Sorry it took me so long to get back from putting our daughter to sleep, I was distracted in War and Politics.
Quote from HC4
"Why would I want to help her, I would never do it right in the first place so we have a deal here, she stays out of the garage, and I stay away from the kitchen and laundry room.
Helping my wife is like looking for a fight."
Pretty pathetic. From reading this post I would have to say that both your relationships to each other need work. Sadly, this is a view held by a great many men. And sadly, I have had the mispleasure of working with a great many men who do talk about their wives (and girlfriends) as Artroller described ..."The next day, do you really think that we go to work and tell our buds, "yo, I nailed it last night bro!" Of course not."
Artroller, you sound like a great guy, but do not be naive. The attitudes of many men, and I have to say in my own experience the majority, is exactly that. If not overtly, then when they think they are in a "safe" space, usually around a few trusted buds, I will here the conversation. Once I open my mouth in protest or defense of the woman's POV, I don't get to hear theirt conversations anymore. It is a sad attitude and disgusts me. After all, these are the women they love, right?
Just from reading someone's post it is hard for me to know exactly what type of guy they are. But from what I've read so far, the majority sound like a bunch of tired, overworked guys who have never had to think about actively participating in raising a child. It is scary. But, not insurmountable.
My partner and I decided originally that I would stay home and Mama would work full time at her professional muckety-muck job. She pulled in almost twice what I made doing service and retail management. (I was looking forward to giving up the long weeks, stress and staying home with our daughter). But, during her leave she caught the baby bug and could not see leaving our daughter. She nursed exclusively, we AP parent, co-sleep, getting ready for homeschooling, the works. So, we changed our plans. But, I could not see going back to work full time and being a parent or a father in our parental mold. So, I work part time in a no stress job, we're poor, but we provide for all our daughter's needs. Because, ultimately, it is about the child.
So, I am home as much as possible. I take care of our DD as much as I am able to. She is VERY bonded to Mama, like velcro some days. So, I can only do so much before she wants to, 'see mama'. It is my official role to put her to sleep. But, I do what I can around the house and with our DD. Every little thing helps. Playing at the park with her, reading books, 'hanging out', or just simply interacting as she goes through a pretend monologue.
I guess I just find it hard when I hear of fathers who do not want to spend time with their children. It's your child, how could you not? Well, the sad thing is many men do feel they only have to help make them and not take care of them.
I'm also a bit older than some dads I know, and that has made a difference in how I approach things. When I was 21, I was planning my next keg party and not even thinking of how a diaper change would go. So, there has to be some credit for youth and dealing with the responsibility of parenthood. But, it's not something that can't be done.
I find it encouraging to see so many dads that have taken a pro active role in raising their children. I am happy to have found mothering, (courtesy of my partner) and the Dads forum. It is good to see the rare few are out there who help the Mamas of the world. 'Cause they need it.