WWYD: Is it better for a 4-year old to be the youngest or oldest in her class?

[momtokay]

My oldest will be 4 in July. We have narrowed it down to two schools for her in the fall and are having a really hard time choosing between the two. The first is a Waldorf preschool. She will be the oldest one with the next oldest turning 4 in October ranging down to barely three year olds. There are eight kids in the school and we really like the teacher.

The second is a Waldorf kindergarten. She would be the youngest. The next youngest will be three months older than her. And it ranges all the way up to newly six years old. There are about 16 kids in the kindergarten with a teach, who we also really like and is married to the preschool teacher, and an assistant who seemed great but I'm not sure if she'll be the assistent next year or not.

Both schools meet outside, have a brief morning circle, long walk, snack, free play, story, lunch, another circle and then go home. She would go three days a week for 3.5 hours a time at both schools though the older kindergardeners would be five days a week. Neither is academic which we love.

I can see pluses to her being the oldest in that she can be a leader and help the younger kids. I can see pluses to her being younger in that she can be challenged by the older kids. I can see minuses to her being the oldest in that the other kids will be less verbal and more babyish, some maybe still in diapers even! I can see the negative side of being around the older kids in that she may pick things up before her time (learning about guns, boys vs. girls, etc.) though I will say that the kids in the kindergarten this year seemed quite well behaved and it was the preschool kids who were using sticks as guns, etc.

If it makes a difference she is quite verbal and loves to be outdoors. At the school she attends now she is in the middle of the age range (2.5 to 5) and she generally hangs out with the older kids, but it could just be this particular group of kids.

So anyone have their kid be the oldest or youngest in the class and does it work well for you? Any words of advice to help us pick?

[cuqui]

My dd was the youngest in her Waldorf Kinder. At first I was a bit concerned b/c situations did come and she was very aware that she was the youngest (her b-day was in Oct). I talked to her teacher throughtout the year about dd, & was satisfied wit how she handled everything. DD was very close to her teacher & stayed close at all times, by the end of the year she realized that the other children attended 5 days and looked forward to turning 5 and being one of the older children and teaching the younger ones to tie their laces and get dressed to go out in the winter. This year she has been extremely helpful to her teachers & the younger children, she is like the mother hen. She will spend 3 yrs in kinder with the same teacher as a result of this and she is thrilled, she really loves her teachers a lot and looks forward to being 6 & doing the puppet shows, pouring the water, & all the other things she has witnessed the 6 yr olds experience. My other dd will be 4 in Sept, she will attend the 3 day nursery with 3 & 4 yr olds. I really love the nursery teacher (we have done playgroup with them) and I was able to get in, with dd#1 it was full when I applied at the school (so it was not my choice, but I'm happy with the outcome).

One con with dd#1 was that since she was the youngest, next year she will be the only one left from her group last yr, but she has many friends from this yr that will go on with her into the grades.

Currently there are a few moms at our school having to make the same decision you face, they all spoke with the teachers and followed their advice. Now, these teachers do know the children well so were able to give well informed advice.

The teachers try to attain a certain mix in the classes so after spending some time with your child they may be better to assist you with your decision. BTW, my dd#1 is very outgoing & quite the politician. I call her "Miss Equal Opportunity", she has played equally with everyone of the 15 children in her class, she shows no favorites at all, she says she loves them all the same.

Good luck with your decision, hope my post was of some help.

[Artisan]

I would definitely choose to be the oldest. I was put in first grade as a 5 year old, and while the academics were no problem, so much early childhood learning is about social interaction and cooperative play. It was hard for me to be the youngest, even though I was relatively outgoing. My difficulty with this continued into (and past) college, where I didn't want people to know my real age because I was afraid of not being taken seriously. I am now 27 (yes, my real age), and am finally coming to terms with it.

[rainsmom]

!

WAIT! It wont hurt your dd to wait another year or spend it in preschool. But emotionally she wont be ready.....and that can be a setback in the long run.

Dd will most likely spend a year in preschool, a year in prek.....before entering kindergarten OR if she goes to the waldorf charter school, 2 years of kindergarten. In waldorf, they like the kids to turn 6 while in K.

[Alkenny]

My oldest is the youngest in her class, my older son is one of the oldest in his class. It could be just their different personalities, but I see that my daughter has some emotional maturity issues now that she's in junior high whereas my son is right on. Just my 2 cents, but if it was me, I'd put her in the preschool class.

[momtokay]

Thanks everyone!!! We decided to send her to the preschool next year. We're really looking forward to it as is DD.

[malibusunny]

I don't know how this applies to preschool, but studies have shown that it is easier on girls to be younger than their peers at higher grades, while it is easier for boys to be older. Age does not influence leadership skills, etc, but it does influence physical maturity which plays a big role in popularity, etc, at middle level grades.

So, imo it depends on how long you plan on keeping her in preschool. I'd vote for having her be younger in the later grades, rather than older.

Sunny (who teaches psych and is therefore full of random statistical "truthes")

[momtokay]

Interesting!! Thanks for sharing. We're going to talk to the preschool teacher and kindergarten teacher (who just so happen to be married to each other) and have them keep an eye out to make sure the preschool ends up being a good fit for DD. I do have a question for you if you check out this post again. DD is tiny physically, does that change the equation for a girl?

[Kirsten]

This is a topic I have a lot of interest in. In general, I think if they make they cutoff, send them - if they don't, wait. Your area of the country must have different cutoffs than mine. Where we are, a child must be 5 by August 31st to start kindergarten that September. If your child went to kindergarten this fall, she would be only 6 weeks(?) into being four - with kids who could conceivably have September birthdays and be turning six! Plus you say she is physically small - I wholeheartedly agree with putting her in the preschool this fall! You say you love them both - giving her another year could only help her IMO.
My dd1 was a young five (July birthday) when she started kindergarten. Had been great in preschool - very "don't let the door hit you on the way out". But kindergarten was too much emotionally - she would get tired and her frustration tolerance would dive. She did great academically but boy could you tell who was a summer birthday and who was a fall! The older kids in the class could just deal better - they didn't get upset about little stuff. I love her school and felt total trust that it was the right place - and by the holidays she adjusted but it was a rough couple of months for all of us - dd, me, the teacher.
The great kindergarten will still be there next year - let her do the preschool this year! I have not heard anyone say they wish they had put their child ahead but I have heard lots of people say we should have waited. It is always a hard decision - we all want the very best fit for our child. You will figure out what is best for you and your child. Everyone on the board will have an opinion on being the oldest or youngest. It is nice to hear others' experiences but follow your gut - it is rarely wrong.
Kirsten

[malibusunny]

Originally Posted by momtokay

Interesting!! Thanks for sharing. We're going to talk to the preschool teacher and kindergarten teacher (who just so happen to be married to each other) and have them keep an eye out to make sure the preschool ends up being a good fit for DD. I do have a question for you if you check out this post again. DD is tiny physically, does that change the equation for a girl?

Nope. In all reality, that makes her prospects better. As kids grow up, they are more comfortable with girls who have less physical maturity and boys that have more. It is emotionally easier for a girl to be "young" physically and for a boy to be "advanced" physically in the middle grades. These kids are more popular with their peers, more self confident, and generally recieve better (not more, but "better") attention from adults, including teachers.

Sunny

[malibusunny]

(remember, these studies do not look at kids in preschool and kindergarten. they look at kids in middle level (4-9th) grades. so, it may be that the kids who "make it" to middle level grades without being held back somewhere along the way have a special resilence.)

[momtokay]

Thanks Sunny and Kirsten. Kirsten, it's a mixed age kindergarten. If she went this year (three days a week) she would go again next year (5 days a week). I'm pretty sure the preschool is the right decision for us for this year. Then the mixed age kindergarten the next year, and then the decision gets made all over again to send her to 1st grade when she's barely 6 or wait until she's barely 7. I'm so glad my second baby has a March birthday -- no decision to be made.

[ChristaN]

We have this issue to contend with as well. My older dd's bd in August 29th & my younger dd's bd is Sept. 27th. They are almost exactly 2 yrs apart in age, but will need to be 3 yrs apart in school. Our cut-off is 5 by Sept. 15th to start kg. Our older dd started this year & she was the youngest in her class by 6 to 12 months, but I am very glad that we started her. She is average sized, very assertive, & bright. She had already taught herself to read before kindergarten with no pressure from us & it at the top of her class academically. As important, because is has a "leader" type of personality, she did fine socially. I think that she would have been bored if we held her back.

Her younger sister is a hard choice, though. She, too, is very small - about the 15th percentile for her age & much shorter than the other kids in her preschool class. Since she was in ps with kids last year who will be going to pre-k this fall, we will be sending her to pre-k with her friends, but I don't know what to do about kindergarten. I could keep her in the private school where she is going to ps & send her to kg at 4 going on 5, but I don't want to push her, so I just don't know yet. I think that I, too, will solicit the input of her pre-k teacher & see what she thinks later in the year.