When you don't agree w/ your parents on issues involving teen sibblings...

[Free Thinker]

I could honestly write a book. Sufice it to say that my parents are good people, but we just don't see eye to eye on several issues anymore. When I lived at home, I did think that their opinion was right, but now that I'm an adult, and married w/ a kid, I see so many things that I just do NOT agree with! My parents are of the midset that once you are 18, you are responsible for yourself. THey never paid for my college, and I am the only one of my sibblings to even go to college (parents didn't go either). I always had to pay for my own fun activies (movies, eating out w/ friends, ect., even school stuff and school yearbooks, ect.). I do think I turned out very responsible moneywise, and I am very frugal. Anyway... back to the point of all this... Last night my sister, who just graduated on the 16th was in a car accident, and rolled her car. She just moved out (about an hour from my parents), and got a job. They bought her a car, and she was/is going to pay them back for it. She is also on their insurance, but pays for her part. My mom is telling me about it... my sister rolled the car, it is totaled, they can't even find one wheel, luckily she had her seatbelt on, and only has a bump onher head. It was a one vehicle accident, and they are not going to turn it in on ins. b/c the car isn't worth what the ins. co would up the premium (I do understand that part). But my mom goes on to say that now LS (lil sister) is still going to have to pay for that car, she still owes my parents (who are not in need of the money, and own a car dealership, car is only worth 1500.) the $$ for the car and insurance. They are not giving her another vehicle, she is close enough to walk to her job, ect. My mom didn't even go to check on her! This just *really* gripes me, b/c she is worried about the $$. They make plenty of $$! Seriously, they really do! But they are still so tight. They never had much when we were growing up, and that is fine, but now they do, and they are still not helping out! How on earth is an 18 year old w/o a car, ect. supposed to live? She has no education, no plans of getting one! Am I totally out of line to think they should at least go check on her? Of course, there is so much more that has gone on in the last year over my sister, but this is just too much! How do I deal w/ it? Do I have the right to judge them? I just feel horrible for my sister.

[Marsupialmom]

Can you help your little sister out in any fashion?

Also, I would ask your mom about the insurance? Why did they have it if they were not going to use it? Don’t they owe her money for the insurance now, which is why she gave them money TO USE IT? Does that make since? Your sister has been paying them this money incase this would happen, now they are deciding not to use HER money they way it was intended. They are miss using her money, so now they cannot get theirs. This is their problem.

These people are toxic; remember never to get financially involved with them. Never borrow or loan them money. This does not mean you cannot give a sympathetic ear and support to your sister. Honestly you and your sister need to ask how much you really need these people.

If she goes ahead and pays it off and take it as a lesson learned that is ok. But the lesson to be learned is not to borrow money from your parents.

If she doesn’t pay them back what is she really loosing? The ability to borrow money and be minipulated again?

I will warn you about your parents. They will be this way 20-30-40 years for now. We have this scenario going on in my family. It might sound familiar?

I gave you that money so you have to -----------.

If I did not give you that money you would be –something negative.

See I gave you all that money see how much I love you now you have to do ---------- my way.

Another thought are they (your mom) trying to get their baby back home?

[Arduinna]

I advocated for my sister to my parents also (I'm the oldest and she is much younger).

Wow, honestly I think your sister shouldn't have to pay for the car if your parents refuse to file an insurance claim. At least they would get something for it. And that is what insurance is for. That sucks. You have to do what you think is right. If it was my parents I'd definately tell them they aren't being fair.

[*Erin*]

i think you're right. you're parents are being turds. lucky for your sister that she has you to lean on! i agree with arduinna, if your parents won't file a claim she shouldnt have to pay for the car. and i'm sorry they didnt even go see her after such an accident. that's awful.

i have a 19 yr old little sister and an 18 yr old little brother that i have to stick up for alot, so i know where you're at. i never understood the whole "they're 18 so they're grown and i'm done" approach to parenting. my mother is overbearing where your parents are "under" bearing, so we've got seperate but similar issues.

[shelbean91]

If your sister is on the insurance, she should be able to file a claim if she chooses.....

If she no longer has a car, there is no reason for her to continue to be on their insurance policy. If your parents consider completely an adult at 18 (and I don't completely disagree with this-they just seem to be a bit harsh about it), they have to deal with your sis making a decision that they don't agree with.

She can get her own insurance when she gets another car.