Can't decide!

[indiegirl]

We found out the gender of our other two children via u/s before birth. My dh has a heart defect that is genetic, so we have a u/s at 22 weeks to look at babe's heart and get an all-clear for homebirth. I know I'd be able to resist if we didn't have this u/s, but it is almost impossible imagining sitting there and not finding out. I mean, everything is sooo clear and soooo easy to know!

But with this babe, I was thinking that maybe we shouldn't find out. S/he will be our last baby and we've found out with the other two. I think the moment after birth when you find out must be so cool.

Anyway, convince me either way. I'm torn!

Jesse

[pinky]

I'm really glad you posted this, b/c I am having the same feelings! We found out dd's sex at the diagnostic ultrasound, and will be having one for this babe in two weeks. I had been assuming that we'd find out the sex again, but part of me is starting to wonder if it might be fun to be surprised.

[clynnr]

This is my first, and I don't want to know at all! I'm a little bit old fashioned, I guess, but I really have no desire to know until he/she is here. I'm trying to convince DH that he should be the one to look at birth and shout out the "It's a ___!" How much fun would that be!? Why should the doctor get to have all the fun!

Another reason I don't want to know is that I don't want to name the baby before it gets here either. (I know some people like to do this.) I want to see my baby and make sure we're giving him/her a name thats fits, KWIM?

Anyway, there really is no right or wrong choice, but there are some of my reasons.

We're having the diagnostic U/S done too, but I will tell everyone that comes in the room that WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I would hate for someone to accidentally spoil it.

[jecaly]

this is, almost without exception, the first question that everyone asks me. i guess it's really important in people's minds? in mine, the logic goes like this: there's one point in a person's life where they get to be completely without gender, and this is it. i'd like to preserve that, because i think it's neat.

of course, it is really really tempting to find out if we do end up needing this ultrasound at 18-20 weeks. i think i'll refrain, but hopefully with little enough attachment that i won't freak out if someone tells us by mistake, heh!

*j

[mimim]

Before I vote I'd have to know the answer to this question. Are you hoping (openly or secretly) for a particular sex?

If you don't care whether baby is a boy or girl and are just curious, then I say go ahead and find out.

If you do have a preference, then wait. You may feel diappointed if the baby is not the sex you are hoping for. If you wait to find out at birth, then there's no way you'll be disappointed. You'll be too excited to meet him or her!

[momsmyjob]

I say go for it, it's going to be a suprise whether it's now or then. Plus there's still the excitement of seeing your little one on his/her birthday

[joesmom]

Originally Posted by mimim

If you do have a preference, then wait. You may feel diappointed if the baby is not the sex you are hoping for. If you wait to find out at birth, then there's no way you'll be disappointed. You'll be too excited to meet him or her!

i think the opposite is true; when i was pregnant i was 100% certain i was carrying a girl- my first reaction was shock & (a teensy tiny bit of) disappointment. i had the rest of my pg. to adjust to the fact that i was not one of those moms who just KNOW what they are gonna have... if i had waited till his birth i am not sure that i would not have had a hard time accepting he was not the daughter i had thought i was having, yk?

plus the fact i had an unplanned csection & was completely put under. i did not see joe for about 5 hours after his birth & i would have been so sad that everyone else knew he was a he before i knew.

NOW, of course i amTHRILLED with him, i could not imagine having a daughter in his place.

i think if you will be happy either way, wait... if you are leaning towards a specific sex, better to find out! JMHO though!

[sadean]

I did not find out with ds#1, despite the u/s we had and it was a surprise. I found out with ds#2 because dh wanted to, but I would have preferred to have it be a surprise. With this pregnancy I again don't want to find out.

There are so few true surprises in life. I want to take advantage of the few wonders of nature and am all for waiting and imagining the spirit growing within me

So, my vote is no, don't find out

[Megamama]

I didn't find out with my first two kids because I was so young and didn't have to even have ultrasounds then. Now I do because the child I lost had spina bifida and water on the brain, so I have a diagnostic U/S at around 20 weeks too. I decided this is my last child and I don't want to know. I really think it's a girl, actually, and now I'm like you, maybe I should just find out and get it over with so I can mentally prepare for whatever he/she turns out to be. I've actually said to DH that I'm so convinced it's a girl I don't even call the baby anything but she...I don't want to impose she-ness on the baby if it's not a she!! I am as conflicted as ever...I may leave it up to Tom..of course, he's a Libra, so decision making is even harder for him LOL

[Lucretia]

We're going to find out. Part of the reason for this is I do have a gender preference as much as you're not supposed to. I want to know so I can adjust my thinking to whichever gender the baby is.
I think I'd find out even if I didn't have a preference. Birth and meeting your baby for the first time is such a surprising exciting experience I don't feel it's diminished by taking away one small part of the surprise.

[mom2amelia]

Oh, I totally understand. I didn't find out with dd, and it was the best decision. I'd always said that I wouldn't find out, but then, at the ultrasound, I started to sway, but dh held firm and we didn't find out. I really wanted a girl first, and was trying my best to convince myself that I was having a boy. Dh was convinced we were having a boy- wouldn't even talk about boy names for a while. We crossed all the potential boy names off the list the night before I went into labor- so it was a good thing that we had a girl. It was like a super bonus to have this healthy baby AND have "it" be the little girl I'd hoped for.

About the annoucing thing- they asked dh if he wanted to annonce the sex. He didn't really answer. After she came out, they wrapped her and put her on me for a few seconds before giving her some oxygen (purple in the face from cord around the neck). Dh said, "it's a girl, isn't it?" and then no one replied and I couldn't see, so I had a few moments of confusion. Of course he knew it was a girl, but was just nervous. He followed it up with, "thank god we don't have to have a bris." (but that is a whole other issue)

Anyhow, now that I'm pg again, with the ultrasound scheduled for the end of next week, we are again debating finding out. I am increadibly curious, but the surprise was amazing too. Chances are that we won't find out, but... it could happen. Also, dd is insisting that she is going to have a baby sister. I've had a boy feeling all along, but I don't really trust that.

Okay, so I did nothing to convince you, but I share in your confusion!

[AmandasMom]

We will find out. I want to know so I can have a list of names ready, buy boy or girl clothing, and I simply want to refer to the baby as him or her.

[merpk]

Okay, so I don't belong here, am no longer pregnant (for 12 days already ) but your thread somehow appeared in front of my eyes ...



Don't do it.

We've had amnios *and* u/s with each pregnancy (various genetic disorder issues ... which we wanted reassurance about) and in each case did not find out. Told every doctor and nurse and u/s tech we came in contact with "no gender." Immediately ... as in, "hi, nice to meet you, no gender."



That moment of "the head's out ... here we go ... one more push ... and you have a ... !!!!!" is just way too far out. Really. Beyond beyond.



And BTW, we have a boy and a girl and a boy and a girl.





Don't do it. You can always get a whole lot of stuff in neutral colors ... or just wait until the little one shows up to get anything ...

[indiegirl]

LOL Amy! Ok! I'm not finding out!

This is going to be so hard for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, this is going to be one of the HARDEST things I've done. I can't even keep Christmas presents a surprise.



Here's to some delayed gratification!

Jesse

[pinky]

I think I'm almost convinced, too.

Dd was asking me yesterday about whether the baby was a boy or a girl, and I told her that actually I was trying to decide whether to fiind out or to let it be a surprise. I asked her what she thought, and she thought it over and said, "Hmmmm....I think we should let it be a surprise!"

So for now that's where I stand. But I'm SOOOOO curious!

[scheelimama]

OMG! DH and I have been debating this for weeks! We didn't find out with #1 and it was pretty cool, but this time I just want to know sooo.... badly. The first time, I didn't care too much either way, but this time, well, I still don't care too much, but I feel so strongly that it's a boy that I want to know if I'm right. I guess to mentally prepare myself if I'm wrong. I mean, I'm so certain, that I've been referring to the baby as "he", which is just wrong if I'm carrying a girl. And, here's my argument for dh...it's summer right now and I can garage sale and get all the boy clothes we will need (or winter girl clothes, since dd was a spring/summer baby) for cheap! But when this little one is born, we will be a month or so from Christmas season and money will be getting tight and where are we going to find money to buy clothes at nearly full price??? Okay, so that's the best argument I have.

As it is, we probably won't find out. I have 3 good friends that did not find out with any of their children and they are trying real hard to convince me that it's not worth it and that relatives will likely shower clothing upon us. They say the surprise is too great to spoil it now. And DH really doesn't want to find out. He was so close to giving in when I started to waver. So, I guess it'll be "no gender" for us. That's the end of my spiel.

[mezzaluna]

Originally Posted by jecaly

this is, almost without exception, the first question that everyone asks me. i guess it's really important in people's minds? in mine, the logic goes like this: there's one point in a person's life where they get to be completely without gender, and this is it. i'd like to preserve that, because i think it's neat.

of course, it is really really tempting to find out if we do end up needing this ultrasound at 18-20 weeks. i think i'll refrain, but hopefully with little enough attachment that i won't freak out if someone tells us by mistake, heh!

*j

my thoughts exactly!

i'm really perplexed as to why everyone's first question is "do you know?" or "are you finding out?" they don't even say "are you finding out the gender?" it's just implied.

so far we've been saying we're not going to go out of our way to find out... and then everyone rolls their eyes and says so you'll be getting a lot of yellow and green clothes, then. well, yeah... or get creative and find purple, blue, red, whatever... even pink can go both ways.

people also laugh when i say i want the child to have a 9 month reprieve from the gender expectations in our society... they say the kid will get them soon enough... i say why rush it. we're thinking about not telling anyone even if we find out... but i'm also worried about my own gendered expectations

-rosemary

[MonkeyPrincess]

We found out with our first, I just needed to know. I was soo happy about just being pregnant and having a baby that the surprise wasn't even an issue for me. At that point, I didn't have a preference at all; we had a boy...

With the second (only 18 months later), my thinking was it "should" be a boy, since they'd be so close, I thought they should just be brothers! I don't know why! Anyway, I *knew* it was a girl, but had to confirm what I was feeling vs. what I thought, so we found out. It was a girl, and I was thrilled when the tech announced it! (This was also a surprise pregnancy, so it really helped me to bond with the baby, knowing she was a she!)

I never wished I didn't find out, but I did think it would be neat to experience the surprise aspect. That was the only reason I didn't want to know with the third, I was dying with curiosity otherwise! My dh pushed for not finding out, since he really wanted another boy and didn't want to be disappointed in the us room if it was girl. He was like mimim and knew he would be so excited the baby was here, he wouldn't care what it was if we found out in the delivery room. But when the tech asked if we wanted to know, I almost shouted YES! So, she told us it was a boy and we were both thrilled!

This time I am actually enjoying the suspense I SO think its a girl, but keep reminding myself it *could* be a boy! Then I laugh at the thought, cause I'm so sure its a girl, lol! I have no preference one way or the other, and although I am curious, I am very much looking forward to having my dd announce the sex of our new baby in the delivery room

clynnr, I'm with you on when we name the baby...we always wait to meet the baby before we name them. With DS #1, we narrowed it down to 2 names once he was born, then we named him on his second day. With DD, the nurse knew we had NO idea what to name her and kept suggesting names the whole time I was in labor. When she was born, we knew immediately what her name was...just from hearing the nurse say it and seeing her at the same time! With DS#2, I had been throwing around the idea of one name for the last few weeks, after contemplating every name we could think of during the entire pregnancy. The morning after he was born, we decided to use the name we had been thinking of.

I always told people the name was our "surprise", since we found out the sex. Now, I do feel like I should come up with an idea, at least, of what this baby will be named. (Although, I know it won't be definate until we see him/her.) I guess I just need to know SOMETHING, lol!

[cosmos]

We found out with our first but didn't tell *anyone*. That was really fun!

We did not find out with our second and it was weird at birth- when I heard she was a girl it seemed to me not as important as I thought it would be. Just another run-of-the-mill surprise I guess, and the real surprise for me was that I was so ambivalent about it (altho I was secretly wishing for another girl).

This time I kind of want to find out but DH is really not wanting to. I guess my reason is strongly influenced by the fact that I wasn't overwhelmed with surprise last time.

finding out: It really cuts down on name choosing.

not finding out: It is super easy once you get past those gotta know moments in the U/S room (like what a relief!).

Good luck!!!!!

[indiegirl]

Dh says he has to know. I can go with that. The plus side is I can buy dipes for babe this way and have fun picking out cool covers!

Jesse