he is 5, healthy, happy, reading, IQ score over 130, amazing with numbers, loves magic tricks and fart jokes!! I don't hover and working from home means he has access to me, and knows where I am, but he has the freedom to do what he wants.

Good luck with it everyone, but don't take it as gospel...kids are amazing!!!! They tend to ask for what they need!
Just one more thing, I sense a lot of judgement in many of these forums...for the most part, people are doing the best they can, and if we don't like their parenting style, or what they feed their kids, well we can choose to tell them and suggest changes, ignore it, or use our feelings about the situation to grow and change things about us!!

[AmyMN]

a separate forum for TCC?

Hi, everyone,

Would you like to have a separate forum called "The Continuum Concept" on the Mothering Boards?

With a separate forum, each TCC topic could have it's own thread on the Mothering Boards.

There is a forum through _The Continuum Concept_ website, but Mothering boards are so much more user-friendly.

Cynthia from Mothering.com needs to get an idea about the different topics <to discuss surrounding TCC> so she can see the need for a separate forum.

Please post topic ideas. I'll compile and send them to Cynthia.

Thanks!
Amy

[Persephone]

Personally, I don't think that we're going to get a board if the SAHM's didn't get a board. Though I think it would be cool if we did.

[Ellien C]

I'm subscribed now. I didn't realize this was still going on:

So topics we would discuss, if we had a forum:
Safety
Setting limits
Communication
Child-centeredness
Toys
Relationships with our own families and our own continuum.
post-partum depression as a result of broken continuum
caring for elderly on our continuum
age-mates, school, dealing with artificial situations where everyone is same age.
visiting child-centered relatives
food, baby food, baby-centered items, feeding at various ages.
parent intervention when frustrated, when hitting occurs, when safety is an issue.
mouthing small items at various ages
water play, water safety
trusting children
children fulfilling our expectations
stairs, climbing on furniture
use of the stove, fires
using scissors, pins, needles, sewing supplies (ask me about my little Wednesday Adams)
sword play, stick play, bows and arrows, made-up weapons.
mowing the lawn
restoring our own continuums
ways to include your child in your activities
how to see us as all wanting the same thing
breaking the you vs, me cycle, child's needs in conflict with mothers needs.
Is motherhood SUPPOSED to be a huge sacrifice? Is is seen that way in other cultures?

CC is a 'concept' or philosophy of child rearing. MUCH more than just a thread. We would discuss many of the same things on the rest of MDC, but from a CC perspective. While a lot of MDC applies, some of it just doesn't. All the stuff about play groups, play ground and child-centered activites for example. I just don't know how to reply to those posts (so I don't) because philosophically, I'm just so different from that. And I'd like advice on those things from OTHER CC-minded mamas. I'd love a place here on MDC to discuss this stuff.

[kakies]

Ellien C--- That's a great list.

It sums up most of my concerns. There are many more topics to discuss when it comes to TCC. As you said here on MDC we can discuss most of these topics but when you see things from a TCC point of view it is a whole new world of parenting.

Thanks for lisiting the topics.

[nankilicious]

I just found this thread! Is there a separate forum now/yet?
I need to go sleep on everything I just read and post some thoughts later.

I read TCC for the first time about 2 months ago, and am still just reeling...suffice to say that it is changing my whole outlook on life and mothering. I have learned alot too from the TCC listserv, and am learning mostly to think about things differently.

Ok, sleep now, more writing later

[AmyMN]

Hi, Ellien C,

Thank you so much for thinking through and typing your list. Will you e-mail it to Cynthia, or do you want me to do it?

Cynthia from Mothering.com needs to get an idea about the different topics <to discuss surrounding TCC> so she can see the need for a separate forum.

[JohnnysGirl]

Wow that is a great list. I'd LOVE a forum dedicated to CC mamas and these types of issues.

Does anyone else feel so isolated, facing motherhood mostly entirely alone (meaning, no extended family or close community members around us, no daily bustling, busy activity to share with such people) and finding yourselves sucked into artificially entertaining your child with toys (which I don't think is good for them or fulfilling for mom) or going out of doors for no other reason than subconsciously searching for a tribe...?
I long for a natural setting where there would be real tasks to accomplish during the day, with lots of other extended family members and good friends in the community coming and going, and there being all ages represented at virtually all times. You wouldn't have to sit down and entertain your bored toddler (speaking from my personal experience as of late here) because there would be so much activity going on all the time, that your child would feel free to explore and partake in with everyone the child has come to be familiar with, and 'mom' would just be there for ...well whatever the child needs, but not as the sole, constant companion/play partner.

I'm rambling, sorry.

[Periwinkle]

Has anyone read both "The Continuum Concept" and "Our Babies, Ourselves"? I read CC a while ago, but just finished OBO. OBO brought up a lot of the same points as CC, but it was facinating because it showed how differently other cultures do things and how much culture and environment impact how we raise our children. It was nice to see consistencies like extended BFing, cosleeping, and babywearing in almost every other "primitive" and non-industrial culture. I know I for one was pretty skeptical about the way some CCers take what's said about the Yequana as gospel, but I was pleasantly surprised to see common threads throughout other cultures too. One thing I found really interesting about OBO was the description of how mothers work with a baby, i.e., the whole "village" concept of child rearing, for example, having a babysitter take care of the baby while the mother is out in the rice fields, but the mother is keeping a close eye on the baby and as soon as the baby needs to be fed, she stops what she's doing as soon as she can and comes over and feeds her. How easy being a working mother in this country would be if we could have a like-minded babysitter doting on our baby within view/earshot, and the flexibility to tend to your baby throughout your workday.

[Persephone]

Butterflymom, that's one reason I want to WAH. But you're right, most days it would just be me and dc, so they likely would get bored. Not to mention, seeing many people's contributions would be much better than just seeing mine.

Periwinkle, I have not read the other book you were talking about, but I think I really want to now.

[thismama]

Just wanted to pop my head in and say hi. I have not read the book, but want to now. Did read Our Babies Ourselves and loved it. I carried my babe LOTs when she was smaller, and still do now, tho she is also very interested in walking around now and having adventures. We hardly ever use our HUGE stroller, preferring instead to carry her. I am babycarrier obsessed, and particularly love my artist-mama-made wrap. She loves to be on my back. We co-sleep, bf, all that stuff.

This discussion has already helped me to reframe some guilt I was feeling for not being engaged with her ALL the time, playing/engaging directly some, and also sort of ignoring her and doing my thing but still being availalbe is my style. This has felt right to me, as it allows her to do her own thing and helps me maintain my sanity, but also I was wondering if it was "okay" in light of so much pressure to be constantly interacting and 'teaching'.

And I am chilling out over the past few days after exploring this thread about hovering over her when she is exploring. My dd's father is much more of a hoverer and often teases me about how many injuries my dd sustains while in my care (small bruises and scrapes etc). My mindset has been that she needs to take a few minor spills to learn spatial stuff, but also have some self doubt about not catching her "every time". CC makes so much sense to me and is validating my instincts in this area. Even thinking of possibly removing the babygate and letting her explore more often our staircase (7 stairs of so), albeit I would put lots of pillows around the bottom at first! What do you think mamas?

Thanks lots for such an informative discussion!

[Ellien C]

Yes - I've read OBO - very helpful book. For me, it really re-framed the whole western notion that babies are SUPPOSED to be a sacrifice. Like if you weren't prepared to quite your job, devote yourself to you kid, change your life, why did you have one in the first place? I took it as axiomatic that babies would REQUIRE a huge sacrifice in my life and waited a long time to have a baby. Both books helped me understand that is ONLY the way American culture sees having a baby. Some cultures see babies as an asset. And this goes back to the notion of mothers needs vs. childs needs. We culturally conditioned to see ourselves as competitive with everyone around us. You vs. me. Mama vs. baby, mama vs. papa. Etc, when I give, someone else gets and I lose. But I'm starting to understand that this is cultural conditioning, not the WAY of LIFE. Another way is to see that baby, mama, papa and sibs ALL want the same thing - harmony, happiness, etc. So what works for all? Some cultures see the baby as and asset, not a sacrifice. That's been very helpful to me. One more reason why I think we need our own forum. It's not a given that babies require huge sacrifice and investment. That is a culturally IMPOSED norm.

PS. How do I email the list to Cynthia? And do we need to find/choose a moderator?

[AmyMN]

Cynthia's email address is

[e-mail]

[Persephone]

Ok, I looked up "Our Babies, Ourselves" at Amazon, and I found a couple other books that you guys might be interested in reading: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...=3RI7NNL9WVTUB

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...=3RI7NNL9WVTUB

[Amoreena]

Greetings from southern California

Hello all! I've just found this thread and have been skimming through the 8 pages of posts. I can't claim to have read everything in depth. Any new word on a separate forum? (although I'm not entirely sure what that means)

My TCC history:
Read the book the first time in the early months of my first child's life, when I came across it in a LLL lending library in Montreal, Quebec, where I lived at the time. Was deeply affected by it, along with a handful of other books. Now I always think of Meredith Small's OUR BABIES, OURSELVES (haven't read) and Daniel Quinn's ISHMAEL (have read) along with TCC. I read TCC a second time a year or two after the first time, and would like to reread it again now. My loaner copy is out though . I joined the TCC website listserv in that first year and have been a member ever since. I get great inspiration from that forum and find the whole realm very enlightening. I recently created a yahoo group for southern California TCCers (link in sig), in hopes of getting to meet some TCCers in real life.

Glad to find some TCCers in the MDC realm!