Our dd1 and dd2 are four years apart - which we purposely chose because my sister and I are four years apart and it worked so well in my own childhood/teenage years.
Four years apart - they still play together but not jealousy because they aren't both vying for the same volleyball team or homecoming court. You will always be competing against someone but it is nice that it is not someone who lives in your house.
You also make life a little easier re: finances as you are not buying expensive prom dresses, camp, (or paying for college, wedding, etc.) more than one at a time - it is spread out a bit.
A four year old can help you - answer the phone, go grab a diaper or bib, play on the floor with the baby while you run to the bathroom!
Also, a four year old WANTS a little more independence - going to preschool, old enough to have a day out with auntie or have a playdate with a neighborhood friend. They are not in the "only mommy can do it" stage.
They are potty-trained so you don't have to stop nursing to wipe a bottom!
They are old enough to understand the situation and wait a bit if needed. Just more patience and understanding that you need to do certain things for the baby.
The thing I love about four year spacing is that you get some one-on-one time with the new baby - as the firstborn is in preschool a few half days a week. Then in a year you get a good chunk of time alone with the baby when the firstborn goes to kindergarten. I have cherished my one-on-one time with my second and third kids - as I hadn't really expected to ever be able to give them that. You should see my dd2 light up when I am working my volunteer day at her co-op preschool! No big sister, no baby - just me and her. It is quite a special thing to her.
Practical - it is easier to get places when you just have one little one and the other one is a "big kid". I can trust that dd1 will stand right next to me when I get dd2 from the car seat to the grocery cart or stroller.
They still play together! My sister and I did. My kids do. The older one gets to teach the younger one things and that is neat for both of them. Some people think four years is too far - I have loved it.
Our dd2 and dd3 are 2 3/4 years apart - much harder! Harder on mom, harder on dd2 for sure. She is highly frustrated when she has to wait, just doesn't understand why sometimes, needs me much more, wasn't potty trained when baby came (you try to wipe a toddler's bottom and nurse a newborn at the same time!) We had more jealousy issues with the closer age span. I had to juggle baby trading to work at dd2's co-op preschool (when dd1 was three, I didn't have a baby yet so easy to work at preschool). Also, when they are close in age, they both have big car seats and some cars don't fit two or three across - depending on the brand you buy.
Oh, that reminded me - you don't have two who both need a baby item at the same time. One crib, one stroller, one high chair - the older child was done using it by the time the next one came along.
Now some people don't have the luxury of time to be able to space kids four years apart if they want two, three - or if they start having babies in their mid to late thirties. In that case, I would just space closer but know that there will likely be some challenges to that. I always think a sibling is an incredible gift though so the longterm advantages outweigh the short-term difficulties.
There are pros and cons to any spacing. But four years has been good for us!
Kirsten
Four years apart - they still play together but not jealousy because they aren't both vying for the same volleyball team or homecoming court. You will always be competing against someone but it is nice that it is not someone who lives in your house.
You also make life a little easier re: finances as you are not buying expensive prom dresses, camp, (or paying for college, wedding, etc.) more than one at a time - it is spread out a bit.
A four year old can help you - answer the phone, go grab a diaper or bib, play on the floor with the baby while you run to the bathroom!
Also, a four year old WANTS a little more independence - going to preschool, old enough to have a day out with auntie or have a playdate with a neighborhood friend. They are not in the "only mommy can do it" stage.
They are potty-trained so you don't have to stop nursing to wipe a bottom!
They are old enough to understand the situation and wait a bit if needed. Just more patience and understanding that you need to do certain things for the baby.
The thing I love about four year spacing is that you get some one-on-one time with the new baby - as the firstborn is in preschool a few half days a week. Then in a year you get a good chunk of time alone with the baby when the firstborn goes to kindergarten. I have cherished my one-on-one time with my second and third kids - as I hadn't really expected to ever be able to give them that. You should see my dd2 light up when I am working my volunteer day at her co-op preschool! No big sister, no baby - just me and her. It is quite a special thing to her.
Practical - it is easier to get places when you just have one little one and the other one is a "big kid". I can trust that dd1 will stand right next to me when I get dd2 from the car seat to the grocery cart or stroller.
They still play together! My sister and I did. My kids do. The older one gets to teach the younger one things and that is neat for both of them. Some people think four years is too far - I have loved it.
Our dd2 and dd3 are 2 3/4 years apart - much harder! Harder on mom, harder on dd2 for sure. She is highly frustrated when she has to wait, just doesn't understand why sometimes, needs me much more, wasn't potty trained when baby came (you try to wipe a toddler's bottom and nurse a newborn at the same time!) We had more jealousy issues with the closer age span. I had to juggle baby trading to work at dd2's co-op preschool (when dd1 was three, I didn't have a baby yet so easy to work at preschool). Also, when they are close in age, they both have big car seats and some cars don't fit two or three across - depending on the brand you buy.
Oh, that reminded me - you don't have two who both need a baby item at the same time. One crib, one stroller, one high chair - the older child was done using it by the time the next one came along.
Now some people don't have the luxury of time to be able to space kids four years apart if they want two, three - or if they start having babies in their mid to late thirties. In that case, I would just space closer but know that there will likely be some challenges to that. I always think a sibling is an incredible gift though so the longterm advantages outweigh the short-term difficulties.
There are pros and cons to any spacing. But four years has been good for us!
Kirsten
