If you don't drive your child(ren) around, will they suffer?

[PurpleBasil]

We have one car, DH has that most of the time and has very long road trips for his job and takes the car for those. He can be gone for ten days to two weeks sometimes so I'm without a car even in the garage then.

I hear about parents (well, mostly mothers) taking their kids to LLL meetings, playgroups, playdates, etc. And running errands, of course.

I feel concerned that my young children (3 and 1) are suffering because I don't take them to all these places. On weekends we go out as a family but most days we are home. We have a huge backyard and my kids play back there...they find roly polyes, butterflies, ants and we talk about the lives of those little creatures. We see cows in the field, lots of different bird species, wasps and bumble bees and so many different flower types.

They also kick a ball around and run outside or help me with things in the house like the recycling, dishwasher emptying, etc. We do crafts like homemade playdoh, fun with colored ice cubes in the bath, drawing, playing instruments (xylephone, lyre), lots of dancing and singing everyday. We read books, too and have toys, of course!

But it is just us and when I hear about kids living so much of their lives in the car going from this activity to that, I wonder if my kids are really shortchanged.

What do you think?

[Achelois72]

Originally Posted by playdoh

But it is just us and when I hear about kids living so much of their lives in the car going from this activity to that, I wonder if my kids are really shortchanged.

What do you think?

Shortchanged? No way! I think it sounds wonderful at your house. As a child we lived in the country and rarely went places. Some of my fondest memories from early childhood were spent doing things like you do with your kids.

I really do understand feeling that way, though. I"m stuck at home in a horrible apartment complex and I don't feel like I can even let DS play outside. There's so much broken glass in the grass. ONly the sidewalks are clear and the second I take him out there he wants to get down and crawl around. We're in a city and it just stinks. (But, we're moving into my IL's house in a few months; it's in Vegas but at least it's a large house with a yard!)

So, your situation sounds IDEAL to me. It sounds like you're doing such a great job teaching them the important things in life.

Can I come live with you?


Susan

[Aura_Kitten]

we don't have a car.

i would certainly hope it isn't detrimental to a child to not drive them places.

we walk anywhere we're going usually. lately we've been staying home more because it's hard for me to walk as much.

your home sounds stimulating enough. if you're really worried, why not set up some play dates at your home?

s

[EllieB]

I do take my kids out more days than not but I strive to spend more time at home. How you described your daily life with them seems wonderful- simple and uncomplicated. I think it's a great opportunity for your kids that many don't get- just being able to be kids, to do what they want when they want and not be ruled by the insane schedule of outings some other kids are subjected to.

My mom stayed home with us and we didn't have a second car until I was in highschool. We stayed home every day and played with each other or the neighbor's kids. I never remember minding at the time, I didn't know anything else. I was never bored as a child, we knew we had to make our own fun and we did. I do feel in retrospect I was a bit too sheltered. I knew very little of the outside world until I went to school. The only place we ever went was to my grandmother's on the weekend or the mall sometimes. But I think if you make an effort to get them out and about different places during the weekend that'd be fine. I don't believe kids need nearly as much activity and socializing as we are led to believe.

[PurpleBasil]

Thank you for the feedback! I hope I didn't make it sound like my kids are cherubs playing with flowers quietly all day. We definitely have our share of upset feelings, drawing on walls, pushing the dishwasher start button, tearing off wallpaper, etc.

We have playdates in our home about every other week or so. They go just okay. Not great. I think it's hard on kids sometimes when kids come over and play with their stuff. I always talk with my son about what we want to put away before the children come to play but then he wants those toys when he is feeling nervous after they arrive and start to play with the other toys. The kids do bring over some of their toys to help the balance but every playdate ends up with my son crying so it is sometimes tough.

I think I've felt guilty reading some of the activities moms take their kids to like storytime at the library, playgroups, amusement parks, etc. But then, I look at my kids and they seem fulfilled and I see how my enthusiasm seems to keep the tone in the home upbeat, even without Thomas the Train or Elmo!

I'll have to watch as they age and see if their needs change to needing more of getting in the car and going somewhere more frequently. I do think it's good to get out and see the world, like see merchants and how the world is interacting 'out there'. Lots to see and do. But we do that on weekends and take family day trips, too so for now, maybe that is enough.

[DebraBaker]

I think it depends on the personality of the children.

Also whether the children were on the go and then put in a situation in which they were at home all the time.

I think your feelings regarding being at home for long stretches is more signifigant. We only had one car for several years and I hated it, really felt oppressed. I think under similar circumstances (being in the suburbs without public transportation) I wouldn't recommend living that way.

But if you're happy in your circumstances and your children are happy then there's nothing inherently wrong with it.

My SIL's kids don't like going places. She stays put at home more than I do and the children (6 and 3) make her miserable when she tries taking them places during the day. If your children are like hers they might *prefer* staying at home all the time.

DB

[Mom4tot]

We stay home a lot also. I love playing in the yard with the kids! We enjoy being home and I kind of hate driving around in the summer anyway. I have friends who go somewhere every day...but I think it is good for us to be home and playing. Your kids are young, so they are probably happy just to be with you

[brooklyngirl]

It sounds like your children are having a marvelous time.

My kids are involved in all different type of activities and sometimes they ask to stay home.

Shouldn't home be a refuge and not a place you try to get out of?

[Copper]

I don't think you have anything to worry about. I do have a car all day and I am just not the type of person that has to be on the go all the time. We are perfectly content to do things here, have company, go to a friends house, walk the neighborhood, go to the park, but you don't have to do it all in one day or everything every day of the week.
Your house sounds like fun. I know what you mean though because the two neighbors with kids across the street and next door are on the go CONSTANTLY. They get home from school and rush here and rush there. I will never do that to dd, and will limit activities if need be. Even our library storytime, one only lasts one day a week for 4 weeks, the other one we like is off all summer long. The only real activity she is in is a 45 minute "music/dance" class, that will end too in a few weeks. I am looking forward to the lovely summer days full of possibilities and no schedule, then by fall, we are looking forward to the couple activities we regularly participate in.

[loving-my-babies]

I take my kids out to playgroups a couple times a week now but when my ds was just born we only had one car and only recently I bought myself a car so at first we were pretty much home until dh came home from work.
There is a good side to not going out so much... sometimes at playgroups there are sick kids (some moms take their sick kids there, believe it or not) so being at home can in some ways be healthier.. Since my baby is very young (3 months) I try to limit "outings" because I don't want him getting sick yet or dd getting sick and giving it to my ds.

[Ravin]

Well, we don't own a car (due to poverty rather than choice). We also live in a cramped 2 bedroom apartment w/ my bil and his girlfriend.

We get out of the house frequently. There is a park and a mall in walking distance, as well as a grocery store, and it's a short trip on the bus to the library, another grocery store, or to the college campus where I'll be attending next fall and am already involved in some activities. I have a friend who gives us rides to LLL meetings. We also go out and play in the courtyard of the apt, there are a lot of kids on our courtyard and several of them adore DD and enjoy playing with her for a little while so she gets to interact w/ other kids.

If she had a close sibling and we had a big backyard, we probably wouldn't need to get out as much!

[sohj]

Originally Posted by playdoh

I feel concerned that my young children (3 and 1) are suffering because I don't take them to all these places.

Don't think this, please.

What do I think? I think that most modern children living the modern lifestyle are woefully over-scheduled.

No time to think.

No time to "get bored".

No time to use their imagination.

I also think that some parents use the hectic schedules as a way to fill their child's days up and think that they'll be protected from drugs, or idleness, or teen pregnancy, or whatever else is perceived to be a risk. (Note, everyone, I said SOME. I don't care if someone goes all nuclear-warhead on me, but I hate having to repeat myself. )

[jeca]

I don't think sitting in a car twice a week for 15 or 20minutes, Is living their lives in a car. we're talking 30 minutes out of what like 10,000?
No, I don't think your kids are missing out on anything. if your a solitary mama and never have anything outside the home to do then it seems to work well, no harm I don't think. But we also have a yard with butterflies and bugs(that always make their way into my house via my son) we do crafts and such. But I can not ignore the things I have to or need to outside the home. I can't wait around for my DH to come home since he has an unpredictable schedule so out we go. They break their necks getting to car cause they know mamas gonna stoop by the park or get some ice cream ro something to make errand time a little more enjoyable. DS has soccer practice, I have to go grocery shopping,ballet, library books have to go ack, and hoenstly I like getting out of teh house sometimes as do my kids. I don't see aproblem with either scenario.

[momto l&a]

Originally Posted by sohj

Don't think this, please.

What do I think? I think that most modern children living the modern lifestyle are woefully over-scheduled.

No time to think.

No time to "get bored".

No time to use their imagination.

I also think that some parents use the hectic schedules as a way to fill their child's days up and think that they'll be protected from drugs, or idleness, or teen pregnancy, or whatever else is perceived to be a risk. (Note, everyone, I said SOME. I don't care if someone goes all nuclear-warhead on me, but I hate having to repeat myself. )

MTE!

I would add that kids just need to be kids and not have to carry some date around with them to they know what their next appoinment is.

[fyrflymommy]

.

[bananasmom]

I grew up in a 1-car house, and we lived in the country. I think I had a problem with it when I was older (intermediate grades), because I couldn't go visit friends.

But, I didn't care one bit when I was little. I have many great memories of my mother, reading, using my imagination, playing in the yard and the garden. It was a wonderful way to grow up, and I hope to duplicate it somewhat, for my own children.

[boysrus]

I understand that you re feeling defensive, but I think it is a pretty big jump to say that if moms take their kids to activities, they are "living in their cars" We have been a one car family off and on over the past 7 years of parenting. We have spent lots of time at home. It is nice. It is also nice to be out and about. I find that I am a better parent when I am out bc I am on "my best behavior" When they were younger, I was worse when we were out bc it was overwhelming.
RIght now, we go to the childrens museum and the library and the Y for scheduled actvities. These are all within 5 miles of our home. We do two playdates that are half an hour away. The social interaction of those offsets the drive time.
There will also be weeks where we do nothing but stay home. Life is about balance!!
Your kids will be fine. DOnt feel guilty!! Their reality is what you make it, and this time is the time that they will look o with fond memories. FOr some kids, those memories are of all the friends they made at LLL and seeing those kids monthly, for yours, it will be playing in the back yard and having fun with mom. Neither is right or wrong, just different

[Dar]

I agree that it depends on the kid. I have a total extravert kid who just isn't interested, most of the time, in exploring outdoors and climbing trees and all that. Which is kind of too bad, since we have such a great space, but it's her. We also don't live within walking distance of anything except farmland, so there isn't any way to get anywhere without a car.

When Rain was 3 it was easier to spend more time at home - her world was smaller, she didn't have such a complex social world.

Dar