I was so sickened today

[Heavenly]

I was at Walmart today with my children and a woman started chatting with me. We were both in the boys section picking out clothes for our boys who were the same age (3.5 years). She also had an older daughter around age 7 and a baby Olivia's age. She seemed quite nice and we chatted for a bit. I headed over to the girls section and a bit later her 7 year old and 3.5 year old were chasing each other and shrieking which in itself is pretty normal although I would not allow my kids to torment each other like that but then something happened I couldn't believe. The 3.5 year old was right near us and the 7 year old was ducking around the racks teasing him. He starts yelling "You f*cking b*tch" over and over at her. I could not believe it! It sickens me that my children heard that as they have never heard those words. I didn't say anything in hopes that they would not make note of it. Neither has said the words or asked about it. I just am truly shocked that a 3.5 year old would talk like that. What in the world kind of home lie would he have to have to be allowed to talk like that or to be hearing words like that?

[ekblad9]

Wow! I think I would have fallen over in shock! That is just awful. I'm so sorry for your kids and hers.

[lilyka]

Holy Crap!!!

it is possible though that they have obnoxious neighbors or thin walls. my children have picked up some choice expressions:

the F word. I saw some girls walking across the lawn once using the F word while my dd sat on the porch. sfter the third time or so I figured they either were bound to be inside or had to be finished with that thought. int he time it took them to walk 15 feet the dropped the F bomb 12 times. 12 TIMES! needless to say within 15 monutes Madeline told her 2 year old siuster to "F*** off". she also heard them shout through the bathroom "leave me the F*** alnoe! I am taking a F***ing Sh**" and they said that three or more times times but I had three small children in the bath tub all soapy and what are you going to do. again I kept thinking "well surely they are done now." we didn't care when they decided no tto renew thier lease.

But they can pick it up in the strangest places. for all you know they could have heard some one in walmart walk by and say it. but holy crap. 3 1/2 is pretty young to pick up that sort of thing in passing. did the girl seem shocked.

[USAmma]

Did the mom do anything?? My dd picked something up from a friend's dh and started to apply it to daily conversation. I was NOT happy but at least I knew where it came from. Maybe he picked it up from some older cousins or something.

Darshani

[menudo]

Yikes! yet I am guilty too. Lastweek DH (aka Mr. Potty mouth) was building our shed and all thatcould go wrong did. DS stepped ina dangerous spot and in fear DH yelled soemthing like "Get your a$$ away from there" DS (age 2.5) got ticked, yells "Dad, don't say a$$!!" DH keep building and stuff falls, he is going off "M----- F-----. etc." And loud and clear DS is yelling "Dad, don't say M----- F-----!"

HE hasn't said it in front of others per say but it was outside...at least he knew Daddy shoulsn't say it. BTW, if it happens in public I'd let him know it's innapropriate, etc.

[Heavenly]

No the girl did not seem surprised at all and the mother said nothing. She didn't even look embarassed. Sad.

[tracymom]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

No the girl did not seem surprised at all and the mother said nothing. She didn't even look embarassed. Sad.

that's when it's pitiful when people don't even seem to care.

[mamawanabe]

I don't care about cursing, but I certainly don't want my kids thinking ot is OK to call people names. I need to work on this because I am pretty liberal with calling people "morons" etc, and I don't want my kids picking up that habit. Being a mom is going give me a reason(s) to make me the person I should be . . .

I'm sorry your little girl heard that, but if she isn't familiar with those words, than she probably doesn't feel the impact of them the way we do. I suspect the little boy doesn't know the "hate" weight that B*tch carries either.

[eilonwy]

A few weeks ago, we had a really nice day after several days of icky weather. As anyone who drives is well aware, the first day of nice weather means a lot of people are driving like idiots, completely oblivious to things they'd otherwise be paying attention to. I was driving on this beautiful afternoon, and during the drive Eli picked up quite a few choice expressions from yours truly. I had totally forgotten that he was awake, but the next thing I know, I hear giggling. "What are you giggling about back there?" I ask him. "Funny!" he laughs. "What's funny?" "F'in idiots! Holy sh**!" I must have turned purple.

I try not to make a big deal about it; at his age, it's mostly a novelty. He repeats *any* new word he hears spoken enthusiastically, and he remembers them for later; last week, it was "guilty", the week before that "frustrated" and the week before that "fascinating". It just so happened that on this day, he heard some new words and wanted to try them out. He keeps the words he hears on a daily basis, and he drops the ones he doesn't.

At 3.5, I think I'd tell Eli that if he uses language like that in certain places, people are going to be frustrated/upset/embarassed, and that he should think carefully about what words he uses. Right now, at 18 months, it's just a novelty for him.

[Heavenly]

I don't swear at all and really hate hearing it. IMO it makes a person sound really uneducated. But it wasn't just the words but the venom with which he spoke them. It was scary to me.

[mamawanabe]

Originally Posted by Heavenly

I don't swear at all and really hate hearing it. IMO it makes a person sound really uneducated. But it wasn't just the words but the venom with which he spoke them. It was scary to me.

Really? Not coming up with a better adjective than "really" sound really undecuated to me I'm kidding. But I am big fan of cursing (can be quite expressive, I think) but NEVER NEVER at anyone.

The scary thing here is that the kid is mimicking the venon with which he hears those words, which means some adult, who fully understands the hatefullness of "b@tch," is saying it to somone in front of him. Poor kid.

[lilyka]

I agree heavenly. growing up I remember all the hicks swore. I was in an elitest honor student crowd. we were nerds yes but we had clean mouths. I have picked up a couple of words from my dh but I try not to say them in front of the girls.

well I was hoping that there was some innocent logical explination for that but if the mom didn't even seemed embarrassed

I also wanted to add that i rarely hear people swear in a freindly way and that is what I usually address with my dd when she decided to try one out (we live in a horrible neighborhood and they are exposed to lots of stuff they shouldn't be from cars with loud profane music to stupid neighbors, to loud mouth fighting neighbors. they hear all sorts of things.) We simply say "you may not speak meanly to people like that. Only once has she used what I would consider an inappropriate word in a nice way. her and her friend had obviouly been in thier room discussing this word and waiting for an oippritunity to use thier new word because I was changing the baby's diaper and the both said, in unison "what a cute a$$ Ava has" i just about peed my pants laughing. it was too cute. I remember being thier age and feeling such power at saying the forbidden words and trying them out to see which i could get away with :LOL That time I just explained we don't say that word because it offensive to people. never heard it again.

[Leatherette]

I am sad to say that could have been my cousin. I have a 7 year old cousin who talks like that, and has talked like that for years. We are very distant (in space and in my relationship with his parents), so I don't see him much.

His mom admits that he gets those words from hearing her yell at her college-age daughter. However, she does not change her behavior, and everyone, including her, just say her son is a bad kid. It is very sad. Sad children talk like that, not happy ones.

L.

[Leatherette]

Lilyka, do your kids hear you call people hicks? That's not so nice, either.

[Foobar]

Originally Posted by lilyka

I agree heavenly. growing up I remember all the hicks swore. I was in an elitest honor student crowd. we were nerds yes but we had clean mouths. I have picked up a couple of words from my dh but I try not to say them in front of the girls.

Hmmm, I was a hick honor student. Graduated second in my class. Still can have some choice works as in "F*** a duck sideways" and "Take a flying F*** at a rolling doughnut". No one really knows what they mean, but I like to use those, not around Goo, however.
I work on a spacecraft now (obviously not ON the spacecraft, but ground support for one of the instruments) so I don't think that swearing = uneducated. disclaimer: I am in no way offended by the previous posters. I just find this damn funny! Ooops there I go swearing again!

Ok- BACK OT!
I do my best to keep my swearing down around Goo. I don't really find swearing bad, but I think it is inappropriately used far too often. Teens often swear as a form of power and control over themselves. Toddlers will use it for shock value, they don't understand it.

As a mother, I would be upset to hear a 3.5 year old say Bitch to anyone and I would say something to the other mother as in "wow, that was really out of line for you son to say, does he often talk like that?" Maybe there is something behind it...

OK- back to :

[mamawanabe]

Gonna have to pull rank on the issue of "education" and cursing. My father is a college English professor with a Ph.D in modern poetry. We were taught there was no such thing as bad words, and my family, father especially, were always big cursers. Now, we wouldn't ever have been allowed to call each other names (including stupid, idiot as well as b*cth).

We understood early on (by modeling our parents) that different language is apporpriate on different occasions and in different places, so we never had a problem with cursing at grandmas or at school etc.

For what its worth, almost all my dad's professor friends also had potty mouths.

[jeca]

My nephew curses like a sailor. Since he lived with us for a time my DD now says the B word. She knows exactly how to say it too. I am still trying to break her from it, it's the only word she uses. i posted a thread about it before but the only suggestions were things like" don't let her hear the word" well we don't curse so she's NOT getting it from us. It's been about 5 months since she's been around him but she remembers those words. She doesn't sya nything but that and I am at a lost I've tried everything.BTW, my impresionable 6 year old doesn't curse, just this one.
Didn't mean to hijack, any sugestions?

[eilonwy]

Jeca, my only suggestion is that you not make a big deal about it. If no one is laughing/getting upset/etc, maybe it'll lose it's appeal.

[wendy1221]

Originally Posted by mamawanabe

Gonna have to pull rank on the issue of "education" and cursing. My father is a college English professor with a Ph.D in modern poetry. We were taught there was no such thing as bad words, and my family, father especially, were always big cursers. Now, we wouldn't ever have been allowed to call each other names (including stupid, idiot as well as b*cth).

We understood early on (by modeling our parents) that different language is apporpriate on different occasions and in different places, so we never had a problem with cursing at grandmas or at school etc.

For what its worth, almost all my dad's professor friends also had potty mouths.

That's my dh's family right there. His dad has a PhD in chemistry and his mom has a master's. Same thing with the swearing. They're just words.

And I have to say I *am* really offended by the hick comment. Some people can be so rude without thinking about it. I was a hick honors student, too. I started out at a private college (got in cuz of my grades, excellent SAT scores, and the fact that I went to one of the poorest school districts in the state). I had people there talk down to me and treat me like I was stupid because of my accent. I had the one girl at that school from my area tell me not to worry about it, I'd loose my accent eventually, especially if I worked at it. Well, I transferred to a state college, where no one cared about my accent since there were plenty of poor kids there with the same one, and I was in honors until the pressures of single parenting took their toll. I did graduate with a B.S. in chemistry though. Just because I'm a hick with a hick accent and manner of speaking does not make me dumb or uneducated. I don't see any reason to try to lose my accent. My grammer is correct and people can understand me. What more do they want? Oh, and one of my best friends in college, who is also from my home area, only she's more of a hick than me (I grew up pretty close to the city, she grew up in a trailer park WAY out in the country. Our dads both worked in the mines, though.), who has a potty mouth to put any sailor to shame, is now in her second year into the PhD program in chemistry at UC Berkely, the best school for that field. Not bad for a hick.

Wendy

[3 Little Monkeys]

My FIL thinks it is cute and funny to teach toddlers (just learning to speak) to swear. My nephew was saying F--- off and flipping the bird before he turned 3. Everyone got a good laugh at it (I did not and do not find it amusing) It wasn't so funny though when FIL was teasing my nephew and he said it to FIL (although I secretly got a chuckle from it - serves him right) Well, when my girls came along, FIL starts telling them to say this or that to me, dh, etc. I said in front of FIL "if you say that, you will be punished" Fil comes back with "you can't punish her for repeating what I say" I say "my children WILL NOT speak that way - it is not cute, it is not appropriate for a child to say - I will not allow it!" FIL doesn't try teaching them crud like that anymore!

I get so angry at people who think it is funny to hear such language coming from a small child - now I'm no saint, and dh curses like a sailor, but we try not to say things like that in front of the kids, and we make sure to scold ourselves if we do. The girls know that is not something I want them to say.