November/December '02 --the latest incarnation - Page 8

[eilonwy]

Originally Posted by Brayg

I've decided to put my life on hold! :LOL That makes me feel better, to be honest with you.

It's really interesting that you say that, because I see things just the other way; when I get to go out to a movie by myself, *that's* putting my life on hold, or taking a vacation. Being EliBean's mommy is my life right now. It seems pretty natural to me, and it's easier when I stop and realize that it's such a short period of time in the long run. I've probably got at the very least 35 more good years in me, so what's a few now? Whenever I hear an older person talk about their baby who is all grown up, I'm reminded of how short a time they are kids and it makes it easier for me to deal with the daily grind.

That's not to say that I don't need breaks on occasion... but I have to tell you, I didn't feel the need for breaks very often until I got pregnant again. I think I took three before NewBean was concieved, so that's three in ten months. And two of those were in the early days, when I was still stressed out from Eli's birth; I went to Border's, drank hot chocolate and read books and magazines for two hours. :LOL It was a vacation!

I'm fairly confident that this will change once NewBean arrives; two kids are a lot more stress, and a lot more work than one. So every now and then, I will put my life on hold, drive to Panera with a book, have a bowl of soup and then sit there reading until they close. I know I won't be the best Mamma I can be without the occasional sabbatical.

[Mona]

a quick chiming in to say that dd too is my life, and i am fine with it. as i've said before, it took me 4 years to concieve dd. i honor and respect the fact that she came to me, and i feel i owe it to her to be there for her as much as humanely possible. this is not to say that i wouldn't mind a few more breaks, these last weeks especially. but it is something that i've choosen- having a child. ykwim?

darn, dd is litterally pulling me away from the keyboard.....

[lilmiss'mama]

yesterday Scarlett tried to say her name for the first time. it came out like "sarett"

[Mona]

ok, after i posted i re-thought about what i said, and i think saying "dd is my life" is not exactly a healthy perspective, for me anyway. i'd like to rephrase that as, dd is my main focus. :LOL may be symantics, but as i'm struggling w/ my internal spiritual practice (read: the lack of focus i've been putting on it the last year and a half), i scared myself by saying that dd is my life. i mean, i want to live a balanced life, ya know?

anyway, i have choosen to put the majority of my energies into raising dd. but i do think some "me" time is crucial in ultimately serving dd. for me, this translates into time alone to meditate, clean, read, ect.
maybe some time in the future that will mean time away from the house. but for now, i remain close at almost all times.

[Brayg]

Originally Posted by eilonwy

It's really interesting that you say that, because I see things just the other way; when I get to go out to a movie by myself, *that's* putting my life on hold,

Whoops! I totally didn't mean it that way. Now I feel horrible!

I guess what I meant is that I decided to put other aspects of my life on hold because my duty is to my child/ren and they come first. I fully agree: my kids/family ARE my life, but so are some of the day to day things that come up that I may have to say "no" to--like reunions, movies, meetings, dental visits (I'm finally getting to go to the dentist this Tuesday!), etc...those things also make up my "life" and I'm choosing to put those on hold for now.

k...hope that sounded better!

[kerc]

scarlet is a hard name to say. wow that she tried it!
erin i think is having more success with "champ" than erin. the er sound is kinda hard.

heather -- what a perfect bday present. is it your bday?

gotta run. dinner calls.

[lilmiss'mama]

Mona-- I agree with your perspective. It is important to have a mama life too.


Scarlett has been trying to use more words lately. She talks a lot about "froggie jump, monkey jump, bunny hop", and lots of things are "stinky"LOL

[tea olive]

solsticemama, are these friends that don't have kids that are saying these things?

[hjohnson]

Originally Posted by kerc

scarlet is a hard name to say. wow that she tried it!
erin i think is having more success with "champ" than erin. the er sound is kinda hard.

heather -- what a perfect bday present. is it your bday?

gotta run. dinner calls.

Kristin yesterday was my 29th birthday. Can't believe 30 is next year.

[*solsticemama*]

Yes, one doesn't have any children so it's easier to put her comments in some kind of perspective but the other one does and because she's got the context it's harder. She's a lovely woman, very kind but with a different style of parenting. She's older too, her kids are grown, so the dynamic is slightly different than it would be with a peer. She doesn't get why I want ds in bed with us, why I waited so long for solids and am still nursing, why I don't use a babysitter etc and because the reasons are intertwined with the very fabric of who I am as a woman I decided to stop explaining. The result of this is a whole unspoken dialogue that's going on between us. It's all good tho YK. She's taught me alot and there is a mutual respect there and these days I'm thinking to be able to live with ambiguity is key and it's often what brings texture to my days, much as I may want things black or white sometimes.

hpjohnson belated birthday wishes to you

December Sun where are you these days, mama?

[Brayg]

Happy Belated Birthday Heather!

Rose--you hit the nail on the head...

>>>because the reasons are intertwined with the very fabric of who I am as a woman<<<

My whole identity (by choice) right now is being a mom. The thought of going and doing something without my kids feels strangely like shedding my skin--something I do not desire to do. If I am gone without my kids, something always comes up and I find myself lost and wishing they were there by my side.

[tea olive]

i'm ready for my vacation now.

[punkprincessmama]

Originally Posted by Brayg

Happy Belated Birthday Heather!

Rose--you hit the nail on the head...

>>>because the reasons are intertwined with the very fabric of who I am as a woman<<<

My whole identity (by choice) right now is being a mom. The thought of going and doing something without my kids feels strangely like shedding my skin--something I do not desire to do. If I am gone without my kids, something always comes up and I find myself lost and wishing they were there by my side.

Brayg, ITA with your entire post (including the happy birthday Heather part hope it was a great day!)

Casina, are you going somewhere, or just dreaming?

Look, here's a pic of my dd and I



:LOL Love that new smiley

Hope all is well with you mamas....

[punkprincessmama]

Hey Mama Fern,

Ever since I saw the pics you shared with us of Elwynn, I've had the slogan "Boobs not Bombs" in my head. Would it be okay with you if I put in my signature?

















Pretty Pretty Please ??

[tea olive]

venting

i'm ready to go somewhere but haven't done anything about it. we've talked about going to gulf shores or destin since it is not far to drive. my dh's schedule is and always has been wacky, and he has to plan the trip because if he is not completely okay with spending on the credit card to do something fun, then it is intolerable and a waste of money.

i'm also up for a big mothering dot commune gathering so i can meet everyone in real life.

my eldest has been annoying me more lately, and hitting more again. it wears me out and i need to stop thinking of him as an enemy. and my dh and his band had a show this evening, but i totally forgot since i can not remember verbally as well as written. so it really threw me off that he was leaving (as well as everything else). i need to get him to email me or circle the date on the calendar.

.........
haha, i forgot i left this on and put the kids to bed over an hour ago. i just threw the biggest tantrum and for the most part they enjoyed it and told me they loved me.

so i guess my mood has been quelled! i'm gonna go mix some paint now, and go decorate the wall i've been thinking about all day. when i get it done the pleasure of it will keep me from being so crabby.

[Mona]

casina- i hope your evening got better and that you had fun with the painting. s to you...
i think a gathering would be so much fun! they are having one in wisconson in a few weeks, but that might as well be greece! :LOL it is too bad that we live so far from each other.

omg, i just noticed this new smile : it is funny!
and i love the new toddler one. i have to use that in my sig line i think.

[eilonwy]

casina, I have days like that too!

I love that new smiley! I cracked up, Mike came running in to see what was up and then he started laughing too. That's my BeanBean! :LOL He's definately a drive-by nurser!

Mike and I saw Harry Potter and had a lovely date. Yay! Now I'm off to AC Moore to get some knitting needles for.... My First Pair of Woolly Shorts!

[Mona]

ugh... dd swallowed a dime this morning. i have a thead posted about it, but wanted to know if anyone has any advice on getting it to expel as quickly as possible..... :

[tea olive]

either my kids have never swallowed money, or i have no idea that they had.

my taking care of your child book (section 78, swallowed foreign objects) says that more concerning are: dissolving items, items being lodged in the windpipe, and something sharp puncturing the intestine in which none apply to you. in the situation of successful swallowing of nondissolving ogjects, the book does not suggest calling or seeing a doctor (which of course does not meant that we can't, i'm stressing that it doesn't consider it necessary).

it says "the best strategy is to do nothing unless you are force to do something". and suggests home treatment of looking at bowel movements in next few days to reassure yourself, and if you don't see it, "it is a far better bet that you missed it than it did not pass."

(it says that perforation requires surgery but it is known that "even razor blades have gone through an entire digestive system without noticeable effect." maybe i'm weird, but i find that reassuring) it says "the children's favorites among non dissoving objects are coins, buttons, eyes from teddy bears and dolls, safety pins, and fruit pits. nature seems to have prepared the digestive tract well because even very sharp objects such as open safety pins, pieces of glass, needles, and straight pins regularly pass through the bowels with the greatest of ease."


hope this helps monalisa
hugs to you. i know for me this is the kind of situation where i learn about myself and fear, and use it only to keep me vigilant.

much love, casina

[DecemberSun]

Well, I'm back... (Mac and I went to Mexico for 5 days, hee hee...) It was a much-needed, very relaxing mini-vacation. And it put my whole life back into perspective. Lately, I've just been going crazy trying to get some ME-time, without my son screaming his head off and scaring off any prospective sitters (always family members- our fam. is HUUUUUGE, and very close). I'm dividing my time between my perfect first born son, my dear husband, and two foster daughters needing their own love and validation, and I had no idea where to go from there. I was just all mixed up and frustrated, and while I was in Mexico listening to the waves and feeling the wind and watching the sun go down, and I didn't have to BE anywhere or DO anything, but just BE-- I just kind of re-thought what my plan was. My little baby is just that- such a LITTLE BABY. In our society, 18 months of age is, like, OLD, but in my mind my baby is still so needy, YK? I was having these thoughts in the back of my head that he still needs me so much, but at the same time I'm trying to stretch away from him and make him grow up faster than he's ready to because I've been "taught" to think of him as a toddler instead of a baby. It sounds so horrible to admit it, but I was going against my AP instincts to instead go by what society thought of as normal. (Does this make any sense?) "Wean, CIO, get them on their own and out into the world" or someting like that! So, I was thinking I needed to get him to sleep through the night and go to sleep without nursing and basically be able to exist without me, so I can have some time away, when right now my life SHOULD be about him, and I should be here with him, shaping his mind and teaching him, and just watching him grow and ENJOYING him. He's still so little, and so young, and I'll NEVER get this time back, so I have no idea why I was in such a rush... (The baby fever does have a baring on it, but I've relaxed about that, too... It'll happen later in life and if it doesn't, well, life goes on!) My life can still be MY life with Zach in it, even if he's attached to my breast 24/7. I don't care anymore who says what to me about my son being bratty or clingy or needy or spoiled. He's MY baby and I love him and he loves me and the way I parent has been working out just fine for us! (YES, he still very much needs the boob at 18 months, but he also jumps into the pool by himself and he talks to strangers and he's hilarious and charismatic and AWESOME, thank you very much!) I guess it just took a new environment (and a few beers and a conversation with my mama) to put me back in perspective. So, I'm back. I'm me again. And I'm not going to push my baby away and make him grow up any faster than he wants to. He'll only be little once (sniff, sniff) and he's so incredibly beautiful that I just need to ENJOY him to the fullest extent possible, and be thankful that he's here and he's mine...

How ironic that you guys had your own little discussion about all this going on while I was in Mexico finding it out for myself. Our special tribe is bonded closer than we know, it seems...

Hope you had a nice b-day, Heather. Sosticemama, I didn't get to see the pics of your DS. The link didn't work for me for some reason...