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Dad's - how much do you help your wives? - Page 5

post #81 of 87
I have been having this same issue myself. I am 29yrs old. I have a daughter that is 5 and a son that is 4. I have raised both from day one. I have been present for every waking day of their little lives. From birth until now. I've left my daughter when she was 15 months old to watch a movie and it was the first time without her. I am currently,and have been for two years in school,that is the only time I am not with my kids. I do the budget, I do the groceries, the meals the bathes the bedtimes,the house work, the lawn work, the speical events. I do it all, on my own. DH works, and that is all. Two weeks ago I hit my breaking point. I called my mother and requested she drive the four hours to pick me up. I could not take it any longer. I was depressed,angry and downright sick with my life. I have no one here, no family, no friends nothing. These kids are all I have. I was sick of taking care of them, AND HIM. I don't want to pick up his dirty clothing, do his dishes or clean up his trash. I told him that as i walked out the door.... he asked for a second chance,, I am giving him that.. he has been better, but if he fails this time. We will be gone. Simply put, don't let someone use you as their slave,that is not what marriage is about.
post #82 of 87
As much as I do have a lot of times where I think "I worked all day to pay for everything," I also realize that taking care of two kids full time is also tiring in a completely different way.

At work, I deal with fully-grown people who are incapable of rational thought, and my wife works with barely-grown midgets who are incapable of raitonal thought, AND she has to clean their poop, so she trumps me in that regard. Still, she also gets periods to kick back and snuggle with her charges, maybe have a lemon-water, watch The Colbert Report, whereas I get verbally bitchslapped for... oddly enough, posting on forums. Like now.

But when I get home, I'm usually so happy to be there that I get a chunk of my energy back. I cook dinner, and now that the dishwasher has exploded, I do dishes. (I did the dishes for three years when we were dishwasherless anyways). I do big-tidies of the living room and sunroom when I have time (which is moving the BIG Mess out of the way, and leaving the detailed-cleaning for her, since I don't know where the small stuff goes). When I get home, I take over spending time with the boy (what do I call him here, Throkky?) we play WaveRace, or flash games, or cars, or snakes and ladders, or we read stories. I get his teeth brushed and put him to bed, and then I usually take over with the baby until she falls asleep around 10, so give Throkky some child-free time. And, probably 50% of the mornings, I get up with both kids to let her sleep in until after I've left for work.

Now, don't get me wrong... it's a pile of work, added onto me working 50+ hours a week, but it's just about the least I can do to help her get through her days. I drive her to and from home when she misses the bus (and we live 15 minutes out of town), I drive her to the pool on Thursdays for the boy's swim classes, and where possible, I take both kids and let her go hang out with her friends for coffee, or vegetarian potlucks, or whatever (though, for SOME reason, she usually insists on bringing the baby she has to breastfeed every few hours. Insanity!)

There are times when I just want to come home, sit, and relax, but I think the periods of melancholy are normal, but no matter how annoyed I feel... I still buckle down and do it, because she's my wife, they're my kids, and I have responsibilities.

So to all the dads and husbands who come home and do diddly poop... I hope you enjoy being single in your old age.
post #83 of 87
I have to think that i do help out as much as I can. My SO does many tihngs.. like taking care of the kids, and everything that goes along with that... But I do my share of changing diapers, wiping tears, florrs, and doing the dishes.

I don't do laundry, but I make the beds, help with bed-time, and do alot when i can.

A few weeks ago I was holding the youngest one and So was running around the house.. I was feeling like i wasn't doing anything, but the fact that i was keeping the youngest one happy, and the other kids happy.. she was way too excited about me holdiong him.
post #84 of 87
My wife is a stay-at-home mother (do you refer to that on this site as an SAHM?).

While I am at work, she manages the household.

I pay the bills. I will not relegate that stress to her. She's got enough with 5 active, precocious children demanding her attention.

When I'm home, I handle discipline. We "redistribute authority" when I get home from work. I "take the helm", so to speak. This in now way undermines her authority, it simply provides her a respite and the opportunity to say, "Take it to Daddy..."

My wife is horribly offended if I take up any household duties. She feels this is her territory and if I end up doing anything "domestic" that she has somehow failed to keep the house orderly.

Cooking, however, is something I greatly enjoy, so I like to take that on the weekends and any evening when she hasn't already finished it.

I consider my biggest and most important help to her in the area of relaxing her, ensuring she gets enough rest and taking away her stresses. She has told me countless times how big a difference it makes to have me walk through the door and when I'm traveling for the office, how much she misses it.

We view our parenting and marriage as a partnership. We've chosen some pretty traditional roles, but I'm not afraid to wield an iron, vacuum or shopping list if that's what it takes to relieve her stress.
post #85 of 87
I didn't take the time to read every post but figured I'd add how i felt.
My SO is a SAHM, and granted she has ALOT to do during the day I am in and out of the house all day long and usually done for the day around lunch. I clean all the time, dishes and picking up. I do laundry but I don't fold them, I hate folding. I give him his baths, and i hold him when he's cranky some of the time. During the night when he would wake up very seldom did I get up with him just becuase I felt that since she could sleep in a little longer, and I've got to get up early, I shouldn't have to get up at 2 am and 4 am. I did get up some of the times , just no nowhere near as much as she did. I would come home early while SO is still sleeping and clean up or take care of him for a little while, I don't have any problems chaning diapers...she has more of a prob with those smelly ones, doesn't bother me. Anytime we go anywhere I hold him, or push his stroller while she looks around of shops. I enjoy it.
She has mentioned that she wants me to help out more, and I want to, but I don't see where I do much less than her.
I'm not a bad father am i ? I try to help out as much as possible, I can do some of my work at home, and when I do i usually wind up taking care of him, because she's trying to get a break. Which can be frustrating trying to make our living and having to get up to get him when he's hungry or cranky.
post #86 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by confuseddaddy View Post
During the night when he would wake up very seldom did I get up with him just becuase I felt that since she could sleep in a little longer, and I've got to get up early, I shouldn't have to get up at 2 am and 4 am.
I am happy that my children's father believes his children are more important than his job. He will wake up at 2 am and 4 am and again at 5 am if needed, as he understands that their mother, who is providing all the care for them when he is gone, needs to be well-rested.

He doesn't want a tired person accidentally dropping the baby or spilling boiling hot water or...
post #87 of 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by MamaInTheBoonies View Post
I am happy that my children's father believes his children are more important than his job. He will wake up at 2 am and 4 am and again at 5 am if needed, as he understands that their mother, who is providing all the care for them when he is gone, needs to be well-rested.

He doesn't want a tired person accidentally dropping the baby or spilling boiling hot water or...
My children ARE more important than my job, I took a HUGE paycut and left a supervisory position to bring us home and settle. My kids are more important, but if I don't work then we won't be worried about who's gonna get up with him, we'll be worried about where we are gonna live, how we're gonna eat.
I have gotten up with him several times, but no not every night and not anywhere near the amount of times she has. Now he sleeps through the night. And she's well rested when I come home at noon and she's still in bed, and although she is providing care when I'm not here which is only 4 or 5 hours a day, I'm providing the roof over our heads and the food we eat. I've told SO several times I'd LOVE to be a stay at home dad. Wouldn't bother me a bit, well maybe my pride a little by not doing what most fathers feel is their responsibilty, but yes I could handle it. I raised my 2 brothers and 2 sisters for close to 10 years because my father had passed and the mother was too busy working and going to school.
I'm happy that I am able to come home at lunch and not have to work 12-14 hrs a day, 6 days a week. I'm thankful for that and any wife should be.
Put it this way other than during the night, she only has 3 or 4 hours max to "provide ALL the care for him" until I'm here to help.
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