Continuum concept (ish) Tribe - Page 2

[Elzabet]

Originally Posted by MamaAllNatural

Also, I felt that JL's main point is about the constant baby holding and carrying. I read some recent papers of hers on the 9 month "in arms period." It was really intriguing. It may have actually been written by one of her collegues. Did anyone else read this? I carried & wore my first probably as much as most attachment type parents. I wore my second even more and then I wore my 3rd pretty much constantly as she suggests. It was amazing to see the difference. Did any of you do this with any of yours? If so I would love to hear what differences you noticed.

I do notice that Gabriel is more outgoing and independent (by comparison) and he seemed to be more physically "able" at certain ages than others--that is he reached physical milestones before other kids. I read somewhere that near constant carrying a child helps them gain earlier control of their muscles and it also keeps them from getting overstimulated. From what I've seen with Gabriel and other carried babies that seems to be true. The babies I know who stayed in the plastic baby basket (car-seat) all the time stayed "infants" much longer--almost to a year old. I really believe it is a result of us keeping him with us (and on us) in that first year of his life.

I also think it helped that both dh and I carried him. Dh always preferred to carry him when we were out and about, so many times I had an empty sling. There are/were differences in how dh carries/d him and how I carry him and I think that benefitted him somehow too. Gabriel walked at 8.5 mos. My MIL said it was because he wanted to get some alone time.

[MamaAllNatural]

Originally Posted by Elzabet

I do notice that Gabriel is more outgoing and independent (by comparison) and he seemed to be more physically "able" at certain ages than others--that is he reached physical milestones before other kids. I read somewhere that near constant carrying a child helps them gain earlier control of their muscles and it also keeps them from getting overstimulated. From what I've seen with Gabriel and other carried babies that seems to be true. The babies I know who stayed in the plastic baby basket (car-seat) all the time stayed "infants" much longer--almost to a year old. I really believe it is a result of us keeping him with us (and on us) in that first year of his life.

These are the differences I noticed too. I have always had him in a sling while cooking and working around the house, as well as when we're out visiting and running errands, and because I'm being active he sits back and relaxes and observes everything I'm doing. I feel like he's going to know how to cook a meal at only 1 year old!:LOL He also actually holds on to me and my sling with his hands and feet. I wear him on my back a lot and he moves his body is certain ways while we're bending over. He's just turned 9 months and is already thinking of walking. (as he's my 3rd I'm not quite ready for that!). He also has more safety instincts like she describes in her book. He will crawl up to the edge of whatever and he knows not to go off. He's started turning around to back off but I really notice that he knows his boundries. I've just found this all so facinating and am so glad I have some mamas that actually know about tcc and can relate. Oh and the happy and social thing...I totally agree!

[tea olive]

oh yay! mama, i think you are part of the reason i'm visiting mothering more often now. it seems to be going through a big change i should be part of.

well, i just fessed up on another thread that i've done pretty much everything nursing with sling except have sex.

what i find fascinating is the softness, the limp babyness of sling babies. my sil has had two children almost the same time as me and they are swing babies. i have always found them so stiff.

and ladies, i have to brag, because i can here, that the several kids i know with tcc minded mammas, are really marvelous, and are standing out more and more the older they get (the elder ones i know are in the sevens).

[Brisen]

Baby food -- so many reasons why I don't like it, esp. commercial (obviously). I did try out the cereal with dk#1, I admit it, I was excited about feeding him, milestones, yadda yadda : I did it at about 6 months. I read more LLL stuff and other natural parenting stuff and realized he didn't need it. He also had a sensitivity to milk until he was almost 2, I think the dry cereals usually have milk in them, no? So, I stopped it pretty quickly. When I did go on to intro foods with him, I started with things that he could handle without any real alteration of them from me, like banana, really ripe nectarines or peaches, peas (he would eat them one at a time, popping them out of their skin -- at 4, he still does this with corn ), that kind of thing. This was at about age 1. With dk#2, I forget exactly when he started eating solids, but again, it was whatever he could safely handle. They both like a variety of foods, though dk#2 definately leans towards milk and starches -- he even makes faces at green stuff. But yellow/orange fruits and veggies he loves. I think with him it might also be that he doesn't like things that are mixed together. At one meal, he wants only potatoes, no gravy on them, and at the next, he wants only gravy; sometimes he'll eat just the bread on a sandwich, sometimes just the filling. Dk#1 is probably the least "picky eater" I know, but that might be genetic, since I'm not too discriminating in my tastes, either. Dh and dk#1 are more similar in they ways they eat -- dh loves starches and dairy. So, long story short, no baby food here.

I haven't fully slung either of my kids. Dk#1 I discovered CC later, and started slinging him around as much as I could then. He loved it. I had carried him quite a lot previous to that, he had a hard time sleeping any way other than propped up tummy-to-tummy with me, so we did that a lot, but once he was able to lay down for a nap, I started doing it. He was probably around 9 mos or 1. It was around this age also that I was able to unlatch him without him waking up at night. He was walking at 9 months, but still loved to be carried a lot. Dk#2 took really well to the sling, but was also very easy to put down when he slept. He got big fast -- so I did take advantage of that. He's just always been so easy going. He nursed in the sling a lot, especially when we were out. I did find it tricky to get stuff done around the house with him in the sling when he was little. I'm trying to find a good way to carry bigger babies on my back. I have a frame-style backpack, but it really gets in the way in the house. I have a rebozo, but he never liked being on my back in it. I didn't get it until he was around 1, so maybe if I had started earlier...? He was also walking at 9 months, and doesn't asked to be carried as much as dk#1 did, he likes being down a lot.

Do any of you CCing moms find you've had kids who didn't like the sling, or liked sleeping on their own? I have a friend with a baby who is, oh, 5 months, almost. She has carried him in arms pretty much exclusively until now, but she's finding that he sleeps better if she puts him down to sleep sometimes, and it's a relief to her. I've heard this from other moms, too -- baby didn't like the sling too much, and was happier sleeping out of arms.

[MamaAllNatural]

Originally Posted by casina

what i find fascinating is the softness, the limp babyness of sling babies. my sil has had two children almost the same time as me and they are swing babies. i have always found them so stiff

Yep. This is so true. Everyone comments on how my babies just melt into them (the person whose holding them) and how they're so soft and squishy and conformable. I feel so bad but it really upsets me even more now to see a stiff baby (and my friend has one. ). It's just unnatural for their little bodies to be so tense and so untouched. I feel guilty for feeling sad about it but I can't help it.

[tea olive]

there's a thread called things i have done while nursing in talk amongst ourselves that i thin y'all might enjoy.

[Mona]

i just wanted to give a quick hello and
i'll read through all the posts now and hopefully have something good to say.
:LOL

[EnviroBecca]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees baby-food this way! I like Elzabet's point about essentially having to introduce the same food twice.

[tea olive]

i never did the baby food. my first opportunity i was ready with a garlic press and i had a child that wanted no solids until he was over 18 months, and then had the texture issue.

one sorta continuum thing i'd like to share because it makes life easier: allowing my kids to learn to spit and avoid choking. i learned this from observing a friend, the one who first suggested me the book. the first times i hung around her one year old daughter she would hold a few marbles or dice in her mouth for the fun of it that she would spit out and show me invariably. so i never looked back on worrying about little objects and choking. i remember having to "wean" my 2y at the time, and watch him calmly starting with larger grape size objects to small pellets and "wean" myself from worrying about it. but it has been a nonissue with my other two kids, in that i forget it is something parents worry about that i don't have to supervise or consider anymore.

[Mona]

I've enjoyed reading this thread a lot!

I have a couple questions for you more seasoned mamas.

I have to admit that I try not to be child centered, but my dd (almost 17 mo old) prefers it that way :LOL, so i am trying to figure out ways to encourage her independence while being there for her at the same time.

Since it has gotten warm out, dd wants to be outside all of the time. For the most part, i don't have a problem with this. Once we are outside, she wants me near her almost all the time. So i can't read for too long, do qi gong, or just sit and relax w/o her coming up to me, and grabbing my hand to join her. I feel torn about this- i want to be there with her, in her moment. but, as you can imagine, it gets a bit tiresome for me to do this all day long. today i brought a container of rocks out to the garden with us, so she could play with them while i did some harvesting. that worked pretty well for awhile. any other ideas? i'd like her to use her imagination, to find things to do/keep her busy while we are outside. maybe this will just come with time?

another issue we have, that is related, is that if we are inside, but she wants to go outside, she will pull at my hand (or my housemates hands). and if we do not comply she has a melt down. most of the time i try to honor her requests. but there are times when i need to eat, for example, that i do not want to give it. especially if we have just come in from being outside. sometimes i can distract her with something, and sometimes telling her that i need to do x, y or z before we go out will work, but other times she just throws herself down on the floor and cries. i know some would say this is normal, and that there is nothing wrong with this. but it honestly breaks my heart.

so do i "give in" every time, or just try to be as gentle and compassionate with her while she is upset, while having my boundries and sticking to them?

Thanks in advance!!

lisa

[purplegirl]

Casina

OMG. Your children are gorgeous. I especially love the photo of you and your girl babe in the sling! I can't wait to be a mommy!! Thanks for sharing.
Lisa

[mraven721]

OK I sdmit I haven't read it yet. But the discussion is interesting. I have this book on my to read list, just haven't got there yet.

So, what I am getting, is the basic message is trust your children?

[Persephone]

I hope no one minds if I join you. I don't have children yet, but a lot of the CC stuff rings true to me. And casia, I do have to agree, your children are beautiful, and I can truly see the richness in your life.

Mona, I think that in the situations you don't want to acquiese to your child are the times when you say "No, mommy is doing this. After I'm done, I'll go out with you." Or something like that. In my relationship with my fiance, I try to strike a compromise, so that the outcome is agreeable to the both of us. I think it's the same way with your children. I think that's very CC. (Of course, I've only seen the website, haven't gotten my hands on the book yet.) She may throw a fit at first, but after a while she'll understand that she needs to work within the boundaries of the family. I think in that way, you aren't being child centered. YKWIM?

[tea olive]

i'm glad y'all are enjoying the fotos. i looked at all of them recently and wish i could change them around a little since they were originally for the family to look at. like i had a great picture of ruby's placenta, and some great ones of the kids looking ugly. i guess maybe you don't need to see those after all!

sometimes i think and believe and tell people that my kids are beautiful because....they are so darn hard to take care of. the way i parent definitely lets their personalities shine through, whether it is at my expense or not.

monalisa, i'm having the same kinds of situations with ruby. it is partially their age, they have just come to really know that they are their own person. and they are at the very beginning of a road towards learning impulse control. at this stage it is in the end easier to do what you can to accomodate them so that they are tractable when they are older. i know that sounds not so continuum, but that is the world we live in and as far as they know it is a breach of the bond of love with them when you refuse. it just depends on your microcosm. like my ruby will play outside by herself because she has two brothers in and out as well. though it is too darned hot and the bugs are incessant......anyway i remind myself that when they can really talk, it gets even more complicated. so i gotta enjoy this willful girl as much as i can. and it will help if you have a rhythm with the going outside so that she can see it does cease for certain reasons. like a kitchen timer that dings after thirty minutes?, and a certain ritual time you go outside? i dunno, maybe it's time for a garden.

another thing is that you have to really feel firm about something to get the message across to them. they are keenly aware of our every subtle signals. i think that is more important than consistency.

gotta run

[Mona]

only have a sec, but wanted to thank all you who replied to my questions...
things have been going ok the last couple days. if i am unable to go outside at the time she wants, i redirect her and give her some attention so that she does not feel like i 'm ignoring her, which is feel is important. i also initiate outdoor time so that she doesn't always have to ask, yk?

gotta run...

[EnviroBecca]

So, what I am getting, is the basic message is trust your children?

Trust your children, trust yourself, trust your partner. Trust that all of you are by nature given the basic instincts you need to survive and thrive. Don't overthink, don't listen to "civilized" ideas, just relax and let life show you how to live it.

[mraven721]

Originally Posted by EnviroBecca

Trust your children, trust yourself, trust your partner. Trust that all of you are by nature given the basic instincts you need to survive and thrive. Don't overthink, don't listen to "civilized" ideas, just relax and let life show you how to live it.

Sounds like what we (my family) already do! But I may read the book anyway. Sometimes I am guilty of overthinking!

[Brisen]

Toys?

So, what do y'all think about toys? This came up now and again on the listserv CC list. I would love to get rid of most of our toys. I have 2 garbage bags full ready to go to the consignment store, but I still feel like I left a lot. I try to keep things that are like tools for them to use. They really need to have stuff to work with and manipulate. But, I don't like the clutter.

What toys do you find valuable? What tools do you have for your kids to use?

[tea olive]

my kids are happiest with raw materials. water, sand, paper to shred, rubber bands, glue. blankets and sheets, string, tape. ruby is like amelie, she wants the tactile of my dry goods. so lately i've had loose rice and lentils amok in my house. they love to play with ice.
they also love to destroy and whack things. they collect sticks and make anything i have into weapons to carry. everything is a stick whether it be a chopstick or straw or pencil or toothbrush. so i can never find those things when i need them. we like musical instruments, and i find the real instruments not much more expensive than the toy versions. my kids have all played harmonica since they were babies. we bought seven big exercise balls recently that they like. i have very active children, very primal warrior type people, probably why i've been so keen on the continuum ideas. they work for me too since the contrived toys lack imagination, though when i was a kid i had better coordination so i did alot of crafts learning origami and scuh. lately reed has been making "experiments" which means putting stuff in a plastic bottle like toilet paper and herbs and water and mud. he'll ask me for powders, like baking soda or cornstarch or flour. i'm about to save up for a big pile of sand.

but then, i have the kids that will choose a mud puddle over any toy. they lack the ability to sit still, hate to play alone, and not until recently with baby girl, the fine motor skills for typical modern toys.

[Mona]

wow casina- as usual that was a very helpful post! how do you store all the grains, beans, ect to taht they don't get all over the house? and does ruby try to eat them? i think that might be one of my concerns- dry rice and beans in the tummy=ouch!

i recently put the majority of her toys in a drawer to see what her reaction would be. guess what? didn't even know they were gone.

i left out the wooden toys, which are her fav anyway. blocks and wooden pegs and books are the favorites around here. she likes to "sort" so i'm thinking of brining in a bunch of rocks, cleaning them up, and leaving them for "inside rocks" :LOL

i'd like to hear what everyone's dc's fav toy is, just out of curiosity. and casina, waht is ruby's fav toy?