Breastfeeding fear

[crunchywannabe]

ok--as my time gets closer and closer I am feeling a little more nervous...you all don't know my past nursing history...but it was BAD....first child I had major supply issues and did not know it. I developed some pretty massive depression related to past sexual abuse and the emotions that came up when I tried nursing. By the end of the first 2 weeks, I could not even look at my son without getting ill when he wanted to eat. (that is a short version) so I did not even attempt to BF my next 3 children. Then I did with Alexis, she had such an abnormally small mouth that she made me bleed before we even left the hospital and had severe latch problems...but at 2 weeks we finally got that fixed....but then I got OALD FM/HM imbalance and we could never get it fixed, so at 8 weeks I stopped.

I have already gotten rid of all the bottles in our house....and I think that is part of it....Not saying I want the "have formula to fall back on" type of thing...but knowing my past supply issues and emotional issues that tend to rise up, I am really starting to feel a little...well...scared.

I will be attempting this with NO back up. No supplementing. No real good experience behind me.....With 5 other kids in my home and a dh that is never here due to his work schedule....nor do I have really any close IRL that are experienced nursers to come and help me.

How do you get over this fear? I am scared that she will just want to nurse and nurse and nurse and I will get frustrated/touched out/exhausted/overwhelmed (insert any other phrase you can think of here) that I just won't be able to do it.

What do I do? I am really scared.

[crunchywannabe]

should have added this too:

with PCOS they do tend to see an overabundance or a low supply...(should have mentioned that!) There is an interesting research going on that is talked about below that explains why (insulin and hormone irregularities plus PCOS tending to have insufficient glandular tissue)

I did attend a LLL meeting last month, but missed it this month (was the day of Forests announcement and I was just too upset)and this meeting was a lot better than the ones I attended with my first son! LOL

So that's what they're for (I have read that)....best book ever...it is what gave me the courage to try again with Lexie.

on prolactin...has anyone else never gotten that relaxed feeling that you are supposed to get when you started nursing?? Or am I just a weirdo?

Article on PCOS and Breastfeeding

[underthebluerug]

I just know you can do this! You sound wonderfully determined to try and to persevere, despite past discouragement. Way to go. Your apprehensiveness sounds SO understandable. If only some of us on MDC lived nearby you to lend in-person support. I hope you'll be able to continue attending LLL meetings. I found them invaluable in more ways than I could ever count. Do keep in touch here too.

Here's hoping PCOS does NOT affect your supply this time round. At least if you're not supplementing, you'll have the supply-and-demand principle on your side (the more baby nurses, the more milk you make... but you knew that.) Slinging/wearing baby if you can will also encourage your body to be more in a milk-making groove, so say the experts. Remember that *not* bringing any formula into the equation also improves baby's overall health and digestive system.

Relaxed on prolactin? I'd say VIRTUALLY STONED was a better way to describe it. It's one of the things I'm so looking forward to again with this second pregnancy (I'm 36 weeks). Personally, the prolactin high I experienced within 10-20 minutes of beginning each feeding with DD (every time the baby induced a letdown, basically) made it impossible for me to ever feel "touched out". On the contrary, it gave me a love-n'-cuddle jones. But then, I guess that's one of its evolutionary purposes...

Sending you massive encouragement vibes,
Kate

Edited to add:
Oops---I misread your last question, and thought you asked whether anyone else had *ever* experienced the prolactin relaxation effect. Sorry to have sounded insensitive! You're not having experienced this phenomenon is entirely understandable given your past difficulties.

I do know that it comes when baby and you get in a good groove, with a working latch and baby sucking effectively enough (and given time enough at each breast) to induce letdowns while sucking. By the third or fourth letdown, I think, baby should be starting to get some of the richer hindmilk, and you should both be starting to pleasantly zone out. Getting in this kind of a groove (where hindmilk is being accessed by baby and sessions are lengthy enough) also does great things for supply-challenged breasts.

[rubelin]

Jessica, I'd say keep going to those LLL meetings as much as you possibly can and stay in contact with a leader. It sounds like you never got past the 2 month hump, and, seriously, EVERYTHING changes once you can get past that. I didn't get the prolactin buzz for a long time, I was just too scared of the pain most of the time to relax (I had flat nipples and DS was a tongue sucker), but once we started to get into a groove around 6 wks or so, it did start kicking in and I finally got a place where I felt like I could nurse him forever. I have extra sensitive skin and nursing has been pretty uncomfortable for me for most of the time, but never so bad that I couldn't deal and I actually got to the point where I didn't even feel it a lot.

Since you don't have a lot of family support, collect as much help as you can now with your LLL group and make sure you post whenever you need it, on the BFing board as well as here, since I'm sure a lot of us will be having some sort of BFing issue in the next couple of months You can absolutely do this momma!!

[3girlsmommy]

You can do it and we are all here for support whenever you need us!!! You are amazing just for trying after your first experience! I have a suggestion that may seem a little "out there" but I'm using Hypnobabies for the birth and Kerry(the hypnolady) strongly recommends that anyone who has a past history of abuse to see a hypnotherapist to help them through any issues that they have. Maybe that is something you might want to look into. Best of luck to you and know that we are here for you!!

[mattjule]

It is understandable to be afraid of feeling "touched out". I know with Tain that I DID feel touched out. But like the pain of labor, I just pushed through it. I expect that between the new baby and Tain I will feel exhausted/overwhelmed/touched out. Half the battle is knowing it is coming and doing what you feel is best anyway. Tain was a baby that didn't like to open his mouth wide enough and I was a new mom that was too paranoid about him getting something to eat to make him do it right. LLL meetings were a godsend for me-Tain and I worked things out pretty much on our own, but it was nice to know that I was on the mend even though I was still hurting. You definitely have an advantage in not being a first time mom. My biggest issue was simply no longer having autonomy. With 5 kids, your autonomy is long gone! LOL I totally agree with Robin, those first 2 months are HARD. But when it feels hopeless and you feel frustrated and resentful, try to remember that this too shall pass. Like labor, there is an end-and once you are there, it is so worth it. Providing your baby with the best possible food and being able to finally enjoy that time together is worth every pain, every late night, every doubt and fear. You CAN do this. I know a lot of women who have breastfed. I know a lot of women who had considerable problems. I don't know one woman who still had problems after the first year. Even if you have trouble for what seems like forever, eventually it will become easy and fulfilling and enjoyable.

[ksjhwkr]

Jessica,

I also have PCOS, and for me, it's an overabundance of milk. I swear I could feed the whole neighborhood!!! One book that my sil recommends and I also love is Bestfeeding. It is a wonderful book to help figure out breastfeeding.
I don't know really what to say, but just know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I know, that does a WHOLE lot to help with sore nipples and anxiety huh? Huge Hugs sweetie!!!

[tracymom]

I also recommend the MOBI group on Yahoo (Mothers Overcoming Breastfeeding Issues). There's an herbalist on there who has great advice on herbs and foods to eat to boost milk production. I also am PCOS and had horrible supply issues because of it. Barley, oatmeal, and fenugreek also help, as of course does the Mother's Milk tea.

If you don't have an LLL Leader who is an herbalist or members who are into it, you may not get that kind of support IRL. That used to whack me off about our local meetings, one of the leaders sort of blew my experience off. Well, I'm sorry, but sometimes supply-and-demand, while HUGELY important, aren't the whole answer. I got great IRL support from LLL but my MOBI help was indispensable.

to you and kudos for trying so hard. Best of luck.

ETA: Ps, I AM sorry for "crashing the club" but your OP tagline spoke to me and I wanted to share the MOBI name with you.

[LizD]

Have your local LLL leader's number on hand so you have someone to call when you need help, or even just a pep talk.

I found using a pacifier helped tremendously with the "touched out" thing. My daughter being able to be comforted by other measures at least gave me a break when I needed it or a few more minutes when I needed them.

My sister in law said it was nice to be able to feed her baby but "it was never some great sensation" and I don't think she ever liked it very much, and she was not perturbed at all when she was advised to stop at 6 months. Some women don't like breastfeeding regardless of past issues or no past issues and it's ok. Some women really hate being pregnant or giving birth and they love their babies and are great mamas. I have had some clients who have only pumped and fed their babies from a bottle for various reasons and that's ok too. Whatever works for *you* to be a good mother and happy woman is what you should do.

I found using a pacifier helped tremendously with the "touched out" thing. My daughter being able to be comforted by other measures at least gave me a break when I needed it or a few more minutes when I needed them.

But since most of the things we have worried about have never happened, try to relax and worry about it as little as possible. Commit to six weeks, as Dr Spock recommends (though he recommends breastfeeding longer, the point is to give it a real try you can commit to six weeks) and see how you're doing at the end of that time. This way you can feel now that you only have to make it that far and can decide again, then, whether or not it's working for you and your family. You can also feel good about nursing your baby for *any* length of time. Good luck!

[underthebluerug]

Originally Posted by LizD

I found using a pacifier helped tremendously with the "touched out" thing. My daughter being able to be comforted by other measures at least gave me a break when I needed it or a few more minutes when I needed them.

Not to take away from the great straight-talk and encouragement LizD has given you, but I just wanted to caution that LLL and most BF experts recommend *not* using a pacifier *until* any latch-on issues are good and solved and baby has been nursing successfully for a few weeks. Nipple confusion is so very difficult to struggle with when it happens.

Kate

[LizD]

This is true and we were fortunate not ever to have any issues with our daughter taking breast, bottle or pacifier. She had bottles *very* rarely as I did not leave her and was very committed to breastfeeding, and we did not overuse the pacifier, but she certainly used it the first few months. It is hard to find a particular baby's right time to introduce these things.

[curlygrrl]

You've gotten some terrific advice here so I just wanted to send ((hugs)) and support. I have PCOS too, although I didn't know it when I had DS. My supply was fine but DS wouldn't latch at first. It was really scary and frustrating.

I know I'm going to nurse this child but I have similar apprehension about getting overwhelmed/touched out especially since I have to take care of DS too!

I hope it helps to know you're not alone with your concerns!

Tamara

[Laurapartera]

Hi, I'm new here. I'm due early (I hope) to mid-June. I can introduce myself further in another place but I wanted to say that I'm in exactly the same place. Here's a link to my breastfeeding story with my first child.
http://www.michianamidwife.com/index...edingIyla.html
Now I'm sore in the ribs with this second babe and getting really paranoid about breastfeeding. I have the herbs ready, lots of LC/midwife support and plan to do nothing but breastfeed after the birth. So many people I know that had supply issues the first time also had trouble again. I just don't know how I could cope with the disappointment and extra work of supplementing again.

Sometimes I have a wonderful vision of lots of milk! I'll try to focus on that.

Laura

[3girlsmommy]

Something I just thought of. The hypnobabies web site has a script especially for breastfeeding. Might be something you want to check out.

[eilonwy]

I had a few problems in the begining with Eli, but nothing like what you're describing. I hope that you have the support you need to have a positive breastfeeding experience this time around.

[crunchywannabe]

Originally Posted by 2girlsmommy

Something I just thought of. The hypnobabies web site has a script especially for breastfeeding. Might be something you want to check out.

would you happen to have a link you could share? that sounds great!

thanks

(and thanks to everyone for the support. This is one of those things that I never expected to struggle so much with....and it is hard to admit to a fear like this!)

[3girlsmommy]

Here's a link to the page on the hypnobabies website that had the cd.

http://www.hypnobabies.com/default.p...eaf2586e256fd9

[ksjhwkr]

Also, if you join the yahoo group for hypnobabies, you can print off the script and have your hubby read it to you. Just another idea.

[crunchywannabe]

Originally Posted by ksjhwkr

Also, if you join the yahoo group for hypnobabies, you can print off the script and have your hubby read it to you. Just another idea.

oooohhh-Kim, how do I do that??

thanks!

[3girlsmommy]

I'm not Kim but you just go tot the hypnobabies web site ( see link above) and request to join the yahoo group.