girls and hormones

[jorgiemom]

Can anyone tell me when girls start to get hormonal surges? I know this happens well before they start to cycle and causes all kinds of emotional things. I just want to know if anyone knows what age it could occur? My dd is 6 and very dramatic and emotional right now. I swear she's PMSing. She is my first born, so I'm flying by the seat of my pants here. Also, any remedies/ recommendations to calm her down? Thank you. I need to hear from the voice(s) of wisdom.....

[BathrobeGoddess]

My dd is also 6...nearly 7 and I have already read all the "Ophelia" books. I don't know when they start this hormone thing but my god! She is just them same as your dd.

[jorgiemom]

surges of silliness

Well, Bathrobe Goddess, what should we do? She made up a crisis last night about her crayons. Where was her blue one?!! She had everyone in our house absolutely NUTS with her behavior. I try patience and gentleness, reason and logic, timeout and finally, I am ashamed to admit, just plain old Shut Up! This is emotionally exhausting for me and I can't imagine how frustrating and weird it must be for her. These moods come on suddenly, without warning. There doesn't seem to be any precursor... Just BAM. How do you handle your dd? :

[BathrobeGoddess]

MAn oh man...that really is a hard one. I guess I would give her a simple choice (I like to give choices) like either look for your crayon like a the responcible girl you are with my help or complain about it's missing, in your room, to yourself, by yourself. Takes it off you and put it on her (where it should be anyway since she IS old enough to put her crayons in one place when she is done with them). I know that would work with my dd.

[Queen Gwen]

Okay, guys, hope this wasn't a private conversation because I've got a beserk 6yo too...it's soooo nice to hear I'm not alone.

I remember reading years ago that age 6 is alot like age 2, except that it's worse because the kids are bigger/louder/etc. I think this may have been in the Luvmoor's book (which I can't remember the title of, but it had gobs of stuff about development and how kids get really weird right before a new intellectual and emotional breakthrough -- they called it a "hesitation" before the child plunges ahead). Dd was a delightful 2yo, so this seems to be payback time for how easy we had it with her 4years ago. Plus we now have a 2yo who is VERY typical. So we're getting it in stereo.

A mom with 4 kids ages 10-20 commented that whenever her kids got really crazy she would check their mouths and almost invariably find new teeth coming in. Her theory was that fussy teething isn't just for babies. I thought it was interesting because R. Steiner made a big deal of the change of teeth in the Waldorf philosophy.

So, right now at our house we're dealing with the holidays (even if you try to keep it lowkey in your own home it's blaring at you whenever you step outside your door, and it's nervewracking for everyone), plus the 1st 2 teeth are out with 1 new one coming in, plus lord knows what else is going through her head.

As far as the crayon thing, that reminds me so much of the Broken Cookie Syndrome, wherein the person falls apart because the last cookie in the box is broken...it's not about the cookie, the cookie is just an excuse to fall apart (an analogy would be that your back doesn't go out because you bent over to pick up a piece of paper; it goes out because it's been going downhill for years, and picking up that piece of paper is the final blow). I found myself re-reading Aletha Soulter's Tears and Tantrums, and also Helping Young Children Flourish. It helped some. Sometimes I hold her and just let her cry. Sometimes we get to laughing hysterically, and that helps too. I figure she has few avenues to disperse her strong emotions, so I try to make space for her and not force her to stuff them down inside. Today, though, I declared myself in timeout and locked myself in a room for 15mins.

I wish I could say that I'm teaching her that, even though I don't LIKE her fits of crabbiness, I love ALL of her, whether she's in a good mood or bad. Unfortunately, I seem to be blowing it on a regular basis.

[jorgiemom]

No, it wasn't private. It's out here for the world to see. I noticed a change, well I knew it was coming, when we had our 2nd dd. and she started Kindergarten this year; there's big adjustments there, being away from me and knowing that the baby has me all to herself. DD 1 has been out of sorts since, and try as I may to make special time for us, I am NOT supermom. Darn it. DD 2 is now starting to get jealous and cry, loudly, when her big sis is getting cuddle time. My grandpa pointed out the other day that I have 2 knees, which was very AP of him. I was surprised. I liked the back/paper analogy. She seems at her worst when she is tired or becoming ill. I'll check her mouth for new teeth, that's a thought. And I'm going to check out those books you mentioned, although there is not enough hours in the day for me to do all I need to. ( read, cook, snuggle, play, feed, laundry, bath, etc.) Either of you have a SuperMom pill?!!

[mom at home]

I've got a 6 yr old drama queen as well. While I've thought it seemed hormonal, I didn't know that it actually could be at this age. But something's up, everything seems to be a crisis (like that crayon thing) and it's driving us all nuts as well. All your responses had interesting info. The relationship to being on the edge of a new development fits well with my dd, she's really taking off on reading right now. And she's been working on her 6 yr old molars for awhile now.

I wish I could deal with it better. Unfortunately, we have just moved to New Zealand from the states and the move has made things even worse. But I'm hoping once our life gets back on track I can be more consistent and less distracted and give her more positve attention. One of the things that's hardest for me is that she just gets plain rude and obnoxious.

I'm glad I'm not alone here, (not that I wish this on any of you) and I'd love to hear more about how you deal with this.

Alison

[BathrobeGoddess]

Hummm...I am so going to check dd's teeth...I don't know why I didn't think about that...I worked for a waldorf school for a couple of years! I know that some of my dd's stuff is coming from the fact that me and her dad are getting divorced (we have been separated this whole year). So I know the change thing is hitting her hard.

[Calrei]

You know they say that women who live together have the same cycles. Well, unfortunately, my 6-year-old's PMS seems to correspond with mine!!!!

[sleepies]

my period started when i was 9 years old

i dont think i got moody then.

i think i was about 15 before i got moody.

it was more the fact i was not eating much and working out and really starving myself that i was moody, more than hormones. i think.

girls have a lot to deal with. im soooo glad i dont have to be a teen again.

[jorgiemom]

playdate disaster

Well, we just had the most horrific time here. It started out nicely and ended just short of a brawl. Name calling, spitting and LOUD crying by both girls. I swear. In desparation, I called my Mother. She tried to lay some spiritual crap on me " C knows on some higher level that she isn't good enough for D and she's beyond her coping skills" WTF?!! They are 6, for goodness sakes. Thanks, Mom. Can someone please tell me when this gets easier? Please?

[Queen Gwen]

Lucky you, ending SHORT of a brawl...this week we've had hitting, kicking and throwing of objects (and this in with a family motto of "we don't hit each other"), followed by bursts of tears of remorse and shouting "I love you, mommy!"

A friend went through this with her son when he started school. She said it was better by the next school year. Silly me, I thought we were going to avoid it by homeschooling. I guess I thought it was a function of going into the actual school building (in retrospect all I can say is "duh").

I hope this isn't a preview of the teenage years.

[daylily]

This thread is fascinating. I've got an 8 year old dd who's been going berserk lately. Screaming--really screaming--at her brother if he goes in her room, yelling at her little sister, yelling at me, very moody. The only one she has any patience with is her 2 year old brother. I've been wondering if it could be hormones because she starting to resemble me during a bad PMS episode. I've read that breasts start to develop at age nine.

[jorgiemom]

The OMG boobies thread had an interesting tidbit. There is a corelation between early breast developement and hormones in meat.
Okay, for those of us with tempermental girls, could it be because we consume meat from non-organic sources? I can't get my child to eat anything green. Could this be it?

[daylily]

Not us, we're vegetarians. But some of the fourth graders at my children's school have bigger breasts than I do. My dd is acting hormonal, but she's still flat chested.

[Irishmommy]

When my dd was 6 (last year) I was at the end of my rope with her - all the stuff you guys said. I got a book from the library called "Your Six Year Old" (riveting title!!!). It was quite old, but they could have used my dd's name all the way through, so I guess it's normal. Unfortunately, she is now 7 and is still dramatic and gets upset easily. Funny enough, my dh says he knows where she gets it from...don't know what he's talking about!!!! lol