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November/December '02 --the latest incarnation - Page 6

post #101 of 404
Thread Starter 
Mike and I have decided that we need to look at NewBean before we name her. We've got a short list, and we're going to decide after we see her little Bean face . I'm so excited! I can't believe I'm almost 36 weeks!

We're also hoping to see Harry Potter next weekend! Eli will be fine with grandma, he loves her to pieces and she loves him. I actually took Eli with me to see the second HP movie; he was a few weeks old and my sister offered to take me & our niece so we went! Eli nursed during the opening credits, then slept, then nursed through the closing credits (so we were the last people out of the theater!) It worked out perfectly! :LOL
post #102 of 404
Well it started out beautifully sunny this morning and has since clouded over. Ds is napping right now. Brayg, I am in a similar quandry. Got a call from a good friend to celebrate her birthday with 2 other friends. Thing is it will be dinner, probably not till 8ish at night and about an hour or so away. Ds has gone down for dh occasionally but even if he were to do that there's still the 'tired' factor. I imagine dinner will go on for a few hours and then there's the drive back home which would have me in bed, earliest 11. It's just too late at this point, with ds waking thru the night and then up at 6 for good. OTOH it's been almost 2 years since I've done anything like this. Things are just that much more layered when you're a mom YK.

Lilmiss's mama I wanted to comment on your post about packing up to move. It touched me and I'm not sure if I can articulate why. Perhaps it's because the simplicity of your words belie the enormous effort and energy that you'll be offering to the task...having to physically move, look for a job, be a ground for your daughters, and all of this solo. Each of these by themselves is an undertaking but all together it's a monumental concentration. I hope you're able to do some things that nourish you during this period and recognize the effort you'll be expending and be gentle with yourself. Blessings on the transition and s to you, mama.

We're off to Europe in a little over 2 weeks and are gearing up for that. I hope to be able to 'report' in a couple of times while we're away. In the meantime I'll continue to drop in and say .
post #103 of 404
lilmiss...Owen has never taken a bottle. And at 18 months, it's not like he *needs* it, kwim?

Leah--IKWYM...On some levels I feel like I shouldn't want to go anywhere without him, but just every now and again I want to. And it isn't even me wanting to be away from him, it's just about going somewhere that I can't take him. My 10 year high school reunion is coming up this summer too (if someone decided to plan one! ) and I'd really like to go to that. I dunno...I would feel like I was letting him down in some ways by being gone. I was totally not like this with Jacob. I didn't AP w/him and it was just normal to have a sitter and go out once a week or every couple of weeks. How did I survive that?!?!
post #104 of 404
i have also not been away from dd at night since she was born. she never was introduced to a bottle, and must have the nummers before she sleeps.
she also wakes sometimes an hour into the evening, so it is not like i can nurse her to sleep and then take off. i'm homebound, what can i say?

as far as baby sitters- i do not even leave her with my housemates. i let my housemates play with her while i am at home, but that is it so far. i imagine i will extend that in the near future. we'll see.....

lately she will not fall asleep in the car either. in fact, she has grown to hate the car seat, all of the sudden! she squirms and pushes her body around when i put her in there for our ride home. UGH!!! then she cries/whines all the way home, unless dh and i are both there. then i play w/ her in the backseat.

has anyone turned their car seat facing forward btw?

mamafern- your camping week sounds heavenly! wow! that's all i can say, whilst turning green with envy. :LOL

post #105 of 404
ok...I *need* time away from my family. I think I need time away from all people, not just my family. So I say get a babysitter! We swap babysitting with another family (happens to be our dcp). Friday night their kids are coming to our house for a couple of hours and saturday erin will go there for a couple of hours. The kids and parents all know each other very well. But dd is in daycare, so she's used to being away. I think if you want time away then you likely are wanting to recharge and provide more to your kids. Don't get me wrong here, my kid comes first, I'm not out boozing it up every weekend or anything. But every now and again I think it is reasonable to get a sitter of some kind. Especially so older ds can have alone time with mom and dad. Kids really dig that kind of stuff.

car seat -- yes, we turned ours. Erin is only 22 lbs. But I was tired of listening to her cry when we went on short trips. Much better to be able to say "watch and see if you can see daddy's car" or "look erin, do you see the dog?"

mosquitoes -- we have had a really wet year this spring. I'm worried as soon as it gets hot it will be unbearable. Anyone have any suggestions on bug goop?

and finally ---> we bought a sandbox today! yeah! Erin played outside in it basically keeping herself occupied, no running in the road, no running in the alley, no running away from dad to get to road or alley. I am so psyched. Poor dad froze his little behind off watching her, but she loves it so far. BTW 19.99 at kmart. Much better deal than wm or target.
post #106 of 404
kerc- how much sand went in her mouth? dd is still eating dirt, gravel, ect. UGH!!!
post #107 of 404
Mona--glad I'm not the only one! :LOL

Kristin...I totally understand that. And maybe I need time away and I'm just not realizing how much I need it. I dunno...it's so weird because it wasn't that hard to leave Jacob. But he was a different kind of kid too. Owen is VERY attached and while I know he'd be fine without me, it makes me sad to think about leaving him.

I'd like to be involved w/a babysitting coop. Trouble is, I'd have to reciprocate and I'm so protective of our family time that having to babysit would cut into that. I know that is being totally selfish of me. Maybe in time I will look into that.

I don't want to wean, and I know that leaving for one night here and there doesn't mean I have to, but since we've never skipped one night, I'm scared to even try.
post #108 of 404
thank you *solisticemama* i have been feeling quiet exhausted lately. i am getting a massage this week which i am looking forward to immensly



i turned Scarlett's carseat around as well. it is a perfect place for the girls to play. no one can take the other's toy and they can't touch each other. they get along great!lol


i can understand all of you ladies who don't want to leave their babes. until i had to go to work i was the same way. i didn't want anyone to watch them except me. however, once i had to start doing it 5 days a week my perspective changed a bit. still if i go out other than work it is after they go to bed. Scarlett doesn't wake up until at least midnight. i don't worry so much with Revina; I guess because she is older, articulate and i was able to spend the first 2 years of her life with her everyday. with Scarlett is was different i started back to work when she was 9 months. i pumped for her, but i don't think she ever got into the bottle. she was basically weaning herself by 11 months, but i feel she probably would have nursed longer had i been there. where is the heart in your throat guitly feeling smilie....?
post #109 of 404
hey ladies. i think the post of the week has got to us or it's just in the air already. and yes, sometimes i find it tough to not have the "adult "life. my mil took the three today for the first time in months and we spent the time cleaning the house. i would have never believed that i would do this kind of thing before kids but we live on the edge of slovenly as it is, and we are reformed slobs enough to know that we are happier and relaxed with a cleaner house.

there are things i want to do that i cannot do exactly now with the kids. i get mad at society for drawing so many lines about what people can do with kids and not, that i lack a village situation or that architectually i am more isolated than is healthy for my kids. i cope by talking to the mammas i know in real life that parent similarly. once again i strongly suggest finding some mamma friends. the contrived playdate or going to the park is really for you to find and have community, which your body needs to feel physically, as wonderful as online contact can be. and when i see other and older ap babies children, i am always struck by what wonderful people they are and why parenting the way i do it is worth doing, and it is much clearer seeing it in a different family. i'm at a point, whether good or bad for me, that i can tell almost immediately, whether a baby has been nursed by how they look, and most children how they are parented just by their open heart. it is a striking difference that fuels me.

i cope by reminding myself that this dependence changes, and that since i will live to probably 80 years old or so, this is a small percentage of my life that it is this way, a small piece of the pie.
another thing that helps is to learn about the age you are dealing with. i had penelope leachs book your baby and child for this reason. now when i go to park day weekly and ruby is miserable, the other mammas know, that this is just the age where they protest, and it is a comforting thing that they understand and have dealt with it, since i need the commune even with her whining.


the guilt, well, some of that's a built in survival instinct. we weren't meant to leave our babies laying on the ground for the wolves. the personal guilt can be worked with. it feels disorienting to be without your children when you are with them all the time, and learning to enjoy yourself without them takes practice, armed with knowledge and confidence that it is a blip in their life that they will forget, when you trust the caregivers. the nursing is also a survival instinct. if i need to nurse anyone and i can't, my mind gets muddy and i begin to feel terrible physically. it is why mammals have survived. i have learned that my kids do fine when i leave them, and yes it is rare even with both side of the family here, which has much to do with my control issues.

now when i do leave them, even with dh, there is usually a level of playing by ear, where i have to feel okay with it when i'm leaving, and know that i can be called back at any time. that's the grace of cell phones. and it is not worth being without any child if i am going to fret the whole time, though it has happenned. action and consequence are what i want my kids and myself to learn from, though i find i'm better off if i just do something i have decided to do instead of my body dealing with disppointment. and yes , this takes practice too, and doesn't always feel quite right. but knowing that i can change my mind at anytime is empowering.

and yes, they cry when you come back or pick them up. it is the ULTIMATE COMPLIMENT that they feel comfortable enough to give you their emotions. this is an important fact of mammahood for me.

the bad news is that it gets different and sometimes worse as they get older. those of you with the one baby, this is about the cutest age ever. they wear their emotions on their sleeve so they go from throwing stuff at you to dancing spontaneously. they cannot argue yet or wear you down verbally, and cannot hold on to their anger yet since they lack much memory.
the good news is that it gets different and sometimes better as they get older. the big thing is us mammas get even more adept at being mothers. and the children naturally grow out of phases, when they are ready. though it is sometimes a process of years, i really believe in it whether it be natural development or bad habits.

power is what i needed to be reminded of a week ago. that these are my choices. to trust myself to change things if they are the wrong choices.

i went to mom's night out, a biweekly dinner that my homeschooling group puts together (where nursing non talking babies are allowed though i went alone) and met three other women (whoever show up does, and even the mammas with older kis do not always make it when intended). i was absolutely frazzled, and holding on to anger at others because i wanted things to change and felt too exhausted to do anything about it, and miserable that my family was impossible to live with just because i was depressed, and aggravated that my feelings were so contagious. i've have gone through this enough times that i finally know that eventually i just have to forgive everyone including myself, let go of fighting the issues and feel happier regardless of the situation.
one of the mothers, a woman with six kids from age eight and under, told me directly, that I HAVE THE MOST POWER IN MY FAMILY. and i spent the rest of the week realizing it again. this is the advice i needed, and i'm passing on to you.

many hugs and much love, i'll get off the podium now.
post #110 of 404
lil'missmama, i'm thinking of you too. it reminded me of all the times we have moved. and i hope you can get through feeling guilty and forgive yourself about working. sending healing thoughts.....

casina
post #111 of 404
casina:



i shall say more later...
post #112 of 404
I have a hard time leaving Georgia with anyone but her daddy and her day care provider (although that tooks months for me to get over!) I used to leave her with my parents or my inlaws but lately it has been too hard. My parents have been here for 2 weeks and GA loves them. She plays all day with them but as soon as I leave the room she freaks. She wasn't like this just last month. I know this is the clingy stage but she's got it very bad. Any momma's of older kids have any advice?

I am also having a hard time with GA hitting/pinching/pushing etc. She does it to me, daddy, other kids. How do you guys deal with that? What do you do?

We did night wean this week so I think that is making matters worse, although all of this started well before that. She was waking every 1-2 hours and I work 3 days a week. The cumulative effect of 17 months with no more than 2 hours sleep uninterupted had really taken it's toll on me.

Car seat - we are still rear facing although dh is icthing to turn her. I have a good friend who used to be the head of National Highway Traffic Safety Administration and she put the fear of god in me about kids and cars so I am holding out a while longer.

My parents bought GA a bike while they were here. It is so great a radio flyer that I can push and later she can ride. She LOVES it.

That's all here

Amy
post #113 of 404
Thread Starter 
Eli's carseat is still rear facing because his head is too big for him to be turned around. See, the reason that infant seats are rear facing is because their heads are so heavy in proportion to their bodies that in the event of a crash, their necks could not possibly maintain control of their heads. Well, Eli's head is about 60th percentile, but his weight is only 7th. That means that his head is still too big compared to his body for me to think about turning him around.

There have been a few times when Eli's been upset to get into the carseat. Each and every single time it's happened, it's been because he had had a growth spurt and the straps were forcing him into an uncomfortable position. We don't use the carseat for anything except riding in the car, so Eli's never associated it with anything else. We also use the carseat *every time* we get in the car, so Eli's never been in a vehicle without a carseat. It's not an option, and therefore it's not an issue. Carseats aren't like shoes or pants; we don't discuss it, we just do it. I don't think that turning his seat around would do anything positive for him, and I know that it could have potentially devastating consequences, so even though he weighs 22 pounds and is over a year old, he's staying rear facing.
post #114 of 404
DecemberSun, Grant gets the honor of naming this son since I got to name Christopher. He had picked out David Alexander so far. He claims that it isn't permanent yet but he calling the baby David now. I like that name.

Rachel is there the possibility of going to see Harry Potter w/Jacob at a time when Owen isn't sleeping? I know that on some Saturdays, you can go see a movie in the morning or afternoon. It is tough to leave your child. Once a month I go to Mom's Night Out and I leave Christopher w/Grant. I miss him the whole night even though I am having fun and he is weaned sort of. Every now and then when he isn't feeling well, he wants to nurse which is once every 3-4 weeks.
post #115 of 404
Quote:
Originally Posted by hjohnson
Rachel is there the possibility of going to see Harry Potter w/Jacob at a time when Owen isn't sleeping?
Yes, sort of. I thought about that--trouble is, my mom is really the only one I trust enough to watch Owen. She works 6 days/week (Mon-Sat), so I feel guilty asking her to sit here on her only day off.
post #116 of 404
We turned Owen's carseat around in February. It was getting so hard to keep him rear facing. I couldn't see him well enough for him to have a snack, hand him anything, etc. It's made a wonderful difference to have him forward facing. He is so strong, so I didn't worry at all.
post #117 of 404
Mamajaza- are you picking the name yourself, or do you have your partner's input? Did you name Haeven yourself?

I like the name David, Heather. We were tossing that name around when I was preg. w/ DS because DH's first son had an imaginary friend he called "Davey". :LOL

Rynna, we did the same thing with Zach- we couldn't name him until we saw his face. He was either a Zachary Soza or an Izaac Jacob. He definitely looked more like a Zachary, no doubt about it.

Both Zachary and Julianna have forward-facing carseats. We drive a huge Yukon, so I'm hoping it'll hold up safely in an accident... I don't even want to think about what *could happen*, God forbid...
post #118 of 404
Quote:
Originally Posted by casina



i was absolutely frazzled, and holding on to anger at others because i wanted things to change and felt too exhausted to do anything about it, and miserable that my family was impossible to live with just because i was depressed, and aggravated that my feelings were so contagious.
Yes, this is a tough one. The mother sets the tone, emotionally, psychically, spiritually. My hardest days are days when I'm grumpy and attached to being grumpy while wishing everyone else would be kinder/happier/lighter etc. What I find most difficult is not the actual grumpiness etc but rather the fact that I have a choice in the matter and sometimes I just plain choose grumpiness. My family is affected which then rebounds back to mama. Emotion is circular YK.

Abranger, when I read about your sleep, or lack thereof, all I could think was s to you, mama. Ds is also a big nightwaker but I am not required to work outside the home as well. How is the nightweaning going?

We went to a bbq last night. Very enjoyable, lots of children of all ages, moms tuned in to their babes. There was about 15 mins where dh took over fully and I could just be. I didn't quite know what to do with myself without my little one at my hip. I watched myself go from room to room looking for what? Eventually I settled outside on the deck with a view of the mountains. It felt so nice to simply sit alone, quietly.

Ds has also taken to calling 'mama, mama' everytime I leave the room. I have to admit I find it very touching, his little voice calling out for his ground, his universe and the fact that I am that ground, that universe is stunning to me. Not that it's not inconvenient sometimes just that I see it as a miracle. He's also taken to hiding things around our place. When I come across a car carefully stuffed into some books, or a wrench wedged into the futon or a shoe neatly placed beneath the armoire I have to smile. I find it so poignant and I'm not quite sure why. There's something intimate about these findings, they point to an inner life, private and personal, slowly unfolding. Our little ones are worlds, deep and refined on a certain level already.
post #119 of 404
when elwynn and i went camping he burned his finger a bit. now when he sees anyone..stranger or family he todles up and shows them and wants them to kiss it better.. he says "oh, gosh, owie!" its so sweet. i leave him with his pappa pretty often now, but its a new thing. for the longest time i didnt like leaving him anywhere and there are only a few family members who i trust. i know for me though, when i started to take a bit more space for myself i felt a lot happier when i was with elwynn. i started to go to some martail arts classes and i really love it. i think that mommas have to remember to do things for themselves, because we are all so selfless and so involved with our children that we forget that we need love and nurturing too

oh and when elwynn wants to nurse now he says "milka milka..pease"
post #120 of 404
erin is hiding things too. mostly ocks -- socks. In shoes, in cups, in whatever is handly.

Quote:
She works 6 days/week (Mon-Sat), so I feel guilty asking her to sit here on her only day off.
think of it this way -- she gets to spend time with her grandson. One on one time that is precious to come by from the sounds of it. My MIL would love to come. Of course, if your mom doesn't think of it that way....it is a whole other story.

rachel i am coming to minneapolis this week, i don't think i'll have time to hook up. I want to maximize my work time when I am away from erin (yeah, based on this morning's websurfing that is hard to believe).

****
and on mom's mood setting the tone -- totaly true around here. The good thing is recognizing that I need my space has really improved my relationship with my husband and with my child
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