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Continuum concept (ish) Tribe - Page 42

post #821 of 1092
[QUOTE=rissierae;12098835]
I went to a play group with my sister (her kids are 3 and 18 mo.), and none of the moms could just relax and let all of the preschool and toddler aged kids play together, including my sister. There were 4 moms including myself and it was constant hovering the whole time. I was wearing my baby and we were pretty much just observing, because the moms were so obsessed with their kids that there was no point in trying to have an adult conversation. Which is the whole reason I went, to be around other moms instead of at home alone with ds. The whole time the moms were saying things like, don't kick the woodchips; you can't go over there without me; don't leave this area; only go down this slide... etc. I really couldn't believe it. This is an example of what I don't want to be!

This is what drives me crazy about alot of the AP moms I know. It turns Attachment Parenting Into codependant parenting, or attached at the hip parenting.LET THE KIDS PLAY!!


But I wonder sometimes about swaddling. I have swaddled ds since day one especially during the night. I just wonder because the blanket is covering everything but his head, there isn't much skin on skin contact. But during the early days of breastfeeding especially, we couldn't have done without it (his arms were crazy). Any thoughts on this?

Ever since I read the book, I quetion everything I'm doing. I try to go with my instinct, but it's hard to follow sometimes. People talk about contuum babies being soft and easy to hold. My ds is sometimes, but he has this weird thing with wanting his legs straight, knees locked and everything, since he was about 2 weeks old. He never was very good at the newborn froggy position. And I wonder if I've done something wrong or if it is just the way he is. He loves to stand eventhough he can't do it on his own yet.
(QUOTE)

Some babies are born Hypertonic or high muscle tone. In my experience as a mom of 2 high tone babies, they like and need to be swaddled. Some babies HATE it. My ds couldn't latch w/o being swaddled. I think it is like all the rest of CC/AP/NFL you use your instincts with each child and raise them accordingly
post #822 of 1092
I am remembering ds as loving to stand as well, from very early on... and then walking at barely 9 mos...
post #823 of 1092
Can I join you ladies?
I haven't read all of the 800 or so posts, just the first and last page, so forgive me for bringing in old topics

I am very passionate about what I consider evolutionary parenting and development. I read the Continuum Concept and loved the concept - though I did find Leidloff's impression a little romantisized and rose coloured.
Her belief that CC babies will do X, Y & Z really frustrated me.
Anyone with children knows that they are individuals and you can parent two children who are completely different. If Leidloff was correct then every AP baby would be calm, gentle and serene. But they're not, and I think that has to do with temprement and not that they are spearated and isolated from their natural evolutionary ideal.

I dont think as an outsider to the Huarana culture, and as a lady who never had children of her own, that she can truly talk with 100% insight. But I still liked her reflections and observations - I follow many of the basic principles.

Magenta mommy - my DS was a lego boy like your LO He loved the bjorn carrier and sticking out his legs. He supported his weight from a very early age and walked very early. He was a sensitive and high needs baby, even though he had a very gentle entry into the world and was parented with a natural, evolutionary style. But he is an absolute joy as a toddler.
So dont feel guilty because your baby isn't limp - I dont agree with the CC ideal of limp babies either. Remember Leidloff isn't a scientist, just a social observer.
post #824 of 1092
Hey!

I could use a little brainstorming if anyone has a chance.

Sometimes I am having a hard time finding things to keep busy so that I dont' fall into the whole child centered thing. Ds truly is happier when we are busy and I am doing something.

Ds is 2.5 years old.

We definitley clean something every day and do the dishes, but sometimes I am just TIRED of cleaning- LOL! We go outside every day and go places where I decide we should go. We have a fun time.

However, ds mostly will not nap anymore and the days DO tend to start getting long. I am also in my first trimester and I start dragging toward the end of the day. Things start falling apart.

With that, and the cold weather starting to sneak in (less time outdoors) I was just hoping some of you could throw some of your hobbies my way. Some fun things to get involved in that ds could try doing if he wanted to or just play nearby.

My list is somewhat short, but....

knitting
perhaps making jewelry
crosstitching

I don't know......I'd love ideas. I feel like I'm having a hard time filling up the day. Don't own our own home or have a yard I can work in either so I feel like I'm lacking a bit of stuff there.

TIA!
post #825 of 1092
Homemade play dough with cookie cutters, garlic press, rolling pin

Paints

collage, old magazines,leaves,feathers
post #826 of 1092
I was going to suggest clay/ playdough too. You can make some very practical things with clay and kids love it.

Cooking? Though you might stat to get a little large if you bake every day, lol

If you like sewing, maybe you could try making some things and DS could learn to wrap wool into balls, kids seem to like that strangely, lol. You could also have him sort and play with the fabric etc.
post #827 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenmama2AJ View Post
I was going to suggest clay/ playdough too. You can make some very practical things with clay and kids love it.

Cooking? Though you might stat to get a little large if you bake every day, lol

If you like sewing, maybe you could try making some things and DS could learn to wrap wool into balls, kids seem to like that strangely, lol. You could also have him sort and play with the fabric etc.
yeah, you can make your own playdoh, and that will often last kids for hours, but you could also start looking through cookbooks with him and cook ahead for your family so that you can reduce the stress of 'what's for dinner?' when baby comes. You can also freeze homemade snacks, PB&J sandwiches and take a few out at a time.

Knitting is very relaxing and I loved wrapping yarn into a ball for YEARS and we would talk together at the same time.

Jewelry making is fun, but little pieces... might wanna take that up later.

Good luck!
post #828 of 1092
a strange request,

but I am not in the US, and cant really afford a book.. but is there anyone willing to lend me a copy??

I am really interested in reading this book.

thanks
post #829 of 1092
Jrose, cooking is a fun and practical thing to do. My son could use a paring knife at that age; he's fairly well coordinated, but if you think your son is not ready for a sharp knife you could give him a butter knife and have him cut the softer things. He also might enjoy adding ingredients and stirring. Does he have a child-sized apron?

We all love to play games in my family. At first, I just set out the game components on the table and let my son decide how to play with them. Some good games for this are Treehouse, Aquarius, Labyrinth or anything with tiles that form a pattern, and checkers. As he approached 3, my son began to catch on to playing games with rules. With a lot of instruction (and no expectation that he'll keep his cards hidden), he's now able to play the above games, Candy Land, Sorry, Uno, Stadium Checkers, Fluxx, and Carcassone.

I used to enjoy doing "sewing cards" with punched holes through which a shoelace could be stitched. I'd work on them while my mom was sewing; it was good practice at the sewing motion without the risk of pricked fingers. I think I started sewing with a real needle at 4 or 5 years old. My son (3 1/2) has done some real sewing; he likes to take an old sock or something from the rag bag and sew it up into a wad and then throw it like a ball.
post #830 of 1092
I've been thinking about the whole 'work' thing, and that we need to be busy and our kids to see what we do and learn from that...and ws discussing it with some other moms, who IMO are very 'child centred' . one of them said, but in real, normal life, we don't just work all the time (i.e.cook, clean, knit, make things, whatever), we do have downtime where we relax and 'play', and so getting down on the floor and playing with your baby, and watching TV or whatever you do to relax, is all part of life.

IT got me thinking about just how un-continuum our culture is, as PP's have said. It makes me really sad. But I also think she had a point. In other times and cultures, 'leisure' didn't/doesn't exist the way it does for us. ALmost constantly the activities would be going on for survival...so how do we possibly measure up to that?

I was looking a few pages back and noticed discussion on the hovering thing...I don't know why, but i find this non-hovering thing comes really naturally to me, so much so that sometimes I think DS is going to come to harm! I really am so relaxed with him, that a few times I have had comments from strangers like 'You shouldn't let him play there...' 'Ugh,he's putting the pebbles in his MOUTH!' etc etc. Mostly just uptight people who in many cases have obviously not had children (or they would have realised they put everything in their mouths). But i'm getting a bit tired of it already.

I have noticed though that DS is a lot more confident than many other babies I observe, and has become so quite quickly (considering he only started crawling at a relatively late age). He very quickly learned to duck his head when going under low tables etc, and I think he was able to learn that bc I didn't run around after him all the time (as I see other moms do). He also seems so much more independent and secure, which I couldnt imagine happening when he used to want to be held or carried practically all the time...he goes and does his thing and only sometimes comes to 'find' me in the house. It gives me more confidence in what i've been doing.
post #831 of 1092
I've always been able to do housework and my daughter was totally happy, but lately she's been just constantly begging me to play with her. I can only say no so much! I've been trying to get other kids for her to play with as much as possible, but basically I end up playing with her a lot....
don't really know what else to do. We don't live in a tribal setting with all kinds of kids running around and dd really likes to play with someone
post #832 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enudely View Post
I've always been able to do housework and my daughter was totally happy, but lately she's been just constantly begging me to play with her. I can only say no so much! I've been trying to get other kids for her to play with as much as possible, but basically I end up playing with her a lot....
don't really know what else to do. We don't live in a tribal setting with all kinds of kids running around and dd really likes to play with someone
I would say, take turns. The dirt isn't going anywhere. Play with her, set a timer if you want, and then say, it's mommy's turn! and give her something similar to what you are doing. If you are washing dishes, give her some tupperware and a wash cloth. her attention span at this age can vary a lot, she might get bored and go explore or she might beg you some more. I don't know - I just had a dirty house when someone ran out of laundry, me or ex did the critical stuff. Since then I have found that only having so many sets of clothes, and so many dishes, silverware etc. reduced the work.
post #833 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by harrietsmama View Post
I would say, take turns. The dirt isn't going anywhere. Play with her, set a timer if you want, and then say, it's mommy's turn! and give her something similar to what you are doing. If you are washing dishes, give her some tupperware and a wash cloth. her attention span at this age can vary a lot, she might get bored and go explore or she might beg you some more. I don't know - I just had a dirty house when someone ran out of laundry, me or ex did the critical stuff. Since then I have found that only having so many sets of clothes, and so many dishes, silverware etc. reduced the work.
thanks! I do try to involve her in the housework, and sometimes it works, but she mostly wants me to make her animals (or a fork, or my fingers, whatever) talk and pretend to go to the park with her.
All. day. long.
post #834 of 1092
What book Nikki?

Envirobecca - its so cute the way little kids dont have a concept of competition and keeping the cards "secret". My little sister used to always "cheat" by helping my mom beat me - lol. She loved uno.

Devaya - it is sad how uncontinuum our society is at times. I think its so sad how we have to defend really natural things like breastfeeding or holding our babies.
And as a mom of a toddler I know what you mean about the hovering moms too. My DS thinks that mulch is particularly yummy, lol.

One thing that I do believe though is that ancient societies do actually play.
I live in Australia and the Aboriginal Indigenous cultures here have a deeply ingrained sense of humour and fun. Traditional games often include the natural environment - and happen at the end of the day or in the afternoon. Celebrations and ceremonies, dressing up, climbing, art, story telling, hide and seek, swimming at the water hole etc. The adults are involved in these activities and pass on the traditions. There is more to life than cleaning, gathering and cooking.
Culture is an important part of life within any society.

I dont think its wrong for adults to play with children. I think its more important that they experience the culture they live in and feel a purpose behind the days activities
post #835 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenmama2AJ View Post

One thing that I do believe though is that ancient societies do actually play.
I live in Australia and the Aboriginal Indigenous cultures here have a deeply ingrained sense of humour and fun. Traditional games often include the natural environment - and happen at the end of the day or in the afternoon. Celebrations and ceremonies, dressing up, climbing, art, story telling, hide and seek, swimming at the water hole etc. The adults are involved in these activities and pass on the traditions. There is more to life than cleaning, gathering and cooking.
Culture is an important part of life within any society.

I dont think its wrong for adults to play with children. I think its more important that they experience the culture they live in and feel a purpose behind the days activities
Thank you for that insight. Yes, culture is learned through play as well as work, I think.

SOmething that's been on my mind lately is - how do we convey these concepts (if we do at all) to grandparents and the like? For e.g., I am trying to do unconditional parenting, and I really WINCE when DS's grandmother (my partner's mom) says 'good boy!' enthusiastically every time he eats something, or does practically anything. It just seems so.. patronising...thoughI know she loves him and means entirely well, and just thinks she is encouraging and affirming him. WHen we stayed at their house recently it was impossible to be CC... basically the adults just sat around and watched DS play and played with him, and 'good-boy'-ed him. He got quite restless actually, with that - he's used to a bigger variety of activities. ANyway, I really don't want to hurt their feelings, but we may well be moving closer to them in the next year and they will obviously be involved in his life a lot more. They are lovely grandparents and good people but like most people in our society, don't know about these concepts.

They brought up vaccinations and their concerns at length recently, and the granddad displayed a lot of contempt for approaches that are critical of the norm...which makes me worry..anyone handled this sort of thing?

(By the way my partner is quite effortlessly CC...weirdly enough...though hes struggled with the AP part of it all!)
post #836 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenmama2AJ View Post
What book Nikki?

someone rec. I read the book, "The Continuum Concept", because I am having a hard time with ds.. I feel the need to play with him/entertain him 24 hours a day.. I I figured this was a tribe based on the concepts on which the book was written.. sorry if I was wrong.. as I have never heard of this concept before a few days ago..
post #837 of 1092
the tribe is based on using the ideas in that book as far as i know...

and i hear you with the feeling of the need to entertain your child all day. I used to feel like that too until I learned more about the continuum concept and had my intuition validated (that he doesn't need me to do that, he just needs to participate in my life).
post #838 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Devaya View Post
the tribe is based on using the ideas in that book as far as i know...

and i hear you with the feeling of the need to entertain your child all day. I used to feel like that too until I learned more about the continuum concept and had my intuition validated (that he doesn't need me to do that, he just needs to participate in my life).
this is exactly why I would like to read this book.. but I really dont have the option of special ordering it..
post #839 of 1092
can you request it at your local library? our library sometimes orders books for you if they aren't in stock. there are often really cheap second hand books on amazon, though you still have to pay postage. I hear ya on the money thing, there are so many parenting books i'd like to buy but since my maternity pay stopped there really isnt cash for that.
post #840 of 1092
Most hunter-gatherer cultures had a great deal of leisure time. In warm climates, it usually only required a few hours a day to get food. When we became agricultural, we had to work far harder and had very little time. Now we are getting some of it back again. I try to spend as much unstructured leisure time outdoors in nature with the kids as I can, esp before it gets really cold.
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