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November/December '02 --the latest incarnation - Page 9

post #161 of 404
December Sun, your post was so beautiful and very well said.
Welcome back
post #162 of 404
Nice to read that you've figured things out, decembersun. It IS hard to remember how precious our little ones are at every moment of the day. We have needs too. I'm finding it particularly hard because I'm pregnant and I have to protect my belly from her little feet and knees all the time, amungst other things. It gets frustrating. And I wish she would just "grow-up" because she still does all those totally annoying things sometimes, but she won't till she's ready. I'm trying to accept that it will be like I am going to have twins once this new babe arrives. I don't want my DD to be pushed to grow up, even then. Just saying IKWYM, decembersun.

We went to the park yesterday and haeven had her fill of pin cherries (and seeds) I hope they come out as many as went in.:LOL
post #163 of 404
Are you saying you got away for 5 days? you are my hero and I am officially jelous. I am planning on being away for 2-3 weeks (probably 2) 18 months from nbow and i am already stressing about leaving Ava. at the same time if I had the oppritunity to go away right now I might not even stop to pack. Of course as I right this she has just drifted off with all her treasures in her hands (her sisters b-day card, a pack of bobby pins that shake nicely and something else I can't make out. ) and is just so cute and swwet I can hardly keep frm sobbing. these little babies really mess without minds. how do thay do that?

Speaking of Ava . . . My oldest dd is 7 1/2. She has been walking for 6 of those years (she was a little late) so for those last 6 years everytime a child has been at MILs house people have been jumping up to keep someone from hitting thier head on the piano bench. Well, we finally broke our streak. Funny how for a girl who they could not get to bleed (after poking 25 times in the head, heal arm and leg) they couldn't get enough blood for so much as a PKU test, now she is the biggest bleeder. In about 15 seconds she soaked her onsie completely. I haven't seen the diaper yet. she was wearing a freshly dyed one size and ME airflow. hope it isn't ruined. I of course was completely un-reachable (last person on the planet without a cell phone) but on the upside my dh had overslept and hadn't gone to work yet so MIL was able to reach him. he not only took care of it calmly, a man who has been to two dr.s appointments with the kids and only 3 prenatals and hasn't got a clue what I do by way of that managed to call ask a nurse, disregard thier advice, take her to an off hours clinic, but not just any, the right one! and gt her glued back together and she was happily playing back at grandmas in a reletively well put on diaper (which he has never changed) and clean clothes. and her hair still looked pretty My friend even has a messege proving how calm he was. and ooo! I didn't leave a carseat, and meant to mention that "in case of an emergancy she is big enough for the booster and Lily can sit in a reegular seat" but decided not to because even though MIL is pretty militant she might consider running for milk an demergancy. you never know. But dh figured it our without missing a beat and since someone had to hold a cloth to her head she ddn't have the option of fiddleing with the seat belt. so he did great. I am making him handle this stuff from now on.
post #164 of 404

punkprincessmomma-go for it..! boobs not bombs for all!
and thanks everyone for your comments on the pictures. all of your babies are beautiful too! i always have fun seeing pictures.

we've been busy in the city, but im going home tomorow. and oh how i'm home sick. its been nice being in vancouver around all of my friends, but there is somthing so nice about going home to where there isnt so much drama, and there is a quiet home to retire to. my best friend and doula is moving to montreal in a few weeks..im pretty sad about it. shes going for 7 years..midwifery school... ...she has a son who is almost a year. it makes me sad to think it may be a whole year before i see him again. she has promised to come back in the summer. but that is a whole year away.

..life is a bit hard these days. elwynn's pappa is being a real ass right now. ive cried my eyes out almost every day this week. i guess we are broken up..its a mutual thing, and im happy about it but i dont know why he is being so immature and selfish. he told me he is going away for the whole summer after i spent 100$ for classes that i was going to take because he Promised to take care of elwynn on those days. now im wondering what im going to do. it doesnt feel okay to me that he thinks he can walk in and out of our lives when it is convienient for him without any thought of how it makes elwynn and i feel. i want to just close my doors to him and tell him to never bother rme again. *sigh*

im sure things will look brighter tomorow.

jazz, ill bring my digital camera over now that i have the cord that i need to DL the photos and we can take a bunch of pics of the babies and your belly if you want and put them up. ill be home tomorow. i miss you!
post #165 of 404
leah: five days? did you take kiddos? (um, not flaming in any way by asking that. kind of jealous of five days in a warm climate and feeling a little touched out by my dd).

mamafern -- hugs to you. That sounds like a really hard situation for both you and ds. I have no words of wisdom. These situations are always the kind that make me seek the advice of older women. I spent some time in the south and realized while there that old southern women generally have a story to tell and are a wealth of knowledge.

lilyka -- WOW! That is great news all around. (a). that dd is ok (b). dh is totally capable of doing things himself and (c). that you now know that dh is capable. And umm, 2-3 weeks away -- that sounds like fun.

gotta run. playgroup is at my house tomorrow and well, it is a disaster zone.
post #166 of 404
s mamafern...I totally know where you are coming from. My xdp is a back up plan at best. It is much easier for me to see him as that then to get my hopes up that he will actually help me or do what he said he would. And I can sympathize with the whole we are together, no were not together, were together, etc... I am just finally okay with not being together and it has taken awhile. It is so painful, but it does get better.

I know I posted awhile back that Scarlett started talking about animals, but my goodnes, she has turned into a talker overnight! She went from knowing words, but not saying much to trying to say almost everything. It is so cute to hear her try to pronouce words. cheep (chip), um on mommy (come on mommy), samu (samual her cousin), gama (grandma)
She loves to torment Revina by going up to her with her arm stretched out and saying "push" She doesn't actually touch Revina, but it sends Revina into fits. Scarlett thinks she is so funny!

I cut her hair today. I took off about an inch and a half in some places. She was starting to resemble the shaggy dog, I think she is happy to be able to see again
post #167 of 404
wow, Leah...sounds like your trip was a major reflection time. Glad it's so clear for you! Welcome back, btw.

Owen seems to be getting more attached to me lately. I've been trying to let dh and him have their time together. Instead of me getting up in the morning on the weekends, dh has been doing it (finally! for almost 18 months, it's been all my job to get up in the morning because I'm the one w/breasts! :LOL). I've come to the realization that my 18 month old child WILL survive without breastmilk until I get up--which is usually only an hour or so after he gets up. Of course the first thing we do when I get up is nurse--he meets me at our chair with the pillow!

I've also kind of stepped back a bit and let dh help him with a lot of the day to day stuff. It's usually easier for me to just do it, but Owen needs to know that daddy is just as capable and it's ok. I tend to just do too much.
post #168 of 404
lilmiss--Owen has also started saying a TON of words all of a sudden. I finally realized that he's been saying Jacob, but I didn't know it. He says "cup-cup" and here I thought he was talking about a cup! :LOL He can say banana now too. It's just so awesome--I LOVE this age!
post #169 of 404

mess of thoughts out there, maybe from reading too much science fiction

mamafern, that sucks. i find your vibe emanating so loudly from your post it just makes me want to come over.

from my understanding so far, most men are not able to understand and otherwise have no clue from other people how much they affect women and their babies. they cannot fathom the invisible threads and how they easily can wreak havoc on the microcosm of love you have created.

and it is hard for the mammas for many reasons, but i find it really painful that we usually want the kids to have the connection with the dad, and endure weird shit because of that reason. i have wondered about the state of monogamy for the past few years, what it is going to be like for my daughter and such.

i have worked really hard on my marriage and i consider it a good one. but i'm wondering if this is what is meant to be for women anthropologically or economically in the future. there are more single mamas than not anyway, though that is i'm sure a contributing factor in detached parenting due to the framework of life in the states. i think the failed general expectation of lifelong partnership and participation is what is heartbreaking and disappointing. and we deserve to have great partners and families and accountable daddies for our kids, or we need to create more village situations where we are more independent, and consider making shorter partner contracts and changing the standards a little. many times me and friends have wondered about the logistics of polygamy or being lesbian mothers. i'm always interested in situations that would give me an extra mamma or two or even a circle of mammas i loved that i live nest door to.

i guess i'll have to figure out society and religion another day. i promise that if i happen to become immortal i will do it, maybe start by destroying the sprawl and making pattern language communities. but in this mortal life i'm not very
reliable these days. perhaps the intentional community i want will happen.


MEANWHILE, i'm finding my kids absolutely lovely today.
post #170 of 404

Well on that note....

Hello again my friends..it's been so long since I posted here I should probly reintroduce myself..(although a lurking I have been) I am Jaime and my DS is Zachary..and we are doing ok..in the midst of our currently and hopefully temporary turmoil of a life...you see... I left my husband a few weeks ago and moved back home with family and friends..I am pretty sure my marriage is over but I feel like my life is just beginning..and my son who is the love of my life is with me and safe so a time for healing is at hand...so keep us in those positive thoughts Mamas we need all the help we can get.. however I am pondering a "stage" in my sons life ..he has become kind of aggressive towards me lately..he has begun hitting me and kicking me and he never did this before it seems to be getting progressively worse too..I am unsure how to deal with this because he is normally so sweet and loving..I am pretty sure its a fallout reaction from the changes in our life recently but I am unsure as to how I should deal with it.. my family says I should smack him back but that doesn't feel right to me..I know he is scared and unsure like I am but I could use a bit of guidance from you more experienced mamas...well thanks for letting me ramble... hoping for some sound advice and good vibes...
post #171 of 404
welcome back. on him hitting you ---? more attention from you? talking out loud about your feelings and ways to deal with them? find another way for him to let out frustration and those feelings. Gosh that sounds like such a tough spot.
post #172 of 404
Mamas, come on, do you really think I could/would leave Zach for 5 days??? He would scream until he passed out, seriously. He has asthma and he just goes crazy when I *attempt* to let him cry a little bit. He just doesn't give in for anything, except the "bobby". And I really am ok with that!

Part of the reason I came into some clarity is because it was just me and my baby I had to look after. No Daddy, no Crystal Pistol, no Julianna Banana, no doggies (my Luna is pregnant!!! ), no plants to water, laundry to fold, diapers to dunk, meals to cook, etc., etc. I could focus on myself while Zach was sleeping- which allowed me to sit in the ocean with a cold beer, talking to my mom about everything and nothing. And when Zachary was awake we'd eat fresh Baja seafood, and take walks down the beach and pick up shells and he'd giggle when his naked butt would fall in the tide pools, and he'd run away from the big waves. The most precious thing I have ever seen in my ENTIRE life were his tiny little footprints in the sand... Oh, it just made me MELT!

Zaxmama, welcome back. My Zachary went through a hitting faze about a month or two ago. He still does it sometimes when I tell him "no" about something. I tried hitting him back, but then it turns into a slap fest and we end up laughing. So, now I hold his arm down so he can't move it and he gets so PISSED. He hates being restricted, so it seems to work for us. I tell him "Don't hit, it's not nice" and hold his arm. He's learning not to hit me, but he still hits his sisters, but I think that's perfectly normal...?

Casina, glad you're feeling good. I can only imagine the immense amount of patience it takes to do all that you do... What does your DH play in the band? Mine plays guitar, and drums sometimes. I sing. We're recording "Kid Fears" by the Indigo Girls on a borrowed 4-track right now. What a stress reliever music can be!

This Thursday I'm going to meet with other like-minded mamas, and I can not wait! We're starting a 'birth circle' where we can sit around and talk about our pregnancies, labors, and births, and also structure some support for pregnant and laboring mamas when the time comes. We can come in and watch their other children, cook meals, do housework, or go to the hospital and serve as doula, give massages, keep the room quiet, etc. I'm excited because nursing babies (and toddlers) are always welcome to the groups, so I can bring Zach without guilt. I'm going to an evening wedding this Friday. My friend of 11 years is getting married, and I'm leaving Zach here with my brother and sister in-law... I'm scared! But I don't feel guilty... I'm just going to enjoy myself and hope for the best.
post #173 of 404
last night was kind of slapping at me too... more of a arm in the air thing. she was very over tired, so i know that played into it. when she is wound up, w/o enough quiet time (read: over stimulated), i think she becomes overwhelmed. i told her no, and then changed the scene.

i've recently decided that i need to build more "quiet time" into our day some how, so that she can process things a bit more and feel inside. too much stimulation, doing all the time, makes her a bit chaotic and stretched.

i'm sorry to hear about the partner issues for many of you. my dh and i do not have the best relationship either, unfortunately, but are trying to work on it. i agree w/ casina's comments. i have a friend who says that men will always be, to a certain extent, boys. they (the majority) really do not have the ability to be responsible like women (mamas) are, in that we so readily self sacrifice. i could go on and on, but need to get moving.

oh- no dime in the poop yet. i'm starting to get a bit concerned....
post #174 of 404
Mona, I forgot to replay to your post about the dime. Zachary swallowed a tiny turquoise colored ball (the size of a cherry pit) while he was playing at his cousin's. I had no idea he swallowed it until I saw it in his diaper as I went to dunk it! My brother and I were partial to swallowing nickels when we were little- something about the size and thickness or something. My mom is an RN and she never freaked when we swallowed them, and she didn't really watch to see if they came out, so I wouldn't worry too much. As long as she's not having trouble breathing and you're sure it went down all the way, she should be fine I think. All they're going to do if you take her to the doc is take an X-ray and say "Yep, it's a dime. Wait until it comes out." It might take a little while to move through the intestine. Zach's ball took about 3 days.

Fern and Jasanna- I'll be a little closer to you guys this summer. We're going to Spokane for 2 weeks. My brother lives there on Mt. Spokane in the house my dad built himself. We used to backpack up in Valhalla every summer, but not since Zachary came along!
post #175 of 404

Mona, I've been wondering how the dime situation was playing out. Maybe she didn't swallow it afterall. Apparently I swallowed a penny when I was a toddler and my mom did what you're doing and it did come out eventually. Keep us posted.

DecemberSun it took about 30 seconds for me to realize that you didn't leave your ds at home. All the posts about him needing the breast to go to sleep etc made me realize that it would be, at the very least, a physical impossibility for both of you. Interesting how you were working thru what we were all discussing.

As to the dh situation, well the division of labor is pretty standard in our home altho dh has taken on the dishes completely. The mandala is always moving, circling. Grumpiness, fatigue and being underappreciated keep things stagnant tho. On good days I remember this.

MamaFern & Zaxmama s to you both. on your transition

Lilmiss'mama where are you at with your move?

Casina what color did you paint the wall?
post #176 of 404
Thread Starter 
My little man is sick, and I am huge and tired (though unexpectedly feeling rather... libidinous of late ) and ready to not be pregnant anymore, except that I don't want to have NewBean until EliBean is better. He's probably got pneumonia and that's not something I want his new sister exposed to. So I'm feeling conflicted, because I'm so ready to have the baby but I don't want her to get sick.

On the up side, I've recently discovered that knitting soakers is very fast and very easy for me. I'll have to make one for Eli, and try out some other patterns. Fun, exciting stuff. And who knows, maybe I could even make a little bit of money on the side which is always helpful! I've been knitting for years, but I never tried to knit a soaker because a) I'm allergic to wool and b) I thought it would take a lot longer. Turns out that my wool allergy, along with several others, has at least temporarily abated. Very cool stuff! (I was also fascinated the other day when I stood outside and, for the first time since I can remember, I smelled new mown grass without sniffling or getting red, itchy eyes or wheezing. It actually doesn't smell bad! :LOL)

Tomorrow I'm going to try a pattern of my own design, and test it on my BeanBoy. I love having hobbies! :LOL
post #177 of 404
*Solsticemama*, we are tentatively planning on leaving Sunday. I can't believe the time has actually come; I have been thinking about it for so long. I am scared, sad, and excited all at once. Scared b/c things are so iffy for us in Tucson...housing, childcare, etc... Sad to be leaving my family...Excited for our new adventure and friends. However, I just need to do it, it will never be perfect, so I just believe it will all work out! Once we go I don't know how long it will be before I can post again. I will have a computer, but affording internet service may not be possible. I'll try and check in on my friend's computer.
Congratulations on a 1000 posts!!
I am close and thought maybe I could get there before I left, we'll see!

Scarlett is really into hitting Revina these days. I tell her that it hurts Revina and we touch gently. I usually just end up removing her from the situation. Yesterday, she hit me and I took her hand and said gentle and showed her with her hand. She tried to repeat gentle and then touched me very softly. I praised her and thought oh good that worked, then she smacked me even harder than the first time , so I got up and walked away. I think she'll just grow out of it eventually.
post #178 of 404
Just a little note on the man-issue. I would like to say that my brother (mamfern's partner) IS still a boy, literally. He is just 20 years old right now. Just felt like sticking up for him a bit, as I'm his big sister. He has a LOT of growing up to do.

In my situation, my DD's daddy very much wants to be in our life. But I feel the need to have the support of my family right now. He lives over 9 hours away, but he is welcome to come whenever he is able. He finds it more important to stay where he is than to come live near us, because of the fact that he has made a name for himself where he lives. He does carpentry and other gardening things. He misses us a lot, and is coming to visit again before the new babe is born. I like things the way that they are right now. I having my mom there for me all the time. I feel that this is (partially) how it is supposed to be. It does feel like a community sometimes, as my grandparents live nearby as well, and I think it is so good for haeven to have them in her life as well.

I totally understand and believe in the "it takes a village to raise a child" term. I felt so isolated before, living out in the country in a (beautiful) place. I want to share my children's beauty with others while they are so young, and they will benefit too, from having a mom that's not s. I want to be able to enjoy my babies, not feel such total responsibility that I never have a moment to myself.

Anyways, I think we're all on the same wave-length, right? If we all could live in a community we would.

eilonwy~I'm going to learn how to knit soakers too! looks like fun. I've also made a bunch of butt-sweaters and one with leggings that looks great! They are sooo easy to make BTW.Hope your boy gets better soon so your little girl can come out safely!

Decembersun~Maybe you could come visit. It's beautiful around here in that time of year. Have to do lots of swimming! Spokane is actually quite far, but if you go to vancouver island, we're on the way.

have to go, baby is gGGGrrumpy, and sleepy...
post #179 of 404
Do you think men act the way they do, b/c it is what we expect from them? It seems as though a lot of times they are expected to act like children or not get it in terms of relationships and families. It is like the boys will be boys attitude. We write young fathers off as 'oh well they just have a lot of growing up to do' Young mothers aren't treated as such. I bet most young fathers have partners/wives that are young as well. Yet, the mothers are supposed to be responsible and act like a mother. Shouldn't men be held in the same light? Just some thoughts...
post #180 of 404
expectation is a factor in how people behave, especially when it comes to my children as they grow up. however, i have been thinking more about the difference between boys and girls simply because i have a girl now. ruby and reed are in so many ways the same person, just different sexes (and more enlightened mother with sling). her awareness is so different. she is able to do things that my boys still can't do. clay is in between them in many ways but her empathy and intuition is very apparent. my boys seem to think in much more a linear fashion while she can see and think about ten fifty things at a time and understands that she is part of the universe, not the universe itself. (that brings to mind two songs i've been learning to play and sing that compare a male and female viewpoint of the end of a relationship: big star/chris bell's i am the cosmos, and emiliana torrini's to be free)

i don't know if i had told y'all and am too lazy to read back but not too long ago, my dh told me that he realized he was not the smartest fastest best person in the whole world when he was eleven years old (because he lost a footrace at school) i've always been aware of his self-centeredness, and had always kind of blamed my mil for her parenting. but the more i look i see more boys and men being this way. i have started becoming friends with a woman who has the same age children but opposite sexes, and parents similarly, and it is becoming clear how different her life is from mine, just because of the sexes.

i have alot to say about the hitting, and i've come full circle in the past two months about how i'm parenting (yes, even seriously considering spanking) especially because of this subject. i've decided i'm happy with the way i'm doing things, but it is not the easiest path. so do you want to hear it?
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