Homebirth Mama's Thread....May 18th - Page 2

[mollyeilis]

Thanks.

DoulaSarah, gosh I'm trying to do those things...the sex part escapes us though. Due to his belly, my belly, his legs (they are very muscular, and when he's lying down they are very tall and his build is broad), my legs (very short), there's really no position for us other than a modified missionary. Unfortunately, that really hurts my pelvic bones right now.

Any suggestions? None of the usual recommendations work for us (we've tried).


The midwives are now insisting that the NST and AFI be done on Monday at the latest. I am just soooo against this (ultrasound in general, as well as doing this before 42 weeks) and I don't know what to do.

I had my husband take this over, and he's relaying the conversation to me. And what all this double-speak comes down to is....fear. Fear-based practice within my midwife's office.

[Dreaming]

Molly- We have had success with modified spoons (where I lay on my side and he needs to figure the rest out because I'm not about to ). Hope you go into labor well before Monday.

Sarah- I hear you on the cat hair thing. 2 weeks isn't so much- maybe she's lower in your pelvis?

[LizD]

Hey Molly, check out the UC support boards and anything you can get a hold of from the Farm. It is awful to feel you have to choose between support on your own terms (which you know to be healthiest) and no support at all, based on the blind protocols of someone's office, or insurance company, or licensing board. Lots of luck but don't forget it is never too late to change plans!

[TurboClaudia]

Molly: hugs to you I'm guessing that your midwives are probably freaking a little because of Washington state laws regarding midwifery licensure. If I remember correctly, attending a homebirth after 42 weeks is kind of a no-no for them, as is attending a homebirth for twins or a baby that is presenting breech. I can't even imagine the stress of your care providers pressuring you into a choice you are not comfortable with, but please know that I'm thinking of you and sending you peaceful labor vibes...

I think I'm starting to get a little anxious and a little bored with being pregnant. Oh, and drinking water is beginning to taste really bad. I try mixing water and juice, but then I get heartburn and an acid-y tummy... ick... I go back and forth about liking the baby in my belly and wanting to meet baby face-to-face. We are both curious to see what all those grandiose in-the-belly movements look like without multiple muscles and ligaments and tendons and skin in the way, not to mention curious whether we are having a son or daughter and what we will end up naming the baby...

Still flagellating on the rocker/glider issue... Thanks for sharing all your experiences! The whole comfortableness vs. beautifulness issue is probably the root issue for me more so than the price thing, especially since we are not paying for it. The comfortableness of the glider is a little more appealing to me right now, but the only two places I know of to buy one are Babies 'R' Us (which I refuse to give my business to) and a locally-owned and way overpriced and snooty baby store that used the phrase "just do what the people at the hospital tell you to do when you are bringing baby home" about 17 times too many when we bought our car seat there... grrrr...

warmly,
claudia

[mollyeilis]

Thank you Liz!

I've been all over the UC people, driving them crazy, I'm sure. They've been telling me to just do a UC from the beginning, and it might actually happen.

I mean, if my midwife practice is so afraid of their "OB backup" giving them an anti-homebirth recommendation *just because* I start tests at 42 weeks rather than 41 and a half, how is that supposed to instill confidence in me?

It's just so frustrating, as almost all of these questions were specifically asked at our initial consultation. And they were answered differently.

At least the CNM practice at a local hospital was up front, honest, and open, even down to telling me the dose of the medical intervention they used and how they deal with induction BEYOND 42 weeks.

******
Claudia, thank you for the hugs. When we were looking for new midwives, we thought we asked all the questions about laws and such. We were told that for a HOMEbirth, the laws were a bit more lax, but they were rigid for a birth center birth. 42 weeks and you're outta the birth center, but at home there's more leeway.

If only they had shared this whole "OB consult" thing with me. I hired midwives, not OBs, and if I'd known an OB would have been brought in (please note, everything is normal and OK and non-scary, there are NO indicators of a problem!) like this, I would have forgone the Licensed Midwives altogether, and either gone unassisted or gone with the CNM practice at St. Joseph's in Tacoma.

I guess this is sort of a lesson in not asking every single possible conceivable question, eh? The ONE question I left unasked (due to the tort reform mood in the WA air) is "what about your malpractice insurance? do you have it, and does it make you do things that are more conservative than the law and what you are comfortable doing?" I didn't want to ask because I didn't want them thinking I was thinking of malpractice, ya know? Yikes! But I should have...

[Greaseball]

Just tell your midwives you and the baby have had a talk and changed the due date. That way, you're not late - the date changed!

[TurboClaudia]

I like Greaseball's solution, too. :

[mollyeilis]

That is SUCH an awesome idea, Greaseball, and if I felt comfy lying (with them knowing I'm lying) to their faces, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But I've been very vocal about dates and such...mainly because it was pretty much our wedding night, and I have been so concerned with going early and getting yelled at by MIL (stupid, I know), or people thinking I was pg and drinking at our wedding (wasn't pg yet), and I've wanted a really accurate due date (not because I care, but because it's the first question any health care provider asks, and they act really weird if you don't have one) even while I've thought of it as a due MONTH.

So I've been vocal with them, they know we knew we were pregnant within a week, and then we were on a cruise ship and I was barfy and we weren't doing anything. They know we got back home, tested, and it was positive.

So it would be blatant lying, with them knowing I'm lying, and I don't know if I can do that. I really should. Silly me.

[MistyD]

Hi Molly,

Quick idea. Could you sign a paper saying that the midwives suggested XYZ but you made the informed decision to wait? So they would be "covered" and they'd have the paper for the OB.....

[mollyeilis]

That's a good idea, too.

Basically, it sounds like I *could* simply say no, but if I hit 42 weeks I'd be outta there because they would have no OB support. Not completely true, but if they took my file to their OB support (which I guess they have to do?) and there was a delayed NST/AFI or, gosh forbid NO NST/AFI, their OB would be peeved, and would likely deny me a homebirth.

Excuse me? Who would this person be to deny it to me? Argh.

And if they denied me, then I'd be out of their care.

What I'm wondering is, what if I broke my foot walking down our stairs, and just could not get myself to an appointment? They *are* an hour away, and my belly is hitting the steering wheel with the airbag, so I do have to have DH drive me there now. And he can't take off any more time before his leave for the baby...his boss will have his hide! He left an hour early today because I was having a nervous breakdown over all this...I don't think his boss will be that nice again.

The point was, if people cannot get to these appointments, what do OBs do? Kick a person out of care because of a car problem or unrelated health issue? Not fair, I say.

And I do know that the NST (especially if done with the fetascope) isn't all that horrible. It was the surprise-added AFI, to be done somewhere else, before the timeframe discussed at our initial consult that shocked me. Also, it's hard for me to deal with all this worry before 42 weeks.

Sigh.

[Greaseball]

Another thing you could do is produce a journal entry dated a few weeks before your actual conception date that says something like "Dh and I made love for the first time in 6 weeks!" You could show this to your midwife, and exclaim that you got your LMP date wrong after all and you are actually only 39 weeks.

Or, you could find another midwife and tell her you are 39 weeks.

Or you could try that foot-breaking thing. Make all the stupid appointments and then call and say you broke your foot and won't be coming in.

[pamamidwife]

Molly, I'm so sorry you're going through this! I am SO GLAD that I don't live and practice in WA state - its' gotten CRAZY there.

First time moms are notorious for going past the due date - and what's with doing all the testing now? Geez. That just sucks!

[mollyeilis]

Thank you Greaseball and Pamamidwife!

I think I might, perhaps, twist an ankle. That way I can't drive my stickshift (torture while this pregnant anyway) to the appointment and yet I could be healed the next time they see me. In the fishy pool. If I call them, at this point.

By the way, you should have seen DH's face when I mentioned that I don't want to deal with them anymore. You could see the pre-paid dollar signs rolling through his brain (we don't know if they would refund some or what)...poor guy.

Pam, it's really THAT different in Oregon? What are the differences, may I ask? When we were re-interviewing people at 28ish weeks I really thought I understood what the laws said; perhaps I do know that but the malpractice insurance rules trump the law?

We're in a state of constant thought about moving to Oregon, and if the laws are that much better down there, it's another tick in the Pro-Oregon column which might just beat out the property/income tax thing that scares hubby so much.

Please, do share!

Gosh, maybe I *should* just come down and stay at a hotel until baby is ready, then just call one of the midwives from MDC in OR.

[pamamidwife]

In Oregon, we aren't required to consult for induction until the end of the 43rd week. Even then, I've used more reliable formulations for due dates and I don't have official OB backup that would drop me if I didn't transfer care. I have had one client go 44.2 weeks past her due date and another five weeks past her due date - the first one the dates were right on, the second her dates were four weeks off, so I'm glad we waited! Both births went beautifully!

I am relieved that I don't practice in WA - I am so fearful that OR legislators will make licensure mandatory like in WA and also require malpractice insurance. In OR, we can attend twins, breeches and VBACs. In WA, it's becoming more iffy to even attend VBACs.

I'm licensed, but I think that voluntary licensure is important. If you have a straightforward, "textbook" pregnancy and birth, it doesn't matter, but when things vary a bit, it shouldn't be viewed as a catastrophe! It's so frustrating to hear of homebirth midwives all over the country being told that they must transfer care here and there - when it's not anything emergent!

[Greaseball]

Molly - I'm planning an OR homebirth and my mw said one of her clients once went 48 weeks. She requires an ultrasound at 42 to 43 weeks just to make sure everything is OK, and if it is, the woman can go as long as she wants.

[pamamidwife]

Originally Posted by Greaseball

Molly - I'm planning an OR homebirth and my mw said one of her clients once went 48 weeks. She requires an ultrasound at 42 to 43 weeks just to make sure everything is OK, and if it is, the woman can go as long as she wants.

Do you know what the u/s is for? Is it more of a biophysical profile? What would they be looking for?

[mollyeilis]

Wow.

See, I had thought that WA was cool, what with having the school here and all. So naive...

48 weeks! My MIL was, she says, miserable enough at 44 weeks....I cannot imagine. Surprisingly, except for the mental agony I'm in with these tests being forced on me, my physical self is more comfortable than it has been in, oh, the whole pregnancy!

Twins? Breech? Cool!

I used to practice as a chiropractor, and I'm in total agreement about licensure. I'm a wee bit Libertarian, and wish there was a way to not have licensure (without making it illegal) for that profession, and I hope that OR keeps the current climate for midwifery!

[Greaseball]

It's a BPP. I don't know exactly what that is, but I know the level of fluid is one thing they look for.

[pamamidwife]

ah! that makes sense. The BPP tests for all kinds of things, and has recently come under fire in more radical circles because the "low amniotic fluid" is subjective and quite normal in late pregnancy. Still, it's one of the standard tests used to asess fetal well-being.

[PerennialMom]

It feels so good to read all of your experiences so far! I'm glad I found this!

Molly, I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I like everyone's idea of just 'missing' the appointment and blaming it on outside forces. A flat tire or car trouble comes to my mind.

I'm currently 38W3D and really feeling big. Nothing fits and I just don't want to leave the house anymore because of it. My belly hangs out of the bottom of all my shirts. I'm really excited about my homebirth because I'm going to be at home!!!! My first was in the hospital and there's all this build up of when to leave for the hospital and timing contractions, etc. This time, I'm so excited to just labor and have a baby! Just another day at our house except we're having a birth day! I've never been this pregnant this long. My older son was born at 37 weeks.