Anyone filed for change of custody?

[Trishy]

My first husband and I divorced 6 years ago. At the time I was in the Navy and had orders to a ship and could not care for my dd, who is 8 now, so I allowed him to have custody of her. All of this time I have wanted her to be with me but I don't have a ton of money to fight a court case in another state for custody of her. Today I spoke with dd's grandmother, ex-h's stepmother. She wants me to file for custody of dd and says that she will not help him if I do. She is willing to tell the judge that dd should live with me if asked. While we talked ex-h's father was in the room and adding comments so I know that he is in agreement with her. Ex-h has not worked in about 6 months. He stays in bed for days at a time and the only money he has coming into the home is the child support that I pay monthly. He is not remarried and his mother also lives with them. I don't even know where they live. They don't have a phone and I have no way of contacting dd. I arrange all visits through ex-h's father.

Basically I want to know what to expect. How long is this going to take, what all is going to happen? Dh and I have discussed it and he is with me and ready to do what needs to be done. We are looking for a bigger place to rent, hopefully a 3 br house because this place is small enough with the 3 of us living here, let alone an 8 year old girl and a newborn baby. I would love to be able to take care of all of this, be able to go to court and have everything settled by the end of the summer so that she can start the school year here but I am also due in the middle of August so I am not sure how close to my due date I will be able to travel to SC for court and whatnot. Another question, I know that ex-h will more than likely not be able to afford an attorney, will one be appointed to him? Any helpful advice that any of you can add? Please?

[merpk]

Wish I did, but have absolutely no advice for you ... but am sending very strong "go get her" energy your way ...

Good luck ...

[Evergreen]

I can' t think of any advice either, as I have never been in that situation, but you have my total support!

[Quirky]

I don't know much of anything about this but I would call several family law attorneys in your town as well as Legal Aid. They should be able to give you a phone consult at least without charging you to give you an idea of what you might be in for and how much it might cost.

The court-appointed attorney right is only for people with criminal charges brought against them. In civil matters, you don't have the right to a court-appointed attorney although you may qualify for Legal Aid.

I would post in the Single Parents forum, too - I know a lot of mamas there have experience with custody battles.

Start writing everything down and have your ex-in-laws do the same - if they can document your dd's living conditions in writing and with photos that would be a good thing, I bet.

Do you have a custody agreement from before? What does it say - does it have any kind of terms and conditions xh was supposed to live by, and does it have a re-opener clause of any kind?

Good luck, mama.

[Threefold]

I don't have any advice, but wish you the best of luck in undergoing this process. It sounds like your dd needs to be with you!

[Monda]

Well, how long it takes depends on if he wants to fight you or not. He does not have to have a laywer to fight you. He can go to leagal aid and get free help based on income...infact you don't even need an aty for family court.

What type of visitation do you have now...that may make a big dif when it comes to the outcome of your petetion.

If you don't have her overnight, or very often, the judge may see a total transfer of custody as too drastic, esp if you can't prove that DD is being damaged by being full time with Dad.

After all, he has had primary custody for 6 years, you are going to have to come up with a reason for that to change, and not that you just didn't have the moeny because like I said, you don't need legal rep in family court.

If she is not safe, or in harms way, then that is a dif story.

As for time frame, I would expect (unless ex is willing to agree) that you are looking at 60days min in most states.

[Mom4tot]

Just want to add my best wishes Trisha!

[Mrs. Edwards]

Hey Trish, has anyone asked your ex-husband if he still wants to have custody of your daughter? The reason why I'm asking is that my father was granted custody of my brother and I but when my mom remarried he didn't want to have custody of us. (he was using us as a bargaining (did I spell that right?) tool. Anyway, once my mom was remarried he simply told us to call our mother because he didn't want us anymore. My mom's divorce lawyer put the plan into action and a few months later we had a court date to go through another custody hearing, however, my dad didn't even show up which meant my mom got full custody of us.

In our case, it was very short term. 6 months from the divorce/custody hearing till the last custody hearing. And, we were in different states but it was only one state over.

I'm hoping that things work out for you.

Kaylee