"the talk"...what is the perfect age??

[hnybee]

My 8 year old is getting very curious about things and has begun to ask questions. I really want to be the one who tells her about sex. I know that she is a very immature 8 yr old and I don't want to shock/scare her. I really want to know what a good age to have the talk would be? She sees my mama pads and she is confused. She wants to know what they are for.

Is it to soon to tell her about menstruation and sex??


~Melissa~

[SabrinaJL]

I don't think so at all. DD asked about it when she was 5. I explained it to her in very simple terms. Then when she was 8 she started developing breasts. I was worried that her period wouldn't be too far behind so we discussed it again and I gave her a book called The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls. Awesome book! I highly recommend it.

[Dar]

We never really had "the talk" - we had a series of low-key minitalks starting when Rain was really little, and still going on now ("What does 'erectile dysfunction' mean?"). I would recommend answering questions honestly but not answering more than is asked. So, you would explain heterosexual intercourse as the man putting his penis inside the woman's vagina and ejaculating sperm inside her, and add that it can feel really, really good to both people... but you don't need to go into erections and g spots and clitorises (although I do think girls should know about their clitorises, but save it for the next talk) and oral sex and positioning right then...

I've found that talks like this go well when you're sort of busy doing something else, driving or cooking and folding laundry... it sort of eases the pressure.

Rain liked "Care and Keeping " - it's by the American Girl people. It's more about hygeine stuff, as I recall. We both liked "It's a Girl Thing" by (I think) Mavis Jukes, for more pre-teen friendly info about sex, puberty, etc... I bought it and gave it to Rain and when she was ready she read it, and asked some questions, She was 8 or 9...

Dar

[khrisday]

I think you shoudl answer questions as they come up. If she has asked about your period- answer her. 8 is definately not too young- some girls get their periods at 9. Imagine how confused and scared she woudl be if that happened without her knowing what it was. I think they ask for the information they are ready for. So if you give simple answers, and she is satisfied there is no need to go deeper right now.

[Annie7]

What are your opinions about schools taking the power out of your hands...Having "the talk" with charts and video...then letting the parents know After the fact (age 10/11)

[Brenoi]

Annie, Can't answer your question - because we hs and that is one of the many reasons why - "the talk" is my job

Melissa, I agree with Dar to a degree that should not be one talk but a continuing thread of honesty and openness. I answer each question with the openness and honesty and CORRECT information. When it comes to her period, I don't want dd to be scared. I want her to celebrate the step into womanhood and so we focus on that aspect. We have also discussed birth control - because like the pads, she saw me taking medication and so we talked about it - mind you my husband is now snipped so that conversation occured when dd was probably 5 or 6. She asked what I was taking and I told her medicine. She said for what I said because Daddy and I didn't want any more children and this was to stop us from having another baby. She remembers it and has brought up other questions reguarding birth control. Most of her question relate to having babies as many around us seem to be procreating I have never and probably won't for a while be as blunt at Dar was about what "sex" really means not because what she said is wrong but because based on the questions that I have gotten and what I feel about my dc I don't think they are looking for that detailed information yet and perhaps thanks to their extreme interest in animals they may have more of an idea of it and don't need to ask that yet - although I am sure there will come a time. We have discussed homosexuality on a very basic level - due to questions from them.

Again, I do not subscribe to the "the talk" concept. Open communication all along the way is super important and it is never too early to start - for example please don't call his penis a weewee. Accurate, open information always based on their age level and comprehension.

[Alkenny]

I'll second the book It's a Girl Thing, and also The Period Book.

I have an 11 year old who REFUSED to talk about anything with me. Really bummed me out, but everyone's different and she dealt with reading about it on her own better than having a discussion.

She knows I'm always here if she has a question, though.

[Red]

Early? Some girls get their periods at 9. Even if your daughter doesn't she'll know kids who do.

First, I don't reccommend a talk at all. Ever. It should be a conversation. Honestly, I think it should have started when she was about two. And maybe it did. Did you tell her that she's has a vagina? Labia? That boys have a penis?

(Quick side note,,,My youngest three have language problems. I taught them, but their pronounciations were unique. About 3 years ago, we were discussing women's parts and one of them said something about China. Wait, what the heck are you talk ing about? I queried. China, you know, boys have a penis and girls have a china. So, I explained the error. I watched my then 13 yod face as the realization came over her. Then she explained why she'd thought it was china. (Please, don't bother with the geography lesson!) "China is on the bottom of the earth, and this part was on the bottom of me!" I almost wanted to start calling 'it' china too!)

Ok, so if you haven't done the basics, get a book, it will help. Lots of them are friendly and easy. Get one that YOU are ocmfortable with, you'll be answering a lot of questions.

Then, the darn tv is a great help. Watch any sitcom, and explain what they're talking about. Seriously, things come up even on kids channels that open the lines. See if soemthing does. Or start a conversation in the car. No one can escape. Or while doing laundry. Hey, DD, you know why Mum has these pretty pads? Or, do you kknow where babies come from? Would you like to?

My nephews explained sex toys to my daughters when they were 8! I wasn't happy. Then again, at least THAT conversation is out of the way.

I explained noctural emmissions (on my best behavior here! ) to my son in the car, because I knew we were getting there and the opportunity to explain hadn't arisen naturally. He never spoke. Never looked at me. Got out of the car when we got home and never mentioned it again. But he knew, and he knew I knew, and he wouldn't think he was bad or sick or anything.

Be graphic. I mean, don't sugar coat it. Kids need the truth, all of it. But not all in one day. "mommies and daddies lie down together and kiss and cuddle in a special way' is fine at 8, but but 12, they'll need much more, well, detail.

Good luck. Kids should come with a direction manual! My son was absolutely fascinated with HOW the baby got OUT. I mean completely obsessed, at age 5. All those explanations, and then a c-sec! That would have been soooo much easier to explain!