Interfering with others' CIO - Page 3

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

Originally Posted by gethane

What is the purpose of the nursery at church? Doesn't God want those children at the church service? If the service is not something which the whole family can participate in, how Godly can that be?

There are several reasons for churches to have nurseries. For some parents, they worship better when they don't have to worry about a little one making noise, crying, needing to go to the bathroom, whatever. While many parents choose to keep their children with them during service, at all ages, others find this too distracting. And really, how much is a 2 YO going to learn from a sermon, after all? In our church, most really young babies (pre-mobile) stay with their parents, and most older babies and toddlers spend some of the service in the nursery, though it is totally up to the parents.

For us, our children went to the nursery at a very young age because both my husband and I sing in the choir and you can't tend to an infant in that environment. But ours is a very formal church and the choir is a really huge commitment for professional or nearly professional singers. Not all churches are like this, of course.

Our nursery is also used during other functions when parents and children need to be doing/studying different things. For example, we are in the middle of strategic planning efforts, and no toddler I know wants to sit through 3 hours of adult discussions on the future of the church!

I'm sure it varies by church, this is just my experience. I cannot belief that any church would allow unsupervised infants, if nothing else from a liability standpoint. But I've already posted on that topic!

[chapulina]

Thank you so much for the ideas and insights into this situation. I'm sorry I couldn't read this until now, but work is the only place for me to hop on the MDC in these recent times.

ITA with leaving a child in that kind of circumstance as being abusive (interestingly, these parents would be *totally* outraged if it was an elderly person in this situation..... weird, warped thinking..), but because our ideas are upstream, I don't imagine the majority being in agreement.

*definately a "no-cry policy" needs to be put out there (or something like all cries are responded to)

*re: why churches have nurseries: for us it is a place to play when dd needs more space, toys, whatever

*the assist. pastor's wife is one of the moms: the group is very small and it really is 50/50 on the parenting philosophy thing.

we'll see; its going to be really interesting.

[Shantimama]

In our church small babies stay with their mothers throughout the service. As they get older, some parents bring them to the nursery. Often, the nursery is a great place to be! The little ones play with each other, the caregivers sing, play and read stories. Most parents come and peek through their window after 10 or 15 minutes and come in if their little one is upset. Some parents do advocate CIO but because it gets all of the other little ones upset the parents are asked to take care of their child when crying. My husband is one of the pastors and very AP - whenever a couple announces their pregnancy to him he always asks if they are seeing a midwife and tells them a good spot to buy slings

Over the last couple of years the young parents have taken over nursery duty and most of them will go get a needed mama or papa after about 5 minutes of crying. It is when the 50+ ladies are in the nursery that the babies tend to wail.

Why have nurseries? They aren't a bad thing always. If the babies/toddlers are happy and engaged it is fine. They are usually welcome in the service. That doesn't mean that their needs are the only ones that need to be respected - they do need to be respected, but so do those of elderly people who don't hear well or people who want to concentrate on what is being said wothout too many distractions. Neither group should dominate - worship is for all ages adn from time to time everyone needs to back off their desire fro the sake of another. It is when the needs of one age group always dominate tht it isn't okay. The older people need to relax about children moving and making some noise during the service and come to see it as an enhancement to worship - and young families need to respect the need for some quiet time that many older people have. Neither group is more "right" or more "entitled" than the other.

[CarrieMF]

I can agree that leaving young babies in a dark room that they do not know/recognize is not right, however I agree with the poster who said how would you feel if someone thought you were parenting wrong and did something with your child that was against your ways? What if there was a ff'ing mom who felt that you should not bf'd and stuck a bottle in your babies mouth, you'd be po'd right. I'm sure that's how this family would feel if they walked in and saw your dh holding their child.

IMO the only way to address this is to have the pastor talk to the parents if there is a noise distruption to classes or services going on in other rooms(sorry I don't think a hallway counts unless there is services/classes in the hallway) and to see if they can put a 10min policy & sign on there being no supervision on the door.

[Piglet68]

IMHO, a toddler is getting nothing out of a worship service. The adults, OTOH, presumably do, which is why they attend. I just don't think it's fair to keep children in the service if they are going to prevent others from hearing or provide a distraction. Some places have special "family services" where kids are encouraged, but how much can you (mama and papa) concentrate on anything when you are looking after your toddlers? If a child is young enough (babies) that they just sleep and nurse, great. If they are old enough to keep themselves quiet and occupied, great. But that *is* asking alot of your average child. Personally, I found Mass to be totally boring and I was always getting in trouble b/c I wasn't even allowed to bring a book unless it was "Jesus related" and I found those boring. It was very hard for my brother and I to resist the temptation to talk, poke, play, whatever. Maybe I'm biased, well I probably am, lol....but I just think it's mean to drag young kids to services that bore the heck out of them and then have them getting in trouble b/c you put them somewhere boring. Lucky you guys who have fun nurseries! We had a soundproof room with windows, piped in sound, and pews. No toys, no nothing. Yay.

[mamaduck]

Originally Posted by Piglet68

IMHO, a toddler is getting nothing out of a worship service. The adults, OTOH, presumably do, which is why they attend. I just don't think it's fair to keep children in the service if they are going to prevent others from hearing or provide a distraction. Some places have special "family services" where kids are encouraged, but how much can you (mama and papa) concentrate on anything when you are looking after your toddlers? If a child is young enough (babies) that they just sleep and nurse, great. If they are old enough to keep themselves quiet and occupied, great. But that *is* asking alot of your average child. Personally, I found Mass to be totally boring and I was always getting in trouble b/c I wasn't even allowed to bring a book unless it was "Jesus related" and I found those boring. It was very hard for my brother and I to resist the temptation to talk, poke, play, whatever. Maybe I'm biased, well I probably am, lol....but I just think it's mean to drag young kids to services that bore the heck out of them and then have them getting in trouble b/c you put them somewhere boring. Lucky you guys who have fun nurseries! We had a soundproof room with windows, piped in sound, and pews. No toys, no nothing. Yay.

In Mamaduck's personal fantasy universe, church services would be totally relaxed gatherings where young children could wander from person to person visiting, playing, and probably munching on snacks while grown-ups sang songs, prayed for each other and with each other, and shared short inspirational testimonies -- complete with interuptions, questions, laughter and tears. In such a fantasy universe, toddlers would get plenty out of a church service.

However, since I've never actually found a church like this -- I agree that its nice to have a more interesting alternative available for antsy little kids. Our kids have often opted to stay in church with us instead, and we cope with that pretty well I think. We've also opted to stay in nursery or sunday school with them quite often -- and that works for us too.

I would not leave my child crying in the nursery, however, I have spent plenty of time comforting other people's crying babies in nursery. I'm happy to do that if the parents want me too. Though I flat out wouldn't put them in the crib and leave them crying.