Negative reaction of extended family

[mom2threenurslings]

Occasionally I comment, in front of my parents, that I'm not sure I'm done having children. Their reaction is extremely negative, ranging from "Don't you already have your hands full?" to "There's no way you could afford to have another child!" to "Yeah, right. You'd have to buy a bigger house and there's no way that's going to happen." My dh and I are discussing ttc starting on my 30th birthday (end of Dec.) and we're dreading telling my parents if/when we do get pg.

Our lifestyles are completely different. We're very frugal, they're not (we buy most things at thrift stores and yard sales, never pay full price, don't do tv, make our own bread, etc etc etc ... they eat out often, buy retail, have cable, the latest technology, etc.). They don't understand how a family our size can possibly survive financially, and are unwilling to listen when I explain it to them ... or explain that we don't need a big house and lots of stuff to be happy (we live in a 3 bedroom and only use 2 of the bedrooms...it's not like we're cramped for space!).

Have any of you had difficulties with family members being against you having another child? How have you dealt with this?

[Persephone]

I once told a friend that I wanted children, and her dh was right there, and asked outright how much money we were making, and whether we'd be able to support one. I told him, and he got all mad at me, that we wouldn't be able to support a kid, and that "You shouldn't have kids until you can afford them!" WTF?? All I said was that I wanted one, not that I was going to try for one! But even if I was TTC, first of all, it's none of his business, and second of all, if I made a conscious decision to bring a child into the world, the child would be well cared for, even if we didn't have a lot of money! *mind boggles* I know it's different when it's family, but seriously, it's not their business what your immediate family does.

[bionicsquirrel]

I completely agree that it is none of their business.
I think what is most important is that you are good parents. Even if you lived in a shack and ate gruel, if you were good parents, then your kids wouldn't care.
Some people are so wrapped up in money that they cannot see how anyone could "survive" or be happy without it. I used to be a person who thought you should only have children if you can care for them properly. I associated caring for with having money for. I was so ignorant!
Now I know what parenting is truly about and I wish more people thought like you. Your kids will grow up to be well adjusted and live simply instead of grossly abusing their economic status.

Make this decision with your husband and your children and leave the naysayers out of it.

[Persephone]

Arg! This gets me every time! Yesterday we were out to lunch with MIL. I said that I wanted a cat soon because if we don't get a cat, I'm going to want a baby! (I said this in a joking manner. I mean, I already want a baby, but we're not ready for that, so a cat will do in the meantime.) And MIL says, "OH NO! You're not ready for kids!" I gritted my teeth, and said, "In a couple of years." What she really meant was, "you can't afford kids." I complain to dh, and he's all, "Oh, she just wants the best for us." What would she do if I told her I was pregnant?? I mean, we dont' want to get pg right now, but it wouldn't be the end of the world if we were...

[mom2threenurslings]

Well, I guess I'm going to have to keep dropping hints and preparing my family for the fact that I'll be having another child ... my dh and I have decided that, if all goes well for us financially for the rest of this year, we'll start ttc on my 30th birthday, which is at the end of December. What's funny is, if all goes as planned, we'll be MUCH better of financially than when we had our first child. At that time we were swimming in debt and ended up even deeper in debt after the very medical hospital birth (argh!) and insurance that didn't cover much. My family was excited for us then, even though we lived in a *tiny* house (rented), had NO money, and my dh made half of what he's making now!

I agree that it's none of *anyone's* business if we have another child. My dh wasn't sure about wanting another one, but we talked it out and he's now looking forward to it. My boys want me to have twins (one of each!) and my daughter just wants a baby. Her second birthday is in a week and she's been saying for a month now that she wants a Caleb baby for her birthday (her 2 year old friend Cassidy has a baby brother named Caleb, who she wanted to take home last time we saw him!). She emphasized that she does NOT want a doll baby...she wants "my OWN Caleb baby".

I guess if my parents could get used to the fact that I was triandem nursing they can get used to the fact that I'm going to be having another child sometime in the future....now to convince them that homebirth is safe....