UC Support Thread #5, June - Page 9

[majazama]

I'd like to see JPB pictures, indigo! She's pretty cool.

[laurata]

Ame-

I am also due in December, and pretty sure I'll be having a UC, though recently I've been grappling with the issue of whether or not I want to see a lay midwife occasionally. So we're due around the same time.

[Aura_Kitten]

update ~

i have officially stopped seeing my OB. they've called me twice now.

:

i can't stand the thought of going back and being made to feel crappy for wanting to go to term AT LEAST, you know? for wanting this baby to actually come when she comes... for wanting a doctor who puts my own health, life, rights, and choices above that of my unborn child... and for wanting a doctor who truly believes in women's ability to birth their own babies...

but i think that concept scares most OBs. if they taught women to believe in their own ability to give birth, they'd be out of a job, save for the 5% or so of women who truly need an OB during pregnancy + birth...

honestly, stepping so far outside of the mainstream terrifies me. i've been upping my meditation, visualization + yoga because i keep hearing so many bad things about birth... it creeps in and freaks me out, you know?? so i retreat to my corner + flip open the lovely Jeannine Parvati Baker's book i have, and meditate on the peaceful images of birth, and the strength that women have inside ourselves...

but even through all of my beliefs, there's still a part of me that listened when my OB said that babies should come before 40 weeks. i find myself coming back to the thought, i'm 37 weeks! i should have this baby by now! which is such a skewed thought, and i hate admitting that i even have it, but it's there. i went for a walk this morning at dawn and it hit me that i haven't had the baby yet, and even my hugs + rushes had stopped the past few days, and i felt a surge of terror ~ this baby will never come if she doesn't come this week! then i stopped (literally, stopped where i was for an instant) and i contemplated how absurd that idea was, and how sad it was that not only is this such a prevalent attitude, but also that if my doctor was able to get that idea so firmly in MY head, think of how many women he's actually been able to INDUCE because of it!

so when they called again at 8 this morning while i was in the bath, i let it go to the answering machine and made up my mind to not return anymore of their calls at all.

but i'm still scared. i don't think i'm really scared of the birth at all, though ~ just the thought of being so different, and of facing reprimand by my dr(s), and my parents, and my IL's... ARGH what stupid rambling.

i just had to get that out there.

[majazama]

There are a few women who give birth naturally before their due date, but the norm is overdue, 9 days to be exact. That is what my ex-midwife told me, and I believe it, because 9 days after my due date, my DD decided to make her debut.

For all those women who get induced, I bet there isn't very many who can withstand the artificial labour. I imagine that almost all of them get epidurals, and either deliver vaginally on their back with their "chin to their chest"(don't get that one) or have their baby given to them by cesarean.

I admit, I've had my share of questioning about what I am getting myself into (maybe from watching too many episodes of "baby story"). But then I realized a few days ago, what if I was going the other route??? If I was going to be going to a hospital for the birth (which would be my only other option, as there is no MW that would take me for July) I would be on the opposite side right now. I would be worried that I wasn't going to be able to give birth the way that I want, and the added risk of getting the baby "cut out of me"... etc. by being in a hospital. I'd rather be at home (by far)

I have thought it through, and I know that I am making the right choice. Isn't it nice to feel like it is your choice. UC is not illegal, and there is good reason for that. I can do it, as can you and that's who would be doing it anyways, even if there was a doctor hovering over.

When are you due, klothos? I'm due VERY SOON! I think this babe might want to be born on the full moon (july2). My DD was born on the new moon, so that would be cool if "he" was born in the opposite phase of the moon.

[Aura_Kitten]

There are a few women who give birth naturally before their due date, but the norm is overdue, 9 days to be exact.

the reason my doctor(s) have given me for this is that women don't *really* know when they conceived, so the due dates aren't correct to begin with.

...I can do it, as can you and that's who would be doing it anyways, even if there was a doctor hovering over.

i've thought about that a lot too ~ since i'd be insisting on zero interventions at the hospital anyway, the only real differences are that at home i'm more comfortable, more relaxed, i feel safer, and so labor is more likely to progress without the need for interventions. and that would be bad why? i know the statistics for complications in hospital births are much higher than in home births... mainly because of the doctors and nurses hovering around pushing interventions on women who don't need them.

When are you due, klothos? I'm due VERY SOON! I think this babe might want to be born on the full moon (july2). My DD was born on the new moon, so that would be cool if "he" was born in the opposite phase of the moon.

July 10th. (and contrary to what the doctors tried to tell me, i do know when i conceived. ) from early on in the pregnancy i felt she'd come a little early ~ around july 4th. it's interesting that you mention that the full moon is on the 2nd, because the other day i got this strong feeling that if she didn't come on the dark of the moon, she'd come on the full moon, but i didn't know when that was.

[lovemygirl]

Originally Posted by *Mamajaza*

There are a few women who give birth naturally before their due date,

I am one of those...my dd was born on exactly the day I turned 37 weeks. No inducing, no rupturing of membranes by anyone, no drugs, etc...she was just ready! I had her at home attended by a mw.

[lovemygirl]

Originally Posted by klothos

i have officially stopped seeing my OB. they've called me twice now.

:

GOOD FOR YOU!!!
I am sending peaceful birthing vibes your way! You can do it mama!! Way to go!

[Aura_Kitten]

wow, i got dancing fruit and veg!

:LOL

thanks for the happy vibes.

[Hathor]

Hi everyone,
I was visited all night last night by lovely, regular, spread across the back and grab at my tummy contractions! They kept me awake but didn't rouse me out of bed and I did get about 4 hours of sleep (somehow I knew the baby wasn't coming, just getting ready to come so I stayed in bed and tossed and turned and breathed thru them.)
They've subsided this morning, but I'm almost certain that this baby will be born at night anyway so that I'm enjoying the stall, as a matter of fact I'm really enjoying the spontaneousness surprise of the unfolding of it all. Especially since I told my MIL to postpone her plane ticket to July 3rd. Yay!
Oh, and Klothos, I'm giving all credit to the yummy sex!

42+ weeks and counting...
Heather

[majazama]

Hathor peaceful birthing vibes to you!!! Have FUN

[Ame]

laurata...I'm glad to know you, it's good to know someone else follwoing a similar path at the same time. I have a wonderful group of friends that I got to know through my last pregnancy and we are still very close.

I am seeing a midwife ...but don't know if I will see her through until the end. She is a hospital Midwife and might as well be an OB....but is the only midwife covered by our healthcare.

[Aura_Kitten]

woo Hathor!

*~*

update: the OB's office called TWICE this morning, while we were out... i got home and my dad had called too ~ they had called HIM asking about ME! HELLO i'm an ADULT!!

i was SO MAD. i called them and let them know i'm planning a homebirth, and my OB sounded really disappointed, tried a minor scare approach but ended up just asking me if i realize i'm accepting full responsibility for the health and wellbeing of my fetus. that's what i've *been* doing. what a sad state our nation is in if women are only asked that they accept responsibility for their health care when they decide to step outside the norm.

i also called my dad and let him know ~ in not quite so harsh words ~ that it's none of his damn business. (note for those who may have missed it in my previous posts: my dad is 10000% against even a birth center birth... and calls midwife-assisted births "that midwife crap.")

:: sigh ::

just a little bit of stress that i didn't need. i'm just waiting for my dad to show up here and rant about my birth choice(s). :

[LavenderMae]

WOOOOHOOOOOO, Heather!!!!!!!!

Klothos, I am sorry you having this stress. At least you got the OB taken care of!! I will be sending BACK OFF vibes to your dad, hope they work.

P.S. I can't believe they called your dad.

[mollyeilis]

I haven't gotten updates on this for ages now, thought all was quiet! hmm...

From an old conversation.

"I know that when I talk about the problems of modern midwifery they will say, "yes, but there are midwives that do practice traditionally (non-interventively,) why not use them if they are available?" I want to make the case that UC is valid and maybe still preferable even if a traditional midwife is available, even if she is a trusted friend or family member; that it is *not* just a desperate defense against our culture's norm of medicalized childbirth."

The problem with that is...how do you know? How do you know which kind of midwife you've hired? As my recent experience shows, you can think you've hired the most non-invasive, non-interventive, coolest midwife ever, but you don't KNOW until it's too late.




"I wonder how often that's true in midwifery (that is, midwives drawn to the field to work through their own issues or to feel the high or to scoop up some energy)."

Most healing professionals are working out their own issues through their work...think of therapists!



nikirj I see you're in Washington? When you find a midwife around here (if you're on the coast-side of the Cascades, that is) that is cool with you seeing her for prenatal only, please PM me. I'd love to have a name for the future, should I go that route (for some reason, right now all options...vbac, ercs, hbac, ubac... seem equally plausible to me).

[cottonwood]

Klothos, sorry about the last-minute stress from these busy-bodies.

Hathor, looking forward to hearing your story anytime now.

Molly wrote: "The problem with that is...how do you know? How do you know which kind of midwife you've hired? As my recent experience shows, you can think you've hired the most non-invasive, non-interventive, coolest midwife ever, but you don't KNOW until it's too late."

That applies to *anyone* invited to the birth. I've read so many UC stories in which a family member or friend is the one disrupting the process with their fears, or misguided attempts to help, or ideas about how things should go.

But I think people usually do know, on some level. I had convinced myself intellectually that I'd found a good midwife, but my heart was not fully in it. This was felt, not reasoned, so I suppressed it. I should have paid attention, because it was real and therefore did end up having an affect on my birth.

[wildthing]

Molly wrote: "The problem with that is...how do you know? How do you know which kind of midwife you've hired? As my recent experience shows, you can think you've hired the most non-invasive, non-interventive, coolest midwife ever, but you don't KNOW until it's too late."

Linda replied "That applies to *anyone* invited to the birth. I've read so many UC stories in which a family member or friend is the one disrupting the process with their fears, or misguided attempts to help, or ideas about how things should go.

But I think people usually do know, on some level. I had convinced myself intellectually that I'd found a good midwife, but my heart was not fully in it. This was felt, not reasoned, so I suppressed it. I should have paid attention, because it was real and therefore did end up having an affect on my birth."

Donna says:
I agree, you really don't know until the actual birth. But I think there are clues that you can pick-up on, in most instances (certainly not all). I think what helped in my case, was that I was able to sort of "watch" what my midwife said on group we are on together, before I ever approached her about my birth. And ultimately, I did give my trust to dh, to be sure that if the mw were to start to do something during the birth that we knew we didn't want, that he would protect us.

My previous birth I ignored/pushed aside my own intuiton and desires in order to be a good girl and listen to the midwife. 4 times we told her that dh wanted to catch the baby, and 4 times we were ignored. I also let her do things I hated (such as dressing my baby after it was born) because I didn't know how to assert myself and tell her not to. This time, I had a deeper relationship with the mw (whom I still see and consider a friend), and we just clicked.

I also agree that anyone who is at a birth can interfere. My own mother was sort of a hinderance at one of my homebirths with her constant talk of pain and her constant talking and being loud. I finally was able to tell her to be quiet, but still......

[mollyeilis]

"But I think people usually do know, on some level."

Yes, OK, that's true. I did know that I mistrusted the women who ended up at my birth. But I had hired the practice in general, with strong hopes that it would be the other midwife at the birth. Once I realized she was going out of town I should have run away, but I had NO idea that the main midwife would hire someone who could mis-manage a birth so much. I put my faith in the owner of the practice and ignored how much I didn't like or trust the second midwife.

Next time, should I not go UC (but aren't we all impressed that I can think and write about a next time after only 4 weeks?), I'm hiring a one woman midwife practice, and looking into other one woman practices as *just in case* places to call. Or I'll find some place where I like and trust them all!

If I use midwives...

[Aura_Kitten]

I also agree that anyone who is at a birth can interfere.

i've already warned my SO that i may not want him present during my labor. i have a very strong feeling i'm just going to want to be left alone in quiet + dim light to just tune into my body and do what i feel is right, kwim? i remember doing that for a huge part of my labor w/ my son and i'm pretty sure that's why it went so well (at least up until the end).

[Kundalini-Mama]

I just wanted to jump in here and say hello. I've been reading all the UC stuff I can get my hands on (internet stuff, not books yet), and I'm really excited about my upcoming birth in December (hi Laura, hi Ame )

I feel kinda weird over here, b/c I am planning an unassisted birth w/a MW present in the next room. : This is for a couple of reasons, probably a lot stemming from the fact that my first son had to be transferred to the NICU shortly after birth. I also have family on both sides who are wicked excited to get an opportunity to call CPS on me for some reason or another, so this, for me, is a way of covering my ass.

I have a plethora of midwives in the area (we have a really crappy hospital in town, w/a 100% (undocumented) episiotomy rate, and, very high c-section and inducing rate). Regardless, I interviewed 2 midwives, one who was my doula during my son's birth (hospital, but not the crappy hospital), and one whom I really knew I wanted as she is soooo laid back. The first midwife brought up all that stuff about woman being surrounded by women in all cultures to birth and how she didn't think an unassisted birth was right for.....me. I thought this was rather presumptious (sp??) and am pleased that I am 'using' this other midwife. Our prenatals consist of, "so, what do you want to do?" :LOL

So I guess that's it, I hope I'm not intruding, but I'm looking forward to learning lots more. In fact, I went on a weed walk a couple of weeks ago and have a beautiful sheppard's purse tincture curing for me as we speak.

Okay, I'm rambling and my DH and son just got home.

Amy

[nikirj]

Hi Laura, Ame, and Amy! I am also due in December (the end of December). I am thinking we'll have a midwife show up after the birth, for the CPS reasons as well as because I've torn badly the first two times and would like someone to check things out afterwards. Now to find a midwife who will cooperate...