"I supplement once a day... I mean, I need a break! don't you think?"

[loving-my-babies]

Arggg.. I was completely *enraged* last night where I work.
Well, I work at a Children's store part time, and this lady came in with this 2 week old beautiful baby. She was beautiful, she looked like a little angel.
Well, the baby's grandma was holding the baby and the mom was right next to her. The grandma said "my daughter is trying to breastfeed" and I said "oh, that's great. You will love it, it is so good for them too". and then she said "yeah, but I supplement ONLY once a day, you know, I need a break here! don't you think?"

ok, as you can imagine my face changed right after she said that, and I imagined this poor little 2 week old drinking that formula, when her mother IS there and CAN exclusively breastfeed her.. I mean, if you have the milk and are home full-time, why not do it? would it kill you to sacrifice your "space" for your child? There are so many children out there that cannot enjoy the benefits of breastmilk, because their mothers need their "space"...

I am saddened to see where our world is going...

[karlin]

If she has enough milk and really needs a break, she should pump instead. I see nothing wrong with needing a little rest (although I wouldn't want a "break from my baby", just some extra sleep..lol) only 2 weeks postpartum, but why give formula? I hope she realizes that it might affect her supply too.

At least she's breastfeeding most of the time...that's better than a lot of people. Everytime I see a new baby in a store getting a bottle, I think to myself, "That poor baby really needs a boob!".

[Peppamint]

Originally Posted by karlin

Everytime I see a new baby in a store getting a bottle, I think to myself, "That poor baby really needs a boob!".

Me too!

[Lucky Charm]

I see nothing wrong with the mom needing a break.

[loving-my-babies]

i see nothing wrong with her needing a break, i mean we all do, but why not pump? that why i was so enraged.... she was giving formula do that baby when she could perfectly well pump and have dh feed the baby....

[Mothra]

You were enraged? Why not be supportive of the mom for breastfeeding at all?

A woman who breastfeeds all but once a day enrages you? What is the world coming to, indeed.

[HelloKitty]

I can understand her needing a break - she may mean a break to sleep, ya know? I have been thinking with my next baby that I will pump once a day and have DH give him/her a bottle once a day so that I can at least try to get a couple of hours of consecutive sleep (after BFing is established that is).

You get soooo exhausted those first couple of months with the baby eating every two hours that I don't know about everyone else but I started to get a bit looney. If you are feeling psycho from lack of sleep what's wrong with having DH give the baby a bottle? I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that is what she meant. Maybe she tried to pump and wasn't successful so she uses formula to supplement.

Kitty

[Lucky Charm]

A woman who breastfeeds all but once a day enrages you? What is the world coming to, indeed.

[Mama J Rock]

If you're going to have to pump, why not just go ahead and nurse. I never felt like replacing a nursing session with a pumping session would accomplish anything in the rest department. Kudos to her for breastfeeding.

[lilyka]

That is too bad. I hoppe she does more than try to breast feed. Most people who go into it with that attitude aren't very sucessful. And supplementing regul;arly, as in evryday, whenthe baby is only two weeks old can really undermind things. especially if the mom isn't very commited and knowledgeable. I agree there is nothing workng with occaisionally giving your baby a bottle. And pumping, done regularly whenyou are full of energy and such (first thing in the morning is when I would
pump) would give me more than an abundant supply and have more than enough milk available when I needed a break (usually in the evening). It is too bad there ian't more information on good ways to do this rather than being all or nothing. Some mom just don't have it in them to exclusively breastfeed. they can either be encouraged to find solutions that work for them or shunned and left to give up all together and go to exclusive formula feeding. I would rather a mom do what she needs to do in a way that won't undermind breastfeeding completely than be told she isn't good enough to be a part of our club and might as well give up now.

[guestmama9924]

I can understand her needing a break - she may mean a break to sleep, ya know?

I think every mom feels that way MANY times! Regardless of how you are feeding your baby kwim? But when my mind would go there with my ever 65 minute nurser I would just tell myself "its not about me, its about this baby" . It is important to balance the sense of self, but in the beginning it is all about the baby.

[Mothra]

I'm remembering why I've never made it through an entire LLL meeting. "We will support you, but only if you breastfeed exactly the way we tell you to."

People have different definitions of "all about the baby". What that meant to me with one kid was a lot different by the time my third rolled around. The implication that someone who gives her child one bottle a day is somehow less interested in her child or cares for her child less sucks, in my opinion.

So we really only support women who breastfeed exclusively?

[guestmama9924]

Mothra, if you were referring to my post, I was presenting my opinion with *my own* child. I am not LLL, never have been, never will be. Personally, I did supplement with one baby, and not with other. Even when supplementing with one child I still needed a break- that was my ( missed) point.

[HelloKitty]

It's very easy to pump on one side while baby nurses on the other, save this bottle for later when you want to get a couple hours of sleep. So yes pumping will help you get some sleep if you want to do things that way occasionally. I'm not saying ALL THE TIME - I'm saying, if I feel like I'm going to lose it and need some sleep it's an option I might try.

Also I think the implication that because I would want two straight hours of sleep every once in a great while so that I can be sane means that in the beginning I'm not thinking "all about the baby" is insulting and ridiculous. If you are not feeling sane then you are not able to give your baby 100% and you should take a break, let dh bond for a feeding and get some rest! :

[Mothra]

Originally Posted by KeysMama

Mothra, if you were referring to my post, I was presenting my opinion with *my own* child. I am not LLL, never have been, never will be. Personally, I did supplement with one baby, and not with other. Even when supplementing with one child I still needed a break- that was my ( missed) point.

Yeah, I did miss your point. My bad. The point I *thought* you were trying to make is one that I associate with LLL, at least my experiences with them (I KNOW other people have wonderful experiences with LLL, but I never have).

So, again, my bad. I see where you are coming from now.

[guestmama9924]

so that I can be sane means that in the beginning I'm not thinking "all about the baby" is insulting and ridiculous

ok my "all about the baby" has been taken way out of context. THere is some real anger on this thread, and maybe it comes from other threads , who knows, but my comment was (obviously poorly worded) to mean that the first few weeks the baby rules the roost. In the beginning, it IS all about the baby- which did not mean someone can't or shoudn't take whatever break they need . Pumping, bottle, co-sleeping, or grandma. Peronally with DD1 for me it was a bottle of forumla from dad or grandma. With second DD it meant laying my sleepy butt on the couch all day while nursing.
I will bow out because I obviously hit some nerves and have no idea how or why

[chellemarie]

I think the idea everyone is trying to get to is this:

Instead of being enraged that mama was giving baby one bottle of formula a day, the OP could have praised her for nursing. I understand her attitude, because it was mine at one time. But I really think some breastmilk is better than none at all and it's about supporting the good stuff people do. That will get us farther than being outraged at one little bottle of Similac. Follow?

[GeorgiaGalHeidi]

I would be upset too-you do not need to be supp when your baby is that young because that is when your supply is building up. If she does that everyday, that is 3 ounces less her body will make, and the supp will become necessary. No, we should not just be glad she is nursing. I am glad that she is, but I don't think we shuld just leave it at that. This supp can really affect her supply. Why should we condone something that can end her BF relationship? And, Mothra, you are very hostile about FF supp. If you get upset over BF support and advocacy(which includes encourages mothers to not supp with FF and EBF if possible), then why are you here?

[momto l&a]

I get a break from nursing when my toddler weans.

[monkey's mom]

Here is the original conversation:

Originally Posted by loving-my-babies

The grandma said "my daughter is trying to breastfeed" and I said "oh, that's great. You will love it, it is so good for them too". and then she said "yeah, but I supplement ONLY once a day, you know, I need a break here! don't you think?"

There are a couple of things that jump out at me that are more about a nursing relationship that might not succeed and less about a new mom who is needing a break:

The Grandmother's use of the word "trying." She's "trying" to bf? What does that mean? Either she's bfing or she's not, right? Most of the time I hear someone who is "trying to bf," I hear how "it didn't work" later on. There is a level of commitment that is lacking toward bfing in our culture. While it doesn't rest on this families shoulder's, it sounds like they might be buying into it.

Secondly, the mom's response to "That's great. You will love it, it is so good for them, too," seems to reflect this same idea of lack of commitment. "Yeah." is not the same as, "I know! Thanks!" or "Yes. It is so good for them." or "I'll love it? It's been really hard and I'm having a tough time. Did you bf? Can you tell me about that?"

I don't think anyone would suggest that a new mom was being selfish by needing a break. But, I do think it is fair to assume that someone supplementing at 2 weeks (even 1 bottle a day) is jepordizing a nursing relationship that hasn't even had time to become established. That's what I find upsetting about situations like these. And, of course, the inevitable, I tried, but.........I wasn't making enough milk/baby only wanted the bottle/etc. that only perpetuates the false notion that bfing somehow "doesn't work" much of the time.