getting ready to "spill the beans" -- what to say?

[ladymadelon]

Okay, I'm 8 weeks and we will be starting to tell everyone soon that baby #4 is on the way, and I could sure use some good ways to say it.

This baby is a surprise for us (condom failure), but we really don't want to let that be the attitude we have, kwim? Even though we are surprised, we are thrilled!! We've always wanted a large family, and truth be told, I'm not sure we are done. This is a recent thought for us, we had previously said that 3 seemed to be enough.

BUT (huge but!!) our families, especially, are going to be aghast, totally disapproving. They think we should have stopped at two and having a third was a poor decision only redeemed by the fact he was a boy after two girls (argh!). The comments at #3 ranged from "oh no" to "what were you thinking?" to "you can't afford any more kids".

Right now, dh is not working and yes, we are having financial trouble. But that doesn't mean that we will be poor forever. Anyway, we believe that the Lord will provide for us and that children are a blessing from God...and who would turn down a blessing?

My one idea so far for telling is to send a letter...cowardly, but at least I wouldn't have to hear that initial negative response. BTW, most of our family lives within 45 minutes of us, we see them a lot....in the past we just called on the phone to let them know.

Any ideas?

TIA!

[cosmos]

It is so difficult with parents. Ours had made many comments (some innocent, some pointed) about how we "should" be done having kids. I was worried about telling my family so at one of our dd's birthday party we sent the older child out to announce "guess what everybody?..." long pause "Now we are BOTH going to be big sisters!!!" whild dh and I hid in the other room. Everyone was pretty stunned, and the enthusiasm from our dd was really catching she was so happy and proud to say those words!

I have put it in perspective by thinking how things just ARE so much easier for my parents. They do have money and that helps them feel more secure. Of course I would love to be more financially secure, but frankly it doesn't look like that will happen anytime soon. By then my eggs will likely be done doing what they need to do. A dear freind of mine (with 4 children and 2 foster children) says "whatever, put some extra noodles in the pot" there is plenty of love to go around at their house. Good luck!!!!

[supervee]

My immediate brainstorm is to send out announcement cards or letters. Kind of like the letter idea, but more of a fun, sparkly, decorated "We're so excited and blessed & wanted you to share in our joy!" announcement. Even if it's just to family members, I think it would go over; just frame it in a positive light from the get-go. Don't even address the "4th child" issue. If anyone says anything to you about it, just say, "Oh, my, why would you say/ask that? We are so excited & blessed!" Period.

[KoalaMommy]

I think you should just tell them in person or on the phone as you normally would (I like having the kids announce it and being excited, that's a good way to do it!). Just because you avoid that first uncomfortable call, doesn't mean you'll avoid their terrible response. In fact, their response could be worse if they have some time to think it over before they respond to you (not to freak you out or anything). If they don't see a baby as a blessing (whether it's planned or not), that's their problem, but you'll probably have to face their opinion one way or another.

As for responding to them, you could point out that this clearly was beyond your control, but obviously God had plans for your family. I also personally think it's no one's business about whether a baby is planned or not. We have good friends with 5 kids, not a one of them were tried for but all of them are very much wanted and loved. Right now neither parent is working fulltime (mom babysits some mornings and dad is in school) but they are getting by, their kids are happy and they do it all with faith. They've never had much, but it doesn't matter. I also know a family of 8 that used birthcontrol, regularly, and they still managed to have 4 kids more than they'd ever planned on!

[Larissa]

I agree that you should tell them in person...and how fun for the kids to announce the news....you can hardly resist the enthusiasm of a child! And frankly, if your family feels that it's necessary to express their opinion about how you shouldn't be having anymore children....then it's their frustration and burden to bear...Not YOURS! Children are blessings and the news of a coming child should be the best news ever regardless of the number child it is! We live in an anti-child society, and that really grieves me. We actually plan on not using any type of birth control methods...and having as many as God will give us. Dh's family and mine will not understand...but it's not their decision! I say to announce the news as enthusiastically as you truly are...and if they respond negatively...I would ask them politely to keep it to themselves...or at least to not respond that way in front of the children.

I do wish you the very best!

[supervee]

I don't think I'd let my kiddo break news like that. What if the reaction is poor? I'd hate for him to think his sibling is unwelcome for whatever reason. And kids are pretty perceptive...

[nannymom]

I agree with both of supervee's posts. the card idea is a great way to get out of saying it while still sending the message of "we're happy about it".

Right before I found out I was PG my mom told me she had a dream i was and that she was really unhappy in the dream and thought it was too soon. So, when we found out we waited two days to tell her which made it easter and we colored eggs and wrote we're pregnant on one of them and handed her the basket and said "the easter bunny left something for you." Even though I don't think this is when she wanted us to do this she was thrilled b/c really once you're pregnant there is no point in not being happy about it.

Good luck! keep us posted.