new neighbors

[Messy Nessie]

i really like our new neighbors. they are not ap in the least, but they are really nice people and have two very sweet kids! a dd age 7 or 8 and a ds who just turned 5.

so anyway, my dh spends a lot of time outside with our dd in the afternoons b/c she gets fussy inside. we have two dogs and they play with the dogs and take walks to the park, etc. the kids come over and play and often will go with my dh and dd on walks. they really enjoy hanging out with us and thrive on the attention.

the other day, the little girl told my dh that her dad did something cool. my dh asked her what it was and she proceeded to tell him, very proudly, that her dad had set one of the cicadas (we are in cicada country right now) on fire!

this really disturbed me. i know it was just an insect, but i cannot help but feel bad for the poor cicada and worry about the impact of doing this on a child. i mean, what kind of lesson does this teach her and her brother? that its okay to harm things that are smaller/less intelligent/whatever than you!?!

am i overreacting? what would you do? would you confront the parents about it?

thanks for letting me get this out. i'm already feeling better!

[mamaofthree]

That gives me the willies. I hate it when people go out of their way to harm something for no other purpose then to kill it.
We don't even step on ants and other bugs because there is no need for it.
I don't know if I would say something, I am not even sur how I would bring it up. I mean do you say? I have no clue. Maybe since the kids come over alot you could "teach" them something interesting about the cicada? Like how they live in the ground for 17 years and only come out to mate, and then die... or something like that. Maybe just listening to them.
I love the sound of cicadas in the summer, that weird humming, and we love finding their little bug skins around. But we like bugs...

H

[Mothra]

I think it is possible the little girl is lying. I used to tell people that my dad was a space cowboy. I heard it in a song and thought it sounded cool. Kids make up crap about their parents to make them sound cool all the time. It is also possible that the dad did something that accidently caused a cicada to catch on fire, like on the grill or in a candle or something.

I definitely wouldn't confront them about it. It really just isn't any of your business. If it was a dog or something, it might be different, but burning insects just isn't illegal or even that big of a deal to most people. It makes me cringe, too, but if this man did do this, he isn't likely to be very apologetic about it. I probably wouldn't let my kids hang out with someone who catches insects on fire, but you don't really know that he did it.

[absinthe]

It would still be wierd but could it have just been one of the molted skins? Maybe that's what he burned?

[Cranberry]

Ew. That would make me wonder about that Dad.

[jadegirl553]

Yeah, that would make me wonder... but at the same time, guys/boys/men will do some pretty weird things without even really thinking about it, KWIM? I know my DH does sometimes.

[wombat]

I don't think it matters whether the father actually set the bug on fire or not. There's a little girl walking around out there who thinks it's cool that someone set a living creature on fire. I think in situations like this it can help to show the child a dissenting opinion - it's ok to show horror and upset about hurting a living creature so she'll understand that not everyone does such things and it's not the norm.

We just went on an organised nature walk to see the cicadas this morning and the park ranger was instructing the ~ 3 year olds how to hold them so as not to hurt them. Now that was cool!

[EnviroBecca]

I would not confront the parents, but I would show the girl, immediately, that I did not think that was "cool" at all. I would ask her why she thought so and try to work from that to teach a more compassionate way of thinking. I might talk about how insects are very different from people, and that makes it kind of hard to remember that they have feelings too, but they do. I would mention that, although I do sometimes kill creatures like centipedes when they get into my house, that I feel bad about being afraid of them and hurting them just because of the way they look. You wouldn't want an animal to kill you just because it thinks you look creepy, right?

[chfriend]

I bet it was just a shell.

[Messy Nessie]

My DH and I really appreciate the thoughts and advice in this thread! Unfortunately, it wasn't a shell- it was an actual bug BUT after reading this thread- he was able to hopefully make a difference, efter the fact (at the time of the incident he didn't say anything).

Here's what happened:

The kids were at the park with my DH and our baby (she's in the sling). They were running and playing and being kids. The girl (who is the older one) pushed her brother for some reason. My DH stopped their play right there and took her over to the pinic table to sit. He had a conversation with her about how its not okay to hit/push/hurt someone or something, just because they are smaller than you. I don't have the details, but her said it went really well. She really was talking about it and the bug incident came out and they talked about it, etc.

I know a lot of people will think my DH has no place teaching someone else's kid this. But because they spend so much time everyday with our family (2-3 hrs when me or DH are basically amusing them for free) when they are with us they will need to follow our rules. I do not think their parents are teaching them these things at home, so I feel perfectly justified in talking with them about basic tenets of right and wrong.

Thank you for responding!

[Piglet68]

I think what your DH did was great!

[gurumama]

I think he did fine--I always appreciate other parents gently teaching my sons about compassion and kindness.