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UC Support Thread #5, June - Page 2

post #21 of 244
Congratulations to Karenpl!! Her pregnancy photo was just gorgeous Can't wait to hear the birthstory - born outside, how incredible!! Thanks for letting us know Katja
post #22 of 244
Welcome Mellie-bellie

Similar to Blueviolet - the only things I really had prepared last time I gave birth (my first uc) was a ton of recieving blankets, a newborn hat, and a baby shoelace and hairdresser's scissors that sat overnight in a pan that had been boiled then turned off with a lid over it. I did make my bed up with layers of old sheets between layers of something waterproof and that was a really handy trick.

FWIW, there's several twin uc birth stories up and around the internet. There's one right up in the birth stories forum above homebirth even. I personally would UC if I knew I was having twins (not sure as how I would dx that as I have had no need of outside prenatal care), if I were surprised with a twin I would carry on as normal I'm certain

I don't know about must-read books - I have read Laura Shanley's book and it was really great. I think Laurie Morgan still has her ebook up at www.lauriemorgan.com which is also a wonderful read.
post #23 of 244
Thread Starter 
Yes, congratulations to both Molly and Karen and their healthy new babies! Karen, that is pretty cool that you managed to do it outside. I've always dreamed of that, but I think it might be too cold here in September, and I'm wondering about how to make it private. Do you live in a secluded area, or are you just quiet?
post #24 of 244
s molly!!!!!!!!! Just let yourself heal from this now. You have a beautiful baby to look at in your arms. Midwives can be pretty bad. It is *really* hard to force your opinion when you are in that state. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Strong healing vibes to you, momma...

P.S. Can't wait to see pictures.
post #25 of 244
molly~ I also wanted to say that maybe if you write the MW's a letter about how you feel, and give it to them, maybe it will help you go through your feelings about it. I thought about doing that time and again after my DD's (homebirth, but not what I wanted) entrance, but never did. I still could, I guess. But maybe if I had done it, I could have resolved those feelings a lot quicker. I think those kind of MW's need to know how they affect a very vulnerable mother. I hope you are doing well.
post #26 of 244
's Molly. Congrats on your sweet baby!

Congrats to Karen as well! I can't wait to read your story. I wanted to birth outside as well but ds was born in Oct, and we have neighbors all around.

As far as birthing supplies, we weren't prepared. Ds came early but we did just fine with things around the house. I had all of the cloth diapers washed and ready(I used the preemie cpf's on ds and the infant cpf's for me because I hadn't ordered my cloth pads yet. :LOL ) I had baby clothes and blankets washed and ready as well.

I had a little pool but didn't get it set up in time. I gave birth to ds in the living room kneeling on a bathmat and towels. I wrapped him in a flannel shirt of dh's, put a little hat on him and eventually tied the cord with some wool yarn of mine that was in my knitting basket and used my sewing scissors to cut the cord. I later put him in a soft cpf and dressed him in a little sleeper.

It was so sweet and just normal. He was here and a part of our family without all of the drama of the hospital and the staff. Having a baby wasn't a crisis, just a beautiful life event.

I have read a lot of the twin UC stories too. I would have twins unnassisted as well. Like Jessemomme I don't know how I would know for sure if it were twins since I wish to not have outside prenatal care too but I would welcome whoever was born.

As far as UC books..............I didn't read any. I just read tons of UC birth stories. In fact, Jessemomme's was the first one I remember reading. I believed I followed a link on the diapering board and read it.
post #27 of 244
Thread Starter 
I had a neat dream last night:

I was giving birth. At six months. Alone. Although it seems like there was someone else in the house, my mom maybe? It didn’t feel or look like our house, but it wasn’t anyone else’s either. I was situated in an area that was where our kitchen is, but it wasn’t the kitchen. I was in labor for seven hours total. First I thought it was eight, then I determined it was seven. I don’t remember much about the process, except that it wasn’t hard, or even work. It was just birth. It wasn’t this intensely enjoyable, pleasurable thing either, just birth. Like taking a walk in the park. Or washing the dishes. Very zen I guess. I do remember having the baby face down on my legs, draining. She never cried. I picked her up and she found the nipple right away. I still didn’t know it was a she, but at some point there was someone there (Scott?) and I thought it was time to look, and saw the two pillowy cushions, with the lips rising up like wavy coral or red petals. She was a girl, with dark hair. We were all very pleased. I couldn’t figure out why she was so early, yet mature, but it didn’t matter. It was all right and the way it was supposed to be. I remember thinking I had to keep her warm, so I just covered her up and she was fine. So easy to know the right thing and then do it. No worries, no situation analysis, no fear.

Then the dream got kind of whacky, we were driving through snow to the house I grew up in, which was our house now. We had to drive through snowy streets to get there, and then the car stalled and we had to get out and walk. The baby was older now, and she ran ahead of us in her slippers, and I thought her feet were getting wet but at the same time I realized that it was okay, that it wouldn’t hurt her. And as we walked up the steep hill (which wasn’t hard work either) the snow melted.
post #28 of 244
Thank you mamajaza.

Just yesterday the "elder" midwife FINALLY called, and while I wouldn't speak to her we did set up a meeting for tomorrow. She's coming to our place, bringing our records/notes, and will go over the whole thing with us. I guess she was rather surprised at the way things went, and I think she feels very bad about it as well.

I guess she said something about how it would be nice if we could talk to the midwife and apprentice who were there, as a teaching experience for them...um, no. That's not what I hired them for. Had I known it was supposed to be a teaching experience for the midwife there I surely would have negotiated a lower cost, and would have had some thoughts of not fully trusting her.

Anyway, I get to have a conversation with the midwife in charge, which is way better than a letter. (btw, when I fired my first midwife because I didn't trust her, I did write her all the reasons why, and felt good about it)
post #29 of 244
Thread Starter 
Molly, I agree that everything they did was wrong, but getting them to see that might be tough, since they've probably attended plenty of births in that exact same way without ending up with cesareans. While we might see that as the mothers' bodies working in spite of the midwives' actions, they likely see it as evidence that their methods are sound. The justification of obstetric management of labor is based in the same faulty reasoning.

Your story reminds me so much of my first. The midwife was constantly trying to get me to do something I didn't want to do, and I was so exhausted that she often won through persistence. According to her, everything I instinctively felt like doing was wrong. I was confused because here was this woman who had been to 1500 births, and I had been to none, shouldn't she know what she was doing? But on the other hand my needs were so strong, and it was hard to believe my body would betray me. I alternated between thinking I couldn't do it without her and feeling great resentment and anger toward her. Plus, she had her hands up me constantly, checking dilation, doing perineal massage, etc. It was a mess. Looking back, it was clear that her involvement was nothing but a hindrance to the labor progressing normally. But when I talked to her, it was impossible to get her to see that. She felt bad that I'd had such a hard time, but she really didn't believe that her own behavior was responsible for any of that.
post #30 of 244
My first birth was practically unassisted in the birth center- (the oldest in nyc, which is gone now)- due to some short-end-of-the-stick karma or something.

When I phoned them and told them I was in labor- they didn't believe me! First she said I hadn't had any ctx while on the phone, then when I said I'd had five and didn't know she wanted me to tell her, she said they weren't so bad I couldn't talk through them. I should have said, but didn't, hey, I read Spiritual Midwifery at 14, I don't want them to hurt!

She told me to try to sleep and see if they would go away. I was excited and eating lentil soup and my husband went back to his apartment to get his things (my daughter was two+ weeks "early," another reason the mw did not believe me). By the time he returned I had thrown up, was crawling on the floor hissing at him not to touch me, and in great pain. Called birth center again. They basically said if I came in they were all but sure they'd check me and send me home again, but if we insisted....

Crazy ride up FDR drive at 5 am. Hobbled into the birth center out of my mind with pain- no bag packed, nothing ready. Some bloody show and as I was examined I opened my eyes just in time to see the midwife- whom I had never met- mouth, "nine!" to the assistant. They had two other ladies already there, so I was left alone in the waiting room that had a bed for just such "emergencies." No tub, shower, amenities, etc. I lay on my side and held my husband's hand. When my water broke it was an explosion that shocked me and I had an immediate urge to push. Get her, get her, I said. The assistant came, I said I have to push. She said, "well you're just going to have to wait." At this point I made an unconscious decision to ignore these people. The midwife came in and said there was a slight anterior lip and not to push. I couldn't help it, so she held it back. Then began the struggle throughout my pushing phase to get me off my back. I was most comfortable on my back pulling my legs up and had no intention of moving just because some lady I'd never met before told me to. Only a few minutes of pushing and she was born. She was posterior and I know now for some women, babies and births on the back pulling the legs up is perfectly ok.

The midwives meant well but the whole situation was so bizarre. My current midwife, on hearing this story, said, well the positive thing is you know you can have a baby with no help whatsoever!

I had considered a homebirth that time but didn't look too closely into it, and was pretty happy with the Maternity Center, until the labor and birth! Only now when I have real care from a real midwife can I see the abyss between the two.
post #31 of 244
Karen I am so happy for you! Welcome to your dear sweet deer baby! I love your belly pics with all your blessing's hands. Made this pregnant woman cry

Molly-congrats on your beautiful baby. You can get through this. Wishing you a happy baby moon. I am so sorry for what you went through. Remeber, we are all here for you to help you work through this. You sound like you are doing a great job of it! Thinking of you!

post #32 of 244
Can I join in on the UC happiness?????
I am literally who only knows how close to birthing this child. I've been having contractions every 10 minutes for about 3 days, and they've gotten to about every 5 minutes today.
I had always wanted a homebirth, and with this baby (my 4th), I've just always imagined birthing at home, alone. Dh was definately not on board with doing it all by myself. He's seen me birth in a hospital, both with an epidural and without...but always with trained (and trusted by him) medical professionals in attendance.
Today, I finally broke down and explained to him why I mourned the births of those children. Since this is probably my last child, I really want this birth to be perfect. Exactly the way I want it. I had been thinking I would not tell him when I was actually in labor. I was hoping he would be at work, I'd have the baby, and then call him and tell him to come home after the baby was already out.
He finally realized that I'm serious about this, that it is very important to me. He's heard all my horror stories about our base hospital, and he knows how much I don't trust them...and it finally got through to him. He is completley prepared for UC now...even a little excited about it. If you had been looking at me, you would have literally seen the weight come off my shoulders. Even my contractions got a little stronger and closer, and the baby started moving a little more! (His main concern was what we were going to do with the older children while I was birthing at the hospital, since we haven't been here long enough to actually meet people!)

So...hopefully soon...I'll be joining the ranks of the UCers, and I'm thrilled about it!!! I just know that I can do this, that I'm meant to do this. I have a thrice proven pelvis, a history of very quick and easy deliveries, and all the confidence in the world. Now I'm just waiting...
post #33 of 244
Hi everyone!
Congratulations Karen and Molly! My hugs to Molly and her new baby. it is soooo hard to stick up for yourself when you are tired and laboring. What is so astonishing is that you could be expected to. please, enjoy your baby moon and know that we are sending comforting thoughts your way.

I'm almost at 40 weeks and beginning the waiting game...(as if I haven't been waiting already!) MY dh is completely onboard suddenly, the other night I cautiously told him that if I labor at night I might not call my friend (at the beginning of my pregnancy he told me that my friend HAD to be there) since everyone would be asleep and our house is SOOOO small. (4 rooms) He told me that Patty would like to be here, but that it is my birth and I need to do what is best for me, and makes me the most comfortable. dh rocks. (at the last minute, but he still rocks) I'm so excited! which makes me think I may still have weeks left.
post #34 of 244
Add me to the list. Due August 26th. It's our first UC--our others were wonderful homebirths with a really wonderful midwife who taught me to trust enough to UC.

I just checked my dilatation this weekend (because I finally figured out how to get to it!) and I am certainly dilated 2cm and I'm about 30% effaced. So I guess I'll keep my legs crossed until we are more into July.
post #35 of 244
Thread Starter 
Grnbn76, you sound so happy! I look forward to hearing your story.
post #36 of 244
grnbn76~welcome and good luck. Nice time to join the UC thread. Keep us posted.

Does Karen have a birth story somewhere that I am missing?
post #37 of 244
oshunmama~~August 26th is my birthday! Great time to have a baby.
post #38 of 244

wooo hooo! action!

hey mamas,

send me some easy labor vibes ok??!!

I'll be 42 weeks tomorrow, and i just started having some really good surges.

this rocks, i am so psyched!!

hopefully you'll read a birth story soon.
post #39 of 244
Thread Starter 
Yayyyy! You're gonna do great!
post #40 of 244
Yeah Sue!!!!!! Sending you gentle and joyful birthing vibes!
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