Raising Boys: Why boys are different - and how to help them become happy and - Page 3

[zealsmom]

I'm enjoying reading all this.

I do have a question. or maybe it's an observation. I don't know.
My son, 3 1/2, is a jovial, passionate, bright young fellow who plays with a group of 5 other kids on a weekly basis. Besides him, there is one other boy in the group. We've always thought it interesting that he has formed tight bonds with the 4 girls from the very beginning. It is only recently that he and the other boy have had any interactions at all. And lately, they have been acting like best buds. Here's the thing: they both have similar energies. They are both sweet, loving, happy, creative, bright children. As are all the kids, girls and boys. But there is definitely a difference in the boys' energy that they bring to the play and interactions. But aside from him, my son is definitely drawn to girls as companions. I guess the peculiarity is that he is too "boy" for the girls sometimes (I know that sounds yucky) and not the rough and tumble kid that being around many boys requires from him. He seems a bit stuck in the middle even though he has VERY close (girl)friends.

I'm not sure what I am trying to say.

PS. Has anyone read The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian? I haven't read it in many years (read it before I had a child) but I remember liking it and finding it valuable for my work as a teacher. Was I totally off base back then?

[Sustainer]

I think the hormonal effect is overrated. Hormones are for facilitating reproductive function. I'm not saying they have NO mental impact, I just think the effect is overrated. When a person has sex-change operation, and are given the opposite hormonal makeup, it doesn't change who they are. It doesn't change how they think or how they process things or how they behave.

Every time someone gives me a specific example of how they think boys & girls are different, my observations reveal that the supposed inherent difference does not actually exist -- that it is just a stereotype -- or that it is socially-imposed. I agree with mamawanabe that hormones do not affect personal preferences. I agree that the things that society has determined to be "boy things" or "girl things" are completely arbitrary.

Even the physical differences are minimal. We're more alike that we are different.

There is certainly no differences in abilities. Unless you're talking about reproductive abilities.

I started reading the men are from mars, women from venus thing and found it to be completely untrue and sexist. Everyone has individual differences. Our differences are not determined by our gender. Contrary to the book, there are not "two" different ways of thinking, there are over 6 billion. Society certainly does try to train females to think/behave one way and males to think/behave one other way. Some people do conform to what's expected of them. I think we should stop expecting people to meet these two strictly defined stereotypes. Stop pressuring them to be a certain way because of their gender. I love the sig line that someone has here that says something like "men and women are from earth - get over it"

[DaryLLL]

Lately my 18 yo dd is studying gender. She is reading books like Masculine Feminity and Gender Queer and TransGender Warriors.

The upshot is, gender is a lot more fluid than we Westerners might think. Pretty much all societies except for those influenced by Judaism and Xtianity, have a place for inter-gendered people. These androgynes are often valued as shamans. When the white man invaded the New World, they slaughtered these men wearning women's garb as fast as they could. They forced women dressed as men into long dresses and bonnets.

We like to label folks and keep em in a box, a pink box for females and a blue one for males. What about the people that are somewhere in between? The stars of Boys Dont Cry, the Crying Game and RuPaul to mention a few famous people. David Bowie, John Waters, kd lang, etc etc.

My dd's books show a long history of intergendered folks, many of them demonized and tortured in Western society just for being themsleves.

My dd is bisexual and so is her boyfriend. She is taller than him and has shorter hair. I never forced dolls on her as a young child, but she loved frilly dresses and Barbies to death. Now all that girly stuff is a thing of the past. For now anyway.

I have read the studies that women's brains work differently than men. In studies, if shown certain pictures, mens' and womens' brains are activated in different areas. But, just remember, not everyone is a man or a woman. Some are both!