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Continuum concept (ish) Tribe - Page 48

post #941 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by widemouthedfrog View Post
Honestly, what I'd do is I'd find an outdoor location that works for you as a safe place...but is large enough so that she can run off a little. A trail would work, or a large playing field. Then go there any play a game or go for a hike and let her wander a bit. You're in the position (I think) of not knowing how far she'd go if you didn't call her back, right? So this is a chance for her to push those boundaries a bit and for you to see what happens.
Thanks for the advice.

Last week we went to a park with woods and I let her run free. She was with other kids, so she pretty much stayed with them the whole time. At one point I told her I wanted to walk the trail, so she took off running down the trail, around the corner and out of my site. I did notice that she kept looking back at me, but it was this "look how fast I can go away from you" kind of look, instead of what PP's have described their own CC'd kids doing. Eventually I called to her and asked her to wait up for us, because we wanted to walk together. She waited a little.... but not for long!

Nothing horrible has happened, but I am afraid that she won't know when to stop if there is a road or a ravine or something. I guess I should just keep practicing...?
post #942 of 1092
This strikes me as such a difficult part of the CC for many moms. I am intrigued by the idea that those kids play with machetes and don't get hurt and crawl around next to big pits without crawling in. Even before I read this book, I've never been a real hoverer and have let my kids be "on their own" more than some other moms but I can't imagine giving them a knife to play with ya know? My younger dd is 9months and crawling around and climbing up on things like crazy. For the most part, my house is pretty safe though I wouldn't go as far as to say child proof but there is always dirt and sticks from the wood by the fireplace, the wood itself, the dirt from dh's boots, not to mention the dog. The floor has lots of little potential choking hazards so I let my dd crawl around without being too picky but there are certain things I have to divert her from. Same with crawling on the bed - can you let a baby crawl around on a bed without them falling off? How much freedom do you give a baby?
post #943 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by berkeleyp View Post
Same with crawling on the bed - can you let a baby crawl around on a bed without them falling off? How much freedom do you give a baby?

YOu know, I thought of this the other day because both of my babies *have* fallen off the bed, around 6-8 months. Maybe it was because they weren't crawling yet, and really had no idea they were up on a bed. I guess there would have been no way for them to put themselves up on the bed, so they had no way of knowing the danger. I love how she says that children were assumed to have the ability to make any decision that they took the initiative to make; ie the fact that they were making the decision meant they were ready for it. In that light, I guess, any place they can climb up, they can climb down from.

I actually saw this in action today, now that I think of it. I was babysitting a 2yr old and he decided to copy the bigger kids and climb up a plastic toy onto the roof of a small plastic shed. I went over and took him off. He did it again. I went back over to him, and he said he wanted to get down the same way he got up. I wasn't going to let him, but by the time I got to his side he had already lowered himself down onto the plastic toy. Then I relaxed and watched him maneuver himself down to the ground. Okay, lesson learned!

I find the "children follow me" thing pretty easy, but I had lots of practice with it. My DH still doesn't get it. We were at a restaurant the other day and it was time to go. What I do (and did) is, say, "Okay, we're leaving now." And get up and head toward the door (without looking back.) But he was "fussing" over them, telling them we had to go, standing and looking at them without moving, putting his hands on their shoulders and *putting them in front of him* I get so frustrated when he does stuff like this! But I just smiled and said, "oh you want them to lead you?"

Hopefully he is picking up on what I do. I know he usually does. It's pretty useless to try and talk to him about stuff, but if he sees that what I do works and that I am confident in it, he will try it. I just have to have faith in that process as well.
post #944 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by berkeleyp View Post
I don't always have enough time to keep up on discussions like this but I just read the CC and am obsessed. I've been imagining ways to create a better tribe for myself IRL but have yet to implement any (I just read the book on Sunday).

I am really interested in how "modern" moms incorporate CC principles into their lives. I feel like my isolation from other families is such a huge obstacle to achieving CC lifestyle.

Anyway, I'm getting late for work but wanted to sub to this and hopefully have a chance to really participate later.
Hey, this is totally me, too. I have probably already posted something very similar. Hope we can get ideas from each other!

I'm not even feeling like I'm part of a cohesive culture within our home. DH and I have very different ideas about many aspects of childrearing. I'm only ME, one person. And I'm about to be outnumbered 3-1! LOL.
post #945 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetpeppers View Post
Not chasing your kids is one of the biggest lessons I took for the Continuum Concept. It just makes so much sense. If you chase them, they will run. If you don't, they will come running back because they don't want to be far from you.
ITA. And, I've even been thinking lately about how I need to respond more appropriately to my 5 (almost 6)yo DS when he "hovers" around me. I need to remember that this is natural and that I *want* him to be interested and involved with me. Sometimes, as an exhausted SAHM, I just want to say "go play" or "go away, leave me alone" yk? Sigh. It's hard.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Periwinkle
Oh that and not complaining when doing chores.
I have a hard time with this, too. It's hard for me sometimes not to require them to help pick up, or whatever. I know what I should do, and I can usually do it, but sometimes it's like "pick it up or you're going to lose it!" Am I the only one?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MommyMichele
I have the biggest Toddler World Explorer though. I don't chase him, but I have to follow him to keep him safe. He runs down the middle of our street as far as he can and who knows how far he would go if I didn't insist on turning around eventually. Last week he was climbing a hill behind the park and then walking around the perimeter of the park on a sidewalk next to a big street.
Michele, I haven't had much of a problem with this. Maybe a little with my first, but I would just practice over and over the boundaries of our property and make clear just how far he was allowed to go. My younger one just stays with the older one, who is now almost 6 and has no problem respecting the boundaries. But one thing I did was make a game of, "let's run around the perimeter of our property," and we would yell "STOP!" and stop at each corner/boundary. Another thing that always works with my kids, is reading signs. So we have a STOP sign at the end of our street (we're on the corner) and we began with the 2yo reading it and saying "STOP" here. The other day we were at the hardware store, and the kids ran ahead and wanted to go up the stairs to the office part, and I simply and calmly said, "Wait a minute." They stopped. There happened to be a big sign on it that said "NO CHILDREN" so we read it and they respected that. Sometimes I actually pretend to read things but this won't work fo rmuch longer.
post #946 of 1092
Hi folks! I an occasional CC-type stuff dabbler; I think I've posted on this thread before.

I was just following the conversation here about not following or chasing your kids, letting them wander away, etc. We do pretty well with this, but I do call after him and sometimes physically turn him, etc.
The other day we were at a park by the river and it was great - he (my 3 year old) was on his bike, while I sat on some rocks talking to another mom. There were paved pathways all around, so he was biking in big circles around me, getting fairly far away bit never out of site for more than a moment (while passing behind a bush or something). I really felt like we had a good CC thing going there. But then he started calling to me - "Mom, come with me! Mom, come over here!", etc, and I wondered (as I lazily lounged on the rocks delaying going) what you do in this situation - do you go to them when they call to you, or wait for them to come to you? I did not *want* to go to him - so living as an adult doing my own thing my choice would have been to stay sitting...but I knew he wanted to share some good times with me, so I went.

Thoughts?
post #947 of 1092
In reference to the street question: Talk about it, show him how fast the cars go, and how little he is, that they wouldn't see him, emphasize that cars go on the road and people go on the sidewalk, hold his hand, etc. etc. My son got it pretty quickly, particularly since we don't live in a house that is anywhere near the road, so this is just from when we were at other people's houses and stores.

In reference to the previous post: The come-here thing is the hardest part about CC-ing in our culture. Because there aren't other kids around all the time, especially with only (or first) children, we do have to do some playing and kind of fill in for the kids that they are missing in a more communal environment. That's the balancing act I feel like I do all day: trying to be the adult doing work but also not leaving him to have no one to play with either when we're home alone.
post #948 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoliMum View Post
Thanks for the advice.

Last week we went to a park with woods and I let her run free. She was with other kids, so she pretty much stayed with them the whole time. At one point I told her I wanted to walk the trail, so she took off running down the trail, around the corner and out of my site. I did notice that she kept looking back at me, but it was this "look how fast I can go away from you" kind of look, instead of what PP's have described their own CC'd kids doing. Eventually I called to her and asked her to wait up for us, because we wanted to walk together. She waited a little.... but not for long!

Nothing horrible has happened, but I am afraid that she won't know when to stop if there is a road or a ravine or something. I guess I should just keep practicing...?
When the kid I babysit does this, I have eventually resorted to turning around and walking the opposite way on the trail. He would usually get really upset that we were "leaving him", but it sure made him stop running away from us!
post #949 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by Limabean1975 View Post
But then he started calling to me - "Mom, come with me! Mom, come over here!", etc, and I wondered (as I lazily lounged on the rocks delaying going) what you do in this situation - do you go to them when they call to you, or wait for them to come to you? I did not *want* to go to him - so living as an adult doing my own thing my choice would have been to stay sitting...but I knew he wanted to share some good times with me, so I went.

Thoughts?
I guess my thought is, go with what you feel like doing. There are lots of times I don't want to get up and see what they're doing, and I've learned to not feel guilty saying, "I'm busy right now, " or "I'm doing something else." But if I'm not doing anything and I want to see what they want to show me, I'll go. That's just if they want company or an audience, which I do think they need like any social person. Now for whining or asking for help when I'm in the other room, I try to be consistent with telling them they have to come to me and I'll help them (bring the toy car and the wheels over here and I'll put them back on).
post #950 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoliMum View Post
Thanks for the advice.

Last week we went to a park with woods and I let her run free. She was with other kids, so she pretty much stayed with them the whole time. At one point I told her I wanted to walk the trail, so she took off running down the trail, around the corner and out of my site. I did notice that she kept looking back at me, but it was this "look how fast I can go away from you" kind of look, instead of what PP's have described their own CC'd kids doing. Eventually I called to her and asked her to wait up for us, because we wanted to walk together. She waited a little.... but not for long!

Nothing horrible has happened, but I am afraid that she won't know when to stop if there is a road or a ravine or something. I guess I should just keep practicing...?
Ummm... I would let her really think she's lost you one day. I have let that happen on a smaller scale once or twice with my kids. They really need to know what will happen if they don't stay with you. I know it's really hard to let them be out of sight but if you are sure you're in a safe place, I would sit down and not walk anymore until she came back to you. But every mother knows their own child best, I can only say what I think would work for my kids.
post #951 of 1092
I don't believe that it is the child's responsibility to prevent themselves from being traumatized when the parent places them in a situation where the child doesn't have responsive resources available.

I do want to add that I am more of an advocate of suiting our American environment to our children's needs than expecting that they will adapt to an unnatural environment from which they have no recourse. When that environment is organic such as the Yeguana tribe, that is a totally different realm than one artificially or arbitrarily imposed on a child without the child having a means of dissent.

For instance, I consider our home the organic environment from which our child does not have to leave unless he chooses to "follow me". And I do consider my own expectation not to leave him without adequate care, which is my responsibility to provide, such as I did not birth into the natural order of an extended support system in our home/family/community.

Because I chose to birth into a nuclear family unit
, but chose also to *adopt* a CCish parenting/living practice, I am accountable to not obstruct or impose expectations that the CC children would not experience, imo. By insisting or expecting that our son will come with me against his will seems in opposition to the practices of the CC tribe from my understanding. I've never seen a quote or situation from the CC book otherwise.

In order to provide an equivalent freedom of the CC children, for our son to "follow me" or not, our son has the option to refuse leaving his 'organic home' environment, or I work to find a alternative which meets both my need for him to have adequate caregiving and his to not "follow me". This effort on my part to replicate the *choice* that the CC children had, decreases the artificial and arbitrarily imposed environments to which children are generally objecting when they are "having a tantrum". This follows that imposing 'dressing to go out', 'hurry we have to be somewhere', 'having to get in the carseat', when our son does not want to follow causes the emotional distress in ways that the CC children were not subjected.

Therefore, our son has the option not to leave his organic home environment or we find another solution. The same facilitation of choice occurs when he doesn't want to be somewhere, he has the option of going home with support. We work to find a solution to that also. It really doesn't follow that I can just take him somewhere (by car) and expect that he could get himself home, like the Yequana children. That is totally an artificial construct which *I* create, nothing like the indigenous Yequana tribe.

After ds was born I read TCC and adopted the "trust" ds to know best what he needs. And my mothering instinct kept me attuned to meeting his needs naturally, as we were naturally an interdependent dyad.

The aspects of TCC that I embrace are not interfering with a child's self-trust, not imposing teaching or engagement, and trusting that a child will learn through my modeling and his observation as a spectator of social situations, and me as a responsive resource. And I am confident that children desire to be harmonious social participants and attached to their community.

I really don't perceive ds, dh and me as separate "independent" entities in the way that our independent minded American culture promotes. So, there is no "adult-centered: child-centered" dichotomy from which we strive for a balance. We are an entity of a family. An interdependent family: just as what affects one, affects the whole. Our goal is optimizing the health of the whole family unit and this is the natural order of community and social beings as the TCC tribe exists, imo. It is very much an "Americanism" to embrace an independence agenda, rather than to meet the needs of the whole family unit.

We are constantly attuned and attentive to each other as inseparable from Self. Which is what the mother/child bond is with babies, older children, and family included from my experience and understanding.

Self Trust is more protective than Self Doubt. I consciously and actively work at not interfering with ds's inherent Self Trust. However, when *I* choose to place him in an environment which is not a natural one for him to explore safely, it is MY responsibility to maintain a safe environment for him, imo. Did the child have the CC freedom to NOT go to the park, the restaurant, the store, the in-laws, the class, the playgroup, daycare, etc?

Scott Noelle's article about "Where's My Center?~ A closer look at child-centered parenting and the continuum concept" is more reflective of a parent-child attunement than Liedloff was aware of, imo, as she was a young Western observer, and not a parent herself. http://www.scottnoelle.com/parenting/child-centered.htm

"I'm in charge (of myself)" is a fairly common interpretation and implementation of the Continuum Concept, for both children and adults. It is the delta between our inorganic environment and the original Yequana environment which creates the challenges, ime. In a tribal environment with multi-generational models and "leaders", a child can *choose* who (among many) they emulate and follow, or remain with, or resource. Embracing the practices of self-determination and interconnectivity which were observed in the Yequana, necessitates more forethought in a nuclear family unit within an industrialized and mechanized society, ime.

The continuum concept implementation is challenging in our society!


Pat
post #952 of 1092
I really like Scott Noelle's article and his philosophy in general which integrates CC into the reality of our culture here and now.
post #953 of 1092
Quote:
Same with crawling on the bed - can you let a baby crawl around on a bed without them falling off?
With mine, yes, you could. At the top of the stairs, too. I have to give part of the credit to his temperament; he seems to have been born sensible. But I like to think we enabled him to develop that sensibility, rather than stifling it, by placing him to sleep on a bed with no railing from birth. It's a mattress on box spring on the floor, so about 18" high. When he learned to roll over, he would roll around the bed while awake and get near the edge and explore it with his hand. He never once fell off the bed while awake. When he was sleeping I'd put pillows along the edge, and if he rolled up against the pillows he'd roll back...but a couple times he managed to squinch between them or to push a pillow off the bed and fall after it, so he landed on the floor, unhurt but awakened and frightened. I would calm him and put him back to bed. Once he could sit up, he'd sit quite close to the edge of the bed with his back to it, and I worried that he'd fall, but he knew his own balance and didn't. He never crawled off the bed or stairs until he knew how. I could see him thinking about it, then practicing by crawling on and off a thin cushion.
post #954 of 1092
Yeah - I taught my babies how to get down off of a bed or stairs when appropriate. Tots don't go flinging themselves off of high ledges, kwim? They really do perceive changes in height.
post #955 of 1092
Thanks for a link to that article. I'd like to read more about her theories applied to real situations.

Quote:
In reference to the street question: Talk about it, show him how fast the cars go, and how little he is, that they wouldn't see him, emphasize that cars go on the road and people go on the sidewalk, hold his hand, etc. etc. My son got it pretty quickly, particularly since we don't live in a house that is anywhere near the road, so this is just from when we were at other people's houses and stores.

In reference to the previous post: The come-here thing is the hardest part about CC-ing in our culture. Because there aren't other kids around all the time, especially with only (or first) children, we do have to do some playing and kind of fill in for the kids that they are missing in a more communal environment. That's the balancing act I feel like I do all day: trying to be the adult doing work but also not leaving him to have no one to play with either when we're home alone.
03-30-2009 09:29 PM
I tell friends that "ive put the fear of God in my daughter about the street" I'm not religious but I have intentionally scared her of the road since she was very little and am quite confident that she will not run in it. I always tell her how small she is and that cars could hit her and kill her or hurt her very very much. I've told her cars can't see her and that she has to be with a tall person on the street. I've also taught her to look both ways and she is pretty good about deciding when we should walk.

The lack of community is such a huge hindrince to this I feel. I know from experience that when my daughter has even one or two kids to play with - i barely see her for many hours at a time, especially if one or more of them is a bit older. My dh's cousin is 11 and when she is at family functions - she plays with my dd and her cousins and we don't hear a peep all day long. I am lucky to have my BIL and SIL next door and when they are home, my dd and her cousin who is 5 spend a lot of time in the back yard which is visible to both houses. People are sometimes amazed that they play by themselves outside for hours but we trust them. It is all too often however, that there is no one to play with but me so my dd is bored unless I interact with her.

Quote:
Therefore, our son has the option not to leave his organic home environment or we find another solution. The same facilitation of choice occurs when he doesn't want to be somewhere, he has the option of going home with support.
I admire this but how do you get around having to go places? I feel like if I implemented anything like this, I would potentially never leave my home.

Quote:
I have a hard time with this, too. It's hard for me sometimes not to require them to help pick up, or whatever. I know what I should do, and I can usually do it, but sometimes it's like "pick it up or you're going to lose it!" Am I the only one?
No - definetely not. I do make my dd pick up her stuff on threat of losing it. i am skeptical that her natural desire to help is strong enough given that she doesn't see a team of adults working together on things and naturally wants to help. She helps with some things voluntarily but I doubt she would ever pick up her toys without me asking her to help. I think it is easy in a nuclear family unit for a mom to become the maid yk? How do kids decide to help when they don't see anyone else helping?
post #956 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by berkeleyp View Post
No - definetely not. I do make my dd pick up her stuff on threat of losing it. i am skeptical that her natural desire to help is strong enough given that she doesn't see a team of adults working together on things and naturally wants to help. She helps with some things voluntarily but I doubt she would ever pick up her toys without me asking her to help. I think it is easy in a nuclear family unit for a mom to become the maid yk? How do kids decide to help when they don't see anyone else helping?
Thanks, I was hoping I wasn't alone. I totally get the not seeing a team of people. It has been the coolest thing to see when DH and I *are*working on picking up, or folding laundry together, how much the kids get involved and seem so happy and content doing it. My 5yo even commented that he liked it. I wish we could do it more often, it just doesn't seem to happen that often that we do things together : I guess I'm not sure why.

My little one, 3yo, helps out alot and automatically though. All I have to say, is, "Oh no, water on the floor" and he says "I'll help you." Or "I need a towel, " and he says, "I'll give you one." and he does. I guess I've been better with him than I was with my first. I do more of giving him information and letting him make the decision, and less requiring. I know it's a cycle, but my oldest has so little motivation and sometimes we feel like we have to provide it for him. Doesn't make sense, I know, but it's hard not to do.
post #957 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by berkeleyp View Post
I admire this but how do you get around having to go places? I feel like if I implemented anything like this, I would potentially never leave my home.
I didn't go out alone, without ds, until ds was about 18 months old, when he had also become attached to my sister. (Mostly, due to my own attachment needs and desire to be available for ds, and his communicated need for me to be present/available nearby.) She created a bond, with me on site, and always available (over those 18 months). And I created the opportunities to meet my needs while ds still had me "with" him. Do you follow? I had "me" time while she did caretaking of ds in the same environment. I also had "me" time with dh caretaking while I was available on site.

Eventually, I was needed less and less and my sister was able to meet ds's needs to his comfort level. many people have this with their dh also. We introduced a mother's helper who bonded for months before babysitting alone. Because it was never agreeable to ds to be without me present/available/nearby. And I have always returned from an outing if he voiced a need for 'mama'.

This interconnectedness was joyful. And there are ways to meet my needs creatively without ds having distress due to my absence. Baths alone, reading alone, phone chats alone, walking in the yard alone, going for a walk in the neighborhood alone, shopping with a caretaker (sister or dh or mother's helper) for ds, dinners out with dh and my sister and ds along, etc. My friend and I met at the grocery and shopped together with/without kids, etc.

Another thing that helped me was to embrace the inseparability of ds and my life for this highly interdependent phase. I found that I could have "me" time while cuddling and thinking my own thoughts, reading and nursing, playdates with like-minded mamas, stroller walks for exercise, long drives to help him fall asleep while listening to music, watching a Baby Einstein video and having a cup of tea, etc. The inextricable oneness we shared for that short interdependent time became a part of my newly formed "Self", in a way that is nurturing and amazing to have 'mastered the challenge'. The challenge keeps changing and the opportunity for "figuring it out" with each new developmental stage is its own joy, intellectually, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

And wow, ds is delighted to stay with my sister, dh, babysitter, friends and family and I have tons of "me" time. Creating a routine of opportunities to get out by myself or with a caregiver along, or time for me at home with a mother's helper or dh caregiving has been a dance. Always being responsive to his communication and needs for connection, has allowed that to evolve organically.

And I'm an extrovert and ds and dh are both introverted homebodies. Dh works 50 hours a week and travels out of town. My sister works full time and travels out of town. Dh and I have a weekly date night, when ds plays at my sister's. I have Tuesday evenings "off" for MNO. Dh cooks dinner for them. I have multiple holistic meetings, each month in the evenings. Saturday is "Daddy Day" and I run errands then. Dh has Monday and Friday evenings to work out at the YMCA. We have routine appointments for medical stuff. We go to the grocery, library, Costco, pet store, Walmart, Earth Fare, Blockbuster, restaurants, all the usual places. We listen and work it out between us.


HTH,
Pat
post #958 of 1092
Wu Wei - I think I misunderstood you. I thought that you don't go out with ds if he doesn't want to not that you never left him alone. I have not left my 9mo for more than an hour on a handful of occasions while I took a walk alone. I don't really want to be away from her right now and I know that she will grow to be independent of me and I will get the chance to do the things I've given up since her birth to be with her. I was very attached with my first but I wish I had worn her more and not pushed her toward sleeping in her own bed (even for a few hours/night) and going away from her starting when she was quite young.
post #959 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by berkeleyp View Post
Wu Wei - I think I misunderstood you. I thought that you don't go out with ds if he doesn't want to
This is also correct. Ds doesn't have to leave home, if he doesn't want to go. We find a way for him to stay home. And we find a way for me to go out. He doesn't have to "follow me", when he doesn't want to go. We talk about who he'd like to stay with, their availability, and the options, and he chooses whether to come along. I could find an alternate caregiver or go another time, etc. Nurturing attached caregivers provides more flexibility, ime. Ds doesn't spend time with anyone he doesn't want to be with either. Nor do I.

Pat
post #960 of 1092
Quote:
Originally Posted by webjefita View Post
This is so fascinating, I would love to hear more about your discussions!..... but I want to know MORE about societies the world over and see how many of these things from CC are common and hold up in other places.
DPs most recent experience in the jungle was in Panama, with one of the hunter-gatherer indigenous groups there. One thing that sticks out for our discussions upon his return was how their houses are on stilts, not entirely enclosed, and typically missing floor boards. He said at first it was hard to feel comfortable with the babies crawling around next to these big holes in the floor, but he realized soon enough that they figured out how to maneuver around on the floor and avoid the holes (although who knows, maybe accidents do happen?). Babies are carried in rebozos or wraps...He also heard babies cryng sproadically throught the night while he was sleeping in the jungle.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Harmony08 View Post
I already feel like I must have ruined my son's continuum. I let him play in his chair while I do kitchen things etc and he really enjoys playing on his mat. He has never really tolerated being worn for any long period of time. He loves to be held in arms, however. I just do a lot with one arm.... Now, he basically sleeps with us full time.

What can I do at this point to damage control his in arms period?
It's never too late to support you child in finding their instincts. Mothering is a process, and we are all constantly learning and unlearning and regretting and changing and growing. Sounds like you're doing well, having DS sleep with you. Even babies worn from birth can go through phases when the don't want to be worn. Keep offering and try different carriers if you can. Maybe offer during a time when DS would otherwise have to be constrained or uncomfortable. I's also be consious of dependence on inanimate baby-sitters, e.g., bouncy chairs, swings, those plasic blob chairs whatever they're called, etc. Let DS have his time on the floor to experience what that is like, physically unhindered by baby containers. You might also want to check out the Elimination Communication forum. ECing is another way to tune in to your child and get back to basics.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Periwinkle View Post
When it was time for us to leave the playground I would say, "Okay let's head back to our car now. Please follow me." and I would turn my body toward the car and sloooowly begin walking. Note: this is NOT the same thing as doing that annoying "I'm going to leave you here! I'm leaving now!" empty threat that a lot of moms do..
I saw this threat actually happen TODAY. A grandfather and roughly 3 year old GS were at the park, and GF kept telling the kid it was time to go. THe kid just looked at him blankly, and kept repeating "no", heading back to the slide, running around etc. I had already sensed the kid was clingy and needing attention because the minute we showed up he was trying to get my attention in various ways....Anyway, after so many rounds of this, the GF says "we'll I'm going" and heads to the car. NExt thing I know, I look over to see this poor child begin to spiral into despair, with this look on his face of utter abandonement. My heart broke for him. And the GF did actually pull out of the parking space and turn his car around, at which point the kid ran after him. Incredibly, deeply sad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by berkeleyp View Post
can you let a baby crawl around on a bed without them falling off? How much freedom do you give a baby?
The bed one is hard. We let DS crawl around pretty much on his own from the beginning, but our bed is close to the floor. We moved it down there so that we could let him explore his world independently, and somewhat safely. He probably had a few falls, but very quickly figured it out. Same with stairs.

We didn't have stairs until DS was 11 months or so, and by that time we just let him go. Our friends with LOs older than DS at he time (some even 2) who would go up the stairs every so cautiously, looking back to see who was standing there biting their nails waiting for them to get to the top.....Of course, when visiting relatives and the like, everyone hoovered around trying to step in and "help" him, looking at us like we were crack heads for letting DS go up unassisted. But now, when we're at the park, or wherever, DS has an agility and comfort in his body that his peers don't often have, and I attribute this in large part to our consious efforts to let him explore his surroundings and know his limits from an early age.
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